It feels weird not having a football game to watch today. On the bright side, we have in America the start of a three-day weekend with Monday being Martin Luther King Day!
Wait, do they have MLK Day in the South? Hippo and TWBS, please advise.
Speaking of Hippo and TWBS, tomorrow we will have the resolution of my public shame bet with Hippo in which I will either contribute $100 to Hippo’s favourite charity or Hippo will again drag out TWBS on the coldest night of the year and warm themselves up at the Capital Cabaret, Raleigh’s finest gentleman’s club establishment.
I have asked, nae DEMANDED, that TWBS recreate his Dragnet-style writing to recap the events. This is, of course, assuming that my Love Actually offering to GAMBLOR finds favour with GAMBLOR and I am granted a win.
We shall see.
Today, however, we have a full day of sexy soccer with all the major leagues back in action! Well, almost all of them. DFO’s adopted team, BSC Young Boys, from Bern, Switzerland are off until February. The Swiss season is exactly at the halfway point and our Boys have 49 points from 16 wins, 1 tie, and 1 loss. Only Juventus can boast a better record in European league competitions.
The Swiss Super League only has 10 teams, so each team plays the others four times: twice at home and twice away. The second place team, FC Basel, has 30 points. That tells you all you need to know about how dominating and powerful the Young Boys are. Which is totally why they perfectly represent the DFO Commentist Party.
/falls down while playing soccer with niece
//braces himself with hand as he lands awkwardly
///hand hurts for weeks
Before we move on to today’s schedule, I want to share with you an image that Don T shared with us in the back room.
Without further ado, TO THE GAMES! (all times Pacific)
If you’re awake when this post airs, you can prepare some breakfast and catch Leicester City visiting Wolverhampton.
I have to give it up to NBC for finally putting some good games on TV channels included in the basic packages. No NBC Sports Gold for Liverpool and Man U! Also, Arsenal and Chelsea get the full nationwide NBC treatment!
It’s like NBC realized they aren’t showing any more NFL until September…
Here is the patented Balls Omakase Menu:
- Wolverhampton Wanderers v Leicester City
- Computer: Liverpool v Crystal Palace / TV: Manchester United v Brighton & Hove Albion / Cell Phone: Real Madrid v Sevilla
- Arsenal v Chelsea
- PSG v En Avant Guingamp
- Querétaro v Monterrey
- América v Pachuca
- Tigres v Cruz Azul
And now for some lovely ladies, courtesy of our favourite Twitter feed, Futbol Babes:
Comment away!
(10/69)
Good afternoon lizard people. Again don’t know much lesser footy but fuck Liverpool, the Gritsawx-owned, what’s the word I’m looking for here? Normal swear words don’t quite do it, Turkish probably has some, you haven’t been cursed out until you’ve been cursed out in Turkish.
http://www.youswear.com/index.asp?language=Turkish
oh yeah, Hippo’s day TOTES ruined. Huzzah, Turkish swears.
Sitting on a warm toilet seat is disgusting if the warmth has come from another human, but when it’s the sun it’s wonderful.
I have a feeling someone is going to make an Ass Herpes joke here, so I’m just gonna go ahead and defuse that.
I hope.
/Wiscy up by 4. What does coach Greg Gard tell his troops?
Ah. Good. Let the cheddar flow through you.
“Nailed it!”
-B. Walsh
Actually I think he did. Two with one kick.
Snowmageddon has begun, with rain! Let’s hope all those virgins I sacrificed were enough.
Did you pile their bodies up against all your basement windows?
/probably didn’t
//fucking amateurs everywhere I look
///CHRIST! Does anyone read my blog?
We’re expecting championship-calibre hobo killin’ fer tomorrow
Yeah, she thinks it’s funny now.
Give BallsofSteel a coupla minutes though…we’ll see how funny it is then.
A couple? It’s Christmas already!
THAT’S NOT MISTLETOE!!!
She looks like she could kick ball’s ass even stuck like that. But again; I’ve had to pay $500 for that, so…..
I’ll definitely pay extra for that.
Time to call security.
Garbage Truck Dudes: Somebody threw out a perfectly good white man.
gunners score again. chelsea not looking good….. yikes!
PSG have a Goal Differential of +52. After 19 goddamned League matches.
Ur doing it wrong! – her younger brother, eyeing the family pooch
How do you win 9-0 in a top tier match?
at least Guingamp is a distant 20th in the Table…but still. That’s what you’d expect to see in a Cup against some kind of pub side who made you angry.
I had a weird dream last night that I adopted a chimpanzee and taught him to cook.
Today, thinking about it, I think that might not be a bad idea. Assuming I could also teach him to wash his hands and not fling poop in the kitchen.
