Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Of course it was all over the local papers and even made the regional news broadcast. When things go right there’s never much fuss because there are no witnesses, or the family are out-of-towners (if there are any) or the body is discovered much later. A corpse isn’t news-worthy. But you know what is? A good samaritan happening upon a crime taking place. There’s a face to interview, some splash to be made, clicks to acquire, and so on. There was no connection made to other happenings in town because that would have required effort on behalf of journalists and members of the police force. To be fair, they’re all townies that don’t have the skills to dig deeper. I mean, if they did they sure wouldn’t be here.

So Chet made it, just barely. My failure is lying there in Intensive Care, hooked up to all kinds of bells and whistles. There’s most likely a huge piece of gauze wrapped around his throat too. One reporter said that he wasn’t able to talk, which was good. And said samaritan gave the dodgiest of descriptions. He only saw one side of my face but described my clothes well. So I drove down some backwoods road with the items in a bag, set it on fire and then buried it.

I then took a bit of time and reviewed my situation. They’ll be interviewing all Chet’s buddies at the bar and most likely the bartender as well. I’m confident that none of his friends would have noticed me as I recall it was the bartender that delivered their drinks to them. She’s going to be a problem. Damn. As for Chet, I can’t get at him in ICU because it’s an isolated area and even if I could he’d be hooked up to a heart monitor while he’s in a dicey state and if something occurred someone would come running. I’m going to have to wait this one out for a bit…

Five days had passed and the rumour around town was that old Chet was in a regular room. It’s time to give him a visit.

I’d been to this hospital over the years-asthma attacks, a fractured thumb, a gashed arm-so I knew a bit how it was laid out.There were only five floors and each wing had a small little waiting area for friends and family that were visiting patients. Thing is, I didn’t know where Chet was and of course I couldn’t ask. So I set up shop in the lobby of the second floor and listened for idle chatter. Nothing. I left after an hour. Next day I set up on the third floor and did the same. Nothing again. Not good-that bartender’s description was going to come out soon.

The third day I camped out on the fourth floor and waited. I was only going to give it 45 minutes or so because I knew I was pushing my luck. About a half hour in, two broken-down sorts ambled by, looking lost. My interest was piqued. They wandered over to the nurse’s station and I heard the word ‘Chet”. Yes!

I followed them back down to the second floor and saw them go into a room. I hurried to the men’s washroom and holed up in one of the stalls. I took out a book I’d been reading-it was Mailer’s The Naked and The Dead, don’t know why I picked that one, I guess I just liked the title-and set my phone timer for 45 minutes.

After time was up I made my way to the room and peered around the door frame. No visitors and no other patients. My time was now. I walked towards Chet’s bed, his eyes went wide when he saw me and he started fumbling for the the buzzer by his bedside. Shit! I couldn’t get to him in time and froze. Shit! He pressed it a whole bunch of times. Fuck. I had to think fast. Walking quickly towards the nurse’s station my brain was screaming, “THINK, THINK”. A thickset woman about 45 minutes was sighing and getting out of her seat.

-Uh, my buddy Chet rang for you. I think he just wants a pillow. Do you have one available? I’ll save you a trip.

-Yah, there’s one just over in the closet over here

My heart was pounding out through my chest. I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead…

-Here’s the pillow. Hey, you don’t look so good…

I cleared my throat.

-Uh, yeah. I, uh, hate hospitals. A lot. Something about that antiseptic smell gets to me. But I had to visit my buddy.

-Yeah, you’re not the first. And could you get Chet to lay off the buzzer? Pretty annoying…

-Sure, sure. I’ll see that he doesn’t bother you anymore.

Chet was trying to desperately get out of his bed and struggling badly in his weakened state. The buzzer had fallen to the floor and I pushed him back down onto the bed. As the pillow went over his face he struggled a bit but not much. He was an old man that had suffered a significant injury so it didn’t take long. After it was over I put the extra pillow behind his head all nice like.

I’m hoping there’s a 50/50 chance that medical staff will attribute Chet’s demise to his heart giving out but who knows? That nurse saw me plain as day and the thought of having to kill a woman makes me sick to my stomach…

TO THE GAME!

Packers/Niners:

It was reported that Kittle would give it a go tonight so it may only be Breida, Samuel and Sanders that are out. Green Bay is very generous in the run game so Tevin should get his but if he doesn’t Jimmy G has proven that he can fling it these past few weeks. I think that this one will be a close one.

Night night!

