Your “Stayin’ Alive, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Stayin’ Alive” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Week 15 Fallout:

These are the teams that were officially sent to a farm upstate. They are the Bills, Jets, Broncos, Bengals, Giants, Packers, Lions, Bucs and Falcons. No need to worry about them though, at this particular farm the refs have a very firm grasp on the ‘catch’ rule and have explained it to every player and coach. In addition, every game is a home game. No travelling! And meeting all the teams at the farm gate? Why, the one and only Colin Kaepernik! I’m sure the bidding war for his services will be quite the spectacle!

In other news-Gore Gone. For the rest of the year. Don’t even let the idea of his career being over escape your lips. I sure as heck am not going to commit to writing him off like I did last year and the year before that. Just a thought-a very smart organization would hire him as a player-coach next year. Should this occur I know for sure that he won’t be mentoring [spins the wheel] “Joe Mixon”.

Derrick Henry remains the biggest bastard man ever. Like, ever.

Eli is worse than you think he is. Also worse? The Giants other options at the QB spot.

Kenny Golladay went for 146 yards on 7 receptions. Yeah, he traversed nearly a football field and a half in a game where the winner scored 14 points and it wasn’t the Lions. smgdh.

I’ve called this a ‘passing league’. You’ve called this a ‘passing league’. I’ll just mention the rb’s that ran for a 100 yards or more this week. Here goes-Somebody Samuels, Kit Carson, “Gus” Edwards, Bastard Man Henry, Dalvinci Cook, Merlin Mack, “Tricky Dick” Mixon, Television Coleman, Nickolai Chubbovsky and Kato Ballage. I’m sure that there were more total tight ends and wr’s that ended up over that arbitrary number but you get my point, right? [wonders what his point was]

TO THE GAME!

Saints/Panthers:

Oh boy, I’ve waited all week to talk about this game! I don’t even know where to start! [presses listening device to ear] What’s that? The intro is over the 250 word minimum? Okay, then. See Ya!

“If you take out the ‘e’ away from Gore Gone, you’ll get something else entirely.”

-Perseus

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
280 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Tuesday New York Times mini crossword puzzle is a joke. 19 seconds. I think that means I finished faster than Rick Pitino.

Unsurprised

All these Twitter geniuses shitting on Cam seem to have the same common denominator. Can you guess what it is?

Mr. Ayo

They’re all cribbage fans?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Acute fecophilia?

Beerguyrob

Cocklaphobia?

Unsurprised

I’m a stupid fucking loser.

Beerguyrob

Don’t worry Eric – Don Junior is the one going to jail.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

People, I am sitting here eating cheese, drinking tea, and constructing an advice column. I’m not letting 2018 go down without a fight. (And don’t forget, advice requests to [email protected])

Unsurprised

.

That gif needs to be fixed/replaced.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

yeah right

Send it to the corn field Anthony.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hmmmmm, seen that somewhere before…..

Col. Duke LaCross
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s fucking great.

Col. Duke LaCross

I like that he was able to build it sturdy enough for many, many uses.

Never fuck with rocket scientists that have access to just random tech laying around the office.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Same goes for bio-weapon scientists.”

-Guy with no face

Unsurprised

Youtube comments really are the worst.

Redshirt

I skipped the game. You’re welcome, America.

Gratliff

Philly can win and have everything break their way and sit at 80% probability, or lose while Minny wins and get eliminated. Sports are stupid. Why do people gamble with this shit?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“WAAAT?”

-Hippo

theeWeeBabySeamus

So we finally get to some good bowl games tomorrow, yes?
/checks schedule

OH COME ON!!!!!!!

Beerguyrob

All that’s left is the Sad Cam Newton Press Conference Hat Watch.

Senor Weaselo

That’s not a palpably unfair act, or a fake spike, or a one point safety!

Gratliff

Whoo! Iggles up to 40% playoff odds. Statistical lock!

Beerguyrob

I have more confidence in Kacy Catanzaro than Chandler Catanzaro.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I had to Google that. Still prefer Casey Anthony.

Mr. Ayo

Ideally this would end in a 12-12 tie. But that’s asking too much.

King Hippo

I would freeze to death but worth it!!

Mr. Ayo

Glad to see your thumbs live to see another day.

King Hippo

-ish

...

A pick 2 and an endzone fumble. Hell yes. All the fluky shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We no can haz pylon cam?

The Maestro

Mike Ditka’s Saints teams are impressed by this level of ineptitude in the current edition.

Gratliff

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Palpably unfair act for oddity bingo, right?

Col. Duke LaCross

Jeezus. What a batshit game.