Your “First You Get The Money…” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

NFL Nuggets:

  • One rumour is that the Seahawks will tie Russell Wilson’s next salary contract to the annual percentage increase in the salary cap.
    • There are advantages for both sides:
      • It guarantees Wilson will stay in the upper echelon of QB salaries.
      • It allows the Seahawks stability in knowing how much of the cap their QB will be.
    • The downside is that the Seahawks stick to their traditional bargaining structure & propose a contract that doesn’t stray from what they’ve offered others equally important to the franchise.
    • As ESPN put it,
      • “He has a chance to set a new standard for contract guarantees at a time when that’s a hot-button issue with players. If the Seahawks decide not to sign him and go year-to-year with franchise tags, he could turn out to be Kirk Cousins with a better résumé.”
    • If they don’t get a deal done, Wilson hits free agency in 2020.
      • His Franchise Tag value would be between $30-32 million.
  • Things are even more fucked up for (former) AAF players:
    • Most returned to their temporary lodgings to find their belongings packed up & waiting for them, as team-arranged housing was cut off.
      • Deadspin notes a bunch of the Memphis players have been stuck with bills for $2500, likely covering the period from the last time the team covered the bills.
    • Injured players are now on the hook for their own medical costs.
    • Due to the league “suspending operations” and not folding, NFL teams can’t yet negotiate with individual players that might have been on their radar.
      • Well, that’s been resolved.
        • The Chiefs have already signed CB Keith Reaser, formerly of the Orlando Apollos.
          • The Chiefs will give Reaser $100,000 up front in the form of a $50,000 signing bonus, a $25,000 workout bonus and a $25,000 roster bonus.
  • Robert Kraft’s attorneys are going the “illegal search” route in their defense applications.
    • Because ESPN put it better than I could,
      • Kraft’s attorneys argued that using the cameras to prosecute misdemeanor crimes violated constitutional privacy protections and prohibitions against unreasonable searches. In addition, a Florida law says police can only make secret recordings when investigating certain serious felonies. Kraft is charged with solicitation, which is not a felony.
    • To back their claim, they submitted a 92-page statement of defence.
      • Which is what you do when you’re a billionaire trying to avoid video of a handy getting onto the internet.
  • The clapback against Mike McCarthy’s ESPN interview has begun, and it’s a helluva read.
    • Bleacher Report has a report outlining the dysfunction that McCarthy generated & enabled during his years in Green Bay.
      • One observation is that the hatred between Rodgers & McCarthy goes all the way back to Rodgers’ draft, because McCarthy was the OC in San Francisco & helped choose Alex Smith over him.
        • And that Rodgers has held the grudge ever since.
      • Also that McCarthy felt his system, rather than Rodgers’ ability, was the key to the team’s success:
        • The personnel man says the Packers’ passing offense was essentially “Get open” and that they basically ran the same routes for seven years straight, to the point where division rivals “constantly” called out plays pre-snap and jumped routes.
    • PFT notes that there were reports of McCarthy skipping meetings for “massages”, but some teammates felt that it was Rodgers who started those rumours, to try & hasten the coach’s downfall.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Canadiens at Capitals – 7:00PM | NBCSN (blacked-fucking-out in English Canada)
    • Bruins at Wild – 8:00PM | Sportsnet360
  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at Cleveland – 6:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Bucks at 76ers – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Warriors at Lakers – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN4
  • NCAA:
    • NIT Basketball Tournament:
      • Championship – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • College Baseball:
      • Arkansas at Auburn – 7:30PM | ESPNU
  • Futbol:
    • Women’s International Friendly Soccer: U.S. vs. Australia – 9:30PM | FS1

Get your HAWT TAEK pencils ready – THE DRAFT IS THREE WEEKS AWAY!

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Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Cuntler

/begin tldr

Aaron Rodgers is and always has been a super-talented, passive-aggressive, petty asshole, and his ego has undermined his career. Not sure why, but beerguyrob ignores that.

/end tldr

Your comments on the Bleacher Report story are *Brian Fellow voice* SO WEIRD. You totally frame the BR story as an indictment of McCarthy, but the article indicts Rodgers equally. It paints Rodgers as a passive-aggressive sociopath whose own pride and selfishness undermined his talent as much as McCarthy’s coaching. He was the Mentos to McCarthy’s Diet Coke. Note that all of this makes me very happy, because this egotistical fuck will kill his new coach and freelance his way to, at best, one or two playoff appearances in the rest of his career. It’ll be 30+ years of two hall of fame quarterbacks with one Super Bowl each!!

Anyway, look at this fucking guy! What an asshole. If he wasn’t so good, he’d be Jay Cutler:

“He’s not going to respect you if he thinks he’s smarter than you.”

