Yes, today is all of those things!
Except in the Canadian territories because, much like the U.S., Canada could give two shits about territories.
Apparently, also the French-speaking province of Québec and the English-speaking province of Newfoundland and Labrador don’t get a holiday today.
Who did they piss off?
Don’t answer that.
Let’s take them one at a time, shall we?
LOUIS RIEL DAY
Louis Riel was a, you know what? I can’t. I cannot discuss the significance of this man, the controversies surrounding his life, and his legacy in a short Open Thread intro.
Please do yourselves a favour and do a Google search on him and read about why the province of Manitoba has declared today Louis Riel Day.
It’s a fascinating story. It involves First Nation peoples, the Roman Catholic Church, real estate holdings, corporate mischief, the French, royalists, ineffectual government leaders, exile, rebellion, and executions (plural!). Our Canadian friends may correct me, but I have a feeling that if you ask 5 Canadians from different parts of the country about Riel, you’ll get 5 different points of view.
So, apparently a bunch of provinces decided they wanted a holiday in February to coincide with the United States’ Presidents Day. Perhaps for the shopping opportunities?
They decided to create a holiday that celebrates the importance of families and family life to people and their communities. Hence, Family Day!
I still say it’s all about the shopping.
Nova Scotia Heritage Day
Certain provinces like Nova Scotia, however, thought that was too crass, commercial, and obvious, so they decided to make the holiday about something else.
In Nova Scotia, schoolchildren decide each year which famous Nova Scotian they want to honor each year. This year, Heritage Day 2019 honours Maud Lewis, a world-famous folk artist. Lewis painted scenes that evoke feelings of innocence and child-like exuberance that is as enduring as the spring times she loved to paint.
Not to be left behind in the “I don’t want to be like the others” game, the people of Prince Edward Island have decided to make today Islander Day.
Because fuck your family if they aren’t from Prince Edward Island.
BTW, how the fuck is Prince Edward Island a province? It’s super tiny!
I’m calling it the Rhode Island of Canadia. There is no reason I can see why those entitled pricks get to be a province while Yukon, Nunavut, and the Northwest Territory are not. Tell me I’m wrong.
Finally, the stupid holiday that brought this whole holiday expansion in the first place: Presidents Day.
Presidents Day is bullshit because there used to be two holidays: George Washington’s Birthday and Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday. Each was celebrated separately and some states gave both days off.
However, the good ole American work ethic of screwing over employees took hold and changed things so only one day was taken and it combined both Presidents.
The problem is that now people think this holiday honours ALL Presidents and there are too many idiot presidents (from all parties) for them to be honoured alongside George and Abe.
If anyone tells you this holiday celebrates anyone OTHER than George Washington or Abraham Lincoln, please give them a swift kick in the nuts or ovaries.
To wrap up, let us remember the reason for the season as we get 25 percent off our favourite dildos, cock rings, and vibrators!
Which ones did YOU buy today? Tell us in the comments!
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