Hope everyone enjoyed their fill of food, drink, family, and FITBAW yesterday. Rest assured that a full sportsball weekend remains, including a few decent ones today.
But first, the Turkey Day platter.
David Blough surprised us all early by…not blowing. He at least had the good sense to put some air under the ball and let Golladay go make some plays. Cuck Liouns built up a 17-7 lead (including a line drive surprise onside kick by Fat Kicker – that actually worked)…but Chi**** made some defensive adjustments and Detroit’s defense was just, like, the WORST. We shit quite a bit on Bollo del Verdad, but he made some pretty nice throws today. 24-20, and the Beartistocrats! season is not quite ded yet.
Can’t say that for Princeton Red’s coaching career, though. Buffalo gave up an opening drive TD to DAK! and pals, but chewed up the Non-Gendered Cowpersons and spit them out afterwards. Brokeback threw it well (as did Bleeding Kansas on a nice reverse pass for a score, saving his fantasy output), ran it when called for (including a 16-yard score), and got True Difference Maker Devin Singletary involved in the action. Heavily. Garrett continued to roll out his starters during garbage time, pleasing fantasy players, but also resulting in an Amari Cooper injury scare. That garbage time did produce 8 points, making for a deceptively close 26-15 final. But it was a brutal beatdown. Maybe Bill Mafia can make Dreamboat sweat, even in Gillette.
NC State also let FedEx run out to a 20-point lead before remembering they had a hoopsball game to play. Too little, too late. Story of my life.
The nightcap offered Sean Payton and Breesus a chance to avenge their dreadful home loss to Atlanta (just 11 days ago). But it was Taysom “Magic Undies that Make White Sportswriters Jism” Hill that was the fantasy QB to plug and play here. First half rushing and receiving TDs for the Original Recipe Big Love graduate, combined with 2 Younghoe offerings to Sha’nklor dug ATL a 17-9 halftime hole. It will surprise none of you that the Saints made it hold up.
Today’s better JV offerings…
Virginia Tech (-2.5) at Virginia (Noon, ABC)
This here match decides who will get ass-blasted by Son de Clem in the ACC title game. Hokies get the insane respect of road-favouritism due to beating Wahoowa like 50x in a row. But I happen to think UVA finally has enough talent to make their coaching advantage shine through.
Texas Tech (+10) at Texas (Noon, Fox)
Guns Up! are 4-7 and playing for pride (also not very good). Steerfuckers South, on the other hand, need a win to ensure a winning season and possibly enhance their bowl destination. I sure as fuck ain’t researching Big Twaaaaalve rules for such. Anyway, nice to have Tech symmetry early.
Iowa (-5.5) at Nebraska (2:30, BTN)
The Cornhumpers have been in the 2:30 Friday slot this weekend, as long as I can remember. For awhile, it was the Colorado rivalry game, but the Buffs went Pac-12 and fucked that up. Plus, both programs quit being good/relevant. Dunno how motivated Iowa might be, given that NE must win to go to a December exhibition match.
Cincinnati (+11.5) at Memphis (3:30, ABC)
Unless there has been a plane crash or an insane number of suspensions, this number seems awfully high to me. Both are 10-1 in the American, so this probably has some sort of esoteric meaning.
Washington State (+7) at Washington (4:00, Fox)
Ah yes, gimme all your Holiday Hatred, and the Apple Cup always delivers on that front. Wazzu finally hit a bit of an offensive stride, and whoever wins this matchup gets to 7 wins and feels less shitty about how dramatically they underperformed expectations. Sadly, snow seems extremely unlikely.
West By God Virginia (+12.5) at TCU (4:15, ESPN)
Been a tough year for WCS’ Fuckers du Cousins, but they will always have that complete beatdown of NC State to fondly remember. Bloodeyes are yet another team looking for bowl qualification, though they might have an emotional letdown after letting Boomer Sooner off the hook last weekend.
Enjoy them leftovers, y’all. And see you back tomorrow.
Some Bloodeyes’ cousins may have just got fucked!
Yep. Shotgun wedding, coming right up.
Well if history is any guide, the men of Cincinnatus will arrive a few thousand years after, and probably have no contact with, the people of Memphis.
