- Lesser Footy – Now MOAR Than EVAR – May 30, 2020
- Lesser Footy May Day – How Many tWBS’s Shall There Be? – May 23, 2020
- Most Glorious Return and Regerts FOAR 2028-29 – May 2, 2020
No doubt by now, you’ve heard a bit about the above-pictured handsome devil (sorry about the lack of Bama/Bayou Bengals cheerleaders, you’ll live). Enough to know NOT to Google the horrific injury he suffered, resulting from a snidey (but not malicious) Son Heung-min tackle.
All the human emotion and forgiveness talk was cool with me. Lesser footy, despite its undeserved American reputation, is very much a physical, contact sport. Guys get concussed all the time. Grotesque leg injuries? Less frequent, but inevitable. There doesn’t NEED to be a villian.
But this time, there are two. Spurs (as a club) for appealing Son’s red card. And the corrupt-as-fuck English FA (football association) for agreeing to rescind it. Because Spurs have earned the stature of a “big club” – one of the Sky Five/Six that play by a different set of rules. The officiating bends over backwards to kiss their ass (not one, but TWO horrific VAR decisions went against Everton last Sunday, playing at home), and the powers-that-be reward that. Because to them, TV is supposed to bring “stars” to the people, not good, honest, FAIR competition. You likely noted how positive NBCSN was during Leicester’s title run (and acknowledging that sommet was happening well before Christmas) – not so in England. There, Sky Sports treated them as an irritant, turd in the punch bowl spoiling their sweet, pre-arranged narrative.
It is threatening to ruin the game all over the continent, but especially the Premiership. Obvious parallels to NFL officiating debacles (and “ref ball”) abound. TV money is the golden goose all over, but they might pluck it away to the feces rotting inside – if and when the next generation of potential fans doesn’t give a fuck.
That will be a mighty big reckoning. I probably won’t live to see it. But just like the NFL’s malaise, it shows no signs of getting any better.
Not that you see anything in the British media – Andre Gomes barely merits a mention. The 26-year old Barcelona prospect, who overcame career stagnation and (which he bravely was very public about) mental health struggles trying to find his professional footing. But along came last season’s loan to Everton, who supported and loved the clever central midfielder. He insisted over the summer that Barca make a permanent sale to Everton. No others need apply. He got his wish.
And now his career is very much in the balance.
Good news is that the surgery went as well as it could have, and Gomes has a fair chance to be back for the 2020-21 season’s start. But not at 100%, of course. That will never be seen again, at Goodison Park, or any other pitch. Everton’s midfield was already on life support due to Jean-Phillipe Gbamin’s core muscle injury (MAYBE back in January), now it’s a shambles. The Toffees will have to piece together what they can, and stagger to the finish line – likely in the 10-12 range. I guess we are lucky that so much trash at the bottom meand relegation isn’t a serious concern. But fuck me, it’s depressing. And it’s not SPURS (or really even Son personally – a good dude by all acounts) who deserves your sympathy.
Chelsea hosts Palace in the early fixture (7:30, NBCSN) – but I wouldn’t bother too much with alarms for that. Uncle Woy (himself the perpetrator of a much shittier leg-breaker tackle) seems to have run out of his anti-football magic. Frank Lampard is also a douchebag, but having success. As douchebags are wont to do.
Spurs (home to Team Knifey) and Everton (away to Saints) both play in the 10:00 window. I can guarantee which gets broadcast TV coverage without even looking. Cherries at Newcastly, Hammers at Burnley are also lurking about. YMMV.
Leicester host this week’s spotlight dance (12:30, NBC), sitting in 3rd position while Arsenal “languish” in 5th. Unai Emery is under immense pressure, for drifting about pretty much the same table position as late-stage Arsene Wenger frequented. That fanbase is weird (sorry, Horatio). Should be a cracker of a match.
United host Brighton and Wolves welcome surprising Villa on Sunday morning (9:00, NBCSN and Gold – maybe CNBC too), but that’s all prelade to 1st place assholes Liverpool and the visiting defending champs (11:30, NBCSN). Much like this same fixture last season, City need a real response (and all three points) to de-rail a possible runaway, smug train. PRETTY PLEASE, Pep. Do a good.
Perhaps the other lads will be by to discuss other matters. Hippo tired.
Paedo State (-6.5) at Minnesota (Noon, ABC)
Wow, this is pretty good #HailGamblorRespek towards Mister Row the Boat in a Weird Shirt guy. But I wouldn’t be surprised if 8-0 Gophers turn into 9-3 real quick-like.
Baylor (-2.5) at TCU (Noon, FS1)
Hey, is this the window where all the bad touchers go down (PHRASING?) – I seriously doubt it, but I do like the Bloodeyes to at least make it 1-for-2. Glass jaw is glass.
LSU (+6) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
Realistically, this is the only match you need to concern yourself with. Fuck Herr Fuhrer, I hope he catches even MOAR crotch rot down South. I would have expected this line in the bayou, in Tuscaloosa it seems almost an insult. Guess one can’t be 100% sure of Tua’s ankle, but I suspect he’s fine.
Iowa (+9) at Wisconsin (4:00, Fox)
I mean, this might be good enough to flip around to here and there. Both teams are painful to one’s eyeballs, though. Maybe I will moneyline bet Team Cornpone, keep it interesting. -ish.
Missouri (+16.5) at Georgia (7:00, ESPN)
WARNING – the evening window is absolute shit. NO, I will not be previewing my side as a 32.5-point fucking home underdog.
Washington State (-8) at California (7:00, Pac-12)
I mean, Mike Leach is involved…so maybe fun? Not really counting on it. Both squadrons are 4-4. BTW, ESPN2 has Happy Appy, I shit thee not.
Iowa State (+14.5) at Oklahoma (8:00, Fox)
Notre Dame’s collapse opens a pathway for Team Steerfuckers North, but they best be making with the style points, and consistently so. Cornpone State can be frisky at times, but the talent gap here is immense.
Wyoming (+15.5) at Boise State (10:15, ESPN)
Ah wish ah could quit yeeeeewwwww, Tweaker fixtures! Actually no, I don’t wish that. No mandatory 14-hour NFL slate tomorrow, so we can knock ourselves out. Like the Smruf Turfers did when they played Original Recipe Team Big Love. HEY-OH!!!!