Your “Oh God – It Won’t Stop!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

I had to call in sick for school today. It’s not that I can’t keep anything down, it’s that I can’t keep anything in. Bear with me while I type this in a Tylenol haze. Plain rice for me!

NFL Nuggets:

  • Now ex-Dolphins RB Mark Walton was cut today after he was “arrested on a charge of aggravated battery of a pregnant person.”
    • According to a Broward County arrest report, Walton allegedly pushed the victim against a wall and punched her several times in the face and head after an argument.
    • Walton is currently serving a four-game suspension stemming from three arrests last year, which led to him being cut by the Bengals.
      • His plea deal on those cut his expected jail time from five years down to 60 days.
      • The Dolphins signed him, and he appeared in seven games prior to the suspension starting.
  • Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but Richard Sherman thinks the refs are out to get him.
    • He concluded this after the three PI calls he took on Sunday, especially the one that wasn’t called but then reversed into a penalty.
    • He does have one high-profile supporter.

  • Rumours abound that AB might be going back to the Patriots.
    • This is based on an apology tweet sent from his twitter to Robert Kraft’s, otherwise known as a “slow news Tuesday”.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Bruins at devils – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Lightning at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Avalanche at Flames – 9:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Oilers at Sharks – 10:30PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Trail Blazers vs. Pelicans – 8:00PM | TSN / NBATV
    • Thunder vs. Lakers – 10:30PM | TSN / NBATV
  • NCAA:
    • Pigskin:
      • Eastern Michigan at Northern Illinois – 7:30PM | ESPN2
      • Ohio at Bowling Green – 7:30PM | ESPNU
  • Futbol:
    • CONCACAF Nations League Soccer:
      • Cuba vs. U.S. – 7:30PM | FS1
        • Being played in the Cayman Islands, to avoid defections.

Tomorrow, instead of selfishly sleeping, I might try & finish my Boots stories that have been festering for weeks. Or I’ll continue the march to the bathroom. It’s 50/50 at this point. Enjoy your evening.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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SonOfSpam

A Hollywood exec suggested Julia Roberts as the lead in “Tubman”

The money quote: “When someone pointed out that Julia Roberts couldn’t be Harriet, the executive responded, ‘It was so long ago. No one is going to know the difference.’”

Is it possible this studio exec was Trump? Thanks to that bloated gasbag, I’m ready to believe anything about anyone.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That’s a made-up story.

What’s real is when Sony head Jon Peters visited the set of “Rain Man” which starred both Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise and Peters asked “which one is the retard?”

SonOfSpam

Now THAT I believe.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuuuuuck today sucked

WCS

Tell me about it. November 19th is wifey and I’s anniversary. It’s also the anniversary of my brother-in-law’s death, ten years to the day. November 23, 2003 was when wifey’s dad was killed in a motorcycle accident. I get nervous this time of year.

SonOfSpam

I can’t think of anything even a little untasteless, so Happy Anniversary.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sorry about your losses, congrats on the anniversary

King Hippo

If it helps, my hairdresser is of Middle Eastern (Lebanese) descent, and her anniversary is…9/11. So it could get MOAR awkward!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, it’s gonna be really interesting to watch the Republicans go all “Science Officer Ashe” over then next couple weeks as this shit continues to go south on them. (FF to about 1:45).

Senor Weaselo

That’s Thoughts And Prayers Officer Ash. They don’t believe in science.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They haven’t been at it since the Reagan Administration?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

He’s really messed up the weight distribution on the beetle.

It wasn’t great to begin with, but now I doubt that car can turn.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I read that he keeps bags of cement in the front trunk. It is driven by a 4’ propeller and he was planning to run it at Bonneville so I doubt he cares about turning. (It’s practically an art car) Interestingly, the engine is off a 1941 M-2 tank, not an airplane.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That makes more sense then. Cool project.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
ballsofsteelandfury

That super slow motion is mesmerizing…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I don’t have anything else to share or say that isn’t just stupid political hate-click nonsense

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Why do you read that crap?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m an idiot.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That’s an idiotic answer. Stop reading Twitter.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Anyway, her name is Kelly Gale. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5DRFqyJyJe/

kellybellyboom: Let your troubles bounce away??

ballsofsteelandfury

For all the LA folk,

I had one of the best burgers I ever had in my life today. In front of the projects, Hawkins is truly amazeballs. I got the Whipper.

No, I’m not having dinner tonight…

ballsofsteelandfury

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’d still make dinner.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Jeebus. I’d go back there for dinner.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

And, apparently, breakfast too.

I’m going to build a house next door.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

And I’ll open a pharmacy specializing in nitroglycerin, insulin, cholesterol and high blood pressure meds next to your new home.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Hippo just got rock hard.

ballsofsteelandfury

A girl in line told us she goes there for the waffles. Apparently, they’re even better than the burgers.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Daylight only field trip?

ballsofsteelandfury

Probably a good idea. It was around 2 and the pharmacy had just opened up in the front seat of the car parked next to us…

yeah right

Our guys in the mail room are on it. They go their frequently and the mailroom manager grabs a tray of their chicken wings every time we have a potluck.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Hi!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hey

blaxabbath

Tylenol for illness? How are you supposed to get addicted to opioids if they won’t allow you to #HIPPOUP even once?

King Hippo

this blax gets it!!

