Your “Onward and Upward-Or at Least Sideways!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Open Thread

[looks at late slate offerings] Oof! This slate is a bit of a skinny one, isn’t it? Ah, we’ll make the best of it regardless.

TO THE GAMES!

Cards/Niners:

What is going on with David Johnson? He’s run for all of 4 yards in the month of November and looked bad doing it. I heard Greg Cosell say on the radio that he seems to have gained weight and looks more like a tight end these days. He’s off the injury report but I can’t see him getting many touches in this ‘running back committee’ that has recently been announced. Does Kliff Notes just not like the guy? Is there some lingering injury issue that isn’t being made public? I’m sure something will come out at least by the end of the season but for now I think Drake is the way to go because San Franny can be run on.

Bengals/Raiders:

Poor Ryan Findley is up against it, what with trying to play behind this O-line that allows more ‘pressured’ plays than clean pocket ones. Things get a little better vs. a Raiders team that have let Rodgers, Watson and Stafford spank them into oblivion. Josh Jacobs makes defenders miss. And miss. And miss again. His 43 forced missed tackles is the highest ever seen over a ten week period since the stat first started being recorded.

Pats/Eagles:

Do you think that New England will put J.C. Jackson on Ertz, take him out of the game and force Wentz to go to the flubbers that are Nelson Oglethorpe and that Whiteside guy for yards downfield? I think so. Maybe the play here is Dallas Goedart if he gets some run at a wideout spot. Well, if rook rb Sanders wanted the spotlight he’s got it today. Hey, Jay Ajai and his reconstructed knees are back in town again! Philly fans are out looking for blood. Well, since that is their default position, perhaps I should be more specific.They want the Eagles medical staff’s blood because Howard has somehow come out of the bye week more injured than when he entered it.

Do your thing.

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Whoa, NFL Network dude! Referring to BAL-HOU tilt, says “North, once again, dominating South.”
Noice. But I understand that there are good people on BOTH sides.

Gratliff

My favorite part was the first quarter where they tricked me into thinking they weren’t gonna drop every pass in the second half

Senor Weaselo

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda like the NFL version of getting Rick Rolled.

Mother Puncher
Mother Puncher

McCown out there pretending he and Brady are peers

Horatio Cornblower

Good win for Dallas but as always, fuck the Pats.

Senor Weaselo

Stupid Iggles.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

HAHA SUCK DIRTY STUMP WATER THROUGH A PYGMY BLOWGUN IGGLES. SB LII REVENGE, BEST SERVED COLD.