The Return of Temptation Island Talk: Episode 3

The title of this episode was “Guilt Ridden” but it really should have been “White Ashley’s Ass Comes Out”. There will be a screenshot and I will scour the Internet for gifs. It’s…. something.

Episode 3 aired on Thursday night last week when the Minnesota Vikings beat the Washington Redacteds and it was way better than that shitshow of a game. You should all be watching the USA Network instead of Fox on Thursdays.

Specially tonight. I’ve seen the previews and Episode 4 looks awesome!

Before we get to that, though, I need to let you know that it looks like USA Network put the first two episodes on YouTube for free in order to lure prospective purchasers to buy the next few episodes. Episode 3 is posted on YouTube, but it now costs $2 to see it. I say No Thanks. The first two are still available at no charge, though.

And now, here is your recap!


To remind you who the players are, please see the pictures below:

The Only Person That Could Possibly Host This Show

Dreamy McBlue Eyes, aka Mark L.

Couple #1

Ashley’s Ass and Casey, from Deland, Florida

Couple #2

FBTFD (Fucks Before The First Date) and Rick, from Boston, MA

Couple #3

Cheating Latino and Cheating Divorcee, from Hoboken NJ

Couple #4

Miami Jerome Bettis and Esonica, from Decatur GA

The Singles

I may need to change this picture next week…


Season 2 Episode 3 Recap

The show starts immediately with a “Previously… on Temptation Island” that takes us through the video when Rick sees his girlfriend fucking Mr. #13 Shoe Size. The theme song kicks off and the opening credits roll and I’m just amazed that they keep singing “You’re not gonna tempt me” when it’s already happened. Maybe it’s encouragement for the others?

We pick up where we left off with Rick trying to process what he just saw and Mark L trying desperately to be understanding and secretly giddy at the same time. Mark asks Rick if there’s any way to come back from that. Rick, who may be in shock at this point, somehow coherently answers and says he doesn’t think there is. He also thinks maybe she was projecting her insecurities about the relationship onto him.

I’ve got to give Rick some props here. He is taking this surprisingly well. Mark even says that and praises him for processing this so well. That’s it for the boys’ bonfire.

Back at the Girls’ villa, everyone is all tears, specially White Ashley, who is super sad and I really don’t understand why. Hell, even SHE doesn’t think she should be as sad as she is, but she is. That’s some fucked up shit right there. I don’t care that she has a great ass, I’m running for the hills if I’m Casey. That girl needs professional help.

Meanwhile, Black Ashley is under a blanket on a lounge by the pool and pretending to be sad. KB comes over and tries to cheer her up by telling her that he will help her take her mind off whatever she saw tonight. That’s code for “I’ll fuck your brains out again so you don’t have to think.”

She says, “Ok!”. Girl may be bummed about fucking up her relationship, but she ain’t about to turn down another deep dicking.

Now it’s Kate’s turn to “console” White Ashley in bed and instead of getting cozy and naked with her, she gives her some encouragement and, according to her, tries to play the big sister role. According to Pornhub, this type of thing ends up in naked shenanigans ALL THE TIME! I feel I’ve been misled.

KB knows how to properly “console” someone as he is in Black Ashley’s bed waiting for her. The funny thing is that she is apologizing to him for the situation! Imagine that. That’s a magic penis right there. She’s hooked.

In confessional, she tries to alleviate her guilt by saying that she has gone through stuff with Rick and I’m sorry, I’m sure he’s done something to you in the past like cheated on you. However, he did not cheat on you ON NATIONAL FUCKING TELEVISION WITH A DUDE YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A FIRST DATE WITH!

I do think there is a slight difference.

Meanwhile, Esonica is bitching to Roger Murdock about Gavin talking to another girl about her. Tears flow again. The Girls’ villa is Tears Central.

In perfect contrast, at the Boys’ villa, shots are being poured and the three boys whose girlfriends didn’t fuck a guy before the first date are having a good time. Some black girl’s ass is grinding on Gavin in the kitchen and he’s asking David for help. David says he’ll be right over and that’s not a joke. I’m sure David would be happy to sample every single ass in this villa.

Poor Rick is by the pool with Medinah, who is trying to cheer him up. It’s nice of her, but Rick needs some Rick time to process what he saw and leaves her at the pool.

It is now the next day and David is talking to Toneata’s cleavage.

There isn’t much, but you’ve got to give the girl props for trying. Also, for buying good quality swimwear. Look at this picture, compare it to the previous picture, and try to tell me there isn’t some magical structural engineering at work here:

Also, Toneata looks like she’s as dumb as a box of rocks, doesn’t she? That’s the type of girl you find in LA…

David is now talking to another girl and that counts three girls that he’s had separate one-on-one “serious” conversations with. This one’s name is Samantha and she tells him that he’s quite popular and that there’s some competition amongst the single girls to get his attention. He plays it cool but inside must be secretly wondering how best to take advantage of this. I know it’s what I would do.

