Your “No Stereo, Just Mono” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Well, well, well. After complaining about ‘squirrels running circles inside my helmet’ and ‘constant rain falling off my body’, Jets team physicians diagnosed Unfrozen Caveman QB Sam Darnold with mononucleosis. Asked by reporters how he contracted it, he replied, “It was a girl from The Clan of The Cave Bear. She lives beyond the pine trees where the snow is always angry. You wouldn’t know her’.

Not all is lost… actually quite a bit is lost. Wr Enunwa is done, lb Mosley has got “The Groins”, rook dt Williams has an ankle owie, rb Bell had an MRI on his shoulder today and wr Thomas has hamstring issues. Help is on the way though-enticed by a stick slathered with honey, qb Siemian has descended from the trees and will camp behind center for as many weeks as needed.

TO THE GAME!

Bucs/Panthers:

Rb McCaffrey had a mere 29 touches last week. All his fantasy owners are yelling ‘huzzah!’ but that’s not really sustainable, is it? He’s going to be so beat up at the end of the year, if he makes it that far. Still, what are you going to do, hand the ball off to (checks roster) Reggie Bonnafon 10 times? Newton has to get the passing game flowing and according to PFF, wr’s Wright and Samuel match up well to the covering cb’s-D.J. Moore not so much.

The Tampa backfield started the season as a mess as there was no clear leader but last week Ronald Jones (I maintain he’s a bust) showed some signs of life and has now edged a few hairs ahead of Peyton Barber. (sorry)

It can’t be worse than last week, right?

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Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

How is this game still in the 3rd?

WCS

A lot of pitching changes and penalty time.

Unsurprised

We’re in Hell

Spur

The Lord tried to Kill Bruce Arians with a lightning bolt but the officials stopped the game to let the storm pass.

Sharkbait

Bucs Bemoan Bad BLEERGH, Ball becomes Bucs beginning.

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

COME ON!!!! i JUST PLANTED THOSE!!!!!
/Home Depot, here I come.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey babe, nice bush.

Spur

throw it to Evans

Spur

woohoo!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I had him two years ago. He couldn’t catch a cold in an elementary school cafeteria.

Game Time Decision

It’s like he’s allergic to the ball

Horatio Cornblower

OK, who has two thumbs, just brewed some tea with honey and is READY TO FUCKING PARTY!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I mean, someone probably fits that bill but not me; I’m tired.

Sharkbait

Hot toddy?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah….It’s difficult to brew tea with no thumbs.

Spur

Ball Don’t Lie

Unsurprised

But will stretch the truth within the limits of the law and ethics.

Sharkbait

Bailout BLEERGH Buys Back Bad Ball

Horatio Cornblower

Somewhere Blake Bortles’s ears start burning.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m glad you didn’t say “urethra”.

Unsurprised

That too

Game Time Decision

Is Evans hurt?
Checked one of my fantasy teams and Kuechly is out scoring him. Wtf

King Hippo

BAILED OUT WOO!!!

Brocky

I’ve got a weird relationship with rich esien,

I just feel like i should hate him and find him more annoying than i should

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brocky

Obligatory glove comment

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WCS

Whoa.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She seems nice.

Sharkbait

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King Hippo

why is Lexus doing this weirdo soft-sepia ad campaign? Just say suck it, poors! and be honest about it

Sharkbait

Isn’t what their holiday ads are about?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

No, the holiday campaign is about selling giant red bows

Spur

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Spur

Tiki’s still got it.

King Hippo

if they go for 2, could still be 18-18

Unsurprised

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WCS

I’ll say it again: this is how the second butthole was created.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You have Balls’ attention.

Doktor Zymm

I would be happy with a 12-12 tie

Sharkbait

I approve.

Game Time Decision

Ohhhhh safety. Me likey

King Hippo

nae, Hippo must have MOAR KickerPOINTZ

Spur

I’ve made it this far. I’m going to finish watching this game. I’m going to pull out a few nose hairs to stay awake.

Sharkbait

Your effort is appreciated

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We can help.

King Hippo

THAT’S MY FETISH!!!

Sharkbait

Guys, the Panthers might not be very good.

King Hippo

#FreeHuey

Game Time Decision

Hold my beer
-Bucs

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo got Courtland Sutton ahead of me.
DAMN YOU WAIVER WIRE!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Eat your heart out Chi***!

WCS

/ICRM begins chugging bleach

...

Begins?

King Hippo

20 fantasy points for my kicker!!

