Did Fitzmagik come through? I’ve no way of knowing because I’m writing this at 10am EST and I can’t see the past from this here future.
TO THE GAMES!
Chargers/Jags:
Mike Williams had 10 TD’s on just 64 targets so he was a sexy fantasy pick back in August. Before he was dropped long ago by his owners he rewarded them with a big, fat zero 6 spots. With a bit more Williams magic he might become just the twelfth player with 700+ receiving yards and nada to show for it. That weirdo stat seems to be code for the Chargers entire season, don’t it?
Titans/Raiders:
Since he grabbed the reins in week 7, Tannyhill is fantasy’s QB5. My question: How does this make any sorta sense? His best wr is ranked #43 and his te is #20. But this team belongs to Henry and the Titans will ride him until the wheels fall off.
Chiefs/Pats:
Perhaps the smoke and mirrors show finally comes to an end here? Brady is delivering some god-awful stat lines week after week because he has no difference-makers at wr-no one that can bust off a huge chunk play. Edelman is fine as a first down picker-upper but that’s about it. I’m looking forward to the battle between Tyreek and the Pats secondary because you know Mahomes is gonna take his shots and why would he bother directing them at that bum Sammy Watkins?
Steelers/Cards:
What do we do with Kyler? His running ability keeps him in the fantasy starter conversation as does his 6 games with 2 or more TD throws. But what about those other 6 games with no TD tosses at all? Do you trust him, at home, vs. the Steelers, in your fantasy playoffs? Very tough call. As far as younger brothers of established pass rushers are concerned you could do worse than T.J. Watt and his 15 sacks.
Bring it. Again.
Bleh, all these TV adverts on CBS are blergh… Just blergh… Fuck it, I’m off for a smoke, back in like Cohiba or two (unless we’re getting pantsed, ’cause I get shivers just imagining the levels of Schadenfreude I could face from you :p )
I get it. The Pats aren’t winning. These damn TV adverts though…
Eh,we’re still winning the division, so even if we don’t win… no skin off my nose. The Ads really are that annoying, but worse – I have to wait-out the kiddos, so I can inspect and prep their x-mas presents, so there aren’t any fuckups like the infamous (in casa de bk) X-mas of ’17, when it turned out that 2 of 4 Kindles we bought got enough water damage (Just condensation in the attic!) to be inoperable on the 25th
#wordy #adverts #waterdamage
Goddamn it, are you trying to get balls to fap to these search terms?!
#yeah #sure
Tanny Fanny delayed, NAWT denied
You must be in some deep pain after the Lock performance.
Nope I am really happy kid is proving me wrong.
You were the angriest I have ever seen somebody after a team’s second, second round pick. I believe you said you’d give up on feetball. No problem; he’ll come back down to earth when teams get film on him.
Of course the radio guys will put him in the HoF.
Kelce at qb! ROOOOWRRRR!!!!
Burping the mi goreng chips is something else. Feels like I have been drinking soda water at a noodle house.
Holy Shit! Romo was dead on when he said that Breeland missed his assignment so badly that he got the intercept because the pass went to another receiver.
Romo sees coverage a lot better from the booth than he ever did from the pocket.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!
I mean theoretically any qb would….
Just pointing out the obvious here
Antonio Cromartie, like Donta Hightower, is also a big supporter of single mothers, although in his case it’s because of a Court order.
“Meh.”
Bill B., Richmond.
Do it. I’m good for $25.
25$ from me too. 50 if you somehow manage to work in blame for the NFL/King Roger in your suicide note!
Would sooner Hernandez myself than spend 375 on a fancy t-shirt
Is that the loop from the Hernandez jersey?
“A new ‘All Rise’, where the Judge wanders in 45 minutes late because she was outside calculating just how much longer she has to put up with this shit before her pension kicks in, tonight, on CBS.”
All Rise is also the name of that new circle jerk movie.
Didn’t Antonio “Nawt Crayzee” Brown sing on the masked singer while he was “injured”?
As much as I love piling on the Headcase, this shit’s taped way-in advance… It was just a “happy” coincidence and look for the Yinzers and AB
I can’t stop watching this.
Let’s fly.
Tony Romo: “New England’s really good on defense.”
