Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Yowza! Looks like we’ve got a stinker tonight but we’ll muddle through as always. Some of you (me) just might need 8.6 points from Saquon Barko to pull off a W that you don’t remotely deserve. So there’s that.

Fallout:

-Players looking to shut it down for the year after getting injured yesterday include Mike Evans, Rashaad Penny, D.J. Chark and Derrius Guice. Their teams are done, no point in risking further damage, is there?

-OBJ has apparently been playing with a sports hernia. Why did this come out now? Perhaps to combat the rumor that he’s telling opposing players and coaches to rescue him from the Browns. The image that comes to my mind is him in a trench coat and when he reveals what he has for sale he says, “Psst! Want some cancer? I got all kinds”.

-With wins yesterday the Ravens and Niners poked ahead in the Home Field for the Playoffs Sweepstakes. Other big winners included the Titans and Chiefs. Tennessee is rolling and gets Houston twice in the next few weeks so it’s all in their (and Tannyhill’s) hands.

TO THE GAME!

Giants/Eagles:

Of course the biggest news regarding these two moribund squads is that Eli is back for a short return engagement. Will there be flashbacks? Well of course. What the hell else could a producer possibly think of to distract the viewers of this game? Neither of these teams has an O or D unit that is in the top half of the league. As far as fantasy is concerned the Giants give up the 2nd most points and the Eagles aren’t far back in 5th. Did I mention that rain has been called for? It’s gonna be one big sloppy mess of incompetence and Booger gonna get all worked up about it. Enjoy.

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King Hippo

Reminder – Timmy Smith also won Superb Owl MVP in 100% of his appearances

jjfozz

If I’m drinking in the morning – and who doesn’t – I’m picking something better than Coors Lite.

LemonJello

Good gauge of hitting rock bottom, though.

King Hippo

When you bring a sixer of Coors to your AA meeting

Sharkbait

Fact. Grayhounds, screwdrivers, or mimosas

jjfozz

We used to pound down these mixed drinks call Madras. No idea what was in them.

jjfozz

Embarrassing day yesterday. Had my in-laws over and after the Patriots lost I couldn’t hide my MASSIVE FUCKING BONER BECAUSE FUCK THOSE CUNT HEAD BITCHES!

Spur

Is Santa going to be coming out at halftime?

King Hippo

we are being informed that Santa has killed himself

King Hippo

you get a punt, and YOU get a punt

hippofant

It’s like I’m watching the CFL here.

Spur

Eagles: Anything you can Derp, I can Derp Better!
Cowboys: No you Can’t!
Eagles: Yes, i can
Cowboys: No you ca….what please proceed

LemonJello

“What are you guys arguing about?”
-Redacteds, pausing from eating paste

Gatoraids

Nice of NFL to finally trial a relegation league with setting up the NFC East this year

Fronkenshteen

“Relegation?! Don’t mind if I do!”
W. Ham (w/o cloves) Utd.
E. London

Gatoraids

No coincidence an Andy Reid plays for W. Ham.

Fronkenshteen

Jesus Christ there’s still six minutes left in the first quarter.

King Hippo

Watching this game makes me feel like the NFL is punishing me. And I don’t even know how to atone.

Fronkenshteen

Or what we ever did to it in the first place.

King Hippo

We need to talk to Janay Rice about this.

Fronkenshteen

Fine. But I’m taking the stairs.

Gatoraids

Did you protect the shield today?

Brick Meathook

.

jjfozz

Cloves in hams are fucking awful and gross. It reminds me of something that really whitebread folks enjoy.

Gatoraids

just gets in the way of honey

jjfozz

I love my parents but technology is to them what slim fast is to Rosie O’Donnell

LemonJello

Something they’ve never heard of?

Spur

I’m not sure I want to watch this game.

King Hippo

God Hates Dakota Jeebus.

jjfozz

Looks like the life got squeezed out of Juice Wrld

King Hippo

Reminder – Mike Quick was really good.

jjfozz

Eli’s teammates put his Elf on the Shelf in his locker and he almost couldn’t get dressed for the game.

Fronkenshteen

My son loved that joke.

King Hippo

Yeah, still Elisha out there

LemonJello

He just wants his juice box, orange slices and a new Casper The Friendly Ghost comic book.

jjfozz

You shut up right now! there is belinda and only belinda!

jjfozz

Don’t get me wrong I like her. But I can only stalk one 80s pop star at a time…

Spur

They almost gave Wentz a DDT

WCS

It does kill eagles…

Gratliff

Good pass protection So far

King Hippo

I bet on Los Gigantes (to win, half and then full time) because that would be Maximum NFC Least

jjfozz
herodotus450

Damn Trump and his tarrifs strike again!

jjfozz

LAMAR JACKSON DID NOT PRACTICE! HE COULD BE HURT! THE SEASON IS OVER! RUN DOWNTOWN AND SET THE HARBOR ON FIRE!

LemonJello

RUN DOWNTOWN AND SET THE HARBOR ON FIRE!

In other words, it’s Monday night?

jjfozz

Come on, we need to let the city rebuild before we can burn it to the ground again. So, we’re planning a new year’s eve holocaust

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, he be my starting QB, sounds right.
Baker Mayfield, step on up.

