Your “‘Of Course I’m Pro-Bowel!’ -Adam Viniateri” Sunday Afternoon Free-for-all Open Thread

Silly NFL-related News:

-The Bears are looking for kicker options other than the fella currently on their roster. Take one step forward, Redford Jones-you just might be hoofing footballs for the least amount of money Chicago is willing to pay for a guy that might win them a few close games.

Asked to comment, fellow free agent kicker Bluechevy Smith said, “I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that car show!” (apparently the Bears’ search parameters were very specific…)

-The Raiders are taking a hard look at the pass-rusher offerings in this draft. HC Gruden is being criticized because he’s given highly-regarded South Brooklyn University’s Hind Sight a 6 out of 20 score.

TO THE GAME!

AFC/NFC:

I’m curious as to whether Hippo dropped some cash on the “8 minutes before I change the channel” over/under. Man, that is a real tough one.

Pour one out for the defenders in this game. Imagine if you will, that NHL defensemen had to play with Rhythmic Gymnastics ribbons instead of hockey sticks-that’s the sorta spot that they’re in.

I googled ‘great moments in Pro Bowl games’ and Marc Bulger’s legendary performance in 2004 popped up. Obviously I needn’t go into the details because I’d just be yakking about crap that we as football fans are already aware of.

Also, did you know that each one of Brandon Marshall’s personalities (4) caught a TD in the 2011 game?* Little-known factoid-fellow Pro Bowler Roddy White caught an STD while celebrating after the game.**

*I’m invoking the rarely-used “It Was Sorta Okay To Joke About Mental Health Issues Back Then” rule.

**Almost no hobos were harmed during the crafting of this post.

Raw, unsalted almonds as a snack? There’s gotta be a better way to deal with your dad beating the hell out of you when you were young.

 

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Col. Duke LaCross

Mahershala has about 1004 different euphemisms for jail rape.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So excited that this bar is replaying some of the Pro Bowl skills challenge so I can share in the wonder.

Gratliff

And Candice LeRae!
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Gratliff

Kairi Hojo in the Rumble!
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Unsurprised

I made several gifs of that Sean Taylor hit LCSS posted below.
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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Hines Ward Pro Bowel highlight I learned about from Ape.
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WCS

BIG SMIRE

Don T

Something (I dunno, a goddamn…. EVENT), better happen on “True Detective” today or I’m gonna go full hatewatch WITH extra nitpicking. Oh sure, Ali‘s wonderful and Dorff is captivating but this parallel timelines and play on memory and lies is interesting but a story needs stuff happening DAMMIT.

Don T

Oh look! It’s Tone and Atmosphere. Hey fellas,
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MORE ‘SPLOSIONS!!

Gratliff

MAGA Mom opening the women’s Royal Rumble.

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Unsurprised

Hate fuck.

Col. Duke LaCross

She’s basically Betty Gilpin’s character from GLOW.

Unsurprised

She looks like someone I know.

Gratliff

When work calls me to tell me I don’t have to come in due to snow:
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Gratliff

Only 3 hours of Royal Rumble left!

herodotus450

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Col. Duke LaCross

Ladies Rumble.

yeah right

Somewhere we had a discussion about the movie Hereditary.

I rented it from Redbox.

Jesus Christ man that movie is Fucked up. I don’t know whether to tell you to never, ever see this movie or you need to rent it immediately.

God damn!

rockingdog

That movie is a really good scary movie
It is recommended you NOT watch that movie after smoking weed. I made the mistake of doing that and those two scenes where they threw something into the fireplace freaked me out. Also those naked coven ppl are freaky as SHIT!!!!!!

SonOfSpam

I made the mistake of reading spoilers, and now I will not watch it. Which is probably a mistake.

yeah right

Yes. On all accounts.

It warped my fragile little mind!

Col. Duke LaCross

Kicking it off with Becky v. Asuka. Fear boners…ENGAGE.

Gratliff

Also, regular ol’ boners

rockingdog

found a funny:

I am not a good hugger. Tonight a friend hugged me and I dropped some crackers I was holding and just gently said “my crackers” while waiting for the hug to end

Gratliff

Mandatory Royal Rumble post:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OHc2C-GIH4

Gratliff

7 pm on a Sunday and they just cancelled school and there’s not a cloud in the sky. Gonna be a “Shoveling three feet of snow at 6 am” kind of morning.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

School got canceled, make the kid shovel it

Gratliff

Just a fun day of me staring out my window getting angry at the 3 square feet of drive way that have been half-assedly shoveled an hour into it

Gratliff

Apparently, Sam Neill spends his days doing yoga with his favorite pig. This is a man who knew how he wanted to live out his golden years.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen a trophy get broken that badly since President Turdmouth turned off Melania while she was still installing updates.

