Your “Hold On A Minute There, Player!” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes:

  • Another day, another Chief’s one-day retirement contract: Middle Linebacker Derrick Johnson
    • He was a KC first-round pick back in 2005, and was on the team until March 2018, when he was cut.
      • He played six games with the Raiders, which likely convinced him to retire.
    • He retires as the team’s all-time leader in tackles (1,151), while adding 14 interceptions, 27.5 sacks and 40 quarterback hits.
  • As the horse qualifying the integrity of the barn door, John Elway says he believes Drew Lock has what it takes to be groomed into the Broncos potential long-term starting QB.
    • Previous times he has said this include Brock Osweiler, Paxton Lynch, and Case Keenum,
    • Meanwhile, current plan Joe Flacco sits in a corner eating his ice milk.

  • One QB situation unfolding faster than expected: Arizona.
    • He might’ve been drunk at the time, but GM Steve Keim told an interview on Thursday Kyler Murray will be the Cardinals Week One starter versus Detroit.
    • The money quote designed to appeal to the Briarwood Country Club: “We didn’t draft him one overall to ride the pine.”
  • Good news for the cast of “That’s My Raiders” – the injury to Isaiah Crowell means that the Raiders are likely to re-sign Doug Martin.  
    • In seven NFL seasons, Martin has rushed for 5,356 yards and 30 touchdowns. He has caught 148 passes for 1,207 yards and another two TDs.
      • In 2018 with the Raiders, Marin had a team-high 723 rushing yards, along with 18 catches for 118 yards.
    • Martin would be expected to carry the load until the Raiders feel #1 pick Josh Jacobs is ready to take over full-time.

CFL Notes:

  • The CFL draft is tonight!
    • nine teams + eight rounds = 72 players being selected
    • TSN’s draft primer is here.
  • The draft order in the first round is:
    1. Toronto Argonauts
    2. Montreal Alouettes  – Selection forfeited via 2018 supplemental draft selection
    3. Hamilton Tiger-Cats
    4. Edmonton Eskimos
    5. Winnipeg Blue Bombers (via BC)
    6. Winnipeg Blue Bombers
    7. Saskatchewan Roughriders
    8. Ottawa Redblacks
    9. Calgary Stampeders
  • The projected first overall pick is expected to be Shane Richards of OK State.
    • It’s a sexy pick because he O-Line and he’s Canadian.
    • His agent, Johnathon Hardaway, was one of the lawyers who got the charges dismissed against the Duke lacrosse players.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: both are Game 4s
    • Bruins at Blue Jackets – 7:30PM | NBCSN / CBC (CBJ leads 2-1)
    • Sharks at Avalanche – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet (Sharks lead 2-1)
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at 76ers – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
  • MLB:
    • Red Sox at White Sox – 8:00PM | MLBN
    • Blue Jays at Angels – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
  • CFL:
    • Draft – 8:00PM | TSN / tsn.ca / cfl.ca

Hopefully, some of those 49 undrafted early-departures from college will find homes here, otherwise they got terrible advice and made a life-alteringly bad decision to leave school early. Moral: don’t believe your own hype.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

I can’t believe how badly I fucked this up.

WCS

Benito M.

— Italy, 1943

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Really puts things into perspective. If they haven’t strung you up by your ankles and stuffed your genitals in your mouth, then you haven’t fucked things up as badly as that guy.

Unsurprised

Heh. You know what, that actually makes sense and it makes me feel a lot better. Thanks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

HEY! HEY! HEY!

Go AVS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed; luuuuukeeeeeng gud!

ALXMAC
Mr. Ayo

Is it too late to send them back to Minnesota?

ALXMAC
Dunstan

Anybody doing anything for the Kentucky Derby on Saturday? I think I attended a Derby party once years ago but it was fairly lame.

I do have a bunch of leftover fresh mint, so some juleps are not out of the question

ALXMAC
Dunstan

You’re spending days in the desert, you’re bored out of your mind, and you didn’t name the damn horse?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

I am glad to see Jan getting a more prominent role again in a Toyota commercial.

Mr. Ayo

She had to take a break while preggers.