“Greg Jennings, a Packers receiver from 2006 to 2012, sees Rodgers as an ultrasensitive source of toxicity,”

“One ex-Packers scout puts it on both. He describes Rodgers as an arrogant quarterback quick to blame everyone but himself—one who’s ‘not as smart as he thinks he is’.”

“One person, who used to be close to the quarterback but has since been cut out of his life, describes Rodgers as forever ‘conflict-averse.’ As passive-aggressive to the extreme. As someone who’d rather stuff problems deep, deep down inside of him and pretend there’s no issue rather than communicate those issues and strengthen relationships like this one with his coach’.”

“One former Packers personnel man describes him as someone who’s ‘really into his feelings,’ who’s ‘not kind of sensitive—he’s real sensitive.’

“Multiple sources say Rodgers misses those days, with one adding he’s become worn down and bitter about everyone’s expectations of the type of leader he should be. In other words, as a former Packers scout puts it, Rodgers ‘is Brett Favre 2.0. He used to say, ‘Oh, I’ll never be like that guy.’ And he literally is.”

“Rodgers refused to take scheduled throws underneath, instead waiting for a deep shot that rarely materialized.”

“Rodgers would look his way, then pat, pat, pat the ball for something else to develop. Why? A source close to the team says Valdes-Scantling told him Rodgers just didn’t like him.”

The best part is Rodgers doesn’t seem willing to change:

“The quarterback’s first public comments about the hire, at the NFL Honors, started off with the words, ‘A lot of change, in life in general, it’s tough at first.” That’s all he needed to hear. To Jennings, that quote practically guaranteed how this will go down. ‘I know how Aaron operates,’ Jennings says. ‘For him to make that statement, it already lets me know he’s going to make it hard on a young Matt LaFleur.’

Unsurprised

This should be it’s own post

Wakezilla

“Injured players are now on the hook for their own medical costs.”

Damn. Even Vince McMahon thinks that’s cold. Will those players ever be able to lawyer up and sue the owners of the league?

Unsurprised

Yeah, right.

Unsurprised

Easy for Johnny Cockfighting Moneybags to say.

It’s true and he’s right, but people hate hearing that shit. Let alone accepting it. Idk. Sucks all around.

Unsurprised

That’s Scarface? I thought the banner was from Frankie & June.

Unsurprised

*& Johnny

Wakezilla

You know what movie gets better with age? Street Fighter.

Bison : Ah! Doctor Dhalsim! How is your research today?

Dr. Dhalsim : The same. Warped. Corrupted. My science twisted to serve perversion instead of peace.

Bison : Tell you what. After I’ve crushed my enemies, we’ll see about getting you published. That should cheer you up, hmm?

Hilarious!

Unsurprised

God bless Raul Julia

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh, that actually is pretty good!

Brick Meathook

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Harley Earle in his Buick Y-Job concept car, 1939

SonOfSpam

It’s a beaut, even if the front reminds me of something Ace and Gary would drive.

WCS

It’s 00:02 hours here, and I can hear someone using a chainsaw outside. I’m not complaining, because I’m going to be up for a while anyway, and I’m getting pretty drunk, but, even I wouldn’t get blasted and decide, “Hey, time to get rid of those blue pines. Been pissing me off for years!”

Who chainsaws in the dark?

SonOfSpam

I mean, maybe Pat Benatar? To her, promises are just emotional chainsaws.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuPFhDQRKzw

SonOfSpam

Also, who the fuck hacks up a hooker during the day? That’s just tacky.

Unsurprised

The daytime if for drip-drying them, so to speak. No point in sawing up a body full of liquid if you can just drain that shit over the tub.

SonOfSpam

Yes, THANK you.

People with no chill annoy me.

Unsurprised

WIsdom comes through experience

SonOfSpam

Evening gents. I just now stopped working, because there is no god.

My wife brought home beer, because God is merciful and loving.

See? The world is a complicated place.

Unsurprised

/BARN DOOR FLIES OPEN

JE: Neigh!

Look what I found.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What about the khakis?

Redshirt

In case you’re wondering, this ain’t me. If this guy has mental issues, I hope he gets the help he needs. If he has no mental issues and is just an asshole who got a missing kid’s family’s hopes up for nothing, he needs to play real life Frogger in the Cut-in-the-Hill on I-71/75 during rush hour on a foggy day. Let Death Hill earn it name for good this time.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/fbi-says-that-the-person-claiming-to-be-missing-timmothy-pitzen-is-not-him/ar-BBVCuIK?ocid=spartanntp

Sharkbait

People suck.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Indeed they do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No offense to anyone, but fucker ought to be shot in the head for getting these people’s hopes up.

