For many years, most of my life actually, I lived in fear. I don’t mean fear of physical danger or anything like that. But fear of what others thought or felt about me. Fear of what friends and family expected from me.
Fear of what I thought of myself also, if I’m being honest. Even though I was doing my level best to do right by everyone in my life. I was worried others would think I wasn’t doing enough. Or not doing it in the right way, or in the way maybe they thought I should. I was afraid they would criticize my efforts. And some of them did, if I’m being honest.
A few years ago, that changed. Which is not to say I don’t still make mistakes. Holy shit do I ever? Almost daily.
I don’t look back and worry on them anymore. Fuck that.
This is my life. I’m going to live it the way I want. And don’t get me wrong, I try to do as much good as I can for others. But also for myself.
And I am going to do it the way I feel is best. My proverbial ledger is in the black.
I could be gone tomorrow. Anyone could be.
When I go, I don’t want to go without having made a difference. Of course. For them and me. So it’s up to me.
And the only way to get there is to be willing to decide. Sacrifice. Maybe suffer a bit at times. And not be afraid of doing it. And ignore the criticism from those who don’t get it. And a lot won’t.
Don’t waste time living a life you don’t want to live.
I did that for way too many years. And now, time grows shorter. Every day. Every day you don’t live up to your potential is wasted.