Your “Warning: Football-Like Activity Has Been Detected!” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Despite it being just the first week of exhibition I think most of us have taken a quick peek at the games on offer. The real jostling for positions, the surprise cuts, the trades, (‘hey did you hear anything, Duke Johnson?’) the implications for your fantasy drafts and the season-ending injuries are yet to come.

Did last night teach us anything? Not really. Booze Arians one year retirement hasn’t changed him at all. His Bucs tossed the ball 57 times and carried it a mere 22-feel free to scooch Mr. Evans and Mr. Godwin up a spot or two in your wr rankings. A more even-handed approach was taken by the Vikes new OC Kevin Stefanski (a distant relative to singer Gwen Stefani). His run/pass numbers came out to 27/27.

Camp Stars that have made an impact early but might fade and end up on a practice roster/pumping gas:

The Bengali’s Damion Willis bounced from community college to Troy university and was initially invited to the draft before having it rescinded. He’s a 6’3″, 205 hunk of meat receiver that’s getting some extra time because AJ Green is injured and John Ross is garbage. Coaches say he plays faster than his 4.5 40 time, has a huge catch radius and his work ethic is second to none.

Apparently a certain qb that goes by the moniker ‘Jimmy G’ only has eyes for teeny-weeny Trent Taylor. No less a blowhard than Richard Sherman predicts that Taylor will bag between 80 and 90 catches this year.

Up Dallas way the fight is on to be paid less than a tenth of the salary that DAK! earns. Mike White and Cooper Rush are battling for the honour. I’m hoping that the latter gets it simply because the league needs more redheads holding clipboards. Don’t judge. Actually, go ahead and judge, I’m into that as well.

Your games tonight are Cincy/Chiefs, Rams/Raiders and Dallas/Niners. You know what to do.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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High as fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A little drunk too.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wilhem de Friend

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And by a ‘Little Drunk’, I didn’t……

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wassssssup

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

I, for one, am up for whatever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BRING IN THE BUTTER!

Mr. Ayo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

My niece heard her first Sigur Ros song today. She’s mad i never recommended them before.

Mr. Ayo

Who?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sugar Ray. Pay attention.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn it! Sugar Ray Leonard!!

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Fastest hands!

Unsurprised

NO MAS!

Spur

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Spur

It’s 95″ in Vegas right now. Had the windows down on the drive home. FALL IS COMING!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

95 inches? That IS remarkable.

Spur

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Spur

Folks

Col. Duke LaCross

Sir.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

I’M COMIN’ MAMA!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Several meanings if one does not remember the quote.
+

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t advertise, but damn; Duluth Trading Free Range Underwear has plenty of ballroom and ventilation type fabric.

I can get out of my truck without the smash.

Brick Meathook
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Paging Balls

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve seen the advertisements. I’m thinking of buying a pair now that Moose has weighed in.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

For some reason I find this fascinating, been making up my own backstories, but I bet I can’t beat the real one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Several more kids were safe for a while?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola
Redshirt

Its nice seeing Natural Selection in action.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

Does he know that there are plenty of mountains that are higher than 5,000 feet that you can just walk up?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmm, honey? Did you hear someone say “Moo”?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I thought that was you.”

King Hippo

Bevo just likes to watch.

Horatio Cornblower

It would be so much better if the small photograph was also of the cow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

If I were at home I’d make that edit

Mr. Ayo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttps://media.giphy.com/media/dA5xUMxb4Q2ac/giphy.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This GIF is SFDFO, just too large to post.

theeWeeBabySeamus

25, this is getting funny now.
Well sort of funny. Where’s my vodka?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

fuck you other cat!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

KITTY!!!!!!

King Hippo

the worst thing about travel (other than people usually get in the mix) is the lack of mah cat son and grandson. Such good boys.

Hope they aren’t pissing on my bed, even though I deserve it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, to mix with yours, I understand.

King Hippo

u noe a better way 2 mark ur territory smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttps://media.giphy.com/media/uXJmW39a16y8E/giphy.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This GIF is SFDFO, just too large to post.

Redshirt

Targetting Reviews are now legal in the NFL?

King Hippo

Jesus, that might be the last straw FOAR Hippo

Ron Howard: It would not be the last straw for Hippo.

Redshirt

Goodell: “Go ahead. Talk to your family!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Yup. KC #40’s been DQ’d.

King Hippo

What looked like a giveaway trade (Luke Voit to NYY) is looking more win-win. Giovanny Gallegos has been a versatile, max leverage, dominant force out of the #BFIB pen.

Even against teams that aren’t as sad as teh Dirt Stillers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, like she hasn’t had that happen before!!

Redshirt

How can the kicking team commit an illegal block?

Redshirt

Okay. Time for the Greatest Comeback Ever to begin.

litre_cola

Peterman with a 51 yard run?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, at least Detroit lost again tonight. So the Orioles didn’t lose ground as THE WORST FUCKING TEAM IN HISTORY!!!!!!!

King Hippo

watch this be the one year there is a seismic dropoff from the 1st to 2nd overall draft pick

Redshirt

The Cleveland Spiders beg to differ.

King Hippo

they were probably just afraid of the mascot

theeWeeBabySeamus

Be very afraid.

Redshirt

Hey, its not all bad. The Orioles scored a safety.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s in my head, now it’s in yours, you bastard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjPau5QYtYs

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I’m letting that go because of my smartass remark about Cincinnati.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice cock!

WCS

Just watched a crossover commercial for the latest Fast & Furious with… the PGA Tour’s playoffs.