The coupled girls are watching the single guys work out and it seems to be putting them in a better mood. Kate is talking to one of the guys about what she saw in the video and then says something in confessional and she’s wearing that stupid hat and I can’t take anything she says seriously while she’s wearing that hat. I wish someone would burn it.

Still a free bowl of soup.

The dude says some nice words to her and she does this thing where she says “thank you” but you know it’s not registering because she’s looking away and not at the guy’s face. She gives him a hug and I’m pretty sure that’s going to show up on a bonfire at some point because that’s the most physical contact she’s had with anyone since they arrived at the Girls’ villa.

Hell, I doubt she’s jacked off (or “jilled off” as I saw it described in one of my Pornhub search term results) since she’s arrived at the island!

Esonica is still talking to Roger Murdock and the dude seriously has the patience of a saint. He’s putting in a LOT of work here and I’m not sure it’s going to pay off. He does get her to reveal that Gavin has never shown interest in visiting the Virgin Islands, where she’s from and that tells me all I need to know about Gavin. He’s a dumbass.

Roger Murdock is doing good work here and has progressed from being at “arm’s length” to “elbow’s length” apart from her. It’s something, I suppose.

Soon enough, however, Mark L shows up and they start to freak out. He separates the single boys from the girls and tells the girls that they can choose one person to leave the island. After some deliberation, they choose

Alex, from Fullerton CA, where the girls are hotter and less crazy

The girls frame it in a way that makes Alex think that they thought he didn’t want to be there. To be honest, he doesn’t put up that much of a fight, which tells me he really didn’t want to be there. I don’t blame him.

You’ve got one ho that’s already coupled up. One girl has already picked her person to complain about her boyfriend to. One is so walled off that it seems she doesn’t want to have any fun. The last one is constantly crying and has such low self-esteem that any decent person would tell her the last thing she needs is to get romantically involved with anyone. Do you really think Alex wanted any part of this?

The coupled boys have to make the same decision and they decide to let this girl go:

Sam, from Who Gives A Fuck Cuz She’s GONE

She’s not that disappointed either. I think these two got out of this the easy way. A free trip to Hawaii that reaffirmed your decision that these people are fucked up in the head and you want nothing to do with them? I’ll take that in a heartbeat!

At the Boys’ villa, it’s party time again, this time with a luau theme. I have to say, I like the way this girl thinks:

Rick seems to be feeling better as he calls himself Slick Rick and beckons everyone to the pool. This leads to another clear confirmation that David is Latino:

Rick seems to be feeling better as he’s holding Medinah in the pool. However, she complains that he’s going hot and cold on her. He’s actually, I feel, playing it right. It will keep her interested and he still needs to sort through his feelings for his ex.

White Ashley has come to the realization that she can’t be mad at Casey and that he’s just trying to have fun, so she should have fun too. That means she wears this:

And she twerks. Now I’M having fun. I’m sorry, but I could not find any gifs of White Ashley twerking. If any of you find some, please post them in the comments. She is talented.

While the other girls are having fun, Kate is alone in her bedroom crying and upset about David. She says she needs a good night’s sleep and I’m sorry, Kate, that’s not going to change your boyfriend magically overnight. I don’t care if you found an ancient tiki idol in a construction site.

White Ashley is talking next to the pool with one dude that tells her that it’s obvious that she and Deac have something going. She says it’s because Deac reminds her of Casey and starts to cry. She doesn’t want to lead Deac on and the dude says he will keep her secret and I wonder how long that will last.

At the Guys’ villa, Casey is being told to strip naked and wear only an apron. As an obedient person, he does. Outside, David is in the hot tub with Toneata and he tells her to stop it some more when she backs her ass up into him. He reassures her that he is not attracted to her in the slightest:

Are you recording this? No. Never never!

Casey is in the kitchen with the main group and telling them he thinks David is gonna pork Toneata tonight and I thought that was Gavin’s line. Gavin is actually trying to get some alone time with Medinah, which is a weird move for many reasons.

Rick is by himself drinking while Gavin is trying to get Medinah to like him. He tells her he likes her and wants to take her on a date. This prompts her to go find Rick and tell him.

Rick doesn’t tell her he ain’t handcuffing her lest she go bang Gavin. At least he’s learned THAT lesson. They talk a bit and he stands up for himself and I have to say again that he is taking his girlfriend banging some random dude before the first date EXTREMELY WELL. He’s processing things the right way and not rushing into anything. He does end up giving her kisses in the cheeks and a couple of pecks on the lips which will be seen, I’m sure, in bonfire.

The next day, the boys are talking about bonfire happening that night. Rick is not sure what is happening and what he’s going to see and Medinah is thinking she needs to chill out on him a bit.

Rachel from New York is waiting for Casey to ask her out on a date and he’s saying it will happen. She’s kinda cute, so I would hop on that right away, Case!

Black Ashley is making scrambled eggs that are as fucked as her genitals. Meanwhile, White Ashley is a bit hungover and is slightly regretting letting her ass loose on the house. She says it’s her best “asset” and that’s good wordplay right there.

