Your “Why Don’t Stupid People Know They’re Stupid?” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • It sounds like the Raiders are pushing hard for Antonio Brown.
    • Lord knows they’ve got spare first-round picks.
    • John Gruden got off his knees long enough to say, “He’s the hardest working man, I think, in football,” Gruden said. “Hardest working player I’ve ever seen practice, and I’ve seen Jerry Rice, I’ve seen a lot of good ones.”
  • Robert Kraft has been ordered to attend his next court hearing on March 28.
    • His lawyer is trying to have the order waived, but it appears the judge in the case wants all defendants to appear before the court in person.
    • In capital letters, the document says, “THE DEFENDANT MUST BE PRESENT AT THIS HEARING.” The document adds that a failure to appear will result in a” bond forfeiture, or revocation of own recognizance (O.R.) and a Capias/Warrant being issued for your arrest.”
    • SI’s Extra Mustard made the interesting link to the date:

  • LATE UPDATE: Case Keenum will be traded to the [Redacteds] once the new league year starts March 13.
    • Washington will get Keenum, a seventh-round pick in 2020, and the Broncos paying him a $500,000 restructure bonus as well as $3.5 million of his $7 million guaranteed salary. The Broncos get Washington’s 2020 6th-round pick.
      • So the [Redacteds] will only have to pay the other half of the $3.5 million guaranteed salary owed Keenum for 2019.
    • If he beats Colt McCoy for the starting job, his base salary will be $18 million, which includes the $7 million guaranteed.

Finally, there’s a bit of kerfuffle about nfl.com’s Charley Casserly and his comments about Kyler Murray.

  • None of which you will find on nfl.com any more. It’s still on the Twitter, though.

  • Apparently, Casserly came out on Monday quoting “sources” that Kyler Murray wasn’t the #1 pick in the draft. Here’s the money quote:
    • “He better hope Kingsbury takes him No. 1 because this was not good,” Casserly said. “These were worst comments I ever got on a high-rated quarterback and I’ve been doing this a long time. . . . Leadership — not good. Study habits — not good. The board work — below not good. Not good at all in any of those areas, raising major concerns about what this guy is going to do.”
  • I don’t know – it’s hard to trust a football guy with Gene Keady’s haircut.

  

  • Since then, it’s been on like Donkey Kong as people come forward to challenge the accuracy of his statements:
    • Florio took a run at him, including this gem:
      • Remember when NFL Network had to remind Warren Sapp that he isn’t a reporter, after he outed Jeremy Shockey as the Saints’ bounty snitch? What Casserly did today is the same thing.
    • Oklahoma coach Lincoln Riley stood up for his QB: 
      • “I’ve personally spoken with the majority of teams that he met with [at the Combine} and everyone was glowing about their conversations with Kyler,” Riley told Dan Patrick. “Basically the complete opposite of what Charley said.”
    • Murray’s agent Erik Burkhardt had some fire in his belly yesterday:
      • “So what do I think about an agenda-driven ‘analyst’ who’s never once even talked to Kyler or any of his coaches or teammates?” Burkhardt said. “I think it’s disgusting and embarrassing and Casserly should be ashamed of himself.”
      • “But when you slander the character and work ethic of a young man who’s worked his ass off his entire life and done everything right to put himself in his current position, you’d better cite your sources and come with a better record than 18-46 as a G.M. of the Texans.”
    • And numerous people brought up the old Bill Belichick gem from nine years ago:
      • “Who’s been wrong more than Charley Casserly since he left the [*Redacted] s? His percentage is like a meteorologist.”

It all sounds like that old 1983 deal with Dan Marino, where “sources” talked up his “drug issues” until he dropped to the Dolphins. Indeed, “sources” are already making the same allegations, and that Casserly is that team’s unwitting puppet.

