Conference Title Saturday (and Lesser Matters) Open Thread

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Welcome to the last full, meaningful Saturday of wall-to-wall footy.  Cherish it, as September is a long-assed time away.

That was theme-free Kurt Vile.  You will RESPECT him.

Everton finally ripped off the band-aid and gave Marco Silva the sack.  It is indeed very depressing to be in 18th position, entering a hopeless home tie with Frank Lampard is a TORY Cunt Chelsea (7:30, NBCSN).  Yes, I will still set my alarm super early for it.  We’re gonna get battered.  The sooner we get a legitimate, full-time replacement, the better.  FUCK OFF, David Moyes.

The goddamned Redshite visit the South Coast for a snuff film against yeah right’s Popped Cherries (10:00, NBCSN).  Spurs/Burnley and Moose Hornets/Palace are your dire alternate offerings on NBC Gold.

At least you get a cracker for your Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC) – the Machester Derby!  City are home, but in dreadful form.  United come off a yuuuuuuggggge mid-week win over Mourinho’s Spurs (fuck me, never thought I would catch myself actively rooting for United in such a matchup, but there I was – fuck off Darkest Timeline) and will have that always coveted “nothing to lose, really” feeling.  Looking forward to it.

You get THREE Sunday early, led by Foxes away to Villa (9:00, NBCSN).  Call me Catler (without the top ass), but….don’t caaaarrrre.  Wolves at Brighton (11:30, NBCSN)?  Similarly meh.  Arsenal/West Ham (3:00, NBCSN) are your Monday Night Footy offering.

Conference titles ahoy!

Baylor (+9) v. Oklahoma @ JerralWorld (Noon, ABC)

The Consent Abstinent try to avenge their crippling home loss to Steerfuckers North.  It might be a fun fixture, but hopefully Team Secular Big Love will have already won Friday Night, to remove any playoff implications.

Plain Louisiana?? (+6) at Appalachain State (Noon, ESPN)

No, I was nae consulted regarding this apparent Ragin’ Cajun name change.  I was already going to be pulling for Happy Appy (and former NC State offensive coordinator Eli Drinkwitz, who I TOLD WOLVEN SORT they would miss dearly) anyway.  Fuck, I like being very occassionally right.

UAB (+7.5) at Florida Atlantic (1:30, CBSSN)

Fuck Lane Kiffin.

Cincinnati (+9.5) at Memphis (3:30, ABC)

Didn’t we just see this?  I hope I didn’t eat any of the brown acid.   Fuck the American Whatever Conference.

Georgia (+7) v. LSU @ Megatron’s Butthole (4:00, CBS)

Now we are cooking with gas!  Dawgs get in the playoff with a win, though I expect Orgeron’s bunch to murder-kill ’em.  The 30-minute delayed kickoff on CBS means it really super-duper TOTES means MOAR.

Hawaii (+14) at Boise State (4:00, ESPN)

You can beat the Rainbow Warriors by 70 if y’all want.  Ain’t nobody care about y’all Smurf Turfers no more.

Virginia (+28.5) v. Clemson @ Mistuh Richardson’s Plantantion (7:30, ABC)

I see that Wahoowa is actually ranked.  That’s awfully cute.  Line has shrunk from 29 to 28.5, so excitement and tension surely await!

Wisconsin (+16.5) v. tOhio State @ The Gravy Boat (8:00, Fox)

The top of the pyramid is so shitty that 2-loss chucklefuck Bucky Badger is #8.  At least this matchup includes Gus Johnson.  Hopefully?  This would have been way more fun with Row teh Boat guy.

***

Balls’ La Liga Minute

Barcelona passed a big test last weekend when they defeated Atlético Madrid at the Wanda Metropolitano 1-0.  I should say that Leo Messi and Marc Andre Ter Stegen defeated Atlético Madrid.  In truth, there are still a LOT of questions to be answered about this 2019-20 Barcelona team.  From what I’ve seen so far of the season:

  • If Messi is out of the lineup (as he was for the beginning of the season), the team’s offense is almost as good as Atlético Madrid’s.  Yes, that’s a dig at both teams.
  • If Ter Stegen were to get hurt, there is no “star” backup.  Cillessen, the starter for the Netherlands National Team and previous backup, is now happily starting at Valencia. The two backups are, undoubtedly, good but unproven.

Yet, Barcelona remain in first place tied in points with Real Madrid but ahead on goal differential.  Sevilla is third with Real Sociedad and Athletic Bilbao representing the Basque Country in 4th and 5th.

Keep in mind that Barcelona and Real Madrid still have to play the Clásico that was postponed from earlier in the year.  Today, Real hosts lowly Espanyol while Barcelona hosts Mallorca.  I expect no changes in the standings until next week.

***

Balls’ Liga MX Minuto

I alluded to this last week, but it bears repeating:  In the Liga MX playoffs (knows as La Liguilla), the number 5, 6, 7, AND 8 seeds all won their matchups and thus progressed to the semifinals!  That has never happened before!