Patrick Mahomes: “Fuck you, Tony”
This fucking family in this goddamn Apple ad with the dead Grandma and the two shitty kids with the old ass Dad his only way to get them to stop being shitheads is to hand them an electronic device and tell them to watch movies makes me insanely angry. If I were their neighbor I’d Rand Paul all of their asses.
Plus let’s be honest – their Nan probably was killed by Apple for using an Android or an old-ass Nokia 3310 … Either way, an un-person!
She off’d herself rather than put up with those assholes for another year.
“I’d like to fuck the mom, tho.”
-Internet
I must admit. I am Internet.
Yeah, well, I’d certainly disappoint her.
Wow, that was a good nap.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rI-kg2IGAI
No such thing as a bad nap.
When you wake up groggy to the smell of burnt butter and your butthole hurts…. and you are at scotchnaught’s house.
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
You say that like your hemorrhoids didn’t flair up and bleed.
Look, you fall asleep at his house, that’s on you.
And by “that” I mean “all of the murders he’s about to pin on you.”
Can’t get prosecuted for hobo murderin’.
Me: “Who the hell watches The Masked Singer?”
America: “All of us, ya stupid loser.”
I really do not get the point of that show.
I think people sing with masks on
Not people, Z-list “celebrities” !
my apologies I amend my statement: “I think soulless husks of flesh ground up by the media machine and mashed into a texturized paste prior to being injected into a fancy costume casing are mandated to sing for our pleasure or else be fed on skewers to the children of oil executives”
“Quick. Option this.”
-Hollywood Producer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEVhRDN–SA
“NO WAY!!!”=America
Fox paid Facebook good money those demo numbers
I hate the Patriots so much I am watching the Chargers game on purpose!
jeebus that’s depressing, and I was a Chargers fan.
Just open Pornhub, y’all feel better
That’s some therapy needing hatred, right there. Here, let me write you a prescription for 24 hours of watching Sam & Cat on Disney+. With the hate transference, you should either jump into a volcano without hesitation, or become so numb you don’t feel the intense hatred anymore. So, let’s just call it a 50/50 cure, with only minor mental defects that will only slightly endanger your family.
Nantz sounds so sad that was a blocked kick for the Pats
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL: “Daddy, why are you never wearing that Hernandez jersey?”
Me: “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Shit…. I thought I threw that one”
(for the record, it was a gift)
edit:(gift from Mom, who saw it reduced… bless her heart that she didn’t google WHY it was reduced on Amazon) 😀
Leaving it hanging in the closet is a fitting tribute
Goddammit. Beat me to it.
Actually,it’s rumpled in the bottom of my football (proper footy and NFL) war chest, lol. I think at one point I was hoping to non-destructively remove the name and number, but … then I started earning enough money to just buy new shit 😀 Still, I thought I threw it out
I would never wear a sports jersey but if I did I think a Pats Hernandez jersey would be pretty cool.
BLORKeD
Sneaky – when Pats do it
Cheating – when its anyone else
Td’s for everyone but EKeler!
Boger servin’ up that home cookin’
Lost in the shuffle were the flags the refs would throw on the P*triots…
Reverse Aging? A place … SHIIIIIIIT, someone’s discovered the “Training Facility” … Shit….
Moar Ekeler pleaz
YAAAAAAS
Ring: Always home. Always on. Always watching. Always listening. Always with you. Always inside you. Always altering your DNA. Always awakening the new flesh. Always. Al way s. Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnzn
Butker is a fine placements man…but especially in Gillette, every FG brings you 3 points closer to losing
that toss sweep to el Tractorcito is fucking deadly
“Agreed.”
-190 lb. cornerback
you let that man pick his hole and build some momentum? Sheeeeeiiiiit
Holding penalty against Chiefs not an actual holding penalty. This might be a trend.
Kelce is going to be a patriot at some point, isn’t he? 50 year old Tom Brady is just gonna throw 50/50 balls at him for a season and we’ll all long for the sweet release of death
Tom Brady would just kiss Kelce on the lips for minutes and minutes at a time after every completion
4 delay of game penalties and 2 hard dicks after every play. What’s not to love?