Stay tuned.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: (all Canadian teams are regional broadcasts only)
    • Blue Jackets at Penguins – 7:00PM | NBCSN
    • Panthers at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Pacers at Bucks – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
    • Thunder at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Iowa at Wisconsin – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • Cincinnati at UCF – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Indiana at Illinois – 8:00PM | FS1
    • SMU at Houston – 9:00PM | ESPN
    • UCLA at Colorado – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • Southern California at Utah – 10:00PM | FS1

That’s it for me during the workweek. Seamus has your sexy tomorrow night, and I’ll have my weekend ramblings up per usual. KEEP IT BETWEEN THE DITCHES!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Figures that I found the gif version that is too small to view the goodies.

https://giant.gfycat.com/TemptingThriftyGazelle.mp4

Senor Weaselo

Apparently “Stark Raving Dad” is getting pulled from circulation.

ballsofsteelandfury

So, apparently it’s International Women’s Day and Google has changed its home page accordingly.

Am I wrong that I think they missed a golden opportunity to go with G(•)(•)gle?

Col. Duke LaCross

[insert Tom Leykis laugh]

Gratliff

Meghan McCain is upset by Rep. Omar because she associates every Muslim person with 9/11 and thinking about planes crashing reminds her of her dad.

— Ignatius J. Riley Reid (@VanDykeMarx) March 7, 2019

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Unsurprised

I saw someone refer to her as a trust fund shiksa, and that’s the nicest thing I can share about her.

Fronkenshteen

Manaforts sentence should be the spark that ignites the revolution. But this is America, so it thudded into a two foot wall of Cheeto dust and went unnoticed.

Sharkbait

That’s sad, but true.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah. It’s just a standard old white guy giving another old white guy a break. If that kind of thing sparked revolutions the U.S. would have turned into 300 separate countries by now. Manafort will pick up another 5 years or so from Jackson on top of the 47 months, and New York state will keep him tied up for a while too. He’ll die broke and/or in jail, don’t trouble your pretty little neck bolts over it.

Unsurprised

Just so long as a corrupt piece of shit like Cy Vance doesn’t get involved in the NY prosecution.

Sharkbait

Brown to the Bills? Interesting…

Unsurprised

From the burning river into the frozen pond.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding…

Senor Weaselo

Hey look at that, the Ice Giants lost again… by one goal… this time in the shootout!

Sharkbait

They need to stop getting the loser point.

Senor Weaselo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

summoning circle, hope this works

?
? ?
? ?
A cure
? For being clums- ?

? Ah shit ?

Ah no ? ?
? ? ? Oh no oh no
? ? ? ? ?

— Ryan Vance (@ryanjjvance) March 6, 2019

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Unsurprised

Yep. That’s me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You’d do it if you could and you know it.
Lord knows I’ve tried, but my back isn’t that flexible.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’d never leave the house.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A huge amount of the population smells their own farts in a figurative sense. Rex here is just being honest about it.

Unsurprised

Why else would I be trying to lose so much weight?

litre_cola

No one drives it like the owner.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s always the one in the middle seat. We’re not fucking animals, we live in a society.
Window gets a wall and an armrest, aisle gets an armrest and a little extra leg, middle gets two armrests and is allowed to take her panties off. No, wait….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFx1Cpxpx1E&t=61s

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I don’t want to sound like I’m better than anybody else, but I got my car washed today at a place where, according to a signed photo on the office wall, is also where millionaire actor Robert DeNiro gets his car washed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

An ostrich can kick the shit out of someone stupid enough to allow that to happen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s all fun and games until the ostrich goes apeshit.

Huh, there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.

Brick Meathook

When Johnny Cash first got rich he bought an ostrich, as one does. The ostrich attacked him and left him with several broken ribs and internal bleeding. He never wrote a song about that incident to the best of my knowledge.

Unsurprised

God damn. So that’s the threshold for “too traumatic to write about.”