Dunstan

The fact that you know that makes me feel slightly better about myself.

Mr. Ayo

Glad to help.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Odd that the baby doesn’t even look like me.

Mr. Ayo

It’s for the best. Also, congrats.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Looking forward to that Jeff Van Gundy meltdown getting quoted every single time someone says someone is having a good game

litre_cola

I am off tomorrow to take the spawn to the dr at noon. Sooo he goes to daycare and I can go back to sleep ? Hello red wine.

Evenin commentists, I hope booze is plentiful and cheap.

Dunstan

When you’ve already paid for it, and it’s just sitting there in your bar, it’s effectively free. Sunk costs are the drunk’s best friend.

litre_cola

Yeah and Mrs Cola was just mean so scotch it is.

Dunstan

“In victory, you deserve it; in defeat, you need it.” Churchill was referring to champagne, but it applies just fine to scotch.

scotchnaut

Joe Thornton’s playoff beard is the definition of insanity. He does it every single year and expects a different outcome.

ALXMAC

Sharks gonna Shark

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m gonna beat your ass and ….. whooooooooaaaaa!!!!!!!!
OK, I’ll get you next time.
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Gratliff

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Senor Weaselo

That ends up being a misconduct for busting your dumb ass.

Dunstan

There is a penalty for “butt-ending,” but that ain’t it….

Gratliff

I’m pretty sure Embiid is fueled entirely by spite

SonOfSpam

“DAD! The Jonas Brothers are playing in Anaheim in October”
“…”
“DAD! Did you hear me?”
“…”
“DAD!!!”
“Yeah, but I don’t think there are any tickets left.”
“They haven’t even gone on sale!”
“…”
“DAD! Did you hear me???”
“Pretty sure they’re gonna die in a plane crash before then, and I don’t like paying for ticket insurance.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Now that’s good parentin’

Gratliff

Wow. Raptors have really fallen a long way since game 1

theeWeeBabySeamus

– God, 68 Million years ago

theeWeeBabySeamus

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SonOfSpam

If the goalie;s team (Hershey) isn’t named “the Squirts” what are we even doing?

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Gratliff

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SonOfSpam

Slapstick Dog will do anything for a larf.

Senor Weaselo
Wakezilla

Why the hell is Little Sheldon still on TV? Who the fuck watches this?

SonOfSpam

Who watches anything on network television?

Old people and horrible people and horrible old people.

scotchnaut

There’s some good news and bad news-

Good News: “Little Sheldon” will be canceled soon.

Bad News: “Moderately-Sized Sheldon” will be a runaway success.

Gratliff

Love anything as much as Toronto loves not succeeding in the playoffs

theeWeeBabySeamus

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SonOfSpam

The A on his sweater is for ‘Atarded

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

scotchnaut

“Hockey sticks. How do they work?”

-Juggalos

Gratliff

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scotchnaut

“The Boston make smash to a hope of jacket fitting goodly in time.” [knocks head against wall repeatedly]

-Columbus Bluejackets’ autistic hockey announcers

herodotus450

Boston playing well, looking like they got a Robert Kraft special before the game

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit Columbus.

No BJ’s for anyone tonight I guess.

Dunstan

Always the chance that someone takes advantage of the opportunity to cave Marchand’s face in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My mother hates when I crack my neck. Earlier today she told me…

Mom: I read a story last night about someone cracking their neck and having a stroke.
tWBS (mumbling): Last week I read a story about someone murdering their mother and burying her in the back yard.
Mom: What?
tWBS: What?

scotchnaut

/dying to make a salami/ham/turkey/monterey jack/mayo sandwich on fresh sourdough bread with butter

//eats a small chickpea salad instead

///”Help?”

SonOfSpam

Sounds good except for the “jack/mayo” which I assume is homemade.

herodotus450

Chickpeas kinda look like little butts, so you got that going for you.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, but I haven’t found one yet that can handle my pounding.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

CIA: Mister President, would you prefer to be shot in the head or the neck?

JFK: Are those my only choices?

CIA: No. How about both?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Come on Buddy, you can do it….
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Brick Meathook

When they put Ronald Reagan on the American and Canadian money, I hope they use this picture:

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King Hippo

Reagan SMASH!!!!

