Your “Tripping? I’ll Show You Some Real Tripping!” Monday Night Football Open Thread

I’m the last guy to advocate for the Cowboys in any way whatsoever but two tripping penalties in one game? NFL refs are so far up the Pats ass that they can spell doodenum, dawadenum, dawdnum, doudenum properly on the first try. Let’s go to…

Fallout:

-The Bengals have had enough of rook qb Ryan Finley’s less than average shenanigans and have opted to return to Andy Dalton’s average shenanigans. Neither one of these fellas will be under center week 1 of the 2020 season.

-The running back equivalent of ‘dirty clothes stuffed in a garbage bag at the laundromat’, Kelen Ballage, is still the starter for the Fins. He’s approaching Adrian Murrell levels of awfulness. “Who’s Adrian Murell?”, you might ask? My reply would be, “Exactly”.

-I mean, it’s finally over for Jason Garrett at the end of this year, right? The Cowburps have all kinds of talent on both sides of the ball and yet are sitting at 6-5. Jerrah’s post-game comments centered around the word ‘frustrating’. He only said it about a dozen times or so.

-In “Maybe If He’d Shown Us This We Wouldn’t Be Tanking” news, Ryan Tannehill is on an 11/3 TD/Int tear along with three rushing scores. And them Titans are 4-1 and have as much momentum going forward as a 240 pound (ah, I’m taking the over here) Derrick Henry with a ten yard running start.

TO THE GAME!

Ravens/Rams:

As far as front offices/GM’s are concerned, the vast majority of praise/derision is focused around the draft. But sometimes, identifying a problem and acting to solve that problem in a meaningful way occurs. That’s the case with both these teams. Both identified that the missing piece for the defense was a cb. Most times this issue would be ‘solved’ by the elevation of a practice squad scrub or a free agent signing but that’s not the case here. Since the respective trades for Jalen Ramsey (L.A.) and Marcus Peters (Baltimore) just before week seven, these squadoos are 1 and 2 in scoring defense. Now, will the Rams D be able to handle LAMAR! and the bitchin’ running game that averages more yards per game than any team since Walter Payton’s ’77 Bears? I dunno.

Let’s watch and find out.

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Dunstan

STOP IT, HE’S ALREADY DEAD!

LemonJello

Is LAMAR! really Quicksilver? It’s like everyone else is moving an order of magnitude slower than he is.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

“Lamar, what is best in life?”
Lamar: “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the Patriots fans.”

Gratliff

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Dunstan

What kind of weirdo puts their taco down? HARF HARF HARF no more taco.

LemonJello

BALLS! Search term: “taco holder”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, Rams sure got their dick caught in a zipper tonight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74BlHdTi2DI

jjfozz

The fucking Wire comment, I know my city is in the hole right now, but FUCK we are way more than that. Eat shit you slobbering dickhead.

LemonJello

What did our Dear Leader tweet now?

jjfozz

Fuck that cunt.

Gratliff

Look, I used to live outside Baltimore, and no it’s not

jjfozz

Sorry bud, I’m from Baltimore. Work there every day, was born there. I admit it’s in a shit spiral right now, but again, there are bright spots.

Gratliff

If I’m being honest, about 80% of my disdain for it comes from the fact that my dad was an O’s fan and the other 20% is that time I stayed at the Lord Baltimore Hotel in college for a convention and could only afford chinese food from down the road since I was broke after the cost of the room and they charged me more to make that call from the room than I paid for the food.

jjfozz

Ugh, the Orioles are a tough space right now. And that sucks about the chinese food. Where did you go to college?

Gratliff

A shitty community college up in Northeast before I transferred up to Northern Michigan University and never came back.

Gratliff

And yes, I realize Cecil County can’t technically be considered outside of Baltimore, but I’ve lived in parts of Michigan that have been further than that from a fucking Walmart.

blaxabbath

“Shit spiral, Rand. It goes around and around…“

“But you never get out of Baltimore, right Mr Lahey?”

“That’s right, Randy. Not until you graduate Baltimore and make it to con college.”

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litre_cola

I hear the food is good!

Brick Meathook

I hear they have top quality telephones.

litre_cola

That was Finland in the 00’s, is there an abundance of pickled fish in Baltimore too?

Dunstan

I’d like to know which skinny motherfucker came up with this “one pound of turkey per person” guideline. I want MOAR TURKEY!

LemonJello

There are 5 members of House LemonJello – we have an 18 lb turkey thawing. There will be no leftovers by Saturday.

Dunstan

Attaboy!
/slaps LemonJello on the ass, HARD
// waits for it to stop jiggling
/// waits
/// decides to just go on talking anyway

I’m expecting 5 adults and 2 kids, and I’m going with a 15 lb bird, with a 5 lb breast on the side. Then I like to hit up the grocery store on Friday for cheap leftover birds.

