Your “It’s Four O’Clock, Do You Know Where Your Games Are?” NFL Football Open Thread

They’re right here where they always are you silly billy! We at Door Flies Open would never let you down. No matter how bad the tilt or the reffing or the blatant ass-kissing or the mythologizing, we’ll continue to bring you a barely adequate platform onto which you can blither away. It’s what we do!

TO THE GAMES!

Chargers/Titans:

I gave up on Hunter Henry two weeks ago and he repaid me with 2 TD’s and a 100 yard spot last week. Both he and the moon are harsh mistresses. From the first row of seats at the 50 yard line all the to the highest spot in the bleachers, from the bowels of the internet to the front page of the Nashville Warbler, the cry of “If You Don’t Mind, We’d Like Someone Else At Qb Please”. And lo, the Vrabel capitulated. Now they’ll be entertained by 2 yard screen passes and 4 yard crossing routes by Mr. Tannehill. Be careful what you bellyache for, you just might get it.

Saints/Bears:

It’s been a long way back but qb Teddybear Waterbridge is in form. He’s got a nice free agent contract headed his way after the season and I couldn’t be happier for the guy. Truth Biscuit is a game time decision which might be a bad thing if you’re a Bears wr. Speaking of, your *Sneaky Play of the Week* is Anthony Miller because he has run the most routes out of the slot and that’s where hybrid turnstile/pylon P.J. Williams plays.

Ravens/Seahawks:

‘Tis odd to see a Baltimore D that engages in sieve-like qualities and odds aren’t great that they’ll right the colander-ship against the multi-dimensional juggerback that is Russell Wilson. Perhaps the troika of Lamar!, Andrews and Ingram can match Seattle score for score but I’m sure the latter’s D has noticed that of Lamar!’s 5 Intercepts, 4 have come when targeting Andrews.

Whoop-de-Doo! Go you!

 

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Waitafuckingminute. Is that Joan Jett playing her song during the open?

King Hippo

I would absolutely take this down to :02 and kick a FG just to say fuck you to Nagy

hippofant

You say that like Payton wouldn’t just do that normally anyways.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s my Bearaiders!

King Hippo

THEY ARE REALLY USING THEIR TIMEOUTS NOW – PLEASE SCORE MOAR POINTS SEAN

ballsofsteelandfury

Evening thread is up

hippofant

THE BEARS ARE STILL IN IT. THIS ISN’T OVER

King Hippo

one MUST NOT discuss afternoon live play in the night thread, Balls. WAS YEEEEWWWWW BORNT IN A BARN??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS GUY HIPPOFANT I CALL HIM ME BECAUSE HE’S DELUSIONAL, PROBABLY DRUNK, AND I HATE HIM

Brocky

Darn it

Horatio Cornblower

Sean Payton just looks like a terrible person.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He was a scab…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

All the bears need is another td, another successful onside kick, and then another td

Horatio Cornblower

Where have I heard that before?

Horatio Cornblower

One more TD and onsides kick recovery and the Bears are right back in this thing.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

GET OUT OF MY BRAIN

King Hippo

When was the last time you saw TWO successful onsiders in the same fixture??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

World war ii?

King Hippo

This is also hell on a recapper!

King Hippo

Fuck, Payton might come out throwing now.

King Hippo

Maybe pull your starters in garbage time?

hippofant

Why do I even complain about Aikman and Buck’s word salads any more? I feel like I do when I complain in the car about repetitive trash song lyrics recited melodically/whispered sibilantly by girls straining their voices to span 1 octave over the same club music rhythms, and my brother’s like, “I don’t listen to the lyrics.”

hippofant

Like CHRIST, there are words in the English dictionary with more than one syllable! THEY EXIST.

Gratliff

Not sure if I love this or hate it
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hippofant

Did Troy Aikman say that the Bears have to look at winning to make the playoffs?

As… as opposed to tying their way to the playoffs?

Brocky

This has been my view for the last 20 minutes
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King Hippo

little dude looks just like my grandson (Noodles Edmond D***s)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cats are bullshit

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Whoever downvoted this is on the wrong side of history

Brocky

You okay buddy?

Horatio Cornblower

Bears fan. Just let him rant.

Brocky

I’m ranting to, just not at random felines.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m comfortable in my pro-dog, anti-cat position

King Hippo

Donks fan here, welcome to hell, it ain’t get no better

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Noodles McIntosh?

King Hippo

hee hee, wonder if we get a fight here, or maybe another Cordaralle score??

Horatio Cornblower

Send him to Chicago; the Bears need Cutler more than you do.

Brocky

Not my pussy, not my call

King Hippo

hey, Chi****, there cud b childrens here, naughty boy!!

hippofant

2 seconds later, this cat scratched the shit out of Brocky.

Brocky
King Hippo

And if he did, he was RIGHT to do so! – Every cat in America, simultaneously