Your “I Need This One Bad, Mate!” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Just over the horizon I can see the fantasy playoffs looming and those of you at 5-6 better get your collective shit together sooner rather than later. Perhaps you should take a flyer or two on some high upsiders, I mean what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t exactly worked has it? Just a thought…

TO THE GAMES!

Bucs/Falcons:

Tampa has given up an average of 3.5 scores thru the air over the last four weeks. They’ve had all year to fix this and nothing has been done. I don’t get it. Rb Brian Hill went busto last week and will likely do the same again vs. a Bucs squad that is stout against the run. Atlanta’s D has shown signs of turning it around lately but I think Evans and Godwin are going to remind them of some hard truths today.

Broncos/Bills:

Let’s get these youngsters the frickin’ ball, shall we? Both Singletary and Lindsay have distanced themselves from their backfield competition using their their lively legs. Let them run, damnit! It’s a small sample size but qb Allen seems to trust te Fant these last two weeks and that fantasy position is a wasteland. You could-and probably will-do worse than him.

Giants/Bears:

Hopefully Daniel Jones used the bye to get more comfortable with the O, increase his pocket awareness and solve his fumbling issues. Perhaps he even suggested to his dull as a 10-year-old knife OC some plays like RPO’s, jet sweeps, swing passes and pitch-outs. You know, the kinds of things that would allow the team’s most dynamic player to operate in a bit of space. Ah, whose kidding who, none of these things happened.

Steelers/Bengals:

Juju and Conner are out and this game has a dismal 38 over/under. It’s got ‘ugly’ written all over it. Rook qb Finley’s on-going troubles mean that Mixon will get all kinds of carries straight into the teeth of Pitt’s stellar interior D that consists of Heyward, Tuitt, Alualu and McCullers. Put cotton-eyed Joe down for 20 carries for 62 yards.

Fins/Browns:

All of the yakkers on the Sirius fantasy football channel are guaranteeing that OBJ will go off this week so you should probably fade him. I’ll bet his opposite number Davante Parker has the better numbers by the end of regulation.

Panthers/Saints:

Wr Chark is the sexy upside play here but Kyle Allen’s security blanket is D.J. Moore. He’s the one getting 35(!) targets over the last three weeks. Is Cup of McCaffrey on a roll? In his last 20 games he’s racked up 30+ points nine times. So, ‘yes’.

Raiders/Jets:

Guess who has been QB5 over the last two weeks? Yeah, it’s our own Unfrozen Caveman. I picked him up when I saw his cupcake, down-the-stretch sked but I didn’t have the balls to play him. Maybe you do?

Seahawks/Eagles:

Philly follows the Bucs lead in that they’re strong vs. the run but their secondary is a “Must Fly” zone. That means that a quality DFS stack is Wilson/Metcalf/Gordon. On t’udder side, you must think that the Eagles will be playing from behind but their receiving corps is a dropsy, non-handsy load of garbage. Ertz has been gold on first down so maybe the sneaky play here is Goedart? Did I spell it right? It’s early.

Lions/Potato Skins:

Rb Peterson’s toe owie caused him to miss practice but he figures he’s good to go today. That point is a bit moot because he’s ceding carries to Guice who is infinitely more explosive with the rock. I wouldn’t watch this one for quality qb play.

Let ‘er rip below.

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Already, this has been a good bears drive. What does the wheel of fucking things up say will come next?

LemonJello

Torn groin spiking the ball after a first down?

Redshirt

Safety?

entropy

For the love of christ shoot everyone involved in these awful State Farm commercials

entropy

Gruden about to go 1/9 on challenges

Gatoraids

Last time gruden lost that many challenges was at a Tampa Bay Hooters and involved where he could put drumettes

Redshirt

TD, Quack Attack.

The Maestro

Trying to do a little research: Lady Maestro was in VA for sales training with her company for 10 days this past month. When she was there, she met some native Panthers fans (!) – can anyone here verify that these folks’ habit of referring to NFL Sunday as ” ‘Thers-Day ” is an actual thing? And if so, how can we get Panthers fans the mental health assistance they clearly desperately require?

