NFL Nuggets:
- Fresh off the Packers brain-trust not seeing eye to eye comes news Cam Newton’s timing issues with his passes are a “work in progress”.
- While not explicitly saying there’s a difference between “throwing” and “throwing right”, Ron Rivera told The Athletic that Newton’s “had a good offseason. He’s done everything the trainers and doctors have asked of him, and he’s still got a little bit more work to go over the next 4 1/2, 5 weeks.”
- What’s next? Derek Carr can’t practice because Jon Gruden took away his
goth makeupeye black?
- In leaked news sure to piss someone off, Todd Gurley’s personal trainer has confirmed arthritis in Gurley’s knees.
- Right now talk is of decreasing Gurley’s frame & a Kawhi Leonard-esque “workload management” regimen.
- Which thus lends credence to the decision to draft Darrell Henderson in the 3rd round of the draft.
- Right now talk is of decreasing Gurley’s frame & a Kawhi Leonard-esque “workload management” regimen.
Because there is practically nothing on right now, I might as well bore you with my current morning routine. After WineWife leaves for work & I’ve walked the dogs, I settle into my morning prepping for school by turning on the ICC Cricket World Cup, coming to me LIVE! from the UK.
The broadcasts start at 2:30AM Best Coast time. There’s a coin flip, and then one team starts their batting. I usually catch the matches by the time the other team starts their innings, around 7:30AM.
Stealing most of these details from Wikipedia, the World Cup format for the tournament is a single group of 10 teams, with each team playing the other nine once, and the top four at the end of the group phase progressing to the semi-finals. It is being played under ODI (One-Day International) rules, meaning there are 50 overs of six balls each. The first team to bat tries to get as many runs as they can out of their 300 balls, and then after lunch (seriously) the other teams attempts to run-down that total. Beyond that, Deadspin has a pretty good, common-sense explanation of the rules. I just enjoy trying to figure this shit out on the fly. It’s actually less boring than baseball.
In today’s match, England put up 397 runs in their 50 overs, including a 71-ball total of 148 (with a record 18 sixes) from Eoin Morgan. All Afghanistan could muster was 247 in response.
At this point, the round-robin aspect of the tournament is half-over, and England are on top:
The tournament continues until mid-July. For you Hippo types, Ladbrokes, among others, will take your bets. I’ve got a lot of South Asian kids in my program, and they watch with their parents before coming to school. It blew their minds that I knew the difference between Virat Kohli & MS Dhoni.
It’s sports; it’s live; and it beats the hell out of watching daytime TV.
Tonight’s sports:
- Fútbol:
- Copa América Brazil 2019:
- Brazil vs. Venezuela – 8:00PM | TELMUN / TSN2
- CONCACAF Gold Cup Soccer 2019:
- Panama vs. Trinidad and Tobago – 7:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
- USA vs. Guyana – 10:00PM | FS1 / TSN
- Copa América Brazil 2019:
- College World Series:
- Game 8: Vanderbilt vs. Mississippi State – 7:00PM | ESPN
- MLB:
- Angels at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- White Sox at Cubs – 8:00PM | ESPN+
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
These are the dog days my friends, when we lie between the end of the winter sports we enjoy & the start of their next seasons. If there are other sports to watch, let your fellow commentists know. We can get through this together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWju37TZfo0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxBSyx85Kp8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYJCHoEDNgs
I miss both Genesis and Earth Wind and Fire.
Both very biblical band names, don’t you think?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkRKT6T0QLg
I think my THC pill is kicking in.
Yay.
Fuck. I was happy & in the mood to try to chat with you guys, and my whole mood got torpedoed like the fucking Lusitania ten minutes after I got home from work. I’ll be lurking because the game and all, but I’ll check in another time. Fuck.
“It was Iran!”
-John Bolton
tWBS should post a series about his love life adventures. A different post for each girl.
No, he definitely should not do that.
For several reasons.
Yes, you should. You do it anyway in the comments; just consolidate them. Balls will be your editor. I’ll read them and encourage others to do so.
I’m in!
I would have to change the names to protect the guilty.
(and the ones you all know)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_nPP-e3gEo
David Price Look alike gives up a 3 run shot to straight center.
Dammit more storms moving in. Probably will lose power.
Later taters, just in case.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv8GW1GaoIc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUT5rEU6pqM
So some good things have come about the last month and I’m going to be getting a check next week to get me over the 20% down threshold for the new house (fuck your PMI). So that’s a good thing.
Wife is noticeably exhausted and stressed about dealing with the move. On top of which blaxito is in a very….annoying…phase right now where he is demanding T.O.-like attention. I’m beat myself.
My hope is we just grind through this next couple weeks, get moved, and everything magically improves.
Jesus Christ, Disney
I still read Vince’s reviews. h
ttps://uproxx.com/movies/toy-story-4-review/
His review of Entourage is an all-timer. I still go back and read it every couple of years
I seriously don’t even know these guys’ names.
Richie Martin, Shortstop, Baltimore. .173 avg….. before he just weakly grounded out to short. Probably about .170 now.
DIdn’t he sing the Macarena?
Hehehehehehe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p47fEXGabaY
Huh. Guess I better go back and review our Mexican lessons from this morning.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whos42Zl5pY
This dude pitching for Baltimore looks a lot like David Price.
You know, except for actually knowing how to pitch and all.
LA VINOTINTO!!!!
what a fucking terrible match, and his teammates should burn Firmino at the stake
Impotent Brazilians make me laugh.
Ugh new hires. So last week, I had a young lady from a US college, just freshly hired.
Fan-fucking-tastics. Paying attention. Asking questions. Interacting with the longshoremen. Most importantly, putting one of them in their place when they were getting slightly inappropriate.
In a completely professionally way, I love this girl. I could see dropping her off in the middle of fucking nowhere and the job just fucking gets done. I have a faith in my company that we hired a candidate like this.
Fast forward this week. Its a young man. Fresh new hire from the US. To get into the port, you have to wand a twic card and give a finger print. The fucking system barely works. Today…it was really not working. Him and I are trying to get in. The security guy tries to help us. This kid…keep in mind he is like 20 years old. Only been with the company weeks, just lays into the guy cussing him out.
“Hey man…let it go”
“NO! This guy needs to do his FUCKING JOB!”
“I am going outside to smoke. YOU are coming with me”.
So we walk outside. I am smoking my cig.
“Can you believe that guy?”
“When I am done with this smoke, you and I are walking back in there and you are immediately apologizing to that man”
“Why?”
“Because I told you. That man is trying to help you and you cussing him out solves nothing. You will apologize to him”
“the fuck i will”
I was not prepared to get this response. I took a drag….
“You should go back to the hotel”
“Yeah. When they figure out their shit, I’ll come back. Give me the keys” (meaning the rental car in my name).
“Nah…you can walk”
“It’s like 20 miles!”
“its 7. It will clear your head. You should walk. Or…you should stop being a child and apologize”
Fuck stain took an uber.
I get back to the hotel. His boss…and my boss calls me.
Thick German accent “Alex told me you left him at the port without a ride”
“Is that what you think happened?”
“I am scheduling an exit interview with him when he arrives in Roanoke. Do you have objections?”
“I have no objections”
I fucking love working for an East German. No wasted motions. I was just smoking a cig outside of the hotel. I see the kid.
“Uwe says we are going to talk”
“Okay”
“I hope you realize that I am not holding back about how you treated me”
“Oh…you should open up completely to Uwe about what you think of me kid. Uwe will want to know this”
Its rare to get to watch in real time a real piece of shit get his ass handed to him. I should look him up on instagram to read the bullshit story about how he stood up for himself.
Awesome.
None of this was intentional but it ended up being like a shitty movie.
The cocksure dickhead frat boy getting his comeuppance.
That NEVER happens in real life…I feel blessed.
Intentional or not, it sounds awesome.
Wish I’d been there to see it.
Heheheh…I just got an email from IT asking to secure his computer prior to his departure.
I just went to his room.
“I need your computer”
“Why?”
“Preparation with your talk with Uwe”
“Good. Its about time that someone gets shit done” and he just gives it to me. I was honestly expecting a little bit of a scene. This kid doesn’t realize based on the signs of these exchanges that something is up.
This kid has ZERO fucking clue what is waiting for him at the office. They are going to literally greet him in the parking lot and take away his building pass. I kind of wish I was going to be there for this but I have to stick around until Saturday.
Wait — you’re the crane guy, right?
Yeah I am.. The young lady I worked with last week, I ask her “You ever been working at heights?”
“No…I am a little nervous”
“I’ve been doing it for years and i am terrified. We do this together okay?”
The thing with new people is to get them to understand its okay to be nervous. You got to push past it. Everyone talks a big game on the ground but at 90+ feet, its bullshit.
Fish to fucking water. I am in the cab, with a bag over my mouth, as she is driving the crane. The one longshoreman wanted to show his shit, so they tuned off the anti-sway on the spreader. So basically you got to manually correct for wind and shit.