Porky Prime

“I hear that bird a comin’…no. I hear that ostrich comin’, it’s runnin’…naw. Shit, forget it, where’s my smack?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

At least those fingers weren’t just bitten off. This time.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

To be fair, Gruden saw end of career Jerry Rice. Kind of like judging pie eating abilities of end of life Terri Schiavo

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

This is top shelf.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WELL! I have half a mind to……..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You see because her brain…… never mind.

Sharkbait

That’s fantastic.

litre_cola

Whoa. This is the good stuff.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s how you banner, people!

Bravo!

Senor Weaselo

Didn’t you just get a banner?

Brocky

Jesus christ dude

Unsurprised

He approves.

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Gratliff

The number of variations of “For Lent, I’m just giving up” that I’m seeing retweeted into my timeline makes me think it’s time to give up on humanity all together

Redshirt

I gave up soda for Lent last year. The first day, my brain felt like it was deflating.

Gratliff

One year, I gave up lent. Actually, my parents raised us catholic mainly in the sense of “if we force feed them enough ‘honor thy parents’ shit, they won’t ask too many questions about why they’re growing up the way they are”. So, we didn’t do a lot of giving up anything.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I give up Jesus every year

theeWeeBabySeamus

And yet he always comes back.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Crucifixion jokes, ftw.

Gratliff

It took him 3 days, but the cat came back the very next day, so who’s the real deity here?

Gratliff

Definitely veering into Getting Yelled At Online territory now

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s not so bad getting yelled at online. I’m starting to get used to it actually.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR4WFPa6xuI

Gratliff

Grabbed us tickets for a Theory outdoor show in August, and she didn’t know who they were. I played her this one and she said “Oh. I play that on my phone at the start of every shift.” She’s a good woman.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice.

scotchnaut

Wha? This place is the old white guy’s panic room. NOTHING CAN HURT US HERE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Who mows your yard then?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Fuck. I never watch these kind of shows, and that just caused me to scare the shit out of the dog with the laugh it earned

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

TRY CLEANING THE DRIER SCREEN.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, LENT….. never mind.

scotchnaut

Geez Moose, you’re butter than this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Work it, Green Lantern, work it so hard!”

-porn director, off-screen

scotchnaut

“Give up on humanity? Tell me about it!”

-A supposed all-powerful entity constructed by weirdos, concocting a story about a garden that never existed

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I gave up Lent for Lent a long time ago and it’s been working out pretty well for me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve got some lint in my belly button.
I refuse to give it up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

She on “Doom Patrol” on DC Universe. She’s more clothed, but still hot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Huh. It looks just as dumb when actual cereal is involved.

LemonJello

Are those Frosted Lead Paint Chips, or is the entire bowl made of lead?

and the fucking spoon, too, for that matter.

Redshirt

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/utah-teacher-forced-student-to-wash-off-ash-wednesday-cross-on-forehead-family-says/ar-BBUv3Yi?ocid=spartandhp

“Sorry for trivializing your religion practices. Have some candy.”

I think this teacher is on to something.

herodotus450

That’s what happens when the Christians enact Sharia law smh

Gratliff

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Gratliff

Crazy Mormon or short-sighted atheist? Either way, as someone whose parents dragged him to that bullshit, this sounds like as good an excuse as any for him to get out of having to go to church at night.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Atheist in Utah?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Gotta think some of those kids see enough crazy bullshit growing up to scare them straight

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, but they move or they get “disappeared.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

1st Century Ash Wednesday:
Satan: “If You’re starving, turn these stones into bread.”
Jesus: “One doesn’t live on food alone, but on the Holy Scripture.”
Satan: “Jump off that cliff. The Bible says angles will catch you.”
Jesus: “The Bible also says not to test God.”
Satan: “You see this? This is the whole world. You worship me, you rule over this.”
Jesus: “Be gone Satan! You only worship God and no one before Him!”
Satan: “Fine! You’re uncorruptable! I’m going to Foxborough.”

