Your “I Need This One Bad, Mate!” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Just over the horizon I can see the fantasy playoffs looming and those of you at 5-6 better get your collective shit together sooner rather than later. Perhaps you should take a flyer or two on some high upsiders, I mean what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t exactly worked has it? Just a thought…

TO THE GAMES!

Bucs/Falcons:

Tampa has given up an average of 3.5 scores thru the air over the last four weeks. They’ve had all year to fix this and nothing has been done. I don’t get it. Rb Brian Hill went busto last week and will likely do the same again vs. a Bucs squad that is stout against the run. Atlanta’s D has shown signs of turning it around lately but I think Evans and Godwin are going to remind them of some hard truths today.

Broncos/Bills:

Let’s get these youngsters the frickin’ ball, shall we? Both Singletary and Lindsay have distanced themselves from their backfield competition using their their lively legs. Let them run, damnit! It’s a small sample size but qb Allen seems to trust te Fant these last two weeks and that fantasy position is a wasteland. You could-and probably will-do worse than him.

Giants/Bears:

Hopefully Daniel Jones used the bye to get more comfortable with the O, increase his pocket awareness and solve his fumbling issues. Perhaps he even suggested to his dull as a 10-year-old knife OC some plays like RPO’s, jet sweeps, swing passes and pitch-outs. You know, the kinds of things that would allow the team’s most dynamic player to operate in a bit of space. Ah, whose kidding who, none of these things happened.

Steelers/Bengals:

Juju and Conner are out and this game has a dismal 38 over/under. It’s got ‘ugly’ written all over it. Rook qb Finley’s on-going troubles mean that Mixon will get all kinds of carries straight into the teeth of Pitt’s stellar interior D that consists of Heyward, Tuitt, Alualu and McCullers. Put cotton-eyed Joe down for 20 carries for 62 yards.

Fins/Browns:

All of the yakkers on the Sirius fantasy football channel are guaranteeing that OBJ will go off this week so you should probably fade him. I’ll bet his opposite number Davante Parker has the better numbers by the end of regulation.

Panthers/Saints:

Wr Chark is the sexy upside play here but Kyle Allen’s security blanket is D.J. Moore. He’s the one getting 35(!) targets over the last three weeks. Is Cup of McCaffrey on a roll? In his last 20 games he’s racked up 30+ points nine times. So, ‘yes’.

Raiders/Jets:

Guess who has been QB5 over the last two weeks? Yeah, it’s our own Unfrozen Caveman. I picked him up when I saw his cupcake, down-the-stretch sked but I didn’t have the balls to play him. Maybe you do?

Seahawks/Eagles:

Philly follows the Bucs lead in that they’re strong vs. the run but their secondary is a “Must Fly” zone. That means that a quality DFS stack is Wilson/Metcalf/Gordon. On t’udder side, you must think that the Eagles will be playing from behind but their receiving corps is a dropsy, non-handsy load of garbage. Ertz has been gold on first down so maybe the sneaky play here is Goedart? Did I spell it right? It’s early.

Lions/Potato Skins:

Rb Peterson’s toe owie caused him to miss practice but he figures he’s good to go today. That point is a bit moot because he’s ceding carries to Guice who is infinitely more explosive with the rock. I wouldn’t watch this one for quality qb play.

Let ‘er rip below.

 

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King Hippo

check that passing line on Haskins

Don T

“Billie Jean King, meet Jameis Winston”

“Mahatma Gandhi, meet the Burger King”

King Hippo

Billy Jean King buddies with Rapey Jameis. MAKES CENTS

entropy

These Baker Mayfield commercials will be funny if they reshoot them after he’s out of the league, but still lives in the Browns stadium.

LemonJello

Tomsula hopes they never find out about him living in the bowels of FedEx Field…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Awww…successful endzone punt by Donks. Had the gif cued up and everything….

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Mistborn Impossible

Thank god for the Troops! Just imagine, if we didn’t have them to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan, America wouldn’t have NFL games apparently! It’s chilling if you think about it.

Redshirt

Be nice to them. When Trump refuses to accept the impeachment conviction or election loss, we’re going to need the troops help from Operation Eviction.

Redshirt

OH, BLEERGH! WHY HAVE THOU FORSAKEN ME?!

Spur

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Spur

Great run from Pennysaver

Mistborn Impossible

Who’s that? James Conner?

Spur

R Penny – RB for Seahawks

Redshirt

Ryan Finley’s a good thrower, but his best pinch is sadly a knuckleball.

litre_cola

Sounds great – BYU alum

King Hippo

RIP, brief Bollo non-tardedness

Mr. Ayo

Arm punt!