Was the chimp’s name ‘Bananas Foster’?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVCWOzyJOf4
LOL, it will be now.
“That’s one way to avoid ‘The Bends’.”
-Radiohead
SEXY!
I finally understand farting porn.
gunners score first. oh my…..
Looks like Wiscy is gonna try to muck out a W vs Michigan at home.
Ummm, I mean, “the wankers from cheese country will try to control the pace and totally chuff the wogs that have a clean sheet as far as their table is concerned.”
/Happy?
Well done ole chap
Oh man, I hate Saturdays when I don’t get to see any Young Boys.
Stupid prison visit regulations smgdh
-Jerry S., whatever penitentiary
I have watched, Wolves, Roma, Liverpool. So many goals. Gamblor be praised. Arsenal Chelsea good for nil nil
Yowza!
Extremely small swell, exposed rocks, 2/10 would not surf.
I’d hang ten on that. OK, six on a good day, but still.
nice curves
Bonus interesting tan lines later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfMC2aVhYuo
I want 60 degree exclamation points back. That’s what I would do if I had a time machine.
/Oh, and kill King Leopold II of Belgium
!!!!!!!!
More like 75 degree, but we have to use what’s available.
“That’s gotta be 80 degrees for sure.”
-Guy That Tends To Push Glasses Up (To The Root) Of His Nose
#SiggyFOARcentre-forward
United is playing poorly. Not surprising that they gave up a goal. Hopefully they hang on and win and Chelski loses to make things very interesting.
out of moneys for GAMBLOR, both my lower league Talisman sides win on the road (Barnsley and Bury)
Imagine adapting to changes in society around you instead of pissing and moaning about Millenials
Ole on the modern player: “I wouldn’t say more powerful, but it’s different with social media and the society they grow up in compared with what I did. It’s such a different era. Now everything’s on Facebook or Twitter. It’s not malicious, it’s just the reality we live in.”
he’s a realist/practical, and doesn’t pick fights for the sake of picking fights. EXACTLY what United need, they should take off that interim tag and quit worrying about him being “not sexy enough.”
Agreed. It’s boggling my mind alot of United fans and media are all like “Derp, but how many titles has he won?”
Because the last guy with a ton of titles worked out so well
That’s one of the things I have been trying to do. I am not trying to participate by any means, but all railing against it does is make me feel old.
There ya go, Hippo. You’ve received the official go-ahead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9LAsaJ7caA
LOVE this guy!
/also, I have the Chubb-on 55 shirt as well, but in the much more badass alternate home navy
Yeah, I like Brandon “He’s a very funny guy that knows his shit and will not drop the Goff material” Perna.
That’s Good Sports!
If Aaron Donald gets penetration, there won’t be any Beatin’ Goff this Sunday!
That intro song is stuck in my head….
Long ago my P*triots hate made this obvious. Of course I hate the Chefs in a divisional sense, pretty much on par with the rest, the Raiders hate being slightly more intense. The P*ts are the evil of the universe. The Chefs are a divisional evil.
plus it’s (to me) hard to root against Andy Reid
He doesn’t eat root vegetables.
Hue Jackson is interviewing for Cardinals OC job. Do we have any Arizona fans we need to pray for?
“I’m good for some thoughts as well.”
-NRA member
Blax is a Raiders fan, but lives among them…
Just take the Draw, fuckos.
Gana would kick Redmond’s teeth in. Soft cunt.
if the start of Hippo’s weekend is any prelude…bet heavy on Balls’ P*ts/Saints Narrative Owl
godfuckingdamnit
/see above
I’ve switched to Crystal Palace because of the tits.
Big Pharma v. Bo Russia FOAR me
Nothing like turning the TV on just in time to see Crystal Palace score on Liverpool. You see something like that you run right out and buy lottery tickets.
nothing I want more than City winning the League due to Everton getting a result at Goodison. This slip-up would make the dream possible
saved by the post twice, and by Pickford twice
Hahaha Liverpool, Uncle Woy is gunna get you
/Shite promptly score 3 in next 5 minutes
Woy’s tactics won’t allow that.
they’ll get a soft pen if not level by 60′
well, it took awhile longer, but 3 by the 75′ mark
Keane’s lack of pace almost fucked us there
Got the rejuvenated Man U on one TV and Real Madrid on the other with breakfast in front of me.
It’s a nice little Saturday.
Mola Lookman starts again. Happy, happy, joy joy!
Have a 5 dollar parlay
Roma
Inter
River
Monterrey
Club America
Leverkusen
Athletico
Once in a while these ones hit.
One will never watch M’gladenbach the same after imagining the Oak Ridge Boys being major supporters, to the tune of “Elvira”
Elvira knows whats up.
“I like ’em pale”
-David Duke, talking about something completely different.