King Hippo

As a native Charlatan (though outside Raleigh now) I ain’t never heard of that

Redshirt

Oh, shit. They benched Rudolph! We’re screwed.

King Hippo

duck caller is in?

Redshirt

Quack.

King Hippo

good Christ, y’all suck

Mr. Ayo

Hasn’t been a good weekend for ducks, though.

King Hippo

or Niiiiiiiiice Beaver

/I seriously had a ML bet on Oregon State

King Hippo

rip, brief Falcon competence

Gratliff

Agholor snuck on the field in a Chawx uni

Redshirt

Ryan Finley’s brief flirtation with competence has ended.

ArmedandHammered

It makes the crushing defeat feel even worse.

King Hippo

He’s having a very NC State few games

The Maestro

Oh, men. MEN. And women. WOMEN. I am finally moved into my new place, which means I have the luxury of sitting and FOOBAWing hard all afternoon for the first time in what feels like two weeks. Bless. Up.

rockingdog

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Col. Duke LaCross

A touchdown? On offense? On a pass more than ten yards downfield?

hippofant

I assume this will be followed by a pick-six, as per ancient Bears tradition.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, THERE are My Raiders. I’ve missed you guys.

King Hippo

awwwwwwwww goes teh laughtrack

King Hippo

Dear Christ, Gigantes

rockingdog

WOW!
JETS do a good on the first dive coming out of halftime

entropy

That was alarmingly competent by the Jets.

King Hippo

This week, Rikki’s Raiders Get Self-Aware

Gatoraids

Jets put Sullenburger in as head coach

Brick Meathook

REPENT!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

No

Gratliff

Remember when everyone was like “lol Facebook KILLED MySpace.”
But now Zuck has terf bangs and sells ads to nazis, while my boy MySpace Tom sold his shit for 500 mil to dumbass Rupert Murdoch and is probly somewhere in his little white tee, getting top right now. Salute to Tommy

— Stavros Halkias (@stavvybaby) November 24, 2019

clint greasewood

Cole Beasley is heat up for the Cowgirls.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow, this Giants kicker is going to have to commit whatever the Latino version of seppuku is.

King Hippo

el seppuku

Spur

chancla to the head

Don T

/makes sign of the cross

Gatoraids

El muerto loco

blaxabbath

Drinking the water.

Don T

“I will gladly take your money, CIA” (loudly, so that neighbors hear)

Mistborn Impossible

Letting another man sleep with your wife.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This Bears-Giants game is a classic Maddenism–the team that can score more is gonna win.

rockingdog

Yo
how does Tyler Lockett not have a catch yet?

King Hippo

wind

Spur

Game on.

Spur
King Hippo
Gatoraids

All these games at half at the same time everyone interested in getting these shit fests over as soon as possible

Spur
King Hippo
Spur
King Hippo

this not guarding Black Panthers’ only good player…interesting strategery

Spur

Boo Birds make their migration to Philly

Mistborn Impossible
Gatoraids

Nice to see dolphins trying to get on top of the draft again..good hustle

Gratliff

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Gratliff

Fuck it. Just do go routes every down

Spur

Wentz REALLY wants to fumble

King Hippo

FATTEST GUY DOWN!!!!

blaxabbath

OBJ has a lot of swagger for playing in like one career playoff game.

Spur

DK Agholor Metcalf

Gratliff

Seattle should be winning by 40

Senor Weaselo

You get unnecessary roughness on the punter, and you still fuck it up?

Redshirt

Pittsburgh #26 coming Defensive Holding and Defensive Pass Interference on the same play.

Senor Weaselo

That takes talent.

King Hippo

good hustle!

King Hippo

YOU GOT 2 FEEL GOOD 4 KHUNT, HUH?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Trubisky running a two minute drill like he isn’t an incompetent baboon

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll wait

King Hippo

holding his beer?

Spur

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entropy

The PUNTER got called for unnecessary roughness?!

Mistborn Impossible

That’s a random drug test

Redshirt

BLEERGH forget how rules works.

Senor Weaselo

Unnecessary roughness… ON THE PUNTER. Drink to BLEERGH!

King Hippo

EVERY KNEE MUST BOW