Unsurprised

I hate that people presume shitty people have mental illness or something to further ostracize them and act like this can’t be normal. It fucking hurts ill people and it is almost never the case where they are mentally ill. They are just assholes. They are almost always just assholes. And pretending that they’re perfectly normal and sick products of this stupid society and not actual chronically ill victims of nature and/or society is just another of the umpteen million ways Americans justify and excuse all of the stupid and evil and mean shit that is normal and normalized until some incident is so outrageous or so useful to excusing the rest of our bullshit that said person needs to be made an example of.

This kind of shit happens all the times. 4chan has and will always be the kind of cesspool that is built around causal cruelty to vulnerable people already in pain, but there are increasingly more and more shit holes online and IRL that encourage the same antisocial behavior and activities.

So I’ll spare you the fucking suspense: HE DOESNT HAVE MENTAL ISSUES. HE IS JUST A NORMAL AMERICAN ASSHOLE.

Unsurprised

Useful reminder: mentally ill people are far more likely to be victimized by others or engage in self-harm. The times they do harm others tends to cluster around injury to family and friends in physical outbursts.

It’s like mass shooters. Maybe a couple have ever actually been found to have mental or behavioral health problems. They are like most terrorists and violent criminals not ill, but perfectly rational about being total pieces of shit.

Brick Meathook

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Edsel Ford’s Custom 1934 Model 40 Special Speedster

Porky Prime

The boys on Baltic Avenue were certainly envious.

SonOfSpam

That’s tremendous.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Really want to see these guys live. But they have no dates right now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59bLUwYONEI

Porky Prime

Neither do I.

Redshirt

All this hours’ worth of lawyers’ work just to get rid of seconds’ worth of hands’ work.

Unsurprised

Stupid people suck.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sharkbait

Could be worse. Could lose to Ottawa at home in the last home game of the year.

Also:comment image

Sharkbait

I will burn things if New Jersey somehow gets #1 overall

theeWeeBabySeamus

Howdy Gentlemen.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

G’day sir. I was working on the week’s Request Line and it came to my attention that you filled in no less than THREE weeks in a row. You’re a solid dude, man.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Always my pleasure. Sincerely. But here’s a theme for you….
I’ve been challenging my plumbing today, big time. Can’t stay out of the bathroom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeskbiJjCXI

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Huh. I may have to take back what I said about you being solid. Sounds like you’re morphing into a liquid dude, man.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO. But yes there has been some liquid.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I won’t tell you what color.

Sharkbait

How goes sir?

rockingdog

last funny:
JOSEPH: where have you been
JESUS: out with my friends
JOSEPH: have you been drinking
JESUS: just water
JOSEPH: I know what that means
JESUS: YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD JOSEPH

Brick Meathook

I went down to the DMV today to get my Real ID driver’s license, which arrives in 10 to 12 days.

I had an appointment, but I still had to wait in a line, which was much much shorter than the walk-up line which snaked around the outside of the building. A lot of opportunities for “people watching” at the DMV.

First, I was struck by how many complete freaks there were. Second, there were some absolutely horribly dressed people, and these were people who left their home thinking “I look good today.” The third thing that impressed me was that there were two blind people in line.

herodotus450

Some states have Bureaus, BMVs. Or does that stand for Brick Meathook… Valenzuela?

Porky Prime

New Mexico has “MVD”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Have you been to that ROW in downtown Los Angeles? We were there over the weekend and I was taken with how stylish everyone was. It made the people at my local mall in Glendale (who are really trying their best) look like a bunch of slobbish hobos.

Porky Prime

Pete Carroll is approximately one year and one franchise tag away from trading the comfort of a Pro Bowl quarterback earning top money for taking another shot at using the money to stock the roster and roll the dice on drafting a miracle. Fuck him and I hope Russell Wilson enjoys playing for the Dolphins.

Also, my cat, who I now wish I had named Jay Catler but settled for Lucifer, has just been diagnosed with the diabeetus. Because I’m me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Time for your cat to go into “business”.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But seriously sorry to hear that.

Gratliff

Oh god. Lego death match is starting and already feeling nauseous.

Gratliff

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Gratliff

I’m having back spasms just from watching that. Jesus fuck.

Senor Weaselo

Wouldn’t it make more sense to only have, like, one Lego?

Porky Prime

You want those guys to really hurt themselves???

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So the lady at the massage place didn’t think it was funny when I poked my head in and asked if I could get a “Kraft Single”. She told me there was a grocery store just around the block.

Brick Meathook

You should have replied “Oh I didn’t mean cheese I meant that I wanted you to blow me. For money.”

Clear communication is a necessity in business transactions.

herodotus450

Never understood why faceoff winning percentages of 55-60% are so celebrated. Isn’t that like just barely better than 50-50?

Sharkbait

Why is hitting .300 such a thing? 70% of the time you failed to do your job.

herodotus450

But faceoffs are a symmetrical, zero sum type affair. 60% faceoff is 10% better than average; that’s what, 1.5 standard deviations? That’d be like if the average average in baseball was 290, then would 300 still be as impressive?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go tar and feather myself for contemplating an average of averages.

