Your “WEVENGE! Faux-Narrative” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Oh, sure Adrian Peterson has yakked a bit about getting back at the old club but there’s other stuff out there about all the lovely times he had in Minny. Cousins and Keenum ain’t care about the false meta-narrative supposedly hanging over this tilt. I guess the air has to be filled with something. Hey, let’s do some news snippets!

-Drew Brees says he’s ready to go! Okay, if I was a qb I’d want to pad my stats vs. the Cards but why doesn’t he do Bridgewater a solid and let him have at it? Teddy would have more ammo when he’s negotiating his next contract with the Saints or someone else. It’s a dumb game and Drew would get an extra 2 weeks to heal. Coach Payton better make the right call here.

-The Trade Winds are howling and speculation abounds. Plenty of players have been whispered about, including Kenyan Drake, A.J. Green, X. Howard, Janoris Jenkins, Josh Norman, Robby Anderson, Alec Ogletree, (please!) and Trent Williams and on and on. Of course a small percentage of these guys will get moved but whatever.

-Related to above: Don’t it rankle you when a national paper gets something dead wrong about a player on your team? One of the lists included the Giants Markus Golden, who is 1.) on a cheap one year ‘prove it’ deal and 2.) the only guy currently getting pressure from the outside on the Giants D. I could go deeper on how this makes no flippin’ sense but I’m not here to bore the stuffing out of you… intentionally.

-Sam Darnold’s toe is doing just fine apparently. Asked how it’s progressing, Darnold replied, “Really good! He’s ready to go to market and I’m putting a shopping list together and everything!”

TO THE GAME!

Potato Skins/Vikes:

Peterson says he’s good to go despite having a Raggedy Andy ankle that features a regular and high sprain. You best get ready for Wendel BretFavre, I mean ‘Smallwood’ doing some quality relief work ’cause Thompson is out. On the Vikes side, Thielen is out so my pick for TD vulture goes to….. Olabisi Johnson, Mr. 7th Rounder out of Colorado State. Much has been made of Kirk Cousins’ recent excellent play over the last three weeks. Those in the know simply nod their heads, knowing he’ll crash back to earth soon because he’s Kirk Cousins. Yeah, it won’t happen tonight but it’s happening as surely as the sun rubs its ballsack on all those countries as it rises in the east.

Go forth and type!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
251 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Don T

A Fish Called Wanda is wonderful. Kevin Kline was incredible.
Asshole!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not as good as Dave, but I’ll allow it

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I guess that game was the shortest Thursday night game (in terms of time) ever.

Col. Duke LaCross

Thank god.

Don T

Just got home, from doing bidness. Truly,
https://youtube.com/watch?v=70my1gaWIT0

SonOfSpam

Huh. Well, the Galaxy appear to be done now.

Ok, that was a fun few minutes. Night night.

Mr. Ayo

Not so fast!

SonOfSpam

Ibra with the tying goal for the best team in the BEST LEAGUE IN THE WORLD

I really enjoy Ibra-as-heel. He’s fun as fuck.

Mr. Ayo

Agreed, but that was a defensive cluster fuck of a play.

SonOfSpam

Oh definitely, not a great goal or anything. Just a general “I enjoy him” with a side of GREATEST LEAGUE IN THE WORLD to annoy futbol-heads.

Unsurprised

ICYMI

comment image

Unsurprised
Mr. Ayo

Always missing it.

yeah right

There’s some serious hoops action going on TNT.

Unsurprised

LeBron justifying his sudden concern for protecting the reputation of the CCP?

yeah right

Not even. He’s going to kowtow to the league.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, the game is over ALREADY? How long ago did it end?

yeah right

The running game killed the clock. It’s been over for a while now.

yeah right

Will accept.

For the non regular Vikings viewers that’s how we roll. Run the ball up that ass and shut them down on D.

6-2

At the half way mark.

We ain’t here to be aesthetically appealing!

We’re here to win goddamnit.

SHOTS!

Horatio Cornblower

It’s the Redacteds.

yeah right

There is that.

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, Erin Andrews wasn’t a real blonde!?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t know, I never watched the peephole video

Senor Weaselo

For legal reasons?

King Hippo

Vikes NEVAR punted, scored a whole 19 points.

Horatio Cornblower

What a game! Brought to you by Xanax!

Senor Weaselo

“That’s not a lot, I can do that and get the other team 19 points!” -Nathan P., whereabouts unknown

hippofant

They’re down by 10 with 3 minutes left in the forth, with their third-string (?) quarterback knocked out and their starting left tackle holding out.

TROY, WHY WOULD YOU WANT THEM TO CALL TIMEOUT? WHY DO YOU WANT US TO SUFFER?

King Hippo

Interim coach must have Founding Fathers on his fantasy team.

Senor Weaselo

What’s his name, man?

King Hippo

Alexander Mattison (but sounds like Madison).

/also credit Fronk for this fine nickname

Senor Weaselo

Still on my phone because never home
https://youtu.be/VhinPd5RRJw

ALXMAC
WCS

Holy shit, it’s been two decades since that happened.

Horatio Cornblower

Dude, just hire a hooker; they’ll swallow much more often.

King Hippo

run, run, punt, SAFETY, onside free kick. Make it so.

litre_cola

Oooh Dolphins Steelers on Monday!

Gatoraids

just a taste til jets vs dolphins

King Hippo

How is this puppy abortion not over yet?

