- Lesser Footy – Now MOAR Than EVAR – May 30, 2020
- Lesser Footy May Day – How Many tWBS’s Shall There Be? – May 23, 2020
- Most Glorious Return and Regerts FOAR 2028-29 – May 2, 2020
Hope everyone enjoyed their fill of food, drink, family, and FITBAW yesterday. Rest assured that a full sportsball weekend remains, including a few decent ones today.
But first, the Turkey Day platter.
David Blough surprised us all early by…not blowing. He at least had the good sense to put some air under the ball and let Golladay go make some plays. Cuck Liouns built up a 17-7 lead (including a line drive surprise onside kick by Fat Kicker – that actually worked)…but Chi**** made some defensive adjustments and Detroit’s defense was just, like, the WORST. We shit quite a bit on Bollo del Verdad, but he made some pretty nice throws today. 24-20, and the Beartistocrats! season is not quite ded yet.
Can’t say that for Princeton Red’s coaching career, though. Buffalo gave up an opening drive TD to DAK! and pals, but chewed up the Non-Gendered Cowpersons and spit them out afterwards. Brokeback threw it well (as did Bleeding Kansas on a nice reverse pass for a score, saving his fantasy output), ran it when called for (including a 16-yard score), and got True Difference Maker Devin Singletary involved in the action. Heavily. Garrett continued to roll out his starters during garbage time, pleasing fantasy players, but also resulting in an Amari Cooper injury scare. That garbage time did produce 8 points, making for a deceptively close 26-15 final. But it was a brutal beatdown. Maybe Bill Mafia can make Dreamboat sweat, even in Gillette.
NC State also let FedEx run out to a 20-point lead before remembering they had a hoopsball game to play. Too little, too late. Story of my life.
The nightcap offered Sean Payton and Breesus a chance to avenge their dreadful home loss to Atlanta (just 11 days ago). But it was Taysom “Magic Undies that Make White Sportswriters Jism” Hill that was the fantasy QB to plug and play here. First half rushing and receiving TDs for the Original Recipe Big Love graduate, combined with 2 Younghoe offerings to Sha’nklor dug ATL a 17-9 halftime hole. It will surprise none of you that the Saints made it hold up.
Today’s better JV offerings…
Virginia Tech (-2.5) at Virginia (Noon, ABC)
This here match decides who will get ass-blasted by Son de Clem in the ACC title game. Hokies get the insane respect of road-favouritism due to beating Wahoowa like 50x in a row. But I happen to think UVA finally has enough talent to make their coaching advantage shine through.
Texas Tech (+10) at Texas (Noon, Fox)
Guns Up! are 4-7 and playing for pride (also not very good). Steerfuckers South, on the other hand, need a win to ensure a winning season and possibly enhance their bowl destination. I sure as fuck ain’t researching Big Twaaaaalve rules for such. Anyway, nice to have Tech symmetry early.
Iowa (-5.5) at Nebraska (2:30, BTN)
The Cornhumpers have been in the 2:30 Friday slot this weekend, as long as I can remember. For awhile, it was the Colorado rivalry game, but the Buffs went Pac-12 and fucked that up. Plus, both programs quit being good/relevant. Dunno how motivated Iowa might be, given that NE must win to go to a December exhibition match.
Cincinnati (+11.5) at Memphis (3:30, ABC)
Unless there has been a plane crash or an insane number of suspensions, this number seems awfully high to me. Both are 10-1 in the American, so this probably has some sort of esoteric meaning.
Washington State (+7) at Washington (4:00, Fox)
Ah yes, gimme all your Holiday Hatred, and the Apple Cup always delivers on that front. Wazzu finally hit a bit of an offensive stride, and whoever wins this matchup gets to 7 wins and feels less shitty about how dramatically they underperformed expectations. Sadly, snow seems extremely unlikely.
West By God Virginia (+12.5) at TCU (4:15, ESPN)
Been a tough year for WCS’ Fuckers du Cousins, but they will always have that complete beatdown of NC State to fondly remember. Bloodeyes are yet another team looking for bowl qualification, though they might have an emotional letdown after letting Boomer Sooner off the hook last weekend.
Enjoy them leftovers, y’all. And see you back tomorrow.