Sharkbait

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herodotus450

(Can finally exhale since no one has noticed that the use of standard deviation here is wrong at best)

litre_cola

You are thinking metric.

Gratliff

Giroux is 3rd in the league at 58.3%. That’s good for almost 200 more faceoff wins.

herodotus450

He’s 652-468. So if he had lost 100 more he’d be 552-568, close enough to 50%, which is (should? has to be?) the league average. So top 3 in the league gets you about 1 extra faceoff win per game. I guess I’m still not all that impressed.
Also, it’s crazy that Bo Horvat as the most total wins on the season, with a recod of 1051-902. Almost 2000 total faceoffs!?

rockingdog
scotchnaut

New Books in the Queue!

The Whiskey King by Trevor Cole

Infomocracy by Malka Older

Paradox Bound by Peter Clines

Early Riser by Jasper Fforde

Horatio Cornblower

Saw this on twitter recently:

“Hey any recommendations for good books I can pile next to my bed as a rising mountain of dust mite sheltering guilt totems?”

herodotus450

“Early Riser”, the title of my sex tape.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That sounds like something Mike Pence’s wife would “accidentally” rent and then explain that she had intended to study the counterculture by watching Easy Rider.

Gratliff

Those Jets unis are sure something, but I’m not sure why they’re bothering. I thought the AAF shut down?

LemonJello

I haven’t seem them, are they just Boeing 737 Max promotional t-shirts?

Senor Weaselo

My best friend and I made that joke!
/But it’s STEALTH Black!

Sharkbait

McCarthy skipped meeting for massages? Were the Kraft specials or just regular rub n’ tugs?

herodotus450

I would love Phil Kessel if he played anywhere else but Pittsburgh because of how bad he makes Tronto look.

LemonJello

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is pretty damn trippy.

scotchnaut

Timothy Leary: The Deathening was even trippier.

rockingdog
Brick Meathook

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Porky Prime

If you catch me in an honest moment, I will tell you I love this movie. at the same time I will also tell you that no movie can put me to sleep faster. Seriously it’s like Valium.

Col. Duke LaCross

Good job Jets, the new uniforms will fix everything.

rockingdog

Sharks gonna wet the W tonight….comment image

LemonJello

Fun Fact: “Wet the W” was what we called fingerblasting those conjoined twins.

scotchnaut

I totally agree that the Senators should start D’accord in net tonight vs. the Sabres.

litre_cola

I see what you did there.

scotchnaut

[watching the last half-hour of My Cousin Vinny]

Why? Because Joe Pesci can handle the ‘troot’.

herodotus450

Marisa Tomei can handle my troot any day.

Porky Prime

Borrowing DVDs from Belichick again?

Unsurprised

Best legal movie ever.

Gratliff

Fuck, this one’s gonna have a lego deathmatch and I don’t know if I can stomach it
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LemonJello

I’m pretty sure The Hague and Geneva Conventions have outlawed this sort of atrocity.

scotchnaut

[pushes glasses up nose]

This wrestling match harkens back to the traditions of the 14th century Mongols. They believed that wrestling on the building blocks of their children gave them enhanced powers with respect to discount coupons at their local Piggly Wiggly.

LemonJello

Seems legit.
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scotchnaut

Anyone doing a big Easter dinner? I’ve got hams. Big hams. Bone-in smoked hams. These big beautiful bastards are 22 pounds (on average) I can sell to you at $2.40 a pound. I’M ONLY TAKING 21 POINTS ON THESE BABIES!. You can’t get a better deal anywhere!*

*unless you want to support those shitheads at Costco and Walmart

/you don’t want to do that, do you?

Game Time Decision

I’ll be there for dinner. You’re in Canada somewhere, how far can it be from southern Ontario…..

scotchnaut

I’m selling, not cooking.

/okay, I’m cooking as well

LemonJello

Oh, WE FANCY!
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Col. Duke LaCross

We do the full deal with a whole lamb, sometimes two on a spit. I slow-fry the organ meats in a dutch oven, and all of it over a wood fire.

litre_cola

My mouth is watering.

Sharkbait
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

There are a lot of things that I love about this post.

You’ve got the Mario-Scarface mashup that is incredible and seems like it was made for me.
There’s catty Rogers basically doing what we’ve been making fun of him for since this site started.
A shred of good news from the AAF folding.
The line “blacked-fucking-out in English Canada,” which sounds like a great way to spend a summer.

But my favorite thing is just the sheer and total contempt for the NIT that Rob didn’t even bother to include who is playing in the championship. Bra-fucking-vo, good sir.
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Gratliff

The death march to WrestleMania continues unimpeded
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ballsofsteelandfury

I think we’ve identified Belichick’s replacement when he retires…

LemonJello

This guy is hoping for at least an interview.
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