What is there to say? This game is not for the gentle of soul, nor the weak of stomach, the loose of bowels, the scurvy of teeth or the Giant of heart. I don’t think I’ve ever cheered for a truly dominant team that I knew was going to run train on a hapless opponent. Check that-back in my wee days I would sometimes (sometimes) watch the Canadian national hockey team destroy the Norwegians or somesuch. Guh. Of course I don’t recall a single detail of that. Where was I? Yeah, this one’s gonna be a disastercake. And I don’t know why we’re here-other than the fact that we’ll try to put together a cracker of a joke that might cause a total stranger several hundred miles away to unintentionally shart his sweatpants.

TO THE GAME!

Jizziants/Pats:

Let’s run this baby down, shall we?

-the two lead rb’s for the Giants are practice squaders

-Engram, Shepherd, Saquon and Gallman are out (so too are Burkhead, Dorsett and Chung)

-according to PFF, New York’s secondary is comfortably in last place in overall rankings. Opposing qb’s average 72.7% of their passes against them.

-Brady is 12-1 on Thursday Nights

-Rook qb’s are 0-12 vs. Bill Belichick at Gillette Stadium

So what I’m trying to say is, maybe kiss your kids (longer than 3.5 seconds is a no-no, and please! On the cheek for gosh darn sake!) or call your mom-whether it’s across the room or at the assisted living facility, it matters. So what if she confuses you for her actual favourite child, you’ll have given her joy, in that in her mind she wasn’t badgered by ‘the one I should have swallowed’.

Hey! The Sunday start is 9:30 EST sharp for Carolina/Tampa in Londontown. IT’S MANDATORY.

Type away…