NFL Nuggets:
- Today’s main news is all about deals that could have been, like:
- Devonta Freeman to the Lions.
- Andy Dalton just the hell out of Cincinnati.
- Jamal Adams – without his knowledge – to the Cowboys.
- The Patriots have dragged Nick Folk out of retirement to be their new kicker.
- He last played in the NFL in 2017 for Tampa Bay.
- Earlier in 2019, he was the kicker for the Arizona Hotshots of the Alliance of American Football. So he’s had a little game action this year.
- He last played in the NFL in 2017 for Tampa Bay.
- Arena football might finally be dead.
- ESPN reports that Arena Football One, the successor to the old Arena League, suspended operations on Wednesday.
- It is the result of a lawsuit over alleged unpaid insurance premiums between 2009-2012.
- “Those liabilities, which are all related to prior league operations, severely constrain the league’s ability to expand and operate,” the league said in a statement.
Finally, I think we all need to take a deep breath and enjoy Mark Schlereth taking a giant dump on John Elway today.
- He went on FS1 and just said what most everyone is thinking:
- “Do I trust him to fix what’s gone wrong? No. I mean, how did he fix it in the first place? He found himself a unicorn, Peyton Manning,” Schlereth said on FS1. “Peyton Manning makes up for a multitude of sins. All the quarterbacks he’s gotten after don’t.”
- And here’s the literal money shot:
.@MarkSchlereth goes in on John Elway and the Denver Broncos 🔥🏈
"Do I trust him to fix what's gone wrong? No! This football team lacks depth, they lack talent, they lack grit, they lack toughness. They haven't had an offensive line that's worth a squirt of urine in 5 years." pic.twitter.com/7hLXmqV8iu
— Speak (@SpeakOnFS1) October 29, 2019
Dead-Deadspin update:
- The ad company that helped start the furor has dropped the campaign.
- Borrowing from The Daily Beast, Farmers Insurance Group pulled a seven-figure advertising deal with G/O Media this week amid increasingly public turmoil between the digital-media company’s management and editorial staff.
- According to the Wall Street Journal, the campaign was worth $1 million and required the media company to deliver nearly 43.5 million ad impressions through next year.
- Borrowing from The Daily Beast, Farmers Insurance Group pulled a seven-figure advertising deal with G/O Media this week amid increasingly public turmoil between the digital-media company’s management and editorial staff.
- It’s gone full KSK – All of the writers have quit – apparently all at 6:00PM ET.
Deadspin staffers are leaving en masse it seems pic.twitter.com/uF3us5ldXw
— David Gardner (@byDavidGardner) October 30, 2019
- Management, in response, has shut off all commenting on the few articles that were published today & released their own statement:
G/O spokesperson on Deadspin resignations: "They resigned and we're sorry that they couldn't work within this incredibly broad coverage mandate. We're excited about Deadspin's future and we'll have some important updates in the coming days."
— Max Tani (@maxwelltani) October 30, 2019
- And a guy who thinks his farts are cologne has also weighed in:
Hey @JimSpanfeller I reached out when you bought deadspin. I told you what would happen. I will take it off your hands for 1 dollar. You can still have equity. I will clean house and fix this for you. Let me know when you want to meet. This is my world. Let the king save you
— Dave Portnoy (@stoolpresidente) October 29, 2019
Bringing smiles to faces:
Since the world has been kinda garbage lately, here’s a couple of things to hopefully make you smile.
First, a tweet from one of my favourite follows on the Twitter:
Tom Landry led all NFL coaches in the 1970s in street dollars earned by his hoes. pic.twitter.com/OoTCSbynRr
— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) October 30, 2019
I didn’t know he had that side. At least, I didn’t when he spoke at my church in the 70s.
That decade was strange.
Second, I took the dogs for a hike this morning, and we played hide & seek in the woods.
We didn’t find any “presents” from Scotchy, and they were plenty exhausted when I left for work.
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- Not-Expos at Astros – 8:00PM | FOX / Sportsnet
- As Son Of Spam said last night, the Not-Expos have the road field advantage.
- GAME 7, BAY-BAY!
- Not-Expos at Astros – 8:00PM | FOX / Sportsnet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=57&v=FSTyAiCaoG8
Other sports:
- NHL:
- Oilers at Blue Jackets – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
- Wild at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- Canucks at Kings – 10:30PM | Sportsnet1
- MLS:
- Eastern Conference Final:
- Atlanta United vs. Toronto FC – 8:00PM | FS1 / TSN
- Eastern Conference Final:
- NBA:
- Pistons at Raptors – 7:30PM | TSN3
- Bucks at Celtics – 7:30PM | ESPN
- Clippers at Jazz – 10:00PM | ESPN
- Wrasslin;
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- NXT – 8:00PM | USA
That’s it for me until Saturday. Don’t forget to tune in tomorrow for the annual “[DFO] Hallowe’en Spook-tacular”, where we share stories we wrote or plagiarized ourselves.