Dunstan

“Don’t make me angry, Mr. Gorbachev. You wouldn’t like me when I’m…. what was I saying?”

King Hippo

you were reciting Buffalo Bill speech from Silence of Lambs, da?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttp://www.frockflicks.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/tumblr_nasvoaZBrM1tfzfzyo3_r1_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

He’s having the WORST day ever.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s gonna have to fix that ceiling. I wonder if they’ll supply the nails?

Mr. Ayo

Fortunately, his day job is carpentry. He’ll have it done in 3 days.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

I am definitely glad I don’t have his cross to bear.

SonOfSpam

The fuck is Simon??? Slacking asshole.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

apropos(?) of nothing below…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LK8sxngSWaU

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

If I don’t believe my own hype, then who will?

Horatio Cornblower

Try an elderly white person; those fuckers will apparently believe anything.
/realizes what he just walked into
//eh, fuck it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If the teller is white.

Horatio Cornblower

An excellent point. I would also add that it can’t involve climate change.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Perhaps any science.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey if the Orchids of Asia video ever gets released I think we need to refer to it as the “Kraft bio-pic”. Because of all the DNA, you see.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thanks for posting this; brings back a great time watching that epic fight. I realize it is nostalgic in nature saying this; but you won’t see anything like this these days. MMA can be close sometimes. That said; I’ve watched a lot of mismatches and bad fights over the years during that era.

scotchnaut

Check out this fella’s analysis of all three Ali/Frazier bouts-if you’re disappointed I’ll give you my first born.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Was just watching that……

Plus last time I sold a kid I only got twenty bucks, barely enough for gas in the truck.

scotchnaut

Huh! You’re preaching to the choir, brother! Listen, there’s a new load of squealers coming out of Atlanta later this month… DM me. Thai teenagers are trading way below value right now-get going before the market heats up!

[places large long bet on Brooklyn chess prodigy being Grandmaster before the age of 16]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“REALLY? I know where they can get a good job.”

-Bob C., Boston.

herodotus450

That Kronwall gif was especially prescient now that the Blue Jackets just scored a goal after the puck bounced back onto the ice off the netting. Kronwall did the same thing (I think it was him, def a red wing) a few years ago.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Take a nap….
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Get a haircut too you fucking hippie.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Redshirt

RIP Chewy. He’s getting his well deserved medal in Heaven right now.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/02/entertainment/peter-mayhew-star-wars-dead-trnd/index.html

herodotus450

I hope Chelsea Handler is handlering it ok.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is a 1st Class Comment.

herodotus450

Sometimes we forget how much better the Canadiouns are at broadcasting hockey than NBC; it’s like comparing an 18 year single malt scotch to drinking the piss of an alcoholic hobo.

scotchnaut

American hockey announcers sound like dogs that have just learned to speak and are super excited about where the puck might be going next.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, but most Americans sound that way irrespective of hockey.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The local guy here who does the Avs radio is good, but……. yes.

Senor Weaselo

But… laser puck!

King Hippo

oddly enough, NBC is somehow able to obtain the BEST Lesser Footy broadcasting group in the world. Our coverage is vastly superior to Europe’s.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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herodotus450

smh that’s what happens when you don’t keep your stick on the ice

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Senor Weaselo

No but seriously, how do they spend that much time in the butterfly position?

Senor Weaselo

Yet another runaway, nothing crazy on Jeopardy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That dude is really pissing me off. I know all that shit but my brain doesn’t work so fast these days.

Redshirt

A conversation with my mentally unstable brother, I call it being a Bomb Squad Technician. It requires cunning, a lot of split-second life-or-death decisions, but if it ends with nothing blowing up in your face, you smile, praise the deity of your choice, and walk away.

Unsurprised

Well, that didn’t last long. Time to find something new and hopefully permanent.

blaxabbath

Getting on the plane for Seattle. Recommendations please.

#12s

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Ivar’s. It’s both in the airport and at the wharf. Get the clam chowder.

Redshirt

Don’t?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Elysian has a brewpub