Good morning commentists wherever you are in the frozen northern hemisphere!
This Premier League season has been a roller coaster of emotions for me as my beloved London Jaguras have been absolutely terrible this campaign. They’ve allowed 53 goals in 24 games. I am not a mathlete but that is not good at all. In an attempt to fix the problem the club fired the manager who got Fulham promoted last year as the start of the season showed no promise and he had no answers at the back. Claudio Rainieri of Foxy Footy fame has taken over and results have been mixed but are improving. They’re starting to pick up points and since I am a sucker I still have hope for the season to be salvaged. I usually get pissed off & quit caring about WHOLE GOD DAMN THING after every loss but I keep coming back because of glimmers of hope. I was jumping around like an idiot when Might Whitey went down 2 nil to Brighton but roared back and banged in 4 so I still believe.
Looking back I enjoyed when Fulham was in the Championship and every week I thought that they could win, whereas in the Prem I pray for an upset to maybe get a point from a big club. I still want Fulham to stay up as it is great seeing them on this stage again but am okay if they go down because playing teams like Rotherham in the small old stadiums is fun as well. Anyway, the transfer window was a disappointment and Fuck Chelsea.
This is going to go in no order and will be all over the place. If you need to know what is on there is a guide button on your remote, use it.
Early games:
Tottenham v Newcastle : Tottenham has had a couple bad weeks and have looked very leaky in their wins. Spurs are out of the Caribou Cup out of the FA Cup and have been sneaking victories at the death. Spurs are 2 points back of Man City and have no Kane, or Dele which is troublesome but Son is back from the Asian Cup so that should help. The Barcodes won last week and I do not think that they have it in them this week. I would appreciate a Spurs victory here.
Getafe v Levante : Shit, Getafe is in 6th. Had no idea.
9 am-ish window :
Eintracht Frankfurt v Borussia Dortmund : German footy is growing on me this year. The way the Bundesliga operates is superb, and the pace of the football is fantastic. I’ve started watching more of it because the speed is faster than the English game and it isn’t as “divey” as other continental leagues.
Chelsea v Huddersfield : I am only supporting the scum for my own benefit.
Seagulls vs Moose Hornets : If no one watches does it even happen?
Burnley v Southampton: See above.
Everton v Wolves : This will be the best match-up of this window with Hippo’s Toffies hosting the Wolverhampton Wanderers Football Club. I still believe their is shady dealings going on with all the Portuguese guys and the shifty agent. I am also jealous of their success. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE US! With a win Everton can leapfrog Wolves and be up to 7th.
Crystal Palace v Fulham : Must win, no other option. Palace is without Saha so the Fulham back line gets a reprieve.
Later in the morning:
Barcelona v Valencia : The Batmen visit Camp Nou. Barca has a clear lead on Athleti and can afford a slip up but best not get in that habit as Real is heating up.
Juventus plays Parma : Juve hasn’t lost domestically this season. Dominant.
Young Boys v Xamax : Our Young Boys are up 19 points right now. The Super League is in the bag. The first time I saw the opponents name I thought it was Xanax and wondered whether that is where the drug comes from. I am an idiot, but you knew that.
Cardiff v Bournemouth: The Cherries fresh off kicking the shit out of Chelsea look to beat up on the sheep shaggers who are reeling from the death of one of their players. Do your job Bournemouth and bury Neil Warnock’s ass. NBC should get a refund on their money to the premier league because this is a shit fixture to have for the best time slot.
I have been gambling on Mexico footy lately and this week I’ll take Tigres at home and Toluca on the road in a parlay. I also enjoy the cheerleaders, they are a nice touch.
If you have read this far then you may know that up here in Canadia we have started our own Premier league. There will be 7 cities this season competing for the first time. These teams will also play in the Canadian Championship against the 3 MLS teams. This is a huge step for grassroots soccer here in Canada and is timed perfectly for the World Cup 2026. I am a season ticket holder for Cavalry FC here in Calgary and am very excited for the season to begin.