King Hippo

uhhhhh, that seems an odd demographic

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sheesh, I just looked that ML’s on the Houston/Baltimore game tonight.
Holy fuck ballz.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Houston on the road was -277.
Baltimore at home was +233.

Holy shit, do we suck or what?

Ian Scott McCormick

The Yankees are OPSing 1.028 against the Baltimore Orioles this year. When they play the Yankees, every Yankee essentially becomes a slightly better version of Hank Greenberg (or a slightly worse Jimmie Foxx, if you want to be a negatron).

SonOfSpam

So…like a Jew, but better?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OH NOES YOU DINT!

Redshirt

Bengals Backup QB just underthrow his receivers on a Hail Mary.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I hope this is not surprising for any back-up.

SonOfSpam

Wow – the Astros and Orioles have now combined for 21 runs!

WCS

21-0 Astros, huh?

Redshirt

You’re close.

SonOfSpam

Damn close.

King Hippo

guess that BAL super-utility guy don’t have knuckleball command tonight?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You guys are kinda pissing me off.
And we’re now up to 22.

King Hippo

be a good son and get crunk with yer maw

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, she’s passed out on Benadryl and wine now. I’m in the clear.
I might as well go and jerk off.

SonOfSpam

Why not both?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Redshirt

Hey, I feel ya. I’ll be playing your role as DFO Bottom Bitch this NFL Season. Just grin it and bear it.

Redshirt

What? “What is catch?” is evolving!

(da-Da-da-Da-da-Daaaaaaaa da-Da-da-Da-da-Daaaaaaaa da-Da-da-Da-da-Daaaaaaaa)

Congratulations! Your “What is catch?” evolved into “What is pass interference?”

King Hippo

PI challenges are going to be such the shitshow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Cubs just walked a guy who had a chance to hit his fourth homerun in a 10-0 game. That’s bullshit!

litre_cola

That is bush league.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Joe Maddon is TOTES that kind of douche

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

#BFIB get a Little League HR, thanks to some Dirt Stiller comedia.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Cubs fan dressed in Harry Carey just did a Marriage Proposal in the Diamond Seats behind homeplate. Sadly, Beth texted yes.

King Hippo

How would you like a tidy hitman assignment?

theeWeeBabySeamus

My mother was doing yardwork today and hit a yellowjacket nest. She got stung at least a dozen times.
Now she’s wigged out on Benadryl and white wine.

It’s gonna be a long night.

Redshirt

I tore down Poison Oak that was 15 feet high. I wore a Tyvek suit and gloves, but I’ll know soon if it worked.

litre_cola

Drugs and booze will knock her out, it is the morning I would worry about- D. Sharper

Seriously though, hope she is ok.

SonOfSpam

Yeesh, tell her random guy on the ‘net wishes her well and to drink wine until she can’t function.

/went to Tijuana Upstairs Medical College

WCS

Take-out Indian food, bourbon, and beer. Time to preview the Yinzers.

/six hours later

“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

SonOfSpam

RIP your butthole

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rip it good.

Redshirt

Holy shit, Aquino!

Unsurprised

— The Philippines, 1986,

litre_cola

Just got here, this is the message I would have gone with!

King Hippo

FWIW, Mountain Standard Time fucks with Hippo’s brain cavity. Took my kid and her dog to the Boulder reservoir today, that was a nice experience.

Everyone here is jaw-droppingly attractive.

Redshirt

(sigh) I did it. I survived the offseason.

Redshirt

(and on cue the Bengals fumble)

King Hippo

Your Redlegs’ been doing teh LAWD’s work, though. Guess that’s allowed, now that all y’all’s attention is on the Striped Pylons.

On that note, please do tell how Ryan Finley looks.

Redshirt

Dalton looked like 2015-version Dalton against the Backup Chiefs.

Mahomes made Bengals D look like a Pee Wee Football team.

Redshirt

Watching the Bengals preview. There is something cleansing about hearing “Taylor’s Bengals” and remembering that Marvin Lewis is gone.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

Only #27? What kind of fucking bullshit is this asshole eating piece of Michigan talking about?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It played 32 for me….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Hai!!!!

Redshirt

Upon further review, the first Transformers movie holds up. Its probably because it still has the nostalgia filter of being the first live-action Transformers movie, but its probably because it only have one main story that goes from A to B to C. Not like the other movies where there are multiple stories and subplots going from A to E to -B to C to the Wth power.

Upon further review, Jared Leto still sucks as Joker sucks in Suicide Squad. I know he was trying to leave his own mark while having the unfortunate role of following up Heath Ledger’s Joker, which is an impossible task. But he still went too far and too weird. That’s not Joker; he’s crazy but he’s in control of the crazy. Plus, I think he was confused because at times with the purring his character was closer to Catwoman that it was Joker.

And as always, despite further review, I still have trouble finding the flaws in me.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hey Scotchy, you weren’t a fan of the Mets the first time they won the World Series, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Oh, great! Now I want to nail the Statue of Liberty!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Is Rams Raiders being played in Barstow?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Drew Lock footage WOO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You will never look at that choice objectively, will you?

King Hippo

NO.

litre_cola

So 2 Aussie friends and I were driving from the Grand Canyon to LA and my buddy’s missus booked us a hotel in Barstow. SHe went and checked in and he and I went for a smoke. I saw a guy clear across a strip mall parking lot. I said to my buddy “If this guy comes over here and wants to bum a cigarette we are outta here. Deal?” He agreed and buddy came over and asked. I started laughing and gave him 5 cigarettes, and we left. The room smelled like bleach (dead person?) there was a boiler in the hallway. I do not feel bad losing our 1 night stay and continuing on to LA.