A Slav ain’t really white!! – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL
Wolves going all RAMMMITTT over Lester. I loved it!
Yep, I thought this through. Saints will lose. Donald and Suh will go all Bountygate Boomerang on Brees.
I CANT WAIT TILL TOMORROW DAMMIT!
they ain’t willing to sit back and watch the cream sit out too long!’
/fuck sake, the shape of Wes Morgan. He looks like he could have eaten CJ Anderson…
They sent off Portugeuse Homeless Guy Manager? But I thought Klopp-ish behaviour was supposed to be all cute and noble FFS.
93rd minute winner? 93rd minute winner!!
ROMA GOOAL GAMBLOR BE PRAISED!
I’d describe the play between Wolves and Lester as ‘frantic’.
Five total goals in this soccered game, that’s approaching run-on-the-goal-bank territory.
That pass on the fifth one tho!
That’s what the Madam said to me last night when I picked the sixth one.
Wolves and Bananacakes go great together
Islanders, Flames, and the Jets are leading their respective divisions; looks like my time travel machine worked and I’m back in 1985!
/Except for the Jets part of course
Tough but fair.
AOC with the dagger on the twitter
https://twitter.com/AOC/status/1086483485668319233
Is that a film quote?
Tis a quote from an old video game.
Oh yea!!!!!!! Bahahaha!!
With the windchill it’s -39 Celsius here. That’s -38.2 to you guys. Seriously, I didn’t know or had completely forgotten that Fahrenheit temps catch up to Celcius as one’s balls recede back from whence they came.
I feel ya Scotchy, was in Ft Mac last week, switched from king size to regulars because I couldnt be outside that long.
How’s it looking after that nasty fire (that we didn’t start, btw) 2/3(?) summers ago?
Was dark til 9 am and dusk at 330. I didnt get a chance to go to the hardest hit area. That being said Canada Post is delivering out there again so seems to be rebuilt for the most part. Was the west side that got hit hard.
Leverkusen v Gladbach will be good. Leverkusen on a run but Gladbach better. What’s that Gamblor?
Roma Torino has/had Roma at 1.7….
Also, this Monday in The South? Depending on how The South you state is, it might be Lee/Jackson Day!
I went to pay my water bill yesterday at the Town Offices and they were closed for fucking Lee/Jackson day! I’m taking off July 3rd this year to celebrate Pickett’s Charge.
y is their no WHITE History month ,, makes cents wen u think about it
I think it’s funny/not funny that the only reason that Arizona observes MLK Day is because the NFL was going to revoke their hosting of a Super Bowl if they didn’t.
So many Beatin’ Goff jokes!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckgQo9-RXhI&t=329s
and Two of the Good Ones in PRIME FORM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOSFitIbAMM
Decilitre only got up at 445 today. This is a success. Put a 5er on les Wolves as well
I’d say Wolves look a’ight, 2 in while I made coffee.
/no small varmints, but up super early thanks to vivid nightmare
The thumb pain didnt help
damned maple sawbones ain’t give ya sweet opiates?
Just the tip so I gots a couple T3’s and have some 21% THC weed and CBD oil but that aint help in the middle of the night.
Resolution Update:
-I’m on my 4th book (trying to get off to a fast start by reading some Pratchett and it’s working)
-Dusted off my elliptical back on the 7th and got up to an 85 minute workout on Thursday
-haven’t tried the yoga yet…
-sent in the paperwork to get my passport renewed (visit another country for the first time in a while)
-still thinking about which sporting idol I should try to write about/maybe even reach out to
/as far as books go-can I get the names of some lesser-known writers you’ve enjoyed? A sub-resolution is to read at least a dozen new authors this year.
//today’s Big Plans? Groceries, workout, laundry, drinking and Cuse/Pitt at 2pm.
Don’t know if the genres are in your wheelhouse, but Alan Furst and George McDonald Fraser are authors whose books I revisit regularly. Also Martin Cruz Smith.
I’ve done two by Furst and almost everything by Cruz Smith so I’ll take a peek at Fraser.
Which Furst books? “Night Soldiers” remains my favorite, and “The Polish Officer” ranks second.
The Foreign Correspondent and Mission To Paris.
Try out the ones I mentioned above. The two you read are the two that I like the least of all his stuff.
Crap! I read one of the Flashman books but didn’t like it.
yeah, they’re a little dated, he was quite a bastard, not PC at all. But I like the way actual real history is blended into the story. Fraser was quite the reactionary conservative, but he did his research. Some of them are better than others. Non-Flashman book “The Complete MacAuslan” is delightful, as is “Mr. American” (Flashman makes a cameo).
Good job! Keep it up!
The Devils of Cardona by Matthew Carr and The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen.