Your “Warning: The Creep Door is Closing Fast” Saturday Morning/Afternoon Open Thread

Soooo. As a recent convert to soccer I’m quite grateful that the enormous “nothing sporty to watch” gulf between March Madness and exhibition NFL action has been considerably shortened. This here is one of the last days we can eyeball some girlies and guys and make witty or crude (why not both?) observations about them. So off we go, To The Games!

England/Sweden:

Lucy Bronze vs. Stina Blackstenius-this is what the game boils down to. Destiny would seem to favor the Angleterrian’s Bronze (I mean, it’s right there for the taking ) but I’m on the side of the brave Sverge youngster that had the courage to have two esses in her name but did not place them alongside each other. Win or lose, “Ole Blackie’ is headed back to her job as a tutor at Hogwarts because what else could she do? England adopted a new mascot after the game against the Americans and Miss(ed) Opportunities will be cheering loudly from the sidelines. “COME FOR THE CURVACEOUS BUTTOCKS! STAY FOR THE SWEATY NIPPLES! The game starts at 11am EST.

What’s next. Ahhhh….

Argentina/Chile:

I watched a brief ‘history of Chile’ vid on the youtube so I could make up a cheeky joke but guess what? Nothing stuck. Might have to get tested for dementia. (or is that re-tested? Not sure… ) Several typers have been throwing shade in Messi’s direction but I’ve not seen him enough to care/understand. As stated previously, if I ain’t know much about the teams involved I’ll go underdog so I’m hoping manager Rueda cooks up some award-winning Chile. (the secret ingredient is a touch of nutmeg, dark chocolate, instant coffee, a rind of parmesan, an infant’s baby toe, a splash of Guinness, a puppy’s eyeball, a jigger of rhino spit, a pinch of dryer lint, a half dram of knee sweat, etc., etc.,) I could go on but I won’t.

Also out there is tennis, golf, beesball and your very own adventures-should you wish to share.

Just have at it. It’s all yours.

 

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[…] I often mention “inspiration” for a dish on this here Sunday Gravy thing and my inspiration for the side dish came from here. […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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That guy in the background will never be reported missing.

Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t know Scotchnaut had a sister.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN.

litre_cola

Decilitre is enjoying Nancy Boy- Placebo while playing with his trucks. Enigma wrapped in a riddle that boy.

Weed cookies are not too strong, thank Bleergh.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is Stina Blackstenius why all these racists are upset on Twitter about the new Little Mermaid?

King Hippo

Is it The Little Mermaid…BLACKED!

/asking FOAR a Trestman

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Megan Kelly KNOWS mermaids are white.

herodotus450

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

all of a sudden, Afrikan Euros tickets just got way cheaper

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

TeamApartheid done fucked whiny baby Salah and pals’ shit up!

King Hippo

they actually put one of their honkies on! Scary looking fucker, too

King Hippo

NOOOOICE!

/ducks

King Hippo

I didn’t even get to the part where I prefer my ribeyes between medium and medium-well…

King Hippo

I just rub each bite back in the juices with me fork

litre_cola

You guys still wearin onions on yer belts?

King Hippo

It was the fashion at the time

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamnit, even the role of Big Jim Slade has been whitewashed now?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We are not really talking about steak are we?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Buddy got perma-suspended for the following tweet in reply to a joke about Matt Damon being a racist in Good Will hunting:

https://mobile.twitter.com/BuddyHalftime69/status/1140823886784806912

It was deemed a ‘credible threat’ upon appeal and my account is gone. Well it was a fun 4 weeks!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This Tweet is unavailable” does sound like much of a credible threat to me…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

“Look if you’re still here in five years and we’re still spray painting the n-word in Roxbury every weekend, I’ll fucking kill you.”

There’s your credible threat according to the doofs at Twitter

Unsurprised

Never change.

King Hippo

you just keep bring the credible threats HERE, by gum!

Horatio Cornblower

I got banned for making a similar threat, although to anyone with more than a 3rd grade reading comprehension ability it was clearly a joke.

I just made a new account.

theeWeeBabySeamus

tWBS got perma-suspended from twitter too.
By himself.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought doughnuts were credible treats.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This Sousa / Evans match at Wimbledon is a blast. I haven’t seen such a protracted battle for supremacy between the English and the Portuguese since the 16th century when both their navies kept building bigger and bigger ships so they could transport more, uh, allspice*.

*according both countries’ maritime museums.

herodotus450

“This is all the spice you brought back from the West Indies? I should have you drawn and quartered!”
“No no, see uhh, I thought you said ‘bring back allspice,’ so I did. This is allspice. It’s new.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shoulda had “Old Bay”.
(also peppercorns were big in Portugal back then btw….I actually wrote a book about it…no shit)

herodotus450

I was big into peppercorns back in the day too
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/She looks younger than I remember… oh well, it’s probbaly not problematic

theeWeeBabySeamus

/could overcome that problem

(lol, over come)

ballsofsteelandfury

So, I’ve been binge-ing Kim’s Convenience on Netflix and I just told one of my best friends to give me “the deets” for his father’s funeral.

I blame Shannon.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She is the funniest woman on television right now and I will fight* anyone who says otherwise.

*at Nintendo

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am neither a gun nut, nor an advocate for completely banning guns. Or at least I wasn’t.
But this shit is fucking ridiculous. The first six months of 2019….only six months…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_the_United_States_in_2019

herodotus450

“If you ban guns, the bad guys will still get them and commit crimes. After all, murder is illegal and people still do it. It’s a mental health problem! But no, we’re not going to fund mental health programs. And by the way we’re making abortion illegal, that way no one will do it!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s a mental health problem!

I totally agree with this. Have been saying it for years.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No.

-That’s what she said.

ballsofsteelandfury

NOT!!

– The 90s

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You need to give attempted rapist Brett Kavanaugh his proper credit for that “that’s what she said” quote.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

#metoo joke didn’t work; apologies.

Unsurprised

No

Horatio Cornblower

Nice!

ballsofsteelandfury

Messi just got a red card!

litre_cola

Of course I switched games and missed this. That being said the African Euros game is real good.

ballsofsteelandfury

We gots crazy fights at the Arg-CHI game…

herodotus450

In a display of solidarity with our Southern California constituent, I spent most of the morning standing in one of my doorways.

Brick Meathook

This morning reminds me of the one sunny summer Sunday when I woke up passed-out on the roof of an old building in Washington D.C.

Unsurprised

That was you? My neighbors and I were wondering how you got up there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Secret Service has some questions for you.

Brick Meathook

Nah, that’s the beauty of that era. They didn’t.

theeWeeBabySeamus

How different would the world be now if Oswald had fallen asleep in the book depository in Dallas?

Hmmmmmmm…….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Fronkenshteen

Everyone watching Messi or Salah? Who’s got action? NEED ROOTING INTEREST!

litre_cola

I had Arg Chi on but switched.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Have you ever had a day when you woke up and thought, wow yesterday sucked.

And then as today went on you realize, I didn’t think it was possible but wow today sucks moar??????

theeWeeBabySeamus

And for some reason, AMC is running “Footloose” right now.
That doesn’t help.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes.”

– Residents of Ridgecrest, CA

litre_cola

Found some of BC Dick’s strong THC butter. Thought that I didn’t have any left. Kid and wife are asleep, time to make cookies.

This house is going to reek when they wake up, maybe I should microwave some fish.

litre_cola

Ahem, comment image

Unsurprised

Nice

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice.

BC Dick

Like the sex act.

Horatio Cornblower

Nice

BC Dick

Make sure to eat way more than recommended. Also, I want one.

litre_cola

I will bring some in 2 weeks when we are out there. Made 2 dozen.

BC Dick

Swell. Just swell. The uncles will be happy with those, too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Microwave some fish sounds like a euphemism. Just saying.

ballsofsteelandfury

Looks like Christmas Ape’s Dutch cousin won the first stage of the Tour De France.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oddly enough, a “Dutch Cousin” is also a sex act.

King Hippo

did someone order Extra Afrikan Bananacakes??

King Hippo

whoa, let’s not get into crazy talk!!

Brick Meathook

I would order those, with maple syrup

King Hippo

I may have to demand them at IHOP, unless they wants to take that “I” down

King Hippo

Tomorrow, I have Atomic Dustbin 2, Murrika nil

King Hippo

4th place, it’s what the British DO

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s see…
1.) U.S.A.
2.) U.S.S.R.
3.) France
4.) Britain

Yep, story checks out.

yeah right

Dear God man!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Look up “Korean fried chicken” in Google Maps, and drive as far as you have to to reach the nearest one.

Don T

1. Get chicken parts
2. Use fave rub* + lime juice
3. Deep fry 15 minutes

I recommend this one
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BC Dick

You must eat more fried chicken. It’s what god would eat before being executed. I find good stuff at Jamaican and southern places, though the Jamaicans seem to only make theirs once a week. I don’t get it. Church’s is good, too. But so is KFC. and Mary browns. And anywhere else with a deep fryer. Goddamn it I need fried chicken parts.

Horatio Cornblower

What, uh, what Dick said. Find a Jamaican place near you and get a 4 piece.

King Hippo

Afrikan Bananacakes!! The Indomitable side scores 2 in the final 5′ of the half.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I really like that Kawhi is coming to the Clippers. It really balances the scales in the West nicely.

yeah right

Not to mention it shuts up those yammering Lakers fans. Christ, it was getting insufferable.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m a lot softer on the Lakers now that they have LeBron, because I think very highly of him as a human being (particularly in comparison to Kobe Bryant).

Horatio Cornblower

The lowest of low bars.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kurt Rambis agrees. He can’t see you, but he is nodding…. probably.

King Hippo

NEW RULE! There should be an extra sub allowed, and no extra time in 3rd place tilts.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ilestedt is a tall drink of water…

King Hippo

I’d share a bottle of Aquavit with either, mind

ballsofsteelandfury

Re: Scotchy’s question:
While the three tourneys end tomorrow, the club fútbol starts again in August and we’ll have plenty of club friendlies in July to tide us over.

King Hippo

Friendlies suck, though. I will almost be desperate enough to pay attention to MLS.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They need to give them better names, like “Grudgies” or something.

King Hippo

Repressed emotions?

King Hippo

I just occasionally bet on which city I likes better.

litre_cola

Uh hello? How much you been makin on the CPL?

Unsurprised

NWSL is better

yeah right

/ brushes hair back
// adjusts tie
/// picks up bullhorn

“TODAY IS NATIONAL FRIED CHICKEN DAY!”

//// sets down bullhorn
///// runs out front door

ballsofsteelandfury

Popeyes?
Church’s?
Pioneer?

King Hippo

Zaxby’s

yeah right

Probably gonna go Popeyes but Original Recipe ain’t too shabby. The closest Church’s is next to the stadium and that’s a bit too far.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What? No Bojangles fans in the audience?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s funny cause I actually have about 4 lbs of chicken thighs that I was trying to figure out what to do with.

However, I also have a cholesterol report that says I should probably consume less trans fats.

yeah right

Given the choice and cost is not an issue I’ll go Willie Mae’s Scotch House in New Orleans.

King Hippo

I need to look it up!

King Hippo

gonna be a competitive as fuck midfield, fo sho. Feel kind of bad for Atleti, it’s all coming undone

King Hippo

perhaps they move him back to his original LB role? I dunno. Maybe it’s just that they plan to ration his minutes.

King Hippo

I had Sverge 1-nil in the bronze match, apparently that is somehow worth 173 pts with the current scoreline

#BananacakesYall

King Hippo

Super Eagles! Indomitable Lions!! WHO YA GOT??

King Hippo

/am angry at my NGA for not playing Everton prospect Henry Onyekuru, I wanted to see him, plus he needs caps so we can get his work permit settled (and what a bunch of racist shite that is from the UK)

King Hippo

5 added minutes seems excessive for a meaningless fixture.

King Hippo

Nigeria v. Cameroon about to kick off, should be excellent. Then Egypt/TeamApartheid in 3p Afrikan Euros action.

King Hippo

is rite

yeah right

Rind of parmesan is a secret gateway directly to umami.

litre_cola

I have mine frozen to make a soup base at a later date. Tell me how you use them good sir!

yeah right

/ jumps on Scotchy’s back

In minestrone or pasta fagioli! Make a broth with some kombu and mushrooms! For the love of God man just don’t throw it away!

yeah right

/ ties Scotchy’s shoelaces together

“Make a roux of equal parts flour and butter then add in 1 cup of half and half and throw in the rind until melted. Add some black pepper and nutmeg and serve with fresh pasta.”

/ takes pizza cutter from back pocket and cackles maniacally

Fronkenshteen

I’m fucking dying over here. This cracked me up.

litre_cola

This was just good kommenting.

BC Dick

Rind of Parmesan is what I’d name my brothel.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Grind of Parmesan is a good name for a nightclub on the Jersey Shore.

BC Dick

Mind of Parmesan is Gene Parmesan’s memoir

BC Dick

Kind of Parmesan is a documentary about the counterfeit cheese trade. I’m here all week, folks.

King Hippo

I am happy with Sverge’s hunger FOAR bronze

King Hippo

SO MUCH happened while I took a piss.

Don T

-R. Kelly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope it gets stuck in her hair, so we’re treated to a madcap sequence of home remedies for getting it out.
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ballsofsteelandfury

I think you just described several of the secret ingredients in mole.

ArmedandHammered

I thought moles were a secret ingredient.