About the craziest I get with leftovers is turkey chili. None of this “oh, what can I do, I’ll have to make … (searches internet) turkey samosas!” nonsense.

LemonJello

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Gratliff

*Seven Nation Army intensifies*

litre_cola

Ravens v Niners Superb Owl?

Dunstan

Except that Darth Grumblelord is already coming up with some fucking plan to contain Lamar.

LemonJello

Is there a dormant volcano under Gillette Stadium that’s due to erupt?

Viva La Tabula Raza

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LemonJello

PURPLE CAMO PANTS FOR EVERYONE!

jjfozz

Yes, but purple camo jorts are so much more baltimore

Gratliff

Only Jerry Jones would go out and vaguely threaten his division-leading team 2/3 of the way through the season

Brick Meathook

Here’s the local Disneyland:

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LemonJello

That is one fancy bowling alley.

herodotus450

Good news, everyone! I’ve just finished building my invention, the Future Newspaper Printer; it prints news, from the future! Let’s give it a go.
(Insert printing noises.)
Ok let’s see, “Lamar Jackson suffers career ending injury, Patriots stage 100 point 4th quarter comeback to win AFC CG and have been awarded the Super Bowl by default.”
Uh oh, looks I’ve set it for “Darkest Timeline,” let’s just–(more printing noises)–there’s another one: “Patriots acquire time travel technology from drunk fan, retrieve young Tom Brady from past and sign him to a lifetime contr” (machine smashing noises) oh look at that it’s broken.

litre_cola

Can you tell me how Brexit turns out? Please tell me mop head PM, and Cheeto Pres get hit by a meteor while watching a Cowboys v Manchester United game in Foxboro!

WCS

Other headline: Trump Declares Himself President For Life; Mitch McConnell “Concerned but Willing To Proceed”

LemonJello

At least there wasn’t any headlines about Charlemango’s 3rd term as Presidente 4 Lyfe.

litre_cola

Chalemango, is that a French Pornstar?

WCS

One who already has been paid hush money.

LemonJello

Not even the KGB would keep those tapes. Operation “Golden Shower” was deemed nightmare fuel and ensured a trip to the Gulag if ever mentioned again.

jjfozz

YOU SHUT YOUR DUMPSTER WHORE MOUTH!

LemonJello

This LAMAR! feller is prettay good at the quartered backing, no?

Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

Is there a soldier sleeping next to you?

Brick Meathook

I, but there’s a bunch of homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk down there a ways.

WCS

Better not tell Scotchy your whereabouts…

LemonJello

He sees them when they’re sleeping. He knows when they’re awake…

Unsurprised

Hey. I just sent in a background check authorization form for a job, which seems encouraging. I also set up a couple of phone interviews for next week. Things seem to be looking up.

SonOfSpam

Excellent! If called for a reference, how many drugs should I say you do? A lot? I’ll say a lot.

Unsurprised

So long as you say I still get the job done, say I’m Tony Montana for all I care.

LemonJello

“Tony Montana? Didn’t he play for the 49ers?”
-some hipster, probably

LemonJello

Gud luck!
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Sharkbait

Fuck yeah

WCS
LemonJello

“THOSE GOLLDURNED SUMBITCHES ARE OUT TO GET MY GOTTDAMMED STARS!!! YEEEHAAAwwwwwww! I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!1!!!”

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SonOfSpam

Guys, I don’t think RAMMMMMMIT is going back to the Superest of Bowls.

Brick Meathook

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Haha! Jokes on them! I don’t have any friends.

Viva La Tabula Raza

No way man, I’m not reading your coaster; I’m checking her out in the toilet on the hidden webcam.

SonOfSpam

Why does Newcastle have French on their coasters?

Actually, who cares. Newcastle sucks unless you’re in 1990 and have no other choices.

Unsurprised

He’s in Quebec.

SonOfSpam

Ah. That explains the frogginess.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wow Rams. Super Bowl to Toilet Bowl in the blink of an eye.

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, those crowd shots…I haven’t seen this much purple since the last time one of Adrian Peterson’s kids mooned me.

litre_cola

Also would have accepted since the Houston 500.

Brocky

Stupid question: why are the bears ranked above the eagles in current wild card standings?

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Obviously i understand there’s a 3 way tie at 5-6, but wouldn’t Philadelphia’s win over the bears and their better conference record than the Panthers give them the lead?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think when there are more than two teams involved it goes straight to conference record.