Game Time Decision

Bar down. Wow

Spur

Olsen is slower then Witten. Bucs secondary is ass

Game Time Decision

Just sitting down to watch some of the game. Bucks and panthers.10-9 in the third. Can we just stop the Thursday games

WCS

“I’ve felt a slight disturbance in The Force, like tens of Jaguars and Titans fans screamed out suddenly, and were silenced.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

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Game Time Decision

Good boy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is funnier than shit!

WCS

C’mon Safety Dunce!

Doktor Zymm

My week has been shitty enough that this game is the second best thing that’s happened to me since Monday morning

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate to ask, but what was the best?
You got laid didn’t you?

Doktor Zymm

Nah, I had a really good horseback lesson on Tuesday. I usually ride 3x/week, but Monday was cancelled because of the show Sunday and today was cancelled because of the heat advisory.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well dang. I didn’t even get to play with a horse this week.
You lucky devil.

Doktor Zymm

This is my barn, it’s the bestest place: http://www.sevenoaksfarm.com/home.html

Spur

Throw it to Evans, that works out well

Unsurprised

Oh no. It’s already been a week since the last Fuckening. The fact that everything except yesterday afternoon is just gone means I didn’t do shit.

Doktor Zymm

LOL at even suggesting that someone might call roughing the passer for a hit on Cam

Unsurprised

What a miserable shitshow

Spur

Cam Newton just got crushed

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

Biden can’t come up with an answer to “what did you learn from a professional setback,” so he fumbles around for a bit and resorts to pimping out his personal tragedies again.

It was a golden opportunity to say “I really wish Brack and I could have accomplished X, but we couldn’t get it done then, but now I’m determined to make it happen.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Dunstan

Bloody Vikings!

Senor Weaselo

I DON’T LIKE SPAM!

Brick Meathook

Or he could have said “I wish I’d run for President in 2016 because I would have won.”

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well Helloooo ‘dere.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Good God.

ballsofsteelandfury

WTF is Irvin wearing and who is the new blonde?

WCS

Cocaine and… well, cocaine.

Spur

It’s from the Zoltar collection.

Mr. Ayo

No idea and Colleen Wolfe.

theeWeeBabySeamus

New Blonde?
/changes channel quickly from Gameshow Network
Steve Harvey can go it alone for a few minutes

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Tits-Jags is the prototypical Thursday Night Football game, isn’t it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

“Tits Jags” is my Pornhub search suggestion

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, it would just send back a bunch of deepfakes of Catherine Bell.

Spur

WTF is Biden going on about?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Depends.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I turned that shit off an hour ago.
Let me know when it’s November.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola
ballsofsteelandfury

That would have been good from 70.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

AND 69.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

YES!

WCS

Joey Slye it not go to West Virginia.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

At least he’s carrying Mead and not a Bud Light. That counts for something.

theeWeeBabySeamus

These two teams suck. Saints going to the playoffs. That is all.

Spur

Yikes ,Cam looks like he wants to retire.

litre_cola

Was thinking this could be his last season. He would pull the plug if he is too banged up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s more banged up than Sasha Grey.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Aaaaand we’re right back to damaged rims.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s a mere car crash away from a banner.

Senor Weaselo

Hey, I got mine fixed yesterday! Story in a bit once I get into the house.

litre_cola

Crab legs for everyone!

Spur

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Senor Weaselo

What is, Senor Weaselo’s Thursday night gig?
/The short rib wasn’t half bad

Spur

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Spur

That’s not Mike Evans

King Hippo

Could be worse. See Howard, OJ.

Sharkbait

This game is gonna be 6-6 at the half isn’t it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Let’s go bowling.

Spur

Finally a pass thrown to Mike Evans. Praise Jesus!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Yeah, that’s enough debate. Until they get this herd thinned out to five people, it basically nothing but repeating 60 second commercials that slowly turn into white noise.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Aren’t there still like 11 people qualified for the next debate?

Senor Weaselo

And then it still will because they’re 60 seconds and we live in a world where you have about 8 seconds, max.

Brick Meathook

Cam Newton can’t throw a football.

Sharkbait

Nope.

King Hippo

it’s kind of painful to watch. Shoulder injuries are a bitch.

Sharkbait

Preach!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Doesn’t help that this is basically a preseason game in terms of practice and live reps.

Doktor Zymm

Cam Newton died two years ago, and now his embalmed corpse is powered by genetically engineered super hamsters, who are doing very well considering that they’re hamsters thank you very much!

Spur

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Brick Meathook

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