Your “If It Looks And Acts Like A Turkey…” Thanksgiving Day Football Open Thread

Welcome one and all to our annual Thanksgiving Day Open Threadganza! If you’ll just look under your seats you’ll find a little treat we placed there. (and no, we didn’t place a security camera in the room while we were there, you silly billy! How could we profit from endless hours of you scratching your butt?) You can type here as you pretend to look at real estate listings on the other side of the damn country, away from your incessant naggin! I’ll never be like Spencer because I’M NOT SPENCER! Will your mother ever understand? Or you could feign looking up foster homes in the area-maybe that’ll give the kids some pause for thought before they inevitably end up breaking something else. Don’t for a second think you don’t have options.

TO THE GAME!

Bears/Lions:

I’m not sure this is a game intro or a pre-obituary for ex-Purdue qb David Blough. He’s the rook qb that is taking his first NFL snaps today versus a Bears D that has a habit of burying his kind. But I’m sure Coach Mangy has him well prepared what with the two walk throughs he was given with the first team earlier this week. The good news is that he has a very good chance of not being the worst qb on the field today because there is a TruthBiscuit out there somewhere. Both these squadoos have tons of injuries so the quality of play might not be up to the usual standard (heh!) we’ve become accustomed to on this most holy of footballing days.

Speak to us of what is in your oven, on your table/agenda. We Must Know!

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King Hippo

The Bearistocrats!

litre_cola

21 pts already

King Hippo

Just put some air under it and let him go get the damned ball. Ain’t that complicated.

King Hippo

c’mon, Blow Guy, Fat Kicker needs to EAT!

King Hippo

I swear, these fucks give up a 1st and 32…

hippofant

Random play observation: on that throwback to Montgomery, the centre pulled to block on the rollout to the right, and then Leno Jr (LG?) pulled left, and then just STOOD THERE standing within 1 line of the line of scrimmage to avoid the ineligible man downfield penalty until he saw the pass go over his head.

People who criticize Nagy as a coach… That’s some really intricate play design combined with some really attention to detail there.

King Hippo

good point. He’s missing more of the big picture stuff, but experience likely will help.

hippofant

Course, then I read somewhere that they sent out 10 men on a play and got called for an illegal formation. (Missed it myself.)

litre_cola

Took a half day. It’s Mrs. Cola’s bday. I got high, poured myself a freezer vodka and cleaned the house. Win win. Now come on Bears you fucks.

King Hippo

Monty? This seems strange to me.

King Hippo

Wish I could leave the sound on Univision Deportes but screen on Fuck Liouns.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL de Wolves!!

Senor Weaselo

Good afternoon lizard people. At some point I have to rake leaves, and I’m not looking forward to it. They all collect between our fence and our stoop since we’re on a corner.

I have a new activity called “Senor Still Sucks at Shooting Games.” Or action games. Basically, Senorita Weaselo is sitting me down to play The Last of Us and here’s some of the impressively bad shit I did just last night (for those that played, this is all in the back half of Bill’s town)

-Fell off a wooden plank walking from one place to another
-Continuing to melee attack Clickers after my plank/bat/crowbar has gone and not taken out my brick to do so (this has led to many deaths)
-Missed a Runner in the chest at point-blank range. With a shotgun. That’s right, with a shotgun! Granted, she was surprised it didn’t get hit either.
-Only died once to my first Bloater (that’s good!) But died to the Runners trailing it because there was one left and it was stunned and I was at a sliver of health, and my dumb ass decided to try to heal rather than finish it off. I did neither, and she was pissed about that one. In fairness…
-About 80% of the time I will swing to early and miss with the first punch and get hit instead.

King Hippo

But enough about your sex life! 😀

King Hippo

I did like them telling me about running a pro-style offense. Those are getting MOAR rare, and you see it in the lower-tier QB play.

King Hippo

Nobody has ever gone undefeated in my money/keeper/auction league. But we has a 12-0 side right now. His secret? Well, he has Lamar!, Russell Wilson, AND the P*ts D/ST.

And my 3-9 team would have beaten him if not for my starting Ryan Finley for funsies.

King Hippo

I’m starting Brokeback, Bleeding KS, Scarbrough Fair, Fat Kicker, and Fuck Liouns D/ST. Becuase I’ll be watching anyway.

King Hippo

also, Rotowire now expects Julio to play. NO has a shutdown corner, though.

also also, Braga y Wolves esta uno a uno

King Hippo

Fat Kicker should get a fantasy 2-points for that

King Hippo
litre_cola

/benched Marvin Jones

King Hippo

I talk you out of Chi**** bet, at least?

litre_cola

No, no you did not. I have Chicago and the over.

King Hippo

Don’t blame ya. Asking my advice and going the other way is usually SMRT.

King Hippo

that virgin don’t like deep balls

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
King Hippo

inshallah, Buddy

King Hippo

NOPE. $40 on Fuck Liouns outright

herodotus450

People who give pets as gifts deserve to be with people who give cars as gifts.