Spur

what will it take for the Bills to handoff to Singletary twice in a row in one series?

entropy

Is everyone else dead? Because it would probably take that.

LemonJello

“Can we do that?”
-Bills coaching staff

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A beatin’?

King Hippo

store could use some fixin??

blaxabbath

::Turns on OAK/NYJ::

Finally! A broadcast worth watching in this slot!

Spur

Wentz needed to go check his facebook

Redshirt

Direct quote from last Finley pass:

(sounds): : “aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
(translation) : hopeful happiness | shocked disbelief

King Hippo

Again, I am sorry on behalf of all Wolven Sort

blaxabbath

I can’t help but be reminded that Steve Scalise was shot and did not die.

He should have died.

Viva La Tabula Raza

No, should have lived but like James Brady lived.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Brady

Don T

David Carr is out? I need the garbage points! Stupid fucking shitty things.

King Hippo

/Josh Jacobs owner with 4.3 points nods

entropy

I dont think I’ve seen a team so obviously quit before.

King Hippo

Glennon fumbles twice in three snaps, banner NC State week

clint greasewood

Might have to save some of this Wild Turkey 101 for Thanksgiving.

King Hippo

BLOOD SUGAR BABY! IT’S MAGIC, A FITZMAGIC!!

litre_cola

They are covering…..

King Hippo

I bet ML

entropy

First time this has ever been written:

The Jets have not had to punt until 2 minutes to go in the 3rd quarter.

Spur

Time to start drinking.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s something o’clock somewhere

Don T

Second that. I was getting tired of waiting until 4:30

litre_cola

Just bet on the Cowboys. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT GAMBLOR???????

King Hippo

I thought about it and declined, so enjoy your winnings

Redshirt

Good News: “I’ve lost six pounds so far.”
Bad News: “I’ve just downs half a container of egg nog.”

King Hippo

You have a toilet and fingers, don’t ya fatty?? – Karen C., parts unknown

Gratliff

Wentz needed 17 completed passes to hit 100 yards. Alex Smith sheds a single tear.

entropy

The way the Jets are hitting him, Renfrow’s nickname must be World Trade Center.

herodotus450

“Yeah, I’m gonna need to cancel my ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner order and replace it with something else.”

Redshirt

Twitter says Rudolph was distraught with Garrett’s racist accusation. That may partly explain why he’s crapping the bed.

King Hippo

Sounds right, Murrica feels sorry for the racist.

Redshirt

That checks out. I feel sorry for Trump. Blessed with money. Connected with the people. Still ends up a Dingleberry of the Ass Hair of Humanity.

Petronel

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blaxabbath

So CBS is all-in on mixed-race comedies. In 2019.

Edgy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bears coaching staff pulling out all the buttplugs

Mistborn Impossible

Wait, they showed that on T.V.?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sure, Bears call a timeout during a 2 point conversion, even though the defense jumped and a tackle moving would have meant half the distance and a stoppage

Gratliff

EAGLES DID A THING. Now they will proceed to do not a thing.

Spur

The Eagles has 0 penalties. Seems legit

litre_cola

Bolo Verdad did good?

entropy

31 point lead, and I’m STILL not sure the Jets could win this game.

Spur

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rockingdog

thats a good funny

entropy

Sweet jesus what the fuck is going on

King Hippo

very entropic

litre_cola

Just had an hour nap. How are the Heaux no kicking the shit out of the Eagles????

BrettFavresColonoscopy

They’re better at catching fish than footballs

litre_cola

Jimmy Graham played basketball.
Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.

Gratliff

Eagles absolutely wasting Seattle’s one bad offensive game so far

King Hippo

The other Watt may be ded, so there is today’s silver lining moment

King Hippo

yep, my new lucky socks are sure working

Mistborn Impossible

Fellow Broncos fan here. I smoked my lucky weed and everything, I don’t know what else I can do

King Hippo

another one WOO!!!!

King Hippo

Some good hand there by SeaTruthers!

Gratliff

dear sweet jesus fuck what was any of that

King Hippo

I am losing to a fantasy team that seriously started THREE players on bye.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thom Brennaman getting a little ahead of himself assuming the bears will score inside the 6

Redshirt

Mixon just had his best run, running away from where his blockers were.

ArmedandHammered

Mitch Trubisky being competent or are the Giants just making him look good?

Col. Duke LaCross

Yes?

King Hippo

oh, if #ThePauls blow this…