Don T

Joke’s on him. She’s a covert Kaspersky operative.

SonOfSpam

Unlike their software, I feel like she might be pro-virus.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

k.d. wang starring in “Constant Braining”

makeitsnowondem

Well that certainly involved the use of a football.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope my Amazon Echo overhears us watching ice skating instead of the Pro Bowl and lets the NFL know.

King Hippo

Think I must have the Mike Cernovich version, it keeps asking When was the last time you brought a girl up here, f-ggot??

Redshirt

Oh, come on. They should’ve had OL and DL play WR and CB. That would’ve been fun.

King Hippo

surprise appearance buy Morganna the Kissing Bandit?

/am not watching, have been reading and wallowing in depression all day

makeitsnowondem

Sherman burned that defense like it was Atlanta.

Redshirt

Fun? In the Pro Bowl?

Col. Duke LaCross

Only for the guys playing out of position.

Col. Duke LaCross

Jesus Christ. I was planning on doing nothing today, but that play just drove me into the gym and onto a treadmill.

litre_cola

Barkley would be the best db on the Eagles roster.

ballsofsteelandfury

Remember that raw almonds is where cyanide comes from…

litre_cola

Forgot this was on. Hippo what was the line?

makeitsnowondem

This is the least effective offense Saquon has ever played in.

Redshirt

All l’m thinking is “No (healthy) Bengals player was good enough for this game.”

...

A bar near me does this annual event called Super Stout Sunday on Super Bowl Sunday where they tap about three dozen really good and often rare barrel-aged stouts. Since this Super Bowl matchup turns my stomach, I may just go there and sip beers in a mostly empty bar and as the rest of the world grinds their teeth to dust as the Patriots somehow overcome a four touchdown deficit to win.

Redshirt

That’s not Christy Carlson Romano. Get your shit together, ESPN!!!!!!

bk109

Can’t believe we’re voluntarily watching the Pro Bowl…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Yeah, Christy has wonderful bolt-on tits as I saw in Mirrors 2!

Redshirt

I just got a commercial for the AFC Championship game between the Patriots and Chiefs. Was that a replay of the game or did our collective will force a redo to avoid another Pats Superb Owl?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sounds like a Tales From The Meteor story!

Redshirt

Smith-Schuster got hurt in a Pro Bowl? This game’s cancelled.

If a Bengal or a Jet star gets hurt, no big deal. But a Steeler? Oh, hell no!

bk109

So what? It’s a Steeler – it’s not like they’ll be in the playoffs next year if they retain the cheerleader so with or without ‘im they’ll still be shite

Redshirt

ESPN calling the Pro Bowl the “NFL All-Star Game” is an insult to every All-Star Game in existence.

bk109

And to games in general? I think we had more effort in our Sunday league and we had 2 matches abandoned last year, because us and another team decided drinking beer on the sideline was better….

rockingdog
Col. Duke LaCross

Not that I blame him, but Pete Morelli doesn’t even want to be there.

bk109

Coincidence or consequence to the obligatory post-season Andy Reid choke job?

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You may just be smelling Tony Romo’s foreskin

Col. Duke LaCross

Mahomies with the F-bomb. Always good.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

[Peter King scratches another name off his “One of the Good Ones” list]

King Hippo

Good thing he woulda only counted as 0.5 anyway ,, sigh

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or 3/5ths.

herodotus450

Hey who you calling a sack of wet concrete?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Great moment in Pro Bowl history or greatest moment in Pro Bowl history?

(Bill Parcels HATES the second half of this clip.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgHorq5gMiw

The Maestro

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP YOU LECHEROUS MISCREANTS

rockingdog

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herodotus450

Pro bowel box score must be fucked up, because it has someone or something named Harrison Smith playing qb for the nfc, and he’s 2 for 2.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’d be calling the manager of the theater and complaining about some motherfucker dribbling a basketball in the aisle while I was trying to watch a movie.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There are columns already coming out of Chicago about how it’s time to make peace with Robbie Gould and have him be the Bears’ version of Gostkowski or non-Pats Vinatieri or something. Idiots.

King Hippo

This sounds like the kind of hellish eternal torment served to rapists and non-hobo murderers.

Game Time Decision

My in laws do it with raw broccoli, raisins,sunflower seeds and some mayo dressing. It’s actually worse than it sounds

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

South Brooklyn University’s Hind Sight a 6 out of 20 score.

Fun Fact: “Hind Sight” is the audible that Rex instructed Mark Sanchez to call out when a hot dish walked by the Jets practices.

herodotus450

Unfortunately Mark took the “hind” part too literally in a game that one time.