Your Last Saturday in April Sexy Soccer Open Thread + A Special Reminder!

Good morning everyone! Before we get to the FÚTBOL, I want to remind you all of a special event coming up in June:

We will be having the very first DFO LA Metro Pub Crawl on Saturday, June 8, 2019!

All DFO lurkers, commentists, stalkers, and authors are welcome!

The concept is simple: We will meet up at LA’s Union Station. From there, for the low low price of $7 for a Metro Day Pass or $10 for a Metrolink Weekend Pass, we will explore the best bars located within one or two blocks (that’s maximum LA walking distance, btw) of a metro station.

For 2019, we will be exploring the Red Line:

In order to make it easier for our folks in surrounding counties to join us, we will all meet at Union Station between 10:30 and 11:00 AM at the doors of the Imperial Western Beer Company located within Union Station for a kickoff drink as soon as they open at 11.

We will then take the red line subway to the Hollywood/Highland stop where our crawl will begin. During the crawl, we will visit several bars on our way back to Union Station.

Here are the scheduled stops:

Hollywood / Highland Stop

Musso & Frank Grill

This Hollywood legend is the oldest restaurant in Los Angeles and will be celebrating 100 years in 2019. This place was the center of the literary and cinematic worlds of Los Angeles for decades and has been featured in multiple movies and novels. It’s also home to the best martini in America.

Drinking martinis before noon? Damn right! It’s the DFO way!

Hollywood / Vine Stop

The Frolic Room

We go from one Hollywood legend to another. While not as old as Musso and Frank, it IS the oldest bar in Hollywood because the Frolic Room started as a speakeasy during Prohibition and became a “legitimate” bar when it was repealed. It’s famous as writer Charles Bukowki’s favourite drinking spot. It’s also alleged that this was the last place the Black Dahlia was seen alive. It’s known for good drinks, good service, and good ambiance.

7th St. / Metro Center Stop

Dublin’s Irish Whiskey Pub

Heading south and east from Hollywood, we emerge from the subway right into the middle of DTLA (DownTown Los Angeles) and next to the newest skyscraper in LA. We will head to the bar tucked into a corner of the bottom floor of the Fine Arts Building built in the 1920s and designated as a Historic-Cultural Monument. I’m sure our resident Irishman, Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, will say this is as Irish as Shaquille O’Neal, but the attraction here is cheap beer and a large selection of whiskeys.

Pershing Square Stop

La Cita Bar

Have you ever wanted to have a drink in Tijuana without actually having to cross the border? At a place that allegedly was once a bordello and still has the stage where girls would allegedly parade for customers? And where Younger Balls had more than one happy hour turn into a crazy night? About ten years ago, they sold $2 Tecate cans. They may be $3 now.

Civic Center / Grand Park Stop

Redwood Bar & Grill

Don’t let the exterior fool you. This bar is actually known informally as the “Pirate” bar due to the interior decor and drinks on offer.

In the evenings, they have live music and a lively crowd. Oh, and there are some stories that this place is haunted by non-live beings, if you believe in that kind of thing.

Le Fin Du Crawl

The Streamliner at Imperial Western Beer Company

We will finish where we started so our out-of-town guests can catch the last train out of town and sober up on the way home. Depending on which level of drinking we reach, though, those plans may go out the window

and we may end up at The Streamliner, the cocktail bar adjacent to the Imperial Western that has a cooler and darker vibe; perfect for early evening, when it opens.

UPDATE: Every Metro Crawl Participant will receive a full sleeve of DFO’s official cookie, SPONCH upon checking in to the crawl!!

***

I did say this was a soccer thread, right? Today could very well be the day that Barcelona clinches La Liga.

Among the other leagues, Juventus has already clinched Serie A and Paris Saint Germain (PSG) has already clinched Ligue 1.

The English Premier League and the Bundesliga are still up for grabs with many critical matches in the next few weeks.

Over in Liga MX, the liguilla (Mexican playoffs) is only two weeks away and everyone is scrambling to get in. Litre’s new fave side, Puebla, is right now holding the eight and last spot. Can they ride the Canadian wave of support to a deep playoff run?