 

 

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UnsurprisedSenor WeaseloGumbygirlSharkbaitGatoraids Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m going to actually try and make the dessert I take for Thanksgiving (and pick up a pumpkin pie for tradition)
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Senor Weaselo

Professor Poopybutthole!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Sharkbait

All the throwbacks to Bill Walsh Remind me of this gem:

https://youtu.be/L04IzJFJhpM?t=25

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh dear lord, they’re showing a turkey farm. Why an I still watching this?

Fun fact, I can draw blood from any turkey. You show me a turkey, I’ll get you a sample.

Hogs too. Though hogs often get pissed. And can hurt ya.

WCS

So… you’re saying you can make turkeys and pigs heroin addicts?

Sharkbait

But what about hippos?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never tried a hippo. Not sure I’d want to.

Did an elephant once.

Wait, let me rephrase that.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hippos kill more people than any other animal in Africa

theeWeeBabySeamus

Screw them. Let ’em find their own drugs. I don’t have enough as it is.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

To remind people that there is a bigger slaughter than this game going on

TheRevanchist

Stupid Turkeys! Get in mah belly

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

.

Sharkbait
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

íBuenos tacos amigos!

Sharkbait

More importantly, who needs a three pound tub of frozen taco filler?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Taco Bell?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

HOOLLLLLYYYYY SHIT

Horatio Cornblower

Back from Foxboro, where the Patriots did their best to be gracious hosts, but the Cowboys simply would not win. More later, as I am too tired to even grab that bedtime beer we all crave, but I leave you with one question: Why, in the name of all that is holy, would you insist on the suite windows being open during the game when it is wet, cold and windy out? Isn’t the whole point of having a suite to bask in your superiority over the cold and miserable masses huddled below?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes!!!!!

Screw the peasants, let’s stay warm.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Did Kraft show up in the box? Did you punch him in the dick?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

If he did, he’s be buried under Foxboro

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Yes, but he’d die a true American hero!

Sharkbait

Exactly. You keep that shit closed.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Lawl 122 yds perfect passer rating. I am the perfect man that is 5’2

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Now Thats What I Call Football music cd soundtrack tonights game. Wouldn’t pay for this game like I’ll never pay for my Columbia house cds

WCS

That play had no chance, but, Mike McCarthy would have punted.

Sharkbait

Green Bay getting more bailouts than the auto industry

WCS

This from the Patriots fan.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Dey Turk our bailouts

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Stopped clock

Sharkbait

I…well…damnit.

WCS

Hello again, Bail Out Flag.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Jesus Christ, I’m sick of this game and it’s not even the 4th quarter. And I’m out of weed. Fuck.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Such has been my life since June.
*sigh*

hippofant
hippofant

Lol at running the reverse leak out of the PA TE leak play that the Packers finally figured out.

Reminds me of the fake RPO pass the Cardinals ran last week.

Petronel

That compensates for the bailout flag nicely.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Should show Bill Bellicheck coaching wildfire

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

That commercial for VR looked like the training exercises from Ender’s Game.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Alan Greenspan thinks that call was too much of a bailout

Sharkbait

Green Bay. Sponsored by: Goldman Sachs.

Wakezilla

So,all season long, the Packers have been a .500 team that have been gifted a bunch of wins by the refs. Is this a different refereeing crew for them?

Genuinely curious

Sharkbait

Bailout flag in 3…2…1…

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

There you go.

WCS

Does that guy from Winnipeg get pants back now?

Wakezilla

“I rather not wear pants”

That Peg guy tomorrow infront of the media

Sharkbait

Is balls still doing searches? “Peg Guy”

Mistborn Impossible
Mistborn Impossible

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Charge of the Light Brigade
Charge of the Light Brigade

Christ almighty, football is about the only network TV I watch in a week, and every damn show advertised is cops or lawyers. Am I just miss-remembering, or did there used to be other kinds of shows? Besides sitcoms?

Sharkbait

Nope. That’s pretty much it.

Gratliff

Have they done an ICE show to lionize them yet? I feel like there’s gotta be one in the works.

Sharkbait

It’ll air after Last Man Standing

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Even Hollywood couldn’t make that believable.

Wakezilla

My theory is that once Warner Brothers decides to fully emulate Marvel’s shitty movie making formula, we’ll get a Jaime Reyes Blue Beetle where he teams up with an Ice worker, which is reminiscent of Black Panther’s shitty politics

King Hippo

If it were at all plausible, Fox would have done it already.