Whoa that is fantastic.
SUDDEN CHANGE
#Natitude
Find myself reading a Washington Post article about the death of Deadspin and suddenly remembering how they fucked over Ape, and remembering the kind of soulless establishments Deadspin created an alternative to in the first place. Just one big circle of shit.
It’s dog shit all the way down.
I was about to say Zach needs to start tipping his pitches for this game to be interesting.
His “female tennis player grunting” with every pitch doesn’t have you captivated?
The guy using his phone in that Fan Duel commercial needs his chest punched through by the Terminator.
Poor Bill Paxton
Or the Alien.
…paulina Gretzky?
Rita Ora
“Ya need three things to do this job: a badge, a gun, and what’s in yer heart.”
I need cholesterol to do this job?
THIS HEART, I CALL IT MAMA CASS, BECAUSE IT’S BEING SLOWLY CHOKED BY SANDWICHES
There is a solution for that – K Carpenter
“No, he means pure, unfiltered, light sweet crude, stupid.” – Dick Cheney
Yuli, Yordan, and Yan. And here I am thinking J’s are just coming back in to fashion.
Those wings aren’t gonna be near enough to get that ass off the ground
She lifted something up
Whoa. That is superb.
I’m only very marginally sorta hip to all this internet tubes things, and often end up leaving my DFO sessions with more questions than answers (looking at you, obscure Hippo-assigned sports team names), but is the “THESE *****s, I CALL THEM *****s, BECAUSE *****” meme a Jon Gruden-MNF reference?
Yes
THIS GUY, VIVA LA TABULA RAZA, I CALL ALAN TURING BECAUSE HE CRACKED THE CODE!
That’s the high point of my internet life for 2019, being referenced like that. Thanks, Mr.Ayo!
You can just feel it in your heart
No joke. Now’s the time to monetize and professionalize the site.
Pornhub, we’re waiting for your ads!
I’d have to start visiting the site on my phone instead of my work computer. Fucking DoD firewalls…
That’s why Naval Intelligence invented Tor
As an old-timey fresh air snipe, I’m proud to know that even though they are a bunch of Ops pukes, as a shipmate I appreciate the twidget’s defeating of the firewalls. Which is what I assume you are referring to?
I’m referring to the ONI literally bankrolling the development of Tor.
Also, the Broadcasting Board of Governors, the organization overseeing Radio Free Europe, etc. is the largest investor in the Tor Project. The ONI developed Tor for spies to circumvent firewalls like The Great Firewall, but it’s useless if ONLY spies use it. So they made it public. And the NSA, ONI, etc. get inside information on such things as massive security vulnerabilities that the Tor Project sits on for years so that the IC can also spy on Tor users.
Fookin’ ‘ell, glad I just work for the AF Civil Engineer, and not CyberSecurity Command. That’s like reading Cyrillic or Aramaic for me, amigo…
It’s only funny because Ed Snowden has been promoting Tor and downplaying the fact that the U.S. government can still spy on its users.
But 99% of the time they don’t give a fuck.
Folks!
Hey!
You’re just in time. We’re all doing a live watch of Spaceballs.
what channel?
Rewind channel
Plex
Hot damn! A ridiculously unnecessary and ticky tack challenge. I can’t wait for the result in 9 1/2 minutes.
Yeah, cuz you have so much to do right now….
I’d like to be watching baseball, not the game dying in slow motion. And I do have options. Spaceballs.
I think the new term for when there are two men on base should be “Scherzered”.
It feels like he’s pitched 3 games tonight. Not sure why they’re not pulling him.
I think they call that “MMF” in the porn vernacular. I’m sure Balls can confirm.
Indeed
“Yes hello I’m thinking of upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud modem website running WordPress to a token ring ethernet T1 Line running Asdrubal, can you help me with that?”
Fine, I guess I’ll just take my Software as a Service jokes and go home.
Oh, I already am home.
That’s good.
Not Cleveland related, but Ohio related, I remember after the incident in Cincinnati in the late 1970’s, you could buy T-shirts in the classifieds in the back of Rolling Stone magazine that were printed “I’D WALK OVER YOU TO SEE THE WHO!”
