Copa América 2019 Team Preview: Brasil

As you all know by now, Brasil is the Land of the Ass. Please note that I will be spelling Brasil with the “s” and not the “z” because the country is called Brasil in its native language and it is also Brasil in Spanish.

Where was I? Oh. We can also say that Brasil is the country where the 2019 Copa América tournament will take place. As such, this is Brasil’s fútbol tournament to lose.

So, I will spend the bulk of this preview the best way I know how.

***

Host Cities

https://youtu.be/wx7mjlJJ808
https://youtu.be/UAZwY_WNJr0
https://youtu.be/eTu2dRHUQFY
https://youtu.be/3qbUAqUSkIY
https://youtu.be/HGBFMtcViMs
Salvador, Bahia
https://youtu.be/jKw4sy66JWE
https://youtu.be/sDinEIMyR6k
Porto Alegre, Rio Grande do Sul
https://youtu.be/h-mX0bai0KE
https://youtu.be/HKlYsVZjz64
Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais
https://youtu.be/gCWVV_EVZbw

BTW, as you should remember, the Miss Bum Bum pageant has been replaced for 2019 by the Miss Bum Bum World pageant. The event will be held in Mexico City (I’m so proud! Snif.) in June. There are scheduled to be 12 entrants vying for the crown. Here are the first three that have been named:

Suzy Cortez, Miss Bum Bum 2015, representing Brasil
Stephanie Silveira, representing Portugal
Nathy Kihara, representing Italy

***

Group Matches

Brasil starts the tourney with Bolivia in São Paulo then takes on Venezuela in Salvador, Bahia and finishes with Perú back in São Paulo. Should be three easy wins.

Three Easy Wins

***

Predicción

Brasil will win the tournament or it will be a national embarrassment. Just like the World Cup in 1950 and 2014.

Oh wait….

I guess Brasil can’t have all the good things. In truth, Chile are the two-time defending champions and they will be tough to beat. HOWEVAH, Brasil have never lost a Copa América they’ve hosted.

Brasil wins.

Le Fin

(69/69! NICE!)

ballsofsteelandfury
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scotchnaut

If anyone needs me I’ll be sleeping off the drink on the couch in front of the TV. If you could leave me the fuck alone for the next 4 hours, that’d be wonderful.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/bursts into Scotchy’s house
Scotchy!!!!!!!
//gets arrested by the Canadian Mounted Popo

theeWeeBabySeamus

///gives horse a carrot before going to jail

Mr. Ayo

Damn quitters.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Baltimore Orioles lose again today, 8-1.
The march to 50 wins might be an over reach.

Wakezilla

That’s a whole lotta fine ass.

What I want to know is, how will the rape allegations affect Neymar in terms of how/if he plays? If he plays, we can assume, he plays well and Brasil wins, rape allegations magically go away, right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s a lotta butts.

Mr. Ayo

That’s a lotta HOWEVAH’s

— Stephen A. Smith