Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Yowza! Looks like we’ve got a stinker tonight but we’ll muddle through as always. Some of you (me) just might need 8.6 points from Saquon Barko to pull off a W that you don’t remotely deserve. So there’s that.

Fallout:

-Players looking to shut it down for the year after getting injured yesterday include Mike Evans, Rashaad Penny, D.J. Chark and Derrius Guice. Their teams are done, no point in risking further damage, is there?

-OBJ has apparently been playing with a sports hernia. Why did this come out now? Perhaps to combat the rumor that he’s telling opposing players and coaches to rescue him from the Browns. The image that comes to my mind is him in a trench coat and when he reveals what he has for sale he says, “Psst! Want some cancer? I got all kinds”.

-With wins yesterday the Ravens and Niners poked ahead in the Home Field for the Playoffs Sweepstakes. Other big winners included the Titans and Chiefs. Tennessee is rolling and gets Houston twice in the next few weeks so it’s all in their (and Tannyhill’s) hands.

TO THE GAME!

Giants/Eagles:

Of course the biggest news regarding these two moribund squads is that Eli is back for a short return engagement. Will there be flashbacks? Well of course. What the hell else could a producer possibly think of to distract the viewers of this game? Neither of these teams has an O or D unit that is in the top half of the league. As far as fantasy is concerned the Giants give up the 2nd most points and the Eagles aren’t far back in 5th. Did I mention that rain has been called for? It’s gonna be one big sloppy mess of incompetence and Booger gonna get all worked up about it. Enjoy.

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

So I had the surgery, and am now home. If you are up to it (a little gruesome), it looks like a centipede on my foot.
Very difficult getting around the house, getting used to it though. I’ve had at least 5 unsolicited offers from various friends to bring anything by that I need, so I don’t guess I’m going to die from neglect. Home Health visit tomorrow to make suggestions for accessibility and mobility, I know I am going to need some grab rails by the shitter and the shower in the bathroom, got a buddy lined up to install when the time comes.
Edibles/smoke/scotch/rum/hydrocone/ibuprofen/DFO, within reasonable dosage limitations, should make this a tolerable experience.

” “

Sharkbait

Redshirt

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/patriots-admit-that-their-video-crew-inappropriately-filmed-the-field-during-bengals-game-on-sunday/

I think one of the Seven Seals of the Apocalypse just opened because the Patriots admitted to breaking the rules.

JerBear50
JerBear50

//grumble grumble// Only inappropriate video I have is of your mom /grumble/

TheRevanchist

I think we all have our own versions of a video with his mom.

Redshirt

Who said it?!:

“Maybe you’re adopted.”

Doc Brown to Marty McFly upon seeing his father in high school

OR

Brad Paisley to Peyton Manning after seeing Archie and Eli Manning play QB

TheRevanchist

Both?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m going with Doc and Marty. Brad and Peyton aren’t smart enough to think those things through.

Sharkbait

*nationwie jingle*

You-should-find-your-real-dad

JerBear50
JerBear50

You-should-never-derp-again…

TheRevanchist

And with that TD from Wentz, I am out of the playoffs. Fuck you, Carson. Fuck you.

theeWeeBabySeamus

– Ed McMahon

TheRevanchist

Yes. Fuck him, too.

JerBear50
JerBear50

-NBC execs upon hearing Johnny’s endorsement of Letterman.

Game Time Decision

Final Manning face tonight?

Gratliff

Eli retires a losing quarterback. You hate to see it

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Eli, tell us where it Ertz.

Gratliff

Fucking thank God

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