21st Century Ash Wednesday:
Kid: “Teacher made me wipe off the ash cross because other kids were asking about it and it was becoming a distraction.”
Parents: “WHAT?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Falling down the Netflix anime hole and I’ve stumbled onto Backstreet Girls, a story of 3 yakuza who piss off their boss and are given the choice between being murdered and transitioning into women and forming a Jpop idol trio to make him money. It’s uh something else.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Tell me, why?

Gratliff

Because Japan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Sharkbait

Gentlemen.

Unsurprised

Not present.

rockingdog

yo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Called out a thin-skinned shithead today. He’s kinda/sorta my boss in the larger scheme of things but doesn’t have the power to fire me. It was long overdue. Felt really good. Preparing for the reverb tomorrow…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe this Happy Cereal Day NSFDFO gif will help:

http://i.imgur.com/B1vsZcM.gif

scotchnaut

Just promise me that no Apple Jacks were harmed during the making of that video.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

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Senor Weaselo

So close to the Balls-approved fingergunz!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If she wasn’t wearing shoes.

ballsofsteelandfury

True

Gratliff

*rages on twitter, condemns socialism, jokes about sending her back to mexico, jerks off ferociously to the gif, then cums on a flag*

Redshirt

Is bipartisanship supposed to be so cute and arousing?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Is there a more under-rated figure in college ball than Gene Keady? At the junior college level he was Coach of the Year three straight years. As a recruiter for Arkansas he brought in Ron Brewer, Marvin Delph and Sidney Moncrief to a squad that made the Final Four. They made the tourney the year before for the first time in 19 years.

He eventually ended up at Purdue (that other Indiana basketball school that rarely gets its shit together) and retired as the 2nd winningest coach of all time in the Big 10/whatever. Yes, his haircut has always been bad and he should feel bad.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Casserly is part of a business that players/ agents hire to consult for players and prep them for team interviews. Murray did not hire his company. So no, there is no agenda in his evaluation.

Horatio Cornblower

He was also high on Trent Dilfer, Heath Shuler, or both, so maybe no one should be listening to Charlie Casserly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, he is apparently high on other things too.

So was Mel Kiper.

nomonkeyfun

Hair shellac, its a hell of a drug.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

My parents put in an offer on a house yesterday and they’re expecting to hear the results today whether it was approved or not. They would be moving out of my childhood home, which is something I never expected to happen. It’s an amazing location with an incredible lagoon view that is agreeably rather small, but makes up for that with so much more. Mom has been pushing for it for a little while, but her logic for it has always been unreasonable, such that she wants to move 5 miles away and thinks there will be enough money leftover to retire. That doesn’t happen in coastal San Diego, unless you’re literally on the beach and moving due east, which is not the case. She was finally more honest about it last weekend, largely having to do with aging in place, wanting a bigger kitchen and less yard to deal with, along with the cost of upcoming major repairs.

It’s not so much that I wanted the house after they were gone (I mean, I do) but a lot of my, for lack of a better term, identity, and literal sense of home has come from that house and it feels very, very weird to think that it might not be there soon. Other than my college dorm and the apartment I live in now, which is 10 minutes away, I’ve never had to “move out,” so to speak, and while I’ve finally accepted it as a good thing for them, I still feel like I might lose a part of myself when it happens. Anybody have any experiences with something like this that they care to share?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sleeping with a real estate agent. Does that count?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is he cute?

Horatio Cornblower

My wife prefers she/her/hers, thankyouverymuch

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Does the carpet match the drapes?

theeWeeBabySeamus

LCSS, after reading your post above I’m not sure if you’re considering buying/taking over the childhood home or not?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy outside of my price range. The way that the area is going, I’m going to be lucky to own any property nearby at all when I’m ready. Their offer on the new home is also on contingency, so it’s not like there is a potential for monthly payments or anything either.