WCS

Just wait until Monday!

/mad doctor laugh

King Hippo

yeah, that’ll be something to behold

King Hippo

They should make a soldier video game when you get your bunk and footlocker inspected, and get your new sensitivity training. Give kids a REAL ARMY experience.

WCS

Don’t forget latrine duty!

Horatio Cornblower

Gonna need you to refill this paperwork, private.

hippofant

“Your offense is so bad, we don’t even want either of the two penalties you got.”

King Hippo

Somebody should just put this Dacteds team out of its misery

WCS

“Dead injuns? Sign me up!”

— Dan S., Landover, MD

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. I’m not watching this game.

Col. Duke LaCross

You’re probably better off for it.

King Hippo

but there is VIKING HORN

Horatio Cornblower

I’m drunk and took the dog for a 3 mile walk, in the woods, in the dark, rather than watch it.

Unsurprised

If you were really daring, you’d have taken the cat.

Unsurprised

(Because after Horatio was killed by the wildlife, the cat would pick at the leftovers)

King Hippo

Wow, ThEEESmann looks like even more of a gash standing next to Andre the Giant

Unsurprised

When you say “gash,” you mean the two parts of his thigh where his femur tore through?

Fucking prick deserved it

BC Dick

Anyone here ever watch The Good Place? If it were a scenario where no one else would know and only I and perhaps Cindy would ever have any memory of it, I would smother a kitten to death with my bare hands in front of its six-year-old owner for Jameela Jamil. Hell, depending on J.J.’s inhibitions, I’d do the whole litter while wearing a Santa Claus outfit.

King Hippo

1) I likes how this Dick thinks

2) I really need to start watching The Good Place

Game Time Decision

Eldest GTD watches it. It’s funny. To me there’s something about Janet. But yes JJ

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Love the good place.

Unsurprised

Mean Giraffe

comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Unsurprised

Stupid contrast makes this only really worthwhile in video form. https://giant.gfycat.com/DeadImpressionableIndianabat.mp4

Unsurprised

The Good Place is a great show. At least the first two seasons. I haven’t caught up from there.

King Hippo

y’all, I is startin’ to think this Haskins might not be very good

Unsurprised

He seems pretty good natured about Saved by the Bell after all these years

King Hippo

Mike Zimmer just wanted to see if we were all still awake. Callahan counters with a FG attempt on 1st down?

Spur

comment image

Unsurprised

This is 11 years old and she still looks the same. Incredible.

hippofant

Took a shower. Where’s Keenum?

King Hippo

head owie

hippofant

Damn. I root for him a bit because he seems like a good guy doing his best. Seems like he can never catch a break.

King Hippo

His break is living to count all the moneys Donks tossed at him!

/and yeah, he kinda got scapegoated. He is what he is – an adequate placeholder

Spur

comment image

Wakezilla

I’d vote for her for Congress

hippofant

Even if she smoked weed, had a congressional aide as a lesbian mistress in a polyamorous relationship, and had what maybe looks like an Iron Cross tattoo?

BC Dick

Is, “vote for her for congress” a euphemism?

King Hippo

wait, WEED?? No WAY, what of the childrens??!!

Horatio Cornblower

Are you asking if I’d fuck a hot female Motorhead fan who was into chicks and weed? Because the answer is yes.

BC Dick

Whoa man get to know her. Chicks love weed but they also love bugs and digging pits in the dirt to sleep in. And they’ll hid those eggs. You think they love you but they’ll hide them.

Unsurprised

Given the likely alternatives? Yes

King Hippo

Ignore this game, let’s talk architecture!

Spur

comment image

Brick Meathook

I used to play in this building when I was a kid.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Play what? House? Doctor?

King Hippo

Dingleberry always looks better on paper, don’t he?

King Hippo

I wonder if Montez is related to Keith Sweat?

litre_cola

Cook or Diggsdown plz.

King Hippo

you’ll see Cook 3x now

King Hippo

Dudes be all like Trent Greening theyselves

yeah right

Alright. Checking in. Last drive of the half was needed. The secondary is playing in a too soft zone and they need to tighten shit up. Dalvin Cook is the motherfucking man and the new Zombieland was big loud and dumb but still pretty damn fun.

SKOL!

herodotus450

Do you think if someone from Baltimore tried to say the name “Dalvin” out loud, the universe would implode on itself?

King Hippo

Haskins time! o/u on Pick Sixes this half – 2.5

Spur

I’m thinking of buying a rowing machine for home. I think my running on pavement days are over.

Does anyone have one? Recommend?

yeah right

Don’t have one but can attest to their efficacy. My old gym had one and it fucking worked!

Game Time Decision

I’m by no means a runner, but have found that the right shoes make a big difference. I also track how far I run each time and then at about 300 miles move on to the next pair.

King Hippo

When your week’s ‘salvation’ revolved around shame pizza and Vikes/Dacteds?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCLzWwRGpcw

King Hippo

I’mma just assume the shit talking Qardinals fan is our very own blaxxabbath

Gatoraids

comment image

Redshirt

I see the Burgundyepidermises and the Vikings are taking the word “football” quite literally.

Spur
King Hippo

YUP. Commercial, FG, commercial, kickoff, commercial. YOU FINALLY CROSSED THE RUBICON, NFL!!

hippofant

I’m pretty sure Fox shows more commercials than the other networks. Murdoch’s gotta make that hot cash so he can funnel it to his toadies er I mean politicians.