Your “Calm Before the Storm” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob
Latest posts by Beerguyrob (see all)

NFL News:

  • Colts fans demand refunds rejoice: Brock Osweiler has been brought in for a tryout.
    • Because otherwise, the options after Jacoby Brissett gets hurt are rookie Phillip Walker and second-year player Chad “Not Uncle Jim” Kelly.
      • Kelly is also suspended for the first two games for violating the league’s personal conduct policy, stemming from his arrest last year on a B&E charge.
  • The Browns were informed by the league today that Kareem Hunt’s suspension includes the preseason.
    • They were hoping he’d at least be allowed to work out & meet with coaches.
    • This means he can’t attend the Browns facility at all until after Week Eight.
  • On the Zeke holdout front, Jerry Jones said in a radio interview that, “[w]e have to be prepared to play without any given player.”
    • This is on the heels of Mike Garafalo reporting that the Cowboys make routine habit out of trying to avoid going through agents to deal with players.

Finally, the internet was dealt a blow today as the @CaptAndrewLuck Twitter account penned its final missive today.

Long a site devoted to recording the trials & travails of Andrew Luck as a Civil War soldier writing home, for large portions of the Colts season it was the only viable thing to read.


Tonight’s sports:

  • Beisbol:
    • MLB: Atlanta at Toronto – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Single-A: Tri-City at Vancouver – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
      • You can hear me in the crowd selling my wares.
  • U.S. Open Tennis:
    • Second Round – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • Futbol:
    • Liga MX Soccer:
      • Tijuana vs. Cruz Azul – 10:00PM | FS1
    • MLS:
      • Whitecaps at Impact – 8:00PM | TSN

Scotchy is away tomorrow night, on family business,

Before Uncle Jerry ‘gets away’.

so I’ll be previewing the final night of preseason. Join us, to see who gets hurt before they get cut.

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Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor Weaselo

Watching Forged in Fire. “Okay, just because that guy’s a medical drop means nothing, if anyone met the parameters they would have immediately won. But you all fucked it up so now you have to continue the competition like normal.”

yeah right

Windows 10 allows a disturbing amount of vulnerabilities from 7 when you upgrade.
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yeah right

JESUS!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anybody else more tired than drunk tonight?

WCS

Can it be both?

yeah right

Working on both.

Brick Meathook

Here are the official portraits of the latest California governors in the State Capitol in Sacramento:

(near to far) Arnold Schwarzegger, Gray Davis, Pete Wilson, George Deukmejian, Jerry Brown (first term), Ronald Reagan

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Brick Meathook

Here’s Jerry Brown’s official portrait, between Reagan and Deukmejian, for his first governorship 1975-83:

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I am very full, which I remedied by getting very high, which now makes me want to eat, the thought of which makes me sick and then smoke more. Please send nothing.

Brick Meathook

Okay!

Mr. Ayo

Have you tried bath salts? Those seem to work for some here.

King Hippo

Have you considered trying out autoerotic asphyxiation? You know, just to see how it feels?

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

Did y’all know that you can get 60-to-1 on Duke beating Roll Damn Tide this weekend? Or if that’s too much of a pussy wager, 75-to-1 on Georgia Tech winning at Son de Clem.

Senor Weaselo

They’re going to miss Daniel Jones at the helm, that’s why it’s 60-1.

King Hippo

You know how they say “it ain’t gonna suck itself?” But what if it COULD?

Ochocinco, porn thought leader

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m watching the John Wick porn parody that I linked the trailer for below and let me tell you, it’s FUCKING FUNNY!!

Well, until you get to the sex scene…

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, but how many AVN awards did it garner? We have some standards here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

I trust the results of your colonoscopy were all positive.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Huh?

WCS

Had to renew my driver’s license today.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Oh yeah? You never had to go to the DMV and see this dickhead’s portrait on the wall:

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WCS

I’d take ten terms of The Governator over ten seconds of Tom Corbett. Look him up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

He’s the Paedo State-slurping piece of shit you had before you replaced him with a nice, sane Demmycrat (IIRC)

King Hippo

get to teh choppah!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I renewed mine online in 10 minutes. I’m sorry for your loss.

Brick Meathook

Arnold was a few years back, but I renewed my California drivers license in April and I have the Super-Deluxe license that’s just a molecule short of a U.S. Passport. And there’s no on-line renewal for this one, no sir. You have to show up in person with a Social Security card, passport, bank records, and utility bills; and because I wanted “VETERAN” on my license so that everybody would kiss my ass I had to go to the VA office in the Bob Hope Patriotic Hall in downtown L.A. with all my discharge papers and get a special form from them to take to the DMV.

The bottom line is that I don’t remember who the current governor of California is.

ballsofsteelandfury

I have a passport and have no plans to get a Real ID.