Brocky

Or does it go to the first tiebreaker applicable for all the tied teams, IE carolina didn’t play either of the other 2 teams, so the first tiebreaker, head to head record, wouldn’t be used.

I guess it just wouldn’t make sense to me as a fan, If my team has tie breakers over the other two teams, the fact they’re tied with each other shouldn’t matter.

Or am I misunderstanding this?

ballsofsteelandfury

Conference Record trumps all in a 3 way tie.

litre_cola

Oooh 3 way.

ballsofsteelandfury

Christmas Vacation is on! Moving over there…

WCS

You serious, balls?

ballsofsteelandfury

Fuck yeah. The Ravens got this.

ballsofsteelandfury

Beverly D’Angelo looks AMAZING in that white silky top…
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jjfozz

What’s better: her chest or her sexy overbite?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes

Brick Meathook

This is the restaurant I’m in right now:

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WCS

Is it called, “Don’t Eat Here”?

Spur

I remember this place, The Gate to Hell – Mitch Mcconnell

ballsofsteelandfury

“Game Over”

– G. Easterbrook, writing on his notebook.

Spur

YAY! TD for Hollywood!

Gumbygirl

I just turned it on. Everybody is wearing their jammies!

ballsofsteelandfury

Aquaticism episode is on! Switching now.

Redshirt

This game’s choice in jersey colors.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqkXkowfFcs

Spur

Lamar just did what Dak needed to do. RUN! Get the defense to pick a poison

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, Ravens are going to beat the shit out of the Lambs. I may have to switch the channel and see if there is a Bob’s Burgers rerun on…

Spur

Im hoping for a big game from Hollywood Brown

Viva La Tabula Raza

The Rams unis are very topical as in they remind of this news story from yesterday.
https://people.com/human-interest/doctor-saves-mans-life-sucking-urine-from-bladder-mid-flight-emergency/

ballsofsteelandfury

PAC 12, Conference of Champions!

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

LOOK AT ALL THE PURPLE YOU GUYS!!

Spur

I love that shade! – Kate Spade

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Tyreek Hill’s kid’s mother, trying to get the NFL to actually do something about child abuse for once.

jjfozz

Bezos: “They just don’t hate us enough.”
Marketing Weasel: “Why don’t we completely bastardize that song. It goes ‘you, you, you?”
Marketing Weasel #2: Searches the internet. “It was in a movie called Blew Brothers or something.”
Bezos: “That’s the one, now hire someone to completely fuck that song up! Suck the soul out of it.”
Marketing Weasel #3: Finishes sucking the brains out of a newborn. “Yes, master.”

Spur

Yes, i watched the Godfather all day. Tomorrow am doing Michael Mann day

Last of the Mohicans
Heat
Collateral

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heat is quite possibly my all-time favorite movie. It’s not a perfect film, but I just goddamned love it so much.

jjfozz

Godfather 2 ruled this trilogy, which in turn rules all trilogies. Hands fucking down.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ayn Rand’s desiccated corpse would like a word.comment image

Spur
ballsofsteelandfury

Somebody thought enough to take the entire week off! Nicely done!

Spur

am “working from home” these next few days . I just pause when i have my standing meetings

ballsofsteelandfury

Smart. I wish I could do that…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Still love his first feature mostest.comment image

Unsurprised

Excellent choice, sir

jjfozz

“Blue collar Baltimore” do your research, we’re not blue collar, more like blood red collar.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m watching the MNF pre-game show and they just showed an overhead shot of the Coli. It’s mostly empty with a bunch of black and purple spots.

This gone be U.G.L.Y.

The NFL needs to get the fuck out of LA…

Spur
ballsofsteelandfury

This is the only Appolonia I know:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwl8ZxliHIQ

Spur
ballsofsteelandfury
Spur

Last Dragon soundtrack also had a lost gem from Stevie Wonder
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OCN_OEZUuE

Spur

Folks

rockingdog
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m predicting 40 percent Ravens jerseys at the Coli tonight.

Redshirt

Oh, Bengals. Its always ends up good when you drunk dial your ex that you broke up with three weeks ago.

Don T

If only it were that endearing. “Yer trade bait, meat”, goes Mike Brown’s text, under the effects of instant oatmeal.

Sharkbait

Need me a big night from Mr. Kupp this evening

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Us too.” – two girls

rockingdog

ramms gonna rammit?

jjfozz

Oh boy oh boy! A Monday night game where I’m not yelling at Flacco.

Redshirt

There’s always impulse reactions to replays from when Flacco was there.

jjfozz

I admit that I loved that guy. His fall off in production was rough. Not sure what happened: either he gave up or was more injured than he ever let on. I’ve never heard anything but good things about him off the field. Humble, shy, very down to earth.