Balls on ASSignment: Thursday Night Football Review Week Eight

Welcome back! Last night, we got a weird oddball matchup of the Washington American Football team versus the Vikings. I don’t think I can remember any memorable matchups between these two teams in the past.

We had to watch football because baseball is taking a break after the Washington Nationals (née Montreal Expos) took the first two games IN Houston against the Astros. Is it just me or has Verlander lost his postseason magic? He just hasn’t been the same since The Fappening when that picture of his jizz on his wife’s back made the rounds. Is this a Samson hair scenario? YOU MAKE THE CALL!

I am hoping that some of you tuned in to the USA Network to watch episode 3 of Season Two of Temptation Island. If one coupled girl could bang one of the single guys BEFORE THE FIRST DATE, who knows what could happen next?

For those of you that stayed up with us and participated in the Live Blog, you saw…. well… to be honest, not a very good game.

Washington is not a good football team. The Vikings dominated the game. Yet, they only won by 10 points and only scored 19. That has no alibi, it’s U.G.L.Y.

Here are your “highlights”:

As noted previously, during the game attentions tend to wander and we get into some interesting topics. Namely, Pornhub search terms. So, in the interest of educating the DFO audience and the public at large, here is your weekly Pornhub search term results report.

Search Term: “buttchinski”

Requestor: Moose via Redshirt

Results: 411

Report: Fun fact: Pornhub takes “buttchinski” and turns it into “buttchin ski”. I’m not sure how it is that they decided to cut the phrase there, but here we are. The 411 results correspond to that.

One reason for this is that there are plenty of videos of people doing their thing at ski resorts! My favourite, of course, was “Public Anal sex in ski lift. Ass creampie!” You’ve got to love the excitement.

You also get to see people having sex on jet skis and I can’t believe I didn’t think of that the last time I was on a jet ski…

Score: Pizza Slice French Fries!


Search Term: “dogpile”

Requestor: Scotchnaut via Mr. Ayo

Results: 1085

Report: Have you every heard of a Pussy Pyramid? It’s the very first result and it’s spectacular! So is the “Tower of Tush“. On the weird side, somehow dogpile means tower means Sunny Leone means a one-legged girl fucking.

In case you ever wondered if people with no limbs still fucked, they do. Oh lordy, they do!

Score: 1 leg on the ground, one nub in the air.


Search Term: “hobo bindles”

Requestor: Balls

Results: 59

Report: On last week’s post, I wrote that I would bet $100 that someone would suggest “hobo bindles” in the comments. No one did, so I decided I would punish myself by making it a search term for this week.

Luckily, there were not many results. Not luckily, they mainly featured people labeled as “homeless” doing things. That’s just sad. Tears are not meant to be lube!

Score: Scotchnaut’s Sunday Night Football Open Thread post will be a lot sexier this week.


Search Term: “ultimate tailgate total value”

Requestor: Horatio Cornblower

Results: 1898

Report: Finally we had a decent search term!! Thank you, Horatio, for rescuing me from the other depressing terms. Moose and Unsurprised will greatly enjoy “Ultimate Public Gif Compilation 2016 HD“. There’s actually a lot of “ultimate” compilation videos including, you guessed it, “Girls Farting During Sex Compilation-Ultimate“.

Score: 3 minutes and 15 seconds of farts


Finally, we had:

Search Term: “furry road”

Requestor: Redshirt

Results: 1926

Report: I really shouldn’t be surprised anymore at the sheer volume of animated porn videos on Pornhub. I really thought this search would result in live action videos featuring live people wearing costumes and fucking. NOAP! It’s fantastical creatures with big veiny penises gettin’er dun! The ringleader is apparently named Furry Yiff. I’m not making this up.

We also hit a lot of sex on the road videos and those are worthwhile just to get ideas for future escapades.

Score: That’s not where you put a traffic cone!


That’s been your Thursday Night Football Review! Make sure to write in the comments any search terms you want me to look up and report on next week. See you next Friday!




International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.

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Since we all know we are being spied upon. Hi Mr. Overlord! They must think you are real fucked up due to your search history.


“buttchin ski”

How on earth did this not return a bunch of videos of Ben Affleck at the Sundance Film Festival?


Oh, was there a game last night?

Game Time Decision

not really

yeah right

There actually was a fairly important match up between these 2 teams back in 1988. The Vikings had just upset the 49ers behind the efforts of The Carters – Anthony and Cris – and in the NFC championship game lost by getting stopped at the 1 foot line as time expired while trying to score the go ahead touchdown.
Washington went on to beat Denver in the Superb Owl.

I’ve been a fan of this team for a long time.

Senor Weaselo

As opposed to this one, which was a fairly impotent match up.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I was going to write this because I was at that game! And I was sitting in the corner where that last play happened. RFK was the greatest stadium to watch a football game.

Game Time Decision

love the “pizza slice, french fries” score.

Col. Duke LaCross

When you French fry when you were supposed to pizza, you’re gonna have a bad time.