A slightly fact-checked Verizon ad:
“Verizon – We’re so shit, people from across the big blue oceans know the extent of our suckage. But now, we’ve sorta-got 5G, which means fuck-all to most of y’all, that would rather see us actually have decent 3G/4G coverage in fucking urban areas, than even spottier 5G”
As someone who’s lived in the middle of nowhere in the US, Verizon is the only one you could trust for coverage in those areas, and AT&T and Sprint only have themselves to blame for it at this point.
Eh, I’ve only been in (with a phone in hand) in urban/suburban areas stateside an’ honestly, they all seemed to suck balls
It’s so cool that we broke up Ma Bell and then ended up with 3 companies controlling 100% of phone coverage, 2 of which are baby bells
That was way fucking more flagrant than the one they called against the Saints
Duck can throw a fine murderball
T. Romo: “Well, of course she’s going to lick my nipples in counterclock-wise swirls for at least three minutes before slowly working her way down to my frenulum. Once she’s down there I’ll be kissing the inside of her thighs because that gets her really wet..-”
Mrs. Romo: [looks up from ballsack] “Could you please just Shut The Fuck Up!”
T. Romo: “I did it again, didn’t I?”
For reference: Mrs. Romo:
Wait, went to take a quick detour to my cigar box… THE FUCK HAPPENED that we already have the ball?
Belichick always makes it a point to show Andy why he’s always going to be the second best coach of their era
Bought some Mi Goreng potato chips from the local purveyor of imported stoner goods. It is a very interesting flavoUr.
Their ramen packs are so good and we have no chips of any kind here so I’m quite jealous
I like them, have a bit of kick. Mrs. Cola does not.
Excellent. Gotta check the SE Asian foodmarts around the area, then.
say wut u will re Tanny Fanny, but that man can deliver a tackle!
oh tits
gonna be that sorta day huh
we now return you to your Darkest Timeline, already in progress
I’m sorry I opened the rift when I created NSZ, trying to take it back but he won’t leave
as Confucius say, shit happens
TOUCHDOWN TAWM IS THE GREATEST FANTASY PLAYAH OF AHL TIME
TAHMY-TAHMY-TAHM… HOW the fuck did you miss a wide-open receiver!? While winning?! In garbage time?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK, we need to draft a new QB NAO!
TAWWMMY BRAHDY IS UM-DIMPEACH-EY-BALL SO GET TRIGGAHD DUMB-AH-CRAHPS
For the love of BOLTMAN! Someone just crush both Edelman and Brady, and take the penalty/fine!
HERESY! … plus I think there are like spares in Casa De Satan!
These Titans I call them the Titians because they’re apparently pretty good but no one’s heard of em.
DJ Chark can get 3 td’s right? RIGHT?
I am not excite fer this late window. TO TEH PILLZ!!!
Bleergh’s anointed ones will not be denied a bye
That whole drive was one giant advent calendar gift
and Nantz doesn’t even bother to hide his erection (and those is usually limited to golf)
Good thing the Chef’s gear didn’t end up at Logan Int’l Airport, they wudda nevah found theyah facking gear in time foar kick off! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
So Seattle and Minny probably getting the wild cards. I want Minny to jump ahead and lose in Philly so bad. It would make me beyond happy, even when New Orleans obliterates them in the next game.
I AM THE GREAT MASSHOLIO
I NEED PEE PEE FOR MY PIEHOLE
OINK OINK OINK OINK
jeebus I need to stop huffing random aerosols
Well yeah, government regulated aerosols are the way to go. Duh.
I’m pretty sure a lot of the people here are either too old OR too young to get that reference.
My core demographic is pretty much those that don’t fall into any other easy demographic
I’m nachos.
Damn near 60, and I got it. Teepee for.my bunghole!
hey fucker howd you hack into my webcam
Massholeness readiness checklist:
Booze? Single Malt Bushmills and homebrewed beer CHECK!
Gear? Me and kiddos all in t-shirts? FUCKYEAH (Seabass for me, ’cause there are(or in the case of Vollmer were) more people on the team than just Brady, Julian and Ghost)
Attitude – REFS ARE AGAINST US, THE SHIELD MADE SO.. OHYEAH,WELL THE CHIEFS !!!!!!!!! – Check and Volume Check
Excuses – *grumble* *grumble* Zebras *grumble*
LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO XD
Appreciate them using a russian legsweep to tackle the famous wrestling fan receiver
Oh Niners