Fuck Cleveland.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/Scrambles to get RGIII
//Remembers it’s RGIII

Fuck it, didn’t want to win anyway. Go Hippo.

Fronkenshteen

Relax. They play Thursday night. Maintenance day, bay-bee!

Spur

Also the Rodgers AMA was weak. Just a PR piece. Dude is humorless weenie.

https://old.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/e8h9tw/im_aaron_rodgers_12_on_the_green_bay_packers_and/

Gratliff

Should’ve shown Eli’s first play where he got baptized

Spur

Eli’s Last Ride.

LemonJello

He knows to wear his helmet and not to cross the street.

herodotus450

(Listens to Meatloaf)
Hey this sounds familiar…
(Peels label off)
“Head East,” I knew it!

LemonJello

“Meatloaf? If you insist!”
-A. Reid

Spur

Two weeks to go until vacation. i can do this.

LemonJello

Thoughts and prayers to get you through these dark times.

jjfozz

Bouncy, curvy, mega cute. I’m still in love with her. BUT SHE NEVER THANKS ME FOR THE HAIR I SEND HER!

jjfozz

Curvy, cute, silly dancer, my dream woman even now. BUT THE HAIR AND SKIN I SEND HER IS ALWAYS RETURNED UNOPENED!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently Christopher Steele and Ivanka Trump have known each other for years? Forget impeachment, I want to learn more about the Mr. Steele Your Girl dossier.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Balls porn search term?

Spur

Balls in Deep State

Gratliff

Murdering young Elisha is the very definition of a get right game

herodotus450

1000000 microLitre Cola knocks me out of the loosers bracket, but he needed Joe Mixon It Up to do it, so does it really count?
/Surreptitiously brushes entire roster under the rug

Spur

Eli will have the philly cheese steak with no onions, peppers and cheese. In fact, can we get him fingers and fries instead?

Gatoraids

Also he has Olivia cut off all the crust

King Hippo

Who wins the tiebreaker if Iggles and Non-Gendereds both finish 6-10?

Spur

Folks

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So glad I didn’t count on Jordan Howard tonight. Same way Coach Pederson treated him the first half of the season.

Redshirt

Alright, Eli. My Bengals are close to locking up the #1 seed but I’m going to need your best effort. If you get the win tonight, they’ll be a Strawberry Milk in your locker after the game.

LemonJello

Sunny D would have sealed the deal.

Gratliff

If Manning ends with a losing record overall, no more fucking talk about his legacy

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Ugh, if only it was Peyton instead…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Seriously. Eli isn’t good, but he doesn’t bother me. It’s Teabag the older Brother who sucks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

One word.

Cooper.

King Hippo

Low-Com-man-der-Kiss-My-Ass – Peyton M., Aurora, CO

😀

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s an S, a K and a J with no vowels. So that’s a no.
Dat’s whut’s up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ij4a6x_mPs

Senor Weaselo

It needs to come full circle and have him interview the actual Brady Skjei. Which now autocorrects in my phone, I’ll have you know.

rockingdog

Found a funny:
BOOOOOOOOO! THE PAYTREEUTS MYSTIQUE IS OVAH! I AM EMBAHHHRASED TO CAWL MYSELF A FAN! A HALFTIME DEFICIT IS NAWT ACCEPTABLE TO DUCK BOAT NATION. FIYAH BELICHICK AND MAKE JOE ROGAN THE COACH
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Gratliff

C’mon now. Gotta attribute Big Daddy Drew

rockingdog

LOL
Patriots accused of cheating again….

https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/1204146343851315201

Gatoraids

Belichick’s love of snuff films could be only reason he’d video the Bengals.

That or he’ll claim an assistant misinterpreted his desire for a Bengals video

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Redshirt

Patriots say its all a misunderstanding and the guy was filming B-roll for a special on the day in the life of a scout. Bengals protested because they have film of the guy’s camera pointed at the Bengals sideline showing what substitutions they make in certain situations and they really don’t understand how a boy scout or a cub scout has to do with a football game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Every day lately, life is a pain in the arse.
And I keep begging foar someone to kill me.
But no one ever does.

CAN A BRUTHAH CATCH A BREAK OR WHUT?????

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, fuck it. I got time fo’ Jeopardy.

Porky Prime

Hang in there tWBS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah, I’m just screwing around.
Alex Trebek has it worse than me.

King Hippo

/takes it teh wrong way

– James Dungy

herodotus450

“Shipping Container aged” during the six months it took to get to you

herodotus450

Doesn’t look like it, but then again that’s also what it looks like when they are playing so…

Gumbygirl

My husband once bought a bottle of tequila in Mexico with a hand written label, with tequila spelled wrong. And he drank it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I bought a hand made chess set in Nogales. It was actually quite nice.

Fronkenshteen

With those fingers, Booger can make multiple points at once, though. Ppl forget that.
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rockingdog
Sharkbait

Eli Manning vs. The Eagles secondary: The stoppable force meets the movable object.

King Hippo

There Will Be Juice

Sharkbait

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