Fronkenshteen

Tampa/St. Louis is a real Donnybrook.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I felt very good coming out of therapy 100 minutes ago …

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

So, I got Vlad the Impala electrically wired without any blown fuses or melted wires, refilled the cooling system, and fired it up for the first time since April. Much smoke initially as the spilled hydraulic fluid and power steering fluid and other various and sundry fluids burned off the exhaust, but started easily and ran smoothly (weird, since I haven’t really done anything to the engine as of yet).
Unfortunately, the car would not move when put in gear. I guess (hope) that I adjusted the parking brake shoes too tight, that’s a tomorrow project. Very optimistic though.

Gratliff

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

If my car were a Mopar like Bundy’s instead of a Chevrolet, it would most likely be a large pile of iron oxide.

King Hippo

it’s projects like these that make me wish I was, like, a real man

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

There is no shame in not being familiar with the mysterious workings of automobiles. Shit, you need an EE degree to work on anything built in the last 25 years.
Working on the old sleds is going to become a lost art as us old petrol head boomers go extinct.
My 40-something-year-old next door neighbor gets called over on occasion when I need a third hand or third foot or just plain feel better having someone present to call 911 if the car falls on me. Now this is a guy who investigated plane crashes during a 20+ year career in the USAF, his first question when I started dismantling the car was “How the fuck do you know how to do all this shit?”
I never really thought about it. I’ve heard the term “mechanically inclined.” Me and my dad built my first car, a Meyers-Manx dune buggy, out of a bunch of spare VW parts when I was 14-15 years old. I was a machine tool operator in the Navy (lathes, mills, drill presses, surface grinders, etc.). Both my grand-dads were tool and die makers of such talent that they were prohibited from enlisting in the fight against Hitler/Musso/Tojo and instead spent the war in machine shops in various locations in Massachusetts in support of the war effort. So maybe it’s genetic as well.
I never disparage/mock someone for lack of mechanical knowledge. It’s very much a manifestation of your upbringing/environment.
Also, I cheat. I buy and use the manuals. Currently (among others):
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blaxabbath

This was interesting. I am terribly not mechanically inclined and enjoyed reading this.

Senor Weaselo

Was it the carburetor? That’s what Padre Weaselo always says!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Nah, carburetion ain’t affecting brake grab. Plus it’s a brand new carb.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Wow I didn’t even see this when I posted the Beetle above. It’s engine night!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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scotchnaut

I was at this game. The Sens were such a pile of garbage for so many years and were trying to sneak into the playoffs but needed to get a win vs. eventual Hart Trophy-winning Hasek and the first place Sabres in the last game of the year. I had no voice for three days. My girlie and I just couldn’t believe the Sens scored against him.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Nice to see future Red Wing great Daniel Alfreddson there.

Gratliff

Welp, Flyers are bad again.

King Hippo

Put Nelson Agholor in goal?

Gratliff

He’d fit right in
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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

What, no NFL game tonight? What kind of fucking weeknight is that, anyway?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Nothing funny about an own goal, Scotchy.
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Gratliff

King Hippo

I mean, Colombia sure takes ’em serious.

herodotus450
herodotus450

If you took the best players from Ottawa and Detroit and combined them, you’d have a pretty good AHL team.

scotchnaut

A Sens/Wings game is the equivalent of two thirty-something brothers fighting for the top bunk in the basement of their parent’s house.

SonOfSpam

1) Headline image is timely. I am waiting for a kidney stone to pass (first time!) and I’m thisclose to telling my wife she doesn’t understand pain. However, in the interest of keeping my balls, I will ultimately refrain.
1b) I do not recommend getting kidney stones. It is a bad time.
2) Mark Walton is hashtagUpForAnything except hearing that a girl he fucked impregnated herself.
3) Much as I’d love to party with Gronk, this sounds like a black hole of douchebaggery such that the universe may implode into itself and leave nothing but a faint smell of vinegar.
1c) Drink water so as to not get kidney stones.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Light beer counts as water, right?

SonOfSpam

“While excessive consumption of alcohol could put someone at a greater risk for kidney stones, moderate consumption has actually been shown to potentially prevent kidney stones.”

Kind of a bad news/good news thing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well that’s easy, I’ll just double up my moderate consumption and get TWICE the benefit!

King Hippo

The ER nurse (on my 2nd kidney stone hopsital visit) told me she had 4 kids and 1 kidney stone, and she’d take “kid” any day of the week.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

My dad passed a kidney stone when I was 7 years old. Watching the central hero of my life at the time crying out in pain was a traumatic experience, and his proclivity for them has thus far not passed on down to me.
Drink water, indeed, but not hard water. And stay away from dairy. Anything with a lot of calcium increases the odds against you, if you tend that way

Game Time Decision

Love the “I think Richard Sherman’s totally legal drugs may have been spiked (again)” tag.

scotchnaut

DUCLAIRGOAL!!!!

scotchnaut

No Red Wing goal. WOOOO!!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Stupid league and their rules

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If Gronk truly wants his beach fiesta to qualify as “over the top” then it damn well better have an armwrestling competition.

SonOfSpam

+1 strange custody battle

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I AM MIKE HAWK!

TheRevanchist

I’d party with Gronk. Or, rather, he’d party with me. Here come the drinks with umbrellas!

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

Starting to think this Jim Jordan fellow is just a political puppet, but I can’t tell for which party.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now you’ve got me thinking of doing a version of the impeachment hearings where everything is exactly the same except Jim Jordan is swapped out with an actual puppet. Ah crap, someone’s already got that covered.
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Gratliff

Regret to inform you the puppet has hung himself after being asked why it doesn’t report a molestation conspiracy

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

If only

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Speaking of people carrying water for assholes who willfully ignored or concealed sexual abuse, Malcolm Gladwell can eat shit in Hell forever. At the same trough JoePa is already feasting from.