Senor Weaselo

Offer on contingency? No, money down! -Hutz Realty

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gotcha. Well then, do what scotchy said. Run thru and jerk off on everything before they move.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

No no no, after they move.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah good point. You’ve probably jerked off on everything in there right now already anyway.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a “finished plank floorboard” joke in there that I’ll be damned if I’m going to make.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is there a place to bury the newer bodies in the yard?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My childhood house burned down, then we moved out the stuff that didn’t burn. I wonder if my identity burned with it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Glad I could cheer people up with vision of my idyllic childhood.

scotchnaut

Jack off in your old bedroom and be done with it.*

*do any of you guys realize what a burden it is to have all the answers?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is still some good Penthouses under the bed.

*LCSS is not that old.

scotchnaut

Dear Penthouse,

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me after I shared my feelings with a bunch of randos…

-LCSS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“feelings”

scotchnaut

“Shit! You got me there! I spelled ‘feelers’ wrong.”

-Cthulhu

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

No, this is pretty much exactly what I expected.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Horatio Cornblower

I just realized this: Your Mom is Spanosing you!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s a real niche porn market.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Porky Prime

My brother and I were layabout losers for far too long in a deteriorating home in SoCal. Finally in my 20s, I moved in with a friend a few miles away. My father got his cancer diagnosis at about this time. I moved back home within a few months and within a year he passed away. My brother took his half of the meager estate and almost immediately moved to Costa Rica. My future wife invited me to move to New Mexico. As GWB had destroyed the housing market, we rented the place out, but I was so wrecked about my dad (mom had died when I was in high school) I literally didn’t care and my brother, who was coming back to the States 3 times a year to satisfy visa requirements, rented the house out. I was so uninterested in being in charge that I didn’t even bug him for my half of the rent in exchange for never having to deal with the damn place, which I had built up as an albatross that would cost money to fix that we didn’t have. The market crept back up, and I had a family. Then, of course, my wife (who was my practical half and was exploring the home sale process) died and threw me for a very long loop. Somehow, my brother managed to contact the right people and a sale was underway, though slowed by repairs (seriously, the house had to be damn near rebuilt.)

I went “home” in 2017 twice to sign papers and do a last walkthrough. Quite simply, it was no longer home. It was just a house. Everyone who ever meant anything to me now had either vanished from the Earth or at least the country. We didn’t get top dollar, but we got more for it than I ever thought, though there were some dangling matters to pay off and of course I was splitting it in two.

The last time I looked at it, I didn’t see my childhood home, or the memories of family, friends, girls I snuck over, pets that had come and gone, or all the time wasted goofing off in my room, while my father and mother sat in the next room for what I foolishly assumed would be forever. I saw my kids’ first cars. I saw their college tuitions. I saw a down payment on a bigger or better house, should that ever be necessary.

I didn’t really answer your question, I just needed a little Thursday catharsis. If there’s a point, it’s that nostalgia will kill you if you let it. Also, most people who give advice are really shitty at following it themselves.

scotchnaut

“Thursday Catharsis” might be something you could write about. Just putting it out there…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

While you didn’t exactly, this is insightful and appreciated.

Unsurprised

Sorry. I’m in the boat going the opposite direction.

Gratliff

Some rando is gonna come in knock out a bunch of walls to “really open it up”, and then rent it to a family who can’t afford to actually buy a house and never will because they’re paying rent on newly renovated houses because real estate is just horrifically broken

Horatio Cornblower

Manafort gets 47 months.

Jesus wept.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Out in 5; O/U?

Horatio Cornblower

He’s still facing 2 separate possible 5 years sentences for his other crimes, and that judge seems to loathe him. Fingers crossed!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

GOOOOO PRISON RAPE!

herodotus450

A whimper of a sentence handed out by Judge TS Ellis.

rockingdog

found a funny:
your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they shouldcomment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, I’ve been listening to Carlin all day today. Interesting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3Zad39QXL4

ballsofsteelandfury

Keep it between the bitches?

Ok.