Cleveland’s Not Yet N Sync: Ain’t No Lie, Browns At Bye

Remember when everyone thought the Browns would be good this year?

That was adorable.

They are 2-4 at their bye, and Baker Mayfield kinda sucks, and David Njoku broke something, and Nick Chubb still has a name that makes me giggle.

Their coach is this random DUI mugshot:

This man has definitely paid too much for a muffler.

Still kinda laughing about Chubb.

Anyway, the Browns play in a crap division in a crap conference, so maybe 8-8 is within reach. Nah. Let’s say 7-9 instead.

The title of this post refers to a boy band that was popular in the 1990s.

Ok, that’s still not enough words.

You guys remember when Brian Sipe was the Browns’ quarterback? I think it was either just before or just after Bernie Kosar. Perhaps the team would have been better if Sipe and Kosar had fused into one super-quarterback named Kosipe. And there was a running back during that era named Earnest Byner. I always appreciated that his first name was spelled like that, because when he had knee surgery (I assume he at some point had knee surgery), maybe the hospital chief manager guy would poke his head into the O.R. and ask the doctors if they were busy, and they would say “Yes, we’re working in Earnest” and then high-five each other while covered in Byner’s knee blood.

Cleveland is host to the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame, and the 2020 nominees were just announced. I know Whitney Houston will get in, because she was famous and is dead because bathtubs are deeper than you think, but I’d prefer Todd Rundgren make it. “Rundgren” is one of those words like “rural” that’s awkward to pronounce, so it would be a treat to see all those old rock people stumble over his name the whole ceremony. I would also vote for The Doobie Brothers because they explained the importance of not taping their concerts and selling bootlegs while guesting on “What’s Happening” hey hey hey.

What’s also cool is that it’s almost Halloween and Cleveland is near Lake Erie. Get it? ERIE like EERIE. Tell me that’s a coincidence. You can’t.

Hey, the Browns bye week post is set to run on Friday, you ready? Sure, boss. Born ready.

In conclusion, Cleveland is a land of contrasts.

Russell Crowe is/was in a rock band called “30-Odd Foot of Grunt” which is a much better band name than Keanu Reeves’s “Dogstar” – Siriusly.

Editor: please proofread and cut as necessary as I’m not really focused right now ok thanks lol

 

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SonOfSpam is a mediocre ship captain and an even worse writer. He is allowed to contribute to this website in exchange for money and drugs. Please don't encourage him or make direct eye contact.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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ballsofsteelandfury

It’s scary that I get every obscure SonOfSpam reference. I totally remember that Doobie Brothers episode of What’s Happening!

Brick Meathook

The Doobie Brothers appearance on What’s Happening Is one of the greatest events in television history.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Editor: please proofread and cut as necessary as I’m not really focused right now ok thanks lol

Ha! “Editor”….Good one.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Nicely done. We also would have accepted “I Woke Up Feeling Dangerously Unqualified”

Sharkbait

How Motorhead and Thin Lizzy aren’t in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame yet is crazy.

blaxabbath

This bye week update was as good as the Browns team it covered.

nomonkeyfun

Hey. That’s not fair. The Browns are much worse than this update. Well, okay maybe they are a little worse.

blaxabbath

The Pauls are actually very good.