Brick Meathook

By 2020 you have to.

Unsurprised

/LAUGHS IN OREGONIAN

Brick Meathook

OREGON: The West Virginia of the West Coast

Brick Meathook

You can’t even pump your own gas in Oregon and it’s always some pathetic kid who has to pump it and I never know if I’m supposed to tip this wretch or not. So I usually start giving them phony Bible quotations and they scurry away.

Brick Meathook

In South Carolina all the pumps are self-serve but they take the latches of the nozzles that hold them open; you have to stand there and hold the nozzle open during the entire fill-up. Or you can wedge your gas cap in there and hold it open that way.

yeah right

Jersey is the same way. Which only pays dividends when it’s raining or snowing.
Y’all sell pork roll?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

They recently changed the law so you can pump your own gas. Hilarious results.
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ballsofsteelandfury

THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT MY SUPERVISOR!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I want to photoshop David Koch into the back of the line.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, the expression of the guy at the front of the line absolutely kills me, every time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Why does the DFO website constantly ask me if I approve of it using cookies? I have to reply to that fucking dialogue box three times a week. And why does it use cookies? To take a statistical sample of 25 users?

I’m in a salty mood tonight. Might be due to the bath salts I just smoked. Doesn’t matter, no one will read this.

Sell Apple and Alphabet; buy Netflix.

Mr. Ayo

Well you have to say yes. Then they won’t ask anymore.

Brick Meathook

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Dunstan

You, ah, wouldn’t happen to have any now-adult daughters who you taught this principle too?

herodotus450

Do you have your browser set to private mode or somtehing like that? It would clear your settings, including your acceptance of cookies, so then the site keeps asking.

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

There are surely simple things that all of us could do to keep our computers secure and virus-free. But who the fuck cares.

Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

BGR they are showing the Vancouver Canadians on Sportsnet. I hope you are in your traditional Hawaiian shirt.

Brick Meathook

Here’s what $40 will buy you for breakfast in Beverly Hills, the most over-rated place in all of Los Angeles County, which would place it high in the running for the most over-rated place world wide.

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Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

If it doesn’t include a blowjob at that price, I’d ask to talk to the manager

Brick Meathook

The staff were too ugly even for a blowjob.

herodotus450

Well whaddya think the table’s for?

ballsofsteelandfury

I once had a $25 plate of scrambled eggs with bacon at the Beverly Hills Peninsula. No, I wasn’t paying.

It was obscene.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

It’s like half-duck and half-otter! Science is amazing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

The John Wick movies really hold up for rewatches. I just tuned in a half hour ago mid-movie and I’m still watching it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

See?

Brick Meathook

That little move she’s making indicates that she’ll suck his cock for ten dollars.

(Note: Ten dollars was a lot of money in 1941)

litre_cola

I had no idea John Wick was anal porn. Is it the directors 8′ uncut?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

8′ now that’s a python.

ballsofsteelandfury

litre_cola

Of course there is one.
My fave name to this day is In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

From that Garofalo article comes a great shot at Irsay…

“As we’ve said many times before, owners would love nothing more than to be able to negotiate directly with all players, because that would allow the owners to pay less money to each and every player.

For some teams, it would mean putting a competitive team together while still keeping plenty of cap space, which if unused becomes raw, unadulterated, rare-guitar-and-or-piano-buying profit. “

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also buried in the comments of that article is a sadly not shocking asston of antilabor sentiment. Good job, Republicans, you’ve fully convinced regular Joes that unions are the enemy while you keep fucking everyone over.

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower
litre_cola

Blatant hold.

rockingdog

found a funny:
[movie trailer]

IN A WORLD OF ANIMAL NOISES

*distant oinks and moo’s*

ONE OLD MAN KNEW THEM ALL

*dramatic music*

BUT BEFORE HE WAS A MAN

*slow piano music*

BEFORE HE HAD A FARM

*flying shot of rolling hills*

HE WAS…

*extreme close up*

YOUNG MACDONALD

[coming soon]

rockingdog

just watched the new Dave Chapelle special on netflix.
Funny!

Horatio Cornblower

That’s not what the internet has led me to believe.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Getting savaged by my liberal friends and upheld as hilarious by my apolitical friends, so it’s on my “to watch in flight” list.

scotchnaut

Not gonna lie, I like Aledudesnob’s sense of humour.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, now that Hurricane Dorian Gray has left Puerto Rico largely unsullied, I am going to revise my thoughts and prayers to ask that it hits Florida with the full force of a vengeful God and carries Grift-A-Lago off to the land of wind and ghosts.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That is disrespectful to orange! Can you see that I am serious?

King Hippo

take Florida, God, through your servant Dorian. Take it hard, take it long, take it deep.

Don T

Amén ?