This young lady…fucking jaws on the fucking deck, she is manually moving that shit like she has been doing it for years. 10 years in this industry…I have never seen a natural until last week. We get off that crane, after I have kissed the ground and thanked god for not dying, I tell her…
“We are going to Va Beach?”
“For what JSD?”
“One of those arcade crane games…you are getting me a stuffed animal.”
Fast forward to this week and I got a new hire that probably tips the change on any bill even when the company is covering the food.
This is why I wish I got my 1L orientation presentation proposal approved. It’ll probably be a CLE, but I need new law students and lawyers to know this before anything else.
I want to put this quote on the banner.
CROATOAN
Sometimes there is a little justice in the world. Of course, ten or twenty years ago we’ll all be working for this cunt.
Hey, the Orioles aren’t losing yet.
(Admittedly, Oakland has not yet come up to bat)
Orioles have a no hitter thru 1 inning.
So does Oakland.
what’s more awful? VEN’s anti-football, or BRA always going for the dive?
Time to watch the USMNT shit on their own dicks.
HEY!!!! 25mg THC pill. Come over here and get in mah belly!!!!!!!!!
I want every not-Commentist to no longer live on this planet.
Someone posted Boaty McBoatface before. I can’t remember who.
But it still makes me giggle. Thank you.
Thank goodness Sill Bimmons is grandfathered in.
I stand corrected. I want everyone dead now.
Even me? Da Fuq did I do????????????
You touch yourself at night.
https://sports.theonion.com/josh-mccown-retires-after-signing-one-day-contract-with-1835619475
Q: Is Firmino really a cunt?
A: Fuck yeah, he really, REALLY is
I wish we had a Big Kahuna Burger here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mnb_3ibUp38
OK, I’ve eaten two cheeseburgers and half a box of fries. Now I gotta put the Big Mac down.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVSZy_7Se8M
Good start
Understanding reached – do NAE bet on Brasil to win the first half. First half is for diving and general assdickery (looking at you, Firmino)
I’m gonna have to tool around hilton head for a bit for a conference. Any suggestions?
Hotel bar? Barring that, find a liquor store. Of course, I may not be the best source of advice.
read, stare at the ocean, avoid the golfer assholes (WCS excepted)
That was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have looked up on LinkedIn people I would have graduated with had I finished law school in 2005.
still too late to have banged 14-year olds with Alan Dershowitz
Just would like to say that this place is really important to me-especially now. The workplace is very close to unmanageable and stress levels are thru the roof (as they always are at this time of year) because we’re so busy. I can wander over here and make jokes and forget about things for a bit and interact with you guys and it dissipates the pressure that is felt. Gotta go now and endure the workmares.
/bye for now
//if anyone responds to this, I’ll be replying tomorrow morning around 5:30 EST
We’re here for you, buddy!
Enjoy some boobies and buns:
Normally, body weight wise, I go around 210. I can go up to 220 without too much problem. I do accidentally hit 220 occasionally after vacations, etc. But it’s never difficult to lose the extra and get back to where I feel normal. I’m lucky that way I guess.
But if I go below 200, I feel weak. Tired. No energy.
And for the past week I’ve been feeling that way, though it didn’t dawn on me why. I stepped on the scales today.
191. Holy shit. I knew I hadn’t had an appetite (for several reasons we won’t go into) but I didn’t know I’d lost that much.
So tonight, I went and got a shitload of greasy food from the drive thru. Now I just gotta get it in.
“Now I just gotta get it in”
The next two words are EXTREMELY important…
Right?
Until just now, I hadn’t eaten anything other than a couple of bites of sushi in Santa Monica five days ago.
At least nothing that stayed down.
You DROVE to Santa Monica to meet her??
Dumbass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtBbinpK5XI
I was going to Venice anyway.
She actually just msg’d me for the first time since that night.
I haven’t read it yet.
I’m an undernourished dickhead.
“You might want to get tested…”
LOL, I hope that’s not the msg.
But I can’t say it would shock me.
LMFAO
She said she had fun and misses me.
And maybe get tested.
You need to make a formal consolidated post about your adventures instead of coughing it up piecemeal in the comments. I’d read it.
I’m so glad someone else is keeping up with the cricket!! I thought I was the odd one.
-Mr. Ant
There was the IPL & now the World Cup. It’s been a great two months for wearing white & drinking tea.