King Hippo

YUP. Can’t give someone an obligation masquerading as a gift.

hippofant

Yeah, cool Fox, just show us a replay of Blough’s fucking face for 10 seconds, sure.

hippofant

Well, it looks like this game’s going to be entertaining at least.

herodotus450

Sounds like Troy-Bot got some new quips uploaded.

herodotus450

Gappy Gollidays

King Hippo

putting the FUCK back in Fuck Liouns!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Apropos of nothing….
And I love the guy, being a Ravens fan and all that…

But seriously, Lamar Jackson’s head looks weird.

litre_cola

Did I miss and blowjob jokes yet?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jokes?

herodotus450

Another one?

Spur

Why is Jimmy Allen dressed like Kid Rock?

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, you fantasy experts….is Julio Jones gonna suit up tonight or not?

I WANT THAT FIRST ROUND BYE!!!!!!

King Hippo

my guess is he won’t

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was not the answer I was looking for.
Which is why I’m on the waiver wire as we speak.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck it, I don’t like the matchup but Marquise Brown is a better option.

King Hippo

Astana now leads Man United en el futbol del Europa

theeWeeBabySeamus

Astana….she sounds hot. Ukraine?

I bet there is quid pro quo going on somewhere.

hippofant

I am cheering for the Lions today because FUCK O’HARE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: “Fucko Hare” is what Jay Cutler calls the rabbit that keeps digging up his flower beds.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Only if one owns a high powered rifle with a scope.

theeWeeBabySeamus

How did you acquire a photo of my grandfather?
I’m suing Canadia!!!!!!!
comment image

King Hippo

Some righteous Starfucker for y’all degenerates:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rF1sfqnp8kk

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

The Deacon is currently sitting on his grandmother’s lap, devouring the affection. My nephew is trying desperately to regain my mom’s attention, including showing her his “breakdancing”. My aunt is dying laughing, because this is apparently a direct replay of what my sister did when I was born

yeah right

First thing in the oven this morning is a head of garlic, basted with olive oil and some salt and pepper. 35 minutes 400 degrees, goes in the mashed potatoes later today. Also just broke out the cast iron skillet.

rockingdog

found a funny:
John Wick: [hiding from assassins at a Lady Gaga concert, turns, sees Lady Gaga] … Stefani.
Lady Gaga: [lowering pistol] hello, John.

rockingdog

picking the Bears today.
I dont think Stafford is playing… gotta figure Bears D comes up big?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That last query is a gold mine for a Balls porn search.

King Hippo

Univision Deportes has Europa Lesser Footy on, for your alternative viewing enjoyment.

King Hippo

One might think Kamala Harris would go ONE FUCKING (turkey) DAY without asking for HippoMoneys…but you’d be wrong.

Gumbygirl

She is relentless! There’s some guy, Cal Cunningham? who is even worse. I don’t know who he is, or what he’s running for, but he wants all of my money! No Cal, piss off!

King Hippo

US Senate, mah home state of North Cakalaky! He’ll probably lose, but only semi-serious candidate running.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was a little worried because the part of my yard where water normally collects (it’s where the drain is, so that’s a good thing) was bone dry. But now the water is showing up, so I guess everything is back to normal!

King Hippo

oh, and I am reading “Earth Abides” to complete my holiday tidings.

clint greasewood

Amazing book, George R Stewart is such an underrated author.

King Hippo

Does he have other apocalyptic stuff?

yeah right

I’m on book 3 of World Made by Hand, it’s called a History of the Future.
Been a terrific series.

King Hippo

I devoured that shit, so so good

King Hippo

Reclusegiving, I may have a bowl of cereal at some point. My oldest kid gave me a “I’m Only Talking To My Cat Today” coffee mug. Delightful!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Turkey in the oven. Ham will soon follow.
Now it’s time to watch gameshows while meat cooks

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! The I-5 through the Grapevine is currently CLOSED which means I am feeling VINDICATED AS FUCK for canceling our plans to drive up north for the holiday.

yeah right

Yeah it’s a dark and gloomy motherfucker out there. You did the right thing!

Gumbygirl

I got to Big Bear yesterday, mandatory chains. It’s snowing hard now, so the ride down tomorrow should be a thrillah!

yeah right

Youngest right made it to LA last night along with littlest right. We had a great time. DJ TAJ and the little one watched Spongebob while youngest right and I had our catch up discussion. She is so incredibly like I was at her age it’s uncanny.

Got to get ready because I’m making breakfast for everybody. Then the real cooking starts.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Unsurprised

… it’s probably the JEST

ballsofsteelandfury

How the fuck am i the first one here when it’s 7 fucking thirty in the morning on the West Coast?

Is the East Coast still asleep?

yeah right

We were the last ones at the party last night and the first ones to arrive today. West side!

Unsurprised

Go back to bed

herodotus450

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

Also, hangover.