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

Here is the schedule for today (all times Pacific):

To celebrate Barça’s championship, here are your Barça-centric fútbol babes:

***

Hope to see you on June 8!

Discuss your plans to attend in the comments.

(55/69)

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Moose -The End Is Well NighDunstanUnsurprisedrockingdogRikki-Tikki-Deadly Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Padres up 2-0 on the Nationals thru 5 innings.
Nice!
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scotchnaut

Cooking up some honey garlic wings. My secret ingredient? I’ll be honest-there’s more than just one. The first is honey. The second? Dead Snapper turtles ground up into a fine paste by drivers that don’t give an expletive.

blaxabbath

Also FRESH garlic!

yeah right

Key ingredient.

Horatio Cornblower

I have stopped my car, on more than one occasion to guide a snapping turtle off the road, so feel free to pass me the address of any of those drivers.

SonOfSpam

Is that a thing in the northeast? Because that sounds odd.

Horatio Cornblower

Saving snapping turtles? Or just not being an asshole?

Horatio Cornblower

Because not being an asshole is definitely not a northeast thing.

SonOfSpam

Right…was mainly asking about turtle-roadkill. But assholes do seem to be everywhere.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh yeah. Right about now when the small ones feel compelled to climb out of their ponds and wander across roads to lay eggs and then try to get back.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And not not being an asshole is also definitely not an exclusively northeast thing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mmm…dead snapper, very tasty…
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Senor Weaselo

Also the wings are California condor wings, which are meatier.

SonOfSpam

I’ll be on the crawl.

/watches attendance dip by 80%

Also, will be running train on Low Commander.

Wait, I mean I’ll be meeting him on the train in OC then going with him to the crawl.

Where we will all run train on him.

Hope to see blurry representations of you all there!

blaxabbath

I stated in OC at the most hood Airbnb I’ve ever seen.

Fix your damn real estate problem, SoCal.

SonOfSpam

LOL where was this “hood” Airbnb? Trying to picture that…did it only have a pool and no jacuzzi? Did the gardener only show up every two weeks?

blaxabbath

Oh wait — it was Anaheim.

Nevermind.

SonOfSpam

Anaheim has its hood parts, fer sure.

But for the laffs, I’m gonna picture you staying at Sleeping Beauty’s Castle.

blaxabbath

I wish. Could have enjoyed the high ceilings.

yeah right

I’ll be the guy who takes an uber to the train station.

SonOfSpam

Can’t you just Green Line it? Or is that what you’re talking about?

yeah right

I could but I’ll probably uber to Union Station out of pure laziness.

SonOfSpam

I respect that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

If this pub crawl were a week later the Cubs would be in town and I’d probably find a way to go.

scotchnaut

Cowboys just picked Joe Jackson.

Horatio Cornblower

Could they have at least drafted “I’m The Man”?

Dunstan
Dunstan

NBC Sports is showing the Penn State Relays 100m event for 80+ runners.

I’m just watching to see which of them the Jets draft afterwards.

blaxabbath

Bengals will grab whoever drops the baton on the handoff.

Dunstan
Dunstan

The pub crawl sounds fun, but how will I distinguish you guys from all the other degenerates clutching sleeves of Sponch while waiting for a bar to open?

yeah right

Most of us are clean shaven and sport freshly ironed cargo shorts.

scotchnaut

Bi-Polar Mother: “Dear Abby-I’d like to decrease my newborn baby’s IQ by at least 50 points. Any suggestions?”

Abby: “Gently place a Dallas Cowboys bandana around her forehead. That should do the trick.”

blaxabbath

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Horatio Cornblower

Or just have Dave Gettleman be the father.

Redshirt

First Days 2 and 3 I’ve missed in years, and it’s the one the Bengals go wheeling and dealing like they’re playing Monopoly.

King Hippo

I turned it off after the Lock abortion, and feel a certain sense of peace now.

blaxabbath

Marvin Lewis would have given up a sixth for the iron and community chest card.

scotchnaut

Very proud of my oldest son for picking up and reading Good Omens without me saying anything about the book.

scotchnaut

Just saw Matt Patricia in the war room. If he was a cut of meat he’d be three cows glued together.

scotchnaut

FIRST KICKER IS OFF THE BOARD!

scotchnaut

Your last name is “Gay” and you played in Utah? This guy knows how to deal with adversity.