IPL was fucking awesome this year except Mumbai winning.
last funny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e179eBHrUyQ
But really, the key to Hippo Happiness tonight is one or more of the Liverpool players (on Brasil) die. Or at least have their dicks torn off.
dropped a quarter on “both sides score in 2nd half” at +440, that way I limit my outlay while still having sommet to realistically root for
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxHSXT0eo6w
“both teams score” in Brasil/Corrupt Petrostate is +219. Assuming Brasil have 4 or 5 by the half, they could fumble the clean sheet, yeah?
Funny. I think of Colombia as South America’s premiere Corrupt Petrostate. Or maybe it’s just an excuse to post a photo of a Colombian:
Colombia is South America’s plastic surgery capital…
they’s MOAR of a Corrupt Narcostate? Anyway, where there’s brown ppl with valuable natural resources, whitey always be there to exploit and thus the corrupt foundation is laid
Seriously, the Commentist Party could scrap together an XI and probably at least get to the knockout rounds of the Gold Cup.
/Hippo calls keeper
Even hungover I think we could win the women’s world cup.
nah, I’d be torn between my obvious perving and trying to camouflage my erection
Uh.. saying “I think you’re cute” isn’t going to throw Carli Lloyd off her game.
I’d just say “that color uniform really hides your arm flab.”
/yes i’m currently single, why would you ask that?
You should try, “arm flab really cranks my yank machine”. Make it a positive thing. I’ll bet you’ll go far with that line.
I’m the Designated Hitter of awesomeness
LOL
https://www.autonews.com/article/20180319/OEM11/180319791/ford-recalls-1-4-million-cars-for-loose-steering-wheels
How the French imagined the Maginot Line would work.
Toy Story 4 Quasi-SPOILER
If you liked Star Wars: The Last Jedi, you’ll like Toy Story 4. If you didn’t like Star Wars: The Last Jedi, your childhood memories better brace themselves for yet another violation.
Redshirt’s spoiler pertains to childhood memories and violation. Surprisingly, there’s no mention of his rock-hard erections and Jon-Benet Ramsay.
aw, shucks, already had my pants off and everything – Marc T., parts unknown
Thanks Scotch. Your second line’s going to look real good in my FBI File.
All the more reason for you to scoot on up beyond the 49th parallel. I’m doing you a favour.
They just said Panama has lots of “familiar names from MLS” – so methinks I shall talk myself into a Trinidad and Tobago bet. I mean, they’s two of em FFS!
Im gonna try to check out “I Think You Should Leave”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YDpvMYk5jA
It seemed pretty funny but I stopped watching in the second or third episode and haven’t gone back. Tbh, I don’t think I’m going to keep Netflix much longer.
Colonel Kurtz was from Toledo ppl forget he only went to Cambodia to get away from the humidity.
Willard was from Toledo; Kurtz only went to a gardenia plantation on the river. Have you considered any real freedoms?
I knew that, I was just testing everyone.
What do you call it when the assassins accuse the assassin?
Only four months?
— Pacific Northwest
So AJ Green and Joe Mixon say the Bengals will make the playoffs if everyone stays healthy. You gotta admire that level of delusion.
It’s a great promise because “everyone stays healthy” never really happens with any NFL side.
Its like “I can lose 30 pounds easily if I exercise and diet”. Its a nice thought, but you know its only a day or two before I’m on the coach with a pint of ice cream getting chocolate chip-faced.
exactly, magical pony!
STOP SPYING ON ME!!!!
Less boring than baseball. With a lunch break? And colonialists playing colonies?!
It’s like watching Twin Peaks.
Both of these are responses I was hoping for. Well played.
Venezuela has a chance. Of stripping the lockers to make shivs and keep it within one goal at halftime.
Bullshit. They’re stealing all the toilet paper at halftime & taking it home to live like millionaires.
Cricket?
Perna eulogizes the awesome Pat Bowlen. One of the few people I would (based on actual respect and reverence) insist on calling “Mister” instead of using his Christian name.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YezfGVfg7BQ
Gotta say, the Copa Tourney’s use of the BolaVAR system has been revolutionary.
If you’re not going to appreciate a Simon Bolivar reference then I’m going to go home.
/gotdamn it!
I got it!
¡Tch!
Hippo just made about $300 on a first half Brasil Serie D bet. #HAILGAMBLOR
Every time Bolivia is in the conversation, I think of the following Carlin bit. Take this as an offering in honour of their imminent departure from the South American Euros:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6XwJ1Ag2GA
His “Illusion of Choice” bit was a kick in the balls to a very much younger me.
I started watching him on HBO around age 10, and it was jaw-droppingly foundational in how I see the world.