Hey everybody,
Sorry for the last second, dare I say “slap dick” attempt at an open thread but here we are.
Many thanks to all of the amazing people who showed up yesterday for the DFO Metro Pub Crawl (patent pending). Just an insanely great time and fantastic turn out. I think we had full 100% participation from the LA contingent with strong showings from the San Diego County, Orange County, North Cackalaki and even the Portland contingent.
DFO STRONG!
We have to and WILL do this again so contact your travel agency and get with the good times.
Sports tonight!
Shit, sorry. Game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals is going on and currently the evil bastards from Boston have a 1-0 lead in the game yet trail the series 3-2.
MLB: Last I checked my Cubbies had a 3-1 lead over MAGA’s favorite squad the reprehensible St Louis crew.
I still love you, Hippo despite your horrific taste in baseball squads.
Tomorrow is Monday and the grind starts all over again.
In the meantime I think it might be time to burn something.
Your’s in the comments folks.
I have a 0% success rate in getting the extremely rare match to contact me (including a classmate. Ergh) so fuck it. Let’s see what L.A. bumble looks like.
I wish I was on Raya to strike out with celebrities. There’s ideally more dignity.
That was some good drunkenness yesterday. La Cita was the tits.
I concur and as an angelino am embarrassed that I’ve never been before.
But I had my cherry busted.
Hard.
Something something anal sex.
After the pub crawl we hung out with an actor and his friends/family for five hours and I didn’t quite say his friend sucked as an actor but I definitely should’ve kept my mouth shut more.
You have an impressive subtle style.
The correct people get it.
I’ve always thought I was as subtle as a sledgehammer
Employees? At a CVS?!?
I’ve been a bit scarce the last week. Been at PGA school in Florida learning how to be a better golf pro. It was a fucking awesome experience highlighted by two days of learning how to give better lessons from Brooks Koepka’s swing coach Warren Bottke. Nights were spent trying to keep up with my mostly mid-20’s aged classmates in the drinking department. I’m forty so it went about as well as could be expected.
Got a question, kind of got a little something going with a gal right now. Only hitch, she lives about 300 miles away. She’s coming to visit my dumb ass for the first time in a few weeks. Do these things ever actually work out?
Only if you shot under par.
19th hole?
Any port in a storm.
Just be chill with no expectations other than showing her a good time (no, not that, just the usual).
This. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. Don’t worry about it and enjoy the ride.
Take whatever advice Seamus gives you and do the opposite.
Is the graduation Jim Nantze blowing you each of just a friendly handy j?
It’s a tradition unlike any other.
Well, that’s just good pitching.
Sign him! There’s nothing in the rule book …
New season of Black Mirror and I’m going in.
Despite the fact that I hate everything about Miley Cyrus.
Full report to follow.
Just started it myself.
Well, that was a waste of my time. Hope you enjoyed at least some of it.
It becomes clearer and clearer that Disney is the troll company that gives no fucks.
“Hey, Toy Story 4 needs a breakout character. What’s left that we can mindfuck audiences with?”
“How about a talking spork?”
“Jesus Christ that’s fucking brilliant. Sporky.”
“No…you know how little kids can’t pronounce Rs correctly? He’s FORKY. A million kids will be saying ‘Mommy I love Fucky, do you love Fucky’ all summer.”
“Wait, this is insane. How can you make any merchandising money off a fucking spork? Can’t be done.”
“You must be new here…”
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Toy-Story-4-FORKY-Free-Wheeling-Talking-Action-Figure/681093075?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&adid=22222222228284081282&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=343334716988&wl4=aud-482018033502:pla-683168933214&wl5=1022580&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=online&wl12=681093075&wl13=&veh=sem
Where can I buy a Fucky for my granddaughter?
This is why you’re smrter than the rest of us, Porky.
Sorry, I’m sure I’m not the first person to come up with this, but I was at the Disney store with my daughter waving a boxed spork with pipe cleaner arms and googly eyes and it was 15 bucks and I had one of those moments of parental clarity where I realized the world had truly gone mad.
I don’t know what you’re apologizing for. I was at the same store two weeks ago, watching kids fight over a Mickey Mouse “Grill” for the burger, the spatula, and tongs.
I realized the world had gone mad when this country elected W. a second time. We live in Back to the Future Part II’s future now.
Foul balls.
Balls feels warm and genial, and I will not abide this slander.
Evasive maneuver!
Pretty impressive wet fart of a third period, Street Louis.
/Puts on foil hat
David Ortiz getting shot is a false flag for the Bruins to rally around because #BostonStrong!
/Removes foil hat
Seriously, I hope he’s okay. From a Yankee fan.
Suh…
WEEEP!
Cubs
——- 500 ————
Cardinals
If only it was lifting forks!
It’s the Cher Show!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t3tB9o5TqY
Phrases from yesterday’s Pub Crawl:
Did tWBS fall in love again?
Shitshow Bingo
Captain America Mickey Mouse
That guy is going to be late for his next gig as a children’s party clown.
Dude, not only can you smoke in the patio, you can do crack.
Dude, did you come from Boulder?!?
Best DFO dick sucker
45 minutes for a donut is outrageous!
Can I have those cookies as tip? I’m pregnant!
He did not. Well aside from the dog. That was one cool ass dog.
It’s amazing to not only be able to smoke at a bar in LA but to be able to openly ingest smokables is incredible.
While I did vape many forms of inhalants I did not smoke crack.
It wasn’t offered.
I’m pretty sure the title of best DFO dick sucker is still up for grabs.
Who’s going to claim the throne?!
Ugh… GET A GOAL MORANS!
Woah, they got one.
Great! *checks score* GET THREE MORE GOALS WITHOUT GIVING UP ANOTHER ONE, MORANS!
Eh, doesn’t ring off the tongue.
Get a brane!
David Ortiz was shot?
I thought he’d be done with PEDs after retiring.
Anthony Cumia was rendered into video game form?
Is this our Tony Award thread?
Why not?
My urge to kill is certainly rising.
Well, it IS the TONY Soprano open thread.
Slap dick indeed.