I assume everyone is watching Atlanta FC vToronto FC right?
Yep. Advanced scouting to see who the Sounders are going to curb stomp.
That was a hell of a goal.
Hope he’s got that out of his system for the finals now.
Spaceballs. Who could miss it?
What the FC is an FC?
—South Texas.
/dick joke
Btw, best tweet I saw today about the fire around the Reagan library was “let it burn, I’m sure some of the water they’re using nearby will trickle down.”
It’s funny they run a Trump ad in the series where he got lustily booed.
I wish Fox would stick to sports.
but he done killt a turrorist, I’d liek 2 c that libtard NOBUMMER try and due that ,, smh
Man, I really feel SO much safer now.
MEGALOVANIA ON NATIONAL TV
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5daGZ96QGU
Honorary gold glove for those two plays alone.
I legit LOLed at Redshirt’s banner quote. And I’m sure Hippo will take whatever odds Vegas has set
hey, I did have moneys on the LOLfins Monday night. To win outright!
I think they are beating the Jets this week.
I picked same in the tipping pool. Darnold is…becoming an uncomfortable thing to watch.
Can Strasburg just pitch the rest of this game, too?
surprised Corbin isn’t in the game for Alvarez
Once again, Tunison is somehow getting fucked over the hardest.
I know U*NC alumni will need to learn how to spell a different name come election time, but this seems like a surefire way to piss off the alumni.
I will enjoy no longer having this assdick as my Senator, in a few years time.
We should form the Hippo exploratory PAC.
No door to door canvassing and free prescriptions for all!
The first text-only campaign. Except Kissing Babies* Monday.
* Via Skype.
It’s all just a money-making scam anyway.
found a funny:
https://mobile.twitter.com/OOCporn
Out Of Context Porn Clips
Robocock.
The Captain Marvel porn parody is better than the original.
Especially at the end when Deadpool suddenly appears to fuck her because “Why not?”
I like that you needed a spoiler warning for the end of a porn parody
I know how comic book nerds get
Dave Portnoy is a huge piece of shit
This. This right here is the DFO creed.
x 1000
Just look into Zach Greinke’s eyes and tell me he hasn’t killed at least almost as many hobos as scotchy
hey, that chili meat ain’t gonna grind itself!
-yeah right
I wonder if there is lookalike/doppelganger porn starring Flo from Progressive. I might like to take a peek, though I don’t understand why.
Balls! You have a mission!
https://www.die-screaming.com/flo-progressive-porn-241371/
If Deadskin did journalism like this they’d be fine.
There’s a Splinter refugee site that’s all snark, but it’s hosted on Kinja so …
Well, now that Deadspin is dead, you’ll have a lot more time to peruse Fleshbot.
Did you say used fleshlight?
When I was 17 years old in 1976, I took one of my mother’s candy store employees (at her behest), a young really super-hot African-American chick named Dorothy, to see Parliament Funkadelic at the Joe Freeman Colosseum In San Antonio. I think I was one of only about 5 white people in the audience, but I had a great fucking time! I wonder what ole Dorothy is up to nowadays at age 60.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F7xbF7OnxU
God willing, she’s still rocking
I like to think you are right. More my luck, though, she looks like Esther Rolle.
Honest to God….I had no idea that Deadspin, etc were still around.
Other than Drew’s “Why your team sucks” for four years ago, I can’t remember the last time I was over there.
I feel bad about people losing their jobs, but at the same time, gawker style sites personified everything I hate about modern, internet journalism. The majority of their content was just linked from elsewhere with minimal comment or with commentary that was not really supported by the linked material. Good luck ever finding a retraction for a story they hyped that turned out to be bullshit.
Furthermore, this scenario is another example of how a strength of a union is on how difficult it is to replace the members. When the majority of the members have roles that can be filled by countless candidates, the union is weak.
This just feels like a rehash of the Nick Denton fiasco, where people are not acknowledging the weak position they are in and are acting first rather than thinking.
As has been the biggest point of confusion for the entire debacle, the non-sports stories were the money makers, especially after the more problematic tabloid type pieces died after Gawker killshot. The (barely navigable) sub-blogs or whatever with the big think-pieces that were linked to the main pages usually generated the most traffic. The Jamboroo and WYTS features are always nice, but, at least for me, the culture and political pieces mattered way more.
The union aspect really sucks. With all the writing shops organizing recently, it seemed like the writers were becoming way more outspoken and unafraid. Oddly enough, The Onion was probably the most emboldened. It’s kind of a weird way they got to this ending with Deadspin, but it still makes me worried that once other management sees G/O just do whatever, they’ll start stepping on throats.
