Jesus Bananacakes! I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I should welcome all you folks back from your non-self-imposed hiatus from the football. It’s nice to see you and my, that ‘no pants’ look really suits you. That chip dip stain on your wife beater should come out just fine, if ever you decide to do laundry again. Hey, I’m kidding. So yes, hello there all you swiggers, sidewalkers, ne’er do-weller’s, hellcats, harlots, schemers, backdoor men, railway cops, geezers, sneezers, dreamers, jive bombers, beard holders, machinists, taffy stretchers, Barbie dolls, tailpipe enthusiasts, shoe smellers, cis-goths, rhubarb lickers, Big Daddies, greasers and what have you.
I’d also like to give a shout-out to all the fellers that pitched in to make all that off-season content. (’cause I sure didn’t but I was very active in the comment section ) We learned quite a bit about soccer, cycling, tennis, golf, basketball, baseball and most importantly, each other. I mean, who knew that the mere presence of a 19 or 20 year-old competitor in the Women’s World Cup could so easily bring out the inner creep in all of us. Maybe some of us. Okay, a select few of us. Whatever, that’s in the past-we’re looking forward now. I’ll never forget you Becky…
Unlike the NFL. Did you hear it’s the 100th season of that little underdog league that morphed into the goliath that it is now? If not, you will and you will be sorry-at some point. My guess is that tonight there’ll be some Walter Payton shots accompanied by the delicate plucking of strings.
Enough of this. You know the drill. TO THE GAME!
Packers/Bears:
I don’t think I’m much wrong perspicating* that this tilt holds a fair bit of weight, even this early in the season. The Vikes as well as these guys will be jostling for position in a ‘should be’ competitive NFC North division all year long. I larfed a bunch when rook coach Matt Lafleur (no relation to Guy Lafleur) said that qb Rodgers would be ‘allowed’ to audible plays as though Mr. New Head Guy had any choice in the matter. The Chicago D is good but if you’re in a deep league and have 6′ 3″ Geronimo Allison, go ahead and play him. He’s up against 5′ 7″ slot corner Buster Skrine. Not only is Skrine small, he’s also lousy! Given that Bears te Burton is out your touchdown vulture tonight will be a certain Adam Shaheen. Prepare to shout his name to the heavens.
That’s it. Comment like you’ve commented before!
*perspicating is not a real word. Do not use in real-life situations unless trying to fuck with someone. Continued use of this ‘word’ may result in quizzical looks, disparaging comments behind your back, a sit-down with HR, divorce, indulging in necromancy and chronic back pain.
WOW. What a fucked up game.
Wow that punter looks exactly like a McPoyle
Perfect ending.
Just terrible. Not even close on these open throws.
They may as well punt here for all the good Trubisky is doing.
LemonJello Biafra is working on a new song at this very moment.
Am getting a “cool down” beer. sierra nevada ipa hazy anyone?
Sure.
I gots a couple of those in my fridge. Should finish this goblet of wine first tho
I’m gonna make legit buzzword bingo cards for us in a few weeks when I get around to it. ‘Booming kick’ will be on there
You know, I hate football.
The Bears do, too.
Same!
just get it to Cohen
When this game started, I was fucking up JK Scott’s name for JK Simmons, and was very confused as to how a veteran Hollywood actor getting an NFL roster spot wasn’t a bigger training camp story.
He’s just there to get information on Spider-Man. Because that’s better than an M&M’s joke.
Adrian Amos is wondering how many times he has to win the game.
as soon as it was kicked, you knew there would be a block in the back
Plotline: An ex-infantryman from NZ is backpacking around the US. Due to a weird bar bet, he trades identities with TruthBiscuit. He starts the game, scores on the first drive, and thus begins the era of the ANZAC BISCUIT
Goddammit, Zymm.
We would like your permission to write a song about this.
—Midnight Oil
“Mmm, delicious! Oh, wait, were you talking about the cookies?” – AR12
There was a Marvel event a decade ago that was set off with the U-Foes blowing up Soldier Field during a MNF or TNF game to pin the blame on Volstagg and thus the Asgardians (false flag for the U.S. government to invade Asgard, which was floating 8 feet above Broxton, Oklahoma at the time).
The idea that anyone would be outraged if this game ended because the stadium blew up is the most fantastic part of that whole scenario.
“Tell me more…”
—Tom Clancy before writing that Jack Ryan book about nuking the Broncos/Vikings Super Bowl
This was as bad as watching an episode of Bluff City Law.
When it doubt, never trust a Chicago QB.
THAT’S the Chicago Way
When they Punt you punt shorter,
They put up a touchdown you put up a field goal
They take the lead you throw an interception… thats the chicago way!
BANNER THIS MOTHERFUCKER!
Might be too long, but otherwise seconded.
Why is Mahomes friends with a man 15 years his senior? Is this one of those Catholic things? Are those guys even Catholic?
Must…not…make…on their…knees…joke.
C’mon. You’re blowing this opportunity.
Rodgers is friends with him because he doesn’t see him like a brother.
The guy talking about his team’s mascot having his uniform on backwards is clearly a Bears fan.
And the mascot is Turbisky.
Well Mahomes has joined in on the no longer Discount Double-Check
This loss is on Nagy
between this and the RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! Owl performance, not been a great few games for offensive savants
The 1985 SB victory remains the Chicago high point for yet another year.
This rules. https://giant.gfycat.com/PrestigiousRepulsiveBug.mp4
.
Sometimes, autoerotic asphyxiation DOESN’T feel good, man.
—David Carradine and Michael Hutchence
Only that last time.
well,,
If that light touching was Offensive interference than hooking the wrs arms should be defensive PI
It’s cute that you think the same rules apply to the offense and defense in today’s NFL.
13 combined points, weather is just fine
This seems relevant.
At least there were zero doinks?
The Bears self-raped their 2017 draft for that.
Fuck it, he had to try something
El Bollo de Verde is the NFL’s heaviest anchor.
Truth Biscuit sucks
We must test that hypothesis just to be sure.
THE BEARISTOCRATS!
TRUTH BISCUITCEPTION!
perfect
Trubiskerception
goddamn, you dumb shiteater
Welcome back, Bears
At the risk of jinxing it….
This is going to end with a missed XP.
We can only hope
Counts as a PD!
Was that snap count “Pie, pie, pie!” Or am I just hungry?
….competence?
Cohen! Cohen!!
Did Kevin Hart die?
That would be news to him. Just a car accident.
When the Bears finally don’t look like shit on offense
game watching with ICRM is really fun, y’all
Yeah, we’re gonna need you to rethink this comment…