On top of that, in the Juegos de Ida (first legs of the semifinals), #8 seed Monterrey beat #5 seed Necaxa 2-1 at home while #7 seed Monarcas de Morelia beat #6 seed América 2-0.  The Juegos de Vuelta (second legs) begin tonight in Aguascalientes and finish tomorrow in El D.F.  Should the Ida results hold, we would have a #7 seed playing a #8 seed for the championship!

All I have to say to that is,

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Please Login to comment
99 Comment threads
94 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
24 Comment authors
Moose -The End Is Well NighViva La Tabula RazaRedshirtKing HippoWCS Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
scotchnaut

/buys food items
//looks for them shortly after
///they’ve disappeared
////realizes that son is helping to feed friend that has been abandoned by both parents

[can’t figure out why son wants to be sneaky about this]

herodotus450
herodotus450

He’s ashamed of giving stuff away for free, have you had him checked for Americanism yet?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Time to get busy on a Saturday in du Plateau-Mont-Royal!

“Excuse me, mademoiselle, would you like to see my balls? Is that a no? How about my feet? They are also impressive looking today. Yes? Yes you would? Hot dang !”

comment image

scotchnaut

Ottaway vs. Phillyway. Where is Gratliff?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Two of the four commercials that they’re showing during this game feature Derke Jeter and Alex Rodriguez; it’s too bad the Saudis didn’t miss their target by a few thousand feet 18 years ago.

Col. Duke LaCross

This pretty hot night nurse I’ve been chatting up lately invited me over to her house after her kids leave for school Monday morning for breakfast and to help her move a cabinet.

I’m trying to figure out if either of those things is a euphemism.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

They both are. Have fun.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Dear Penthouse forums….

scotchnaut

“I’d hold out until she asked you to make the earth move.”

-E. Hemingway

Col. Duke LaCross

I’ll report back.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Enjoy your “breakfast”.

Col. Duke LaCross

Yeah, my boss pointed out that this exact thing was in “To Kill A Mockingbird.”

“Bust up a chifferobe.”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I met a very cute girl in Montreal today who applied molten hot wax to my nut sack and then tore the wax off. Now a middle-aged Vietnamese woman is cutting my toenails, also in French.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Now a different Vietnamese woman is sanding the soles of my feet with a citrus peel zester.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

herodotus450
herodotus450

If a harrowed looking lawyer guy comes out of the back office and leaves hastily, you might want to get out of there.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I gotta catch the bus

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Thank you for not showing an action photo of the waxing.

scotchnaut

Have you considered giving your edema an enema?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Need a Boots on the Ground

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Well they would have to be so the ladies could work.

herodotus450
herodotus450

(Baylor QB gets knocked out of the game after a big hit, backup comes in and runs the ball)
Football talking guy: “He’s gotta sacrifice his body for the first down there.”

litre_cola

Oh the silence at the Etihad is deafening.

litre_cola

Just applied for my NEXUS pass to cross the border easily. I am not affiliated with Scotchnaut in anyway.

scotchnaut

Cuse doubling up on G Tech and it feels so good.

rockingdog
rockingdog

really hoping USC plays at the holiday bowl this year…

scotchnaut

Is this the thread where I can whine and bitch about the state of SillyCuse basketball?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Sir, accuse.

bk109
bk109

Or in the original French – Ne tirez pas, nous nous rendons! I mean – J’Accuse,bitch!

scotchnaut

I bought a two month subscription for DAZN back in late August and it’s still good. I wonder if they’re making any money…

litre_cola

Its 150 a year and very worth it.

litre_cola

I fucking hate everything.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That will probably get you in less legal jeopardy than hate fucking everything would.

litre_cola

The more you know.

litre_cola
rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:

litre_cola

Now angry and turn it off.

litre_cola

Ummm get ye heeds out ye arses Mighty Whitey…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I presume everyone has seen that Peloton ad that caused such a stir? Here is a sequel that Ryan Reynolds produced. This makes my day.

Fronkenshteen

Yo. Sorry I haven’t been around much. I’ve been working late hours so Christmas morning puts a smile on the boys faces. I just wanted to thank everyone who played in my fantasy football league and congratulate everyone who made the playoffs. Once we have a winner, I’ll get his/her address through one of our internet dads, and send the prize money his/her way. And whoever “Cowtown Bass” is can go screw, because he/she is about to beat me for the second consecutive week to unceremoniously end my season. Well played.?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry, but even though I know the Dawgs are gonna take a beating today, I can’t stop laughing at “@Megatron’s Butthole”.

bk109
bk109

Hrrm, watching Everton perform their own take on Thermopylae or watch the wife perform an engine swap on her ’67 Mustang … And yet I’m picking footy for now? I suspect that I need an MRI

litre_cola

Hippo me thinks it will be Leeds, West Brom and hopefully Mighty Whitey. I have lived through the playoffs twice and they are fucking nerve racking.

I think all 3 clubs are superior to the pack chasing them. London Jaguras must beat Bristol Board City.

litre_cola

FUCK LEEDS

litre_cola

Now if I could get a Huddersfield golazo v Leeds, I would be a pleased Litre.

litre_cola

Just woke up. Hippo haz a happy?

scotchnaut

Hippo, PFF has the Donkos picking Auburn’s Derrick Brown. What say ye?