Losing the writers is going to absolutely destroy traffic to deadspin, and to any of the other sites that go down the same route. G/O’s entire investment relies on that traffic – without it, there’s no revenue. Without the writers, the brand is entirely worthless.
You comie; what about the BRAAAAAAAAND?
I mean, yeah, but they definitely don’t give a fuck if the brand ceases to exist judging by how they ran it
It doesn’t matter.
The backers are venture capitalists. They expect most of their investments to implode. This is no different than Toys R US or Sears….except instead of it being poor retail workers getting fucked, (so everyone doesn’t give a shit), it’s college educated New Yorkers so we are supposed to be outraged.
The Onion would be a terrible institutional loss, but at least there’s a Canadian equivalent the Onion and Clickhole writers could all migrate to.
I genuinely cannot imagine another site that would publish Diana Moskovitz’s reporting on Nassar and the
NCAA.entire farce that is “amateur” athletics, including the NCAA and USOC.Only thing that could get me to watch this basedball game is if this “H. Kendrick” in the box score is actually Anna Kendrick in disguise.
If it is, she’s earned herself one hell of a date with cancel culture.
That brings renewed context to “batters’ box”
AEW and Rick and Morty crossover because reasons!
Sonofabitch, I completely spaced writing a story for Halloween Fest.
You’re not alone.
Same.
Still time. Mine (if I finish it) will be a wet fart on a snare drum.
Gloria Vanderbilt thinks that this gif is a perfect example of her theory regarding recessive jeans.
If “piano girls” isn’t a Balls search term, it should be.
Apparently, G/O is just changing the URLs of posts they don’t like now, which is weird?
https://lajskhclsahkchkad.kinja.com/jim-spanfeller-is-a-herb-1839451222
Fucking cowards.
‘Weird’ is ‘calculated’ spelled wrong. You should know that.
I will shiv Dave portnoy if you give me a dollar, plus I’ll give you fifty cents back. Long live deadspin.
The “Notice Me Senpai” @’s in every fucking pro-Deadspin tweet thread are enraging and I would like it very much if somehow Barstool could literally catch fire
I don’t wish unrelenting, gratuitous violence on really anything BUT barstool.
and the organs of the Heretics?
That’s not violence, that is unholy cleansing of earthly bondage! That is salvation!
I take pleasure in knowing that at least their lives are entirely devoid of value, meaning, or joy.
I’ll give you $4 if I can help.
$2.19 and that’s my final offer.
Is there any irony in the fact that the only other Portnoy I’ve ever heard of was the serial masturbator in Philip Roth’s novel Portnoy’s Complaint? It’s been 45 years since I read it, but the part where he cuffed his carrot with a piece of raw kosher beef liver is embedded deeply in my brain.
It’s poetic, not ironic
Stink is 100% right on Elway. There is also a theory floating about (which makes some logical sense) that Elway doesn’t want Lock to play this season (and in truth, there is ZERO reason to believe he would be ready) because if/when he looks like shit, Elway looks like he picked another big, dumb guy with no fundamentals.
Which…he almost certainly did.
Seems these venture capital guys could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer. But I also get the impression that they’re doing it on purpose? Is that right?
I’d respect that more than what I think happened, which is just usual failson types being all failsonny. The disease will almost certainly spread through the rest of the gawker sites next. Kotaku and Jezebel will probably be next. Jalopnik will forget to link to KBB one time and half their staff will get keel-hauled. There isn’t really an alternative for most of these places. What are they gonna add .000000003% traffic to Vox or Salon or some shit?
It’s amazing The Root didn’t go first, but now it’s neck and neck between them and Jezebel
My guy is not gonna risk being called a racist too!
Seems to be. I spent way too long researching all this in the last couple of days, but what I gleaned is that they just want Deadspin to be a #contentmill, because they believe that the readership just wants “sports”.
You have to be so disconnected from actually enjoying sports to think that. ESPN fans want celebrities and Boomer/Boomers yelling incoherent shit over highlights. SI fans want occasional glossy titties to look at. Stoolies want casual racism and heart disease. Every group has its quirks.
So what is the official DFO creed? I don’t recall ever seeing it laid out in black and white. Seems it would have something that included mention of booze, dope, gambling, and fapping; I’m probably forgetting something though..
I know that “occasional puzzles” is part of it.
Group therapy?
No completely exposed female nipples, or non-terribly drawn cartoon genitalia.
But apparently racism is completely okay.
Yes and Yes
Fuck, there’s gotta be a way to get Tunison a good job from all this