Kate is wondering if maybe she was wrong about thinking that she is making David a better man for the next woman and instead he’s making her a better woman for the next man. I tend to disagree, but then again I hate her choice of headwear.

There is one poor black dude stuck in one of the girl’s bedrooms talking to several of the girls about their boyfriends and I’m surprised they let gay best friends onto Temptation Island.

Whoa! We’re going straight into bonfire, so I guess there were no dates this episode!



The boys are headed up the hill and they worry that they must have something to show them because it’s another bonfire so quickly after the first one. No one wants to get “Rick’ed”.

Mark L checks in with Rick to see how he is doing. Again, he’s processing things extremely well and looking inward as to how what he saw impacts him and how maybe he could have acted differently in the past.

Gavin goes first and he sees the conversation between Roger Murdock and Esonica about going to the Virgin Islands. He realizes he’s been a douche for not wanting to go or being interested in her culture/background.

David goes next and sees Kate talking to the dude on the basketball giving her compliments while she looks away. His take is that there is a huge disconnect in their relationship because he’s not a dude that will say “I love you” all the time. He’s more “actions speak louder than words” and I can’t wait until Kate sees his hand on Toneata’s ass. I wonder what that will say to her?

Casey sees dudes giving White Ashley a lap dance and her twerking while the Single Dudes appreciate. He’s actually good. He says it looked fun and he’s glad she’s having fun. Mark L thinks he’s taking it a bit too lightly and reminds everyone that they need to realize there is a level of risk that their girls may decide they like having fun with someone else. He’s like, “Rick does!” and that’s probably the best moment of the entire episode for me.

The fact that Rick nods in agreement just makes the moment even more perfect.

It’s now Rick’s turn and he sees Black Ashley and KB talking on the beach about how he’s making it easy to move on. He’s “crushed a little bit” and says something interesting. He says that he thought an emotional connection would be worse than a physical and I just can’t relate to that. Maybe it’s the Latino in me, but you fuck some other dude, good luck to you.

Mark L tells Rick that he’s hurting for him and it does feel genuine. He reiterates that growth hurts, but it’s necessary. Rick and the boys leave and Rick says he’s not sure if there is anything left to salvage.

It’s now the girls’ turn and it’s funny how Kate feels she needs to work on trusting David until proven wrong. I don’t think it will take that long for that to happen. Black Ashley wants to know if Rick has seen her fuck KB and she’s really stupid or naive if she thinks he hasn’t seen it. I’m going with stupid and cunty.

Esonica is all about rules and I’m not sure what that means. Black Ashley says she is still in love with Rick and not only is she a cheating bitch, she’s a liar.

Esonica goes first and, sure enough, she sees the faceless black girl grinding her butt into Gavin. She first says she can dance better than her and then says she doesn’t think it’s a big deal because that’s part of her culture. Gavin is a REAL DUMBASS for not wanting to go to the Virgin Islands and experiencing that culture firsthand.

Black Ashley sees Rick giving Medinah the little kisses. I think that means KB is getting anal tonight. She breaks down crying and maybe it will be a teary anal and no I’m not looking that up on Pornhub!

Kate gets to see David denying to Toneata that he’s physically attracted to her while stroking her ass. She also gets Casey’s commentary about David porking her tonight and that didn’t help things. Heck, White Ashley opened her eyes real wide when she heard that!

She starts to cry again and keeps saying that’s not respect. As I mentioned earlier, respect flew out the window when you landed on the island, Kate. Maybe now you’ll open up? I kinda doubt it, though.

And that’s all she wrote. For some reason, White Ashley’s clip is held until next week and I’m guessing she’s going to see Casey naked under an apron. I wonder if she’ll cry?

Yes, that was rhetorical. Here’s a preview clip for the next episode:




Here’s the way I see it:

  • FBTFD and Rick: Fucked despite Mark L’s desperate attempts to keep any suspense in that storyline
  • Ashley and Casey: Ass Fucked Twins
  • Esonica and Gavin: Hometown Fucked
  • Kate and David: Jodidos y ella lo va a ver.

I’ll be writing recaps of every episode and publishing on the Thursday the next episode airs.

Temptation Island airs every Thursday (Episode 4 airs TONIGHT!) on USA Network at 10 PM Eastern, 9 PM Central. For now, the first two episodes are on YouTube for free through the USA Network’s YouTube channel. You can also catch up on prior episodes (if you sign in with a cable or satellite account) and see behind the scene clips on the USA Network website:

See you next week!




International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

My call last week of Threesome was partially correct: right sex act, wrong white chick(s) with self-esteem issues.

Senor Weaselo

Kate, that’s not going to change your boyfriend magically overnight. I don’t care if you found an ancient tiki idol in a construction site.

Isn’t that the other island show?


Love the recaps and the show and everything trashy including Oscar the Grouch.


Fox doesn’t carry TNF

/keeps on pedant hat forever


Big Daddy just went out for smokes.