Senor Weaselo

Kicker playing in Utah? He’s no Dan Smith.
http://www.thebunyion.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/dan-smith.jpg

scotchnaut

Giants pick coming up.

scotchnaut

It’s official-Tom Brady’s successor is Jarrett Stidham.

scotchnaut

That Ridley kid from Georgia-great routes, fantastic hands. He’s gonna do real fine in the pros.

Wakezilla

Nice to see Mighty Fulham win again.

Can’t wait for Untied to squander another opportunity to move up in the tables

scotchnaut

Most useless info ever? Offensive lineman’s 40 yard dash times.

Wakezilla

Could help if he’s fast during a no-huddle offense?

scotchnaut

If that were the case, a *series* of short sprints (say 5) over a very short time period would be a far better indicator of that sort of fitness.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I totally understand how scotchy feels about it snowing in Canadia last night. I just walked outside and it’s only 59 in Santa Monica, brrrrr.

scotchnaut

It must be pure hell walking around in a long-sleeved t-shirt…

scotchnaut

Sheldrick Redwine is my favourite Country and Western rapper.

scotchnaut

Giants picks after their very first address needs and seem to have value. The spittle-spewing savages at Big Blue View rage to differ though.

scotchnaut

15K run has been rescheduled. Another attempt will be made Sunday. Stay tuned.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That pic up top of Wimbledon is nice

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

With their fourth round pick the Raiders took Maxx Crosby. I’m pretty exxcited about it.

rockingdog
rockingdog

I ordered that Padres baseball jersey from DHGate a couple weeks ago and its interesting to track it. I’m curious how many sorting centers its going to go thru…..

Fronkenshteen

Sorry I’m late.
*ahem*
WEST HAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!
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rockingdog
rockingdog
King Hippo

This Everton/Palace tilt is making mah ass twitch

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
My girlfriend once made me change because I was wearing green pants with a blue shirt. “You look like the earth,” she said.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My knee jerk response would have been “Well, you look like hell”. And then giggled.
No wonder women hate me.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That must’ve been in Andy Reid’s youth when he was skinny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Soooooo….Home Depot was fun. /s
Now I gotta go plant a bunch of shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

tWBS: HEY MOM CUCUMBERS AND BELL PEPPERS ARE LIKE 50 CENTS AT THE GROCERY STORE WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO PLANT MY WEED THIS YEAR?????

Mom: Shut up.

Women, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m actually at peace with the Raiders’ first pick. I have talked myself into believing that if Mayock was still in his analyst role, he’d have talked up Ferrell to the point that he’d have been much higher on all the other analysts’ boards, so he wouldn’t have seemed like such a reach.

King Hippo

and you didn’t end up with Drew Fucking Lock. DEN and pre-VGS will fight for 3rd place in the AFC West for years to come

blaxabbath

What’s the big rejection of bringing him on to sit behind JOE for a year?

Duke?

King Hippo

he’s just shit. Just like Paxton Lynch, big and dumb and strong-armed, with no skills.

...

M-I-Z baby

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
scotchnaut

Some fella on Fulham has been down on the field for a long, long time. Might be unconscious? Both team’s trainers are out there.

litre_cola

Dennis Odoi. Defender he looked out on his feet.

yeah right

Bukowski was also a regular haunt at “Musso’s” where he would get a steak and martinis.

In addition, I was in that rather large audience on the Missing Persons video sweating my ever loving ASS off. Fuck it was hot. Day 3 of the 2nd US Festival circa 1983-84 or so.

blaxabbath

yeah right

SPONCH!

scotchnaut

Neil Warnock could use his forehead to start up a Drive-in movie theatre.*

*a drive-in movie theatre is this thing whereby you would park your vehicle and watch a movie on a massive outdoor screen. (if you were a 15 to 20 year-old girl you automatically had your boobs fondled at some point before the end credits rolled)

blaxabbath

Rosen to Miami eh? So that kid’s career is over.