Enjoy the games, see you below as I will be up real early.
https://sports.yahoo.com/usain-bolt-casually-ties-nfl-combines-40-yard-dash-record-sweatpants-203431086.html
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2019/02/02/jerry-seinfeld-sued-over-sale-porsche-alleged-fake/2755807002/
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/hong-kong-hand-grenade-bomb-potatoes-first-world-war-france-bomb-disposal-a8759986.html
Sounds like we need to kick Germany’s ass yet again!
This would be a classic Trump move.
It’s too bad that McMaster-Carr didn’t become a monolithic super-corporation like Amazon, cause then we’d get to say “McMaster-Carr” a lot more.
Day drinking, laundry, and cleaning go together about as well as gin and the tonic I’m sipping while doing all three. Oh, and golf and hockey later!
/will pass out by 20:00
Hmmm passing out, I’d like to know more.
You can tell this US-Costa Rica friendly doesn’t mean anything because they’re playing it in San Jose. If it meant anything the US would insist that it be played outdoors in Duluth.
Its finally over 40 degrees, but I’ve strained my neck and shoulder so its hurts to move. Yay.
Holy fuck, it’s so cold outside, as I wait for the train, I kind of wish the people around me would fart so I could warm up a little. I believe this is called a Cleveland Brown
https://twitter.com/michaelmalice/status/1091799038813454337
Oh, that’s good
Northam playing the Shaggy defense was amusing until he dropped that act an hour ago
Now I think he’s going for the Chewbacca defense.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/02/politics/northam-racist-yearbook-photo/index.html
I’m not a big fan of Northam losing his job and career because of some dumb shit he did 35 years ago.
But I am a big fan of Northam losing his job because he is presently lying about doing some dumb shit 35 years ago.
We have a rapist on the SCOTUS so no.
still….I mean “Coonman?” I am a Southerner of a certain age, but Jeebus.
And if he had come out a while ago and said “Look, I did something stupid in the 80s and I regret it, and here’s what I’ve learned…” then maybe. But this guy’s clearly a dickwad.
If he was a republican and/or a Trumpettier he’d be getting a fucking medal and a cabinet post.
Yes, and I see some GOP types celebrating this, like “SEE? DEMS ARE RACIST!” while missing the point that liberals are universally telling this guy to fuck off.
There was a “small” riot in Morganhole yesterday. It started as a bunch of students day drinking and playing in the snow, which became a snowball fight, which became a bottle fight, which got the police involved, which led to students throwing snowballs and bottles at the police, which led to the police using tear gas and paintball guns (!!!) to break up the crowd. Today, WVU beat Oklahoma for their second Big 12 victory this season.
What I’m saying is, there should be a riot the day before every game the rest of this season, and we’ll run the table!
Riot? Friday afternoon fun.
Police using non-lethal force on guys throwing bottles at them?
Hmm…what shade of white were the students?
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/super-bowl-2019-someone-put-a-1-5-million-bet-on-the-rams-to-beat-the-patriots/
Okay, who was supposed to watch Hippo this week?
I’m quite sure it wasn’t Hippo. He wouldn’t lay down that many pills on any game.
Also they know his credit by now.
ah will have you know that I bet $52 (KARMA) on P*ts moneyline, and hope like mad that I lose.
/do have pre-season prop bet outstanding on RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! winning whole thing
//so I am guaranteed to make like $600…or $52
I put $100 M/L on RAMMMMMMMIT a couple days ago. Down to +115 at that time.
“Every time I use pita bread to push what’s left of my tofu salad into the one corner of my hand-spinned clay ‘anti-bowl’, I feel like I’m saying I’m okay with rape culture.”
-A Bearded Guy
At work, we have a Rams fan (the one I lost the whisky bottle bet with) that sent out an email for everyone to wear Rams shirts on Friday as a show of support.
There were two times the amount of Raiders t-shirts than there were Rams shirts.
Yeah, that Rams fan is an idiot
he just likes to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! Yeah!
Do you work at a homeless shelter with free screen time? Maybe a state prison?
he said 2x as many, not 10x ,, smgdh
Oh, you work at La Raza.