Kicker Icing did nae work in Cornpone Bowl. Iowa drilled it down the middle 2x.
Huzzah, I got Wahoowa right. BOO, I neglected to bet before migraine nap.
Two resolutions done! I handled Thanksgiving food, so that took care of one and a Black Friday adventure took care of another!
Truly a good weekend to be thankful!
I had one of those once. It had to do with a weed purchase and….
Oh right, everyone has heard that story.
24 years younger than me. Just saying.
For obvious reasons, I find pursuing someone 24 years younger than me revolting.
Marc T. rescinds friend request
In my youth, I attended both an Apple Cup and a Civil War (Oregon-OSU). Those are some solidly hazy memories.
I bet you ironically sang that Guns ‘n’ Fuckin’ Roses! song for the latter, eh?
Also totally agreed. If you’re betting this one you gotta take UVa and the points.
I managed to get +3.5 this morning.
Am I the only one hoping for another season ending brawl with swinging helmets and racial slurs between Clemson and SCar?
Really? I’m the only one? Screw you guys, I’m going home.
oh, I am DOWN for a double-dip JV and NFL RACE WAAAARRRR!!!! this weekend.
CIN-MEM’s line is legit. JV Cincy has played some weak teams and struggled mightily against some of them. Only good win was against UCF, which has fallen down to Earth since then. Only loss was a 42-0 curbstomp loss against OSU that was way more lopsided than the score indicates.
Bearcats are good, but not #19 good. They’ll probably lose by 10-14 points.
Do yourself a favor and watch the best thanksgiving leftovers movie ever: BLOOD RAGE
https://youtu.be/Gh-VIyaYSfE
So we all agree that Nick Folk cut out his own appendix as an excuse for Belichick not to cut him, right?
https://www.thebiglead.com/posts/nick-folk-released-by-patriots-a-day-after-he-underwent-an-emergency-appendectomy-01dtw152szqd
It didn’t work.
Well, no one has ever accused Grumble Lord of sentimentality or mercy.
I completely side with Belichick here. It’s the middle of the season. There’s a time and place for having appendicitis and this isn’t it. DO YOUR JOB.
With Emery out I’ve got one bad coach down, one to go.
Think I can ever convince Scotchy that a Princeton Man is a hobo?
It appears that Unai Emery did get sacked in the morning, in the moooorrrrrning
When will Ole get the sack? They lost to a Kazakhstan side!
I was gonna write about the 3-legged sack race in the Prem (Unai, Ole, Silva) but tis over now. Think 2nd place may take a few weeks.
Ah want BLOOD in time FOAR Christmas!!
Meh. I hate MU as much as the next guy, but they’re already advancing, and it’s a 6,000-mile round trip. I feel no schadenfreude from this loss.
Attention DFO Denizens:
WOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
That is all.
I don’t particularly care about/for your Bills, but fuck Dallas
Would it make me seem like too much of a hobo if I went around my community asking for turkey carcasses so I can make them into stock? I made turkey stock last year and it was really good.
I would only go to people you already know. “I need a carcass” could be a little offputting as an introduction
Will rake leaves for turkey carcasses
Fuck that, I’m not doing any work for these things.
Let’s put it this way: Don’t go vacationing near any Northern Ontario railyards anytime soon…
this is the whole reason i do a turkey. I do this recipe ever chance i get. Works well with either chicken or turkey
https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/bird-to-the-last-drop-recipe-1937879
Yes. That’s what you want to do around here, impersonate a hobo. What could go wrong?
GUYS I CALL DIBS ON RIKKI’S CORNER OFFICE!!!
Just make sure to specify up front, vehemently, and often, that you are NOT going to use them for weird sex stuff.
I’d really rather not lie to them, though.
Do you need them fresh or do you mind if they were previously buried?
If you ask for cheese rinds they will think you are a homeless foodie!
If you have some thinly sliced turkey breast, I have some sourdough bread, a pepper grinder and some Babci Polish mayonnaise. Let’s you and me get together and make some magic happen.
Today on “Scotchy’s Overelaborate Hobo Traps”…
Scotchy plays Mouse Trap while the rest of us play checkers.