It feels to me that one of the biggest pieces of advice to give college QBs is to following the Manning route and blow off bad teams that will kill your development early. All these kids are fired up about “respect” and being picked high. They’re on a rookie pay scale! Go be a Lamar Jackson or, at the very least, a Baker Mayfield who at least had a legit rebuild happening around him.

Think Jimmy Garrapolo was thinking about how he was wronged being picked after Manziel and Bridgewater (Teddy got an unfortunate break) while he signed his $137mil contract with SF? Blake Bortles was the first QB from that class and I’d have to googlebing jeeves to find out where he is now.

Jared Goff is about the luckiest bastard ever to have McVay takeover and keep him.

If college QBs are gonna be smart enough to hold out of bowl games, they gotta be smart enough to hold out on teams in the draft. I mean, late round guys have no leverage but if Kyler Murray had told NYG they were a better organization that actually knew what they were doing and he was holding out on AZ, do you really think NYG says he has character issues and his draft stock falls? These teams are climbing over one another to sign dudes who beat up women BUT can hit a hole like a sophomore sorority ho.

scotchnaut

I can see the Fins blowing again next year and trying to draft Herbert, Tua or Fromm and sending Rosen on to his third club in 3 years.

King Hippo

Does anyone in the Prem want that 4th Champions League slot?

litre_cola

Seems like nobody. Wolves would take it. That could be fun.

Horatio Cornblower

Somewhere Arsene Wegner’s ears start burning.

scotchnaut

Vowed to go for a run today. It snowed last night and is currently -4. That’s 25 degrees for all you Imperialists out there.

/do I dare check the wind chill?

litre_cola

Winter storm warning here.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hell, I’d honestly prefer that (assuming I had weed and/or booze in stock) to going to Home Depot and sweating my ass off. Which is what I’m about to do.

Later taters.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Soccer would be a better game if all the players were fitted with muzzles

scotchnaut

Here’s a Giants fan celebrating the first pick-

King Hippo

that’s fucking Donks too

herodotus450
herodotus450

Winner of this West Ham – Totten Ham match gets Rum Ham in the next round.
/I never made that joke before, you’re just drunk

King Hippo

Harry Fuckface Street Clothes Kane

/also, how does Son not get MOAR Player of the Season love?

litre_cola

Racism?

King Hippo

/throws banana onto pitch

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have to take Mom to the Home Depot today.
Jeebus.

I think I’ll be stopping at the booze store on the way. Or on the way back at the very least.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Plus, my Niece-in-law works there, so that’ll be fun.

King Hippo

huzzah, just saw a promo for the South American Euros!

litre_cola

WHY ARE FLIGHTS SO DAMN EXPENSIVE FROM THIS COUNTRY TO YOURS?!?!?!?!?! FUUUCCKKKK.

King Hippo

cuz we want u 2 keep ur socialism 2 urselves ,, smh

litre_cola

Cheapest flight for the wknd is 500 dollars.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But that’s only like $49.50 American!!!!!

litre_cola

371 USD to be exact you jerk who will be there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll tell you what…
You find a way to swing it with the airfare. You can bunk with me (hotel, rental car already paid for)….aaaaand…wait for it….
I’ll buy you all the legal weed you want. OK, maybe not ALL you want….but a lot.

litre_cola

Fuck is that ever tempting. I will keep you in the loop

litre_cola

Mrs. Cola just asked, so are you going?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hell, bring her too.

litre_cola

Decilitre, watch the condo for the weekend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL…he’s old enough now to make his own oatmeal, right?

litre_cola

If not he will be hungry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously though, the offer stands. I’ll even schlep back to LAX pick you up and drop you off. I’ll be getting into town on the 5th and leaving the 13th.

Plus, the place I’m staying this time is just around the corner from Balls’ house, so you know that’ll be a laugh riot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We can get high and TP his house!!!!! I know the address.

litre_cola

Damn straight. Something has to happen with work, and if it does I am in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards!!!!

LMFAO

Also, holy shit…..
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King Hippo

Everton, aren’t we?

King Hippo

/ok, maybe just me

//and once again, FUCK YOU JOHN ELWAY

yeah right

Say what you will but that equine man sure knows how to waste an early draft pick on a shitty QB.
It’s proven!