Wakezilla

You forgot to mention that you saw commercials for shows about our troops, you treacherous person, you. #thankyouGodbless

Charge of the Light Brigade
Charge of the Light Brigade

Sorry, the division between cops and troops has become a bit blurry, I deeply apologize.

King Hippo

and the funny thing is…few professions are as dull as the (actual) practice of law. Accountants have more fun.

Spur
Spur

Reality TV killed the Cable channels.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Back in my day there were three Law and Orders and three CSI’s, how many they up to now?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

All the CSIs became NCISes

Senor Weaselo

Medical shows?

Charge of the Light Brigade
Charge of the Light Brigade

Yeah I remembered House when I hit enter. Man, what happened to shows like the Twilight Zone, Star Trek, or… NvM they all moved to streaming services or cable.

Senor Weaselo

They got rebooted.

Wakezilla

The Blue bombers finally win the Grey Cup after 29 long years. I’m happy for them. I wasn’t much older than Toddlerzilla when they last won the Grey Cup.

So, will the refs be calling Royal Samplers penalties against the 49ers to get the Pack in the game, or, is the game over?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Game. Over.

King Hippo

oh yeah, drafting is done, teevee is off. Left to contemplate my own existence.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Remember, when there are no choices that can make you happy, Socrates vodka, it kills what ills ya.

King Hippo

chuh chuh!

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, house is empty finally. I sit down to see what’s happening in the world of Fitbaw and….

Niners been that good, or Packers been that bad?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I am so happy that my family wants to see me as much as I want to see them. Not at all.

Senor Weaselo

-Aaron Rodgers

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

“HAMILTON TIGER-CATS 2019 CFL CHAMPIONS “ T-shirts are now being distributed to homeless shelters in the United States.

herodotus450
herodotus450

On this week’s episode of Watchmen: “If you thought we were being unsubtle with the racism message before…”

Gratliff

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LemonJello
LemonJello

Lot less Viagra needed in DC because of this…

theeWeeBabySeamus

So kinda like crack, when Marion Barry died?

King Hippo

BITCH SET ME UP!!

Spur
Spur

Rodgers has that “take me to the nearest bathhouse” look.

King Hippo

nah, he just needs a good massage. And some pussy ,, obvs.

Senor Weaselo

Not like he can go home to be with his family.

Senor Weaselo

There’s gonna be some full wolves in Winnipeg tonight!
https://what-if.xkcd.com/155/

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Somewhere Mike McCarthy is jabbing pins in a Rogers doll

King Hippo

that would require him to put down the tub of iced cream, tho

Gratliff

Jesus Christ, Al. I’m trying to cut back on the Rodgers jokes. That would be funny even if it wasn’t Rodgers on the other end.

King Hippo

Dude is taking a pounding. Credit to him for continuing to get up.

Spur
Spur

Bosa hit Rodgers so hard, his mother remembered she had a second son.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Bosa or Rodgers?

Spur
Spur

That joke goes both ways

LemonJello
LemonJello

I see what you did there, but I’m not falling for your trap, you master baiter.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Rodgers greatest influence wasn’t Staubach but Lizzie Bordin

Spur
Spur

Rodger is disgusted of Jimmy G’s family life

Petronel

Deebo’d!

King Hippo

je approve!

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

SF ripping those seams like a fat guy in knockoff Levi’s.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The Winnipeg coach just got a Gatorade bath in sub-freezing weather.

That’s how they killed George Allen.

Mistborn Impossible
Mistborn Impossible

And good riddance to him! Now if we could only do something about his son…

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The kid’s a douche but what do you have against George Allen the coach?

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Nixon lover

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

So? It’s a free country. You want him dead for that?

Mistborn Impossible
Mistborn Impossible

The last coach to integrate, and then only grudgingly

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Bullshit. George Preston Marshall was the owner who was the last to integrate. Allen would play anybody who would win, legally or not.

Mistborn Impossible
Mistborn Impossible

You are correct, I had the wrong Redacteds coach named George! My apologies to his estate.

King Hippo

/but still, fuck his corpse

litre_cola

Bombers win! Hooray, last time they did I was 14!

King Hippo

Any halftime suicide suggestions? I don’t like the idea of Monday, and this game annoys me.

LemonJello
LemonJello

No suicide for you until Hippo Thoughts are ready to post.

King Hippo

it’s in the hopper, except for this shitshow

LemonJello
LemonJello

Well, it looks like you’re hanging around for a while, David Carradine.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Socrates brand hemlock infused vodka.

Mistborn Impossible
Mistborn Impossible

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