Good morning commentists wherever you are in the frozen northern hemisphere!

This Premier League season has been a roller coaster of emotions for me as my beloved London Jaguras have been absolutely terrible this campaign. They’ve allowed 53 goals in 24 games. I am not a mathlete but that is not good at all. In an attempt to fix the problem the club fired the manager who got Fulham promoted last year as the start of the season showed no promise and he had no answers at the back. Claudio Rainieri of Foxy Footy fame has taken over and results have been mixed but are improving. They’re starting to pick up points and since I am a sucker I still have hope for the season to be salvaged. I usually get pissed off & quit caring about WHOLE GOD DAMN THING after every loss but I keep coming back because of glimmers of hope. I was jumping around like an idiot when Might Whitey went down 2 nil to Brighton but roared back and banged in 4 so I still believe.

Looking back I enjoyed when Fulham was in the Championship and every week I thought that they could win, whereas in the Prem I pray for an upset to maybe get a point from a big club. I still want Fulham to stay up as it is great seeing them on this stage again but am okay if they go down because playing teams like Rotherham in the small old stadiums is fun as well. Anyway, the transfer window was a disappointment and Fuck Chelsea.

This is going to go in no order and will be all over the place. If you need to know what is on there is a guide button on your remote, use it.

Early games:

Tottenham v Newcastle : Tottenham has had a couple bad weeks and have looked very leaky in their wins. Spurs are out of the Caribou Cup out of the FA Cup and have been sneaking victories at the death.  Spurs are 2 points back of Man City and have no Kane, or Dele which is troublesome but Son is back from the Asian Cup so that should help. The Barcodes won last week and I do not think that they have it in them this week. I would appreciate a Spurs victory here.

Getafe v Levante : Shit, Getafe is in 6th. Had no idea.

9 am-ish window :

Eintracht Frankfurt v Borussia Dortmund : German footy is growing on me this year. The way the Bundesliga operates is superb, and the pace of the football is fantastic. I’ve started watching more of it because the speed is faster than the English game and it isn’t as “divey” as other continental leagues.

Chelsea v Huddersfield : I am only supporting the scum for my own benefit.

Seagulls vs Moose Hornets : If no one watches does it even happen?

Burnley v Southampton:  See above.

Everton v Wolves : This will be the best match-up of this window with Hippo’s Toffies hosting the Wolverhampton Wanderers Football Club. I still believe their is shady dealings going on with all the Portuguese guys and the shifty agent. I am also jealous of their success. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE US! With a win Everton can leapfrog Wolves and be up to 7th.

Crystal Palace v Fulham : Must win, no other option. Palace is without Saha so the Fulham back line gets a reprieve.

Later in the morning:

Barcelona v Valencia : The Batmen visit Camp Nou. Barca has a clear lead on Athleti and can afford a slip up but best not get in that habit as Real is heating up.

Juventus plays Parma : Juve hasn’t lost domestically this season. Dominant.

Young Boys v Xamax : Our Young Boys are up 19 points right now. The Super League is in the bag. The first time I saw the opponents name I thought it was Xanax and wondered whether that is where the drug comes from. I am an idiot, but you knew that.

Cardiff v Bournemouth: The Cherries fresh off kicking the shit out of Chelsea look to beat up on the sheep shaggers who are reeling from the death of one of their players. Do your job Bournemouth and bury Neil Warnock’s ass. NBC should get a refund on their money to the premier league because this is a shit fixture to have for the best time slot.

I have been gambling on Mexico footy lately and this week I’ll take Tigres at home and Toluca on the road in a parlay. I also enjoy the cheerleaders, they are a nice touch.

If you have read this far then you may know that up here in Canadia we have started our own Premier league. There will be 7 cities this season competing for the first time. These teams will also play in the Canadian Championship against the 3 MLS teams. This is a huge step for grassroots soccer here in Canada and is timed perfectly for the World Cup 2026. I am a season ticket holder for Cavalry FC here in Calgary and am very excited for the season to begin.

Enjoy the games, see you below as I will be up real early.