Sexy Soccer Saturday Morning Open Thread and Champions League Group Stage Review

Good morning everyone! Today is the first day this fall without any college football! No, Army-Navy doesn’t count as football. It’s on par with Russian military parades and North Korean Dear Leader rallies as far as the propaganda machine goes.

So, I am completely ignoring it and focusing on the really important thing that happened this week: The Champions League Group Stage was completed!

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Champions League Group Stage Results

Champions League Draw

Last August, we created a post talking about the draw for the Group Stage of the Champions League. I predicted which teams would come out of each group and Litre_cola chipped in with his thoughts and prognostications.

There was even a chinese knock-off jersey bet in place!

Here is what we said last time:

Group A – PSG, Real Madrid, Club Brugge, Galatasaray

Balls: I’m thinking PSG and Madrid go through, but I really hope that Galatasaray wins all their home games and can pose a threat on the road to those two front-runners.

Litre: I hope PSG kicks the shit out of Madrid and that Gala goes through.  Mi mamá me hizo guapo, listo y anti-madridista.

Actual Results: PSG and Real Madrid easily passed on to the knockout rounds. Sadly, Galatasaray couldn’t even beat Brugge in Turkey and went winless at home.

Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks, Litre: 1 correct pick

Group B – Bayern München, Tottenham Hotspur, Olympiacos, Crvena Zvezda

Balls: I’m thinking Bayern and Tottenham go through, but I really hope that the Red Star team pulls at least one upset.

Litre: Bayern and Tottenham will indeed go through. Spurs lost their soul moving in to their new digs. I predict a total of 4 murders at the 3 home games for Red Star. North London hooligans will definitely travel to Belgrade and there will be battles. With Ryanair, and easyjet it is simple to fly to Eastern Europe for a few pence. 

Actual Results: Bayern and Tottenham easily passed on to the next round. No upset for Red Star as they lost heavily to both Bayern and Tottenham. I could not get an accurate count on the murders.

Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks (4 total), Litre: 2 correct picks (3 total) 

Group C – Manchester City, Shakhtar Donetsk, Dinamo, Atalanta

Balls: There are two big questions for this group: 1) Who will finish second behind City? and 2) Will the Donetsk-Dinamo matches be violence-free?

The answers are: 1) Donetsk and 2) No.

Litre: I will bet you a chinese jersey from either team that it will be Dinamo. 

Balls: You are ON,  good sir! Winner’s choice. 

Actual Results: This one went down to the final Match Day. With Manchester City already qualified at the top of the group, Dinamo needed to beat City while Donetsk failed to beat Atalanta at home. It turned out that neither Litre nor I will have to buy anyone anything. Somehow, Donetsk lost at home to Atalanta while Dinamo was, expectedly, losing at City. That allowed Atalanta to climb over both of them and claim the last place in the knockouts!

Scoreboard: Balls: 1 correct pick (5 total), Litre: 1 correct pick (4 total)

Group D – Juventus, Atlético Madrid, Bayer Leverkusen, Lokomotiv Moskva

Balls: Juventus and Atlético go through, but I hope that Lokomotiv wins at least one game or gets a draw so that there can be peace in Ian’s household. (Please note that I do not know which team Ian’s wife’s family supports. They could be Zenit supporters for all I know…)

Litre: Bayer deserves this because they profit off pharmaceuticals. Zenit is racist as fuck. Juventus and Atletico will go through, agreed. 

Actual Results: This one also went down to the last Match Day. With Juventus already qualified, Atlético needed to take care of Lokomotiv at home. They did.

Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks (7 total), Litre: 2 correct picks (6 total)

Group E – Liverpool, Napoli, Salzburg, Genk

Balls: Liverpool and Napoli go through but I really hope that Salzburg beats Genk because that salt was really tasty.

Litre: Redshite and Pizza makers go through. (Did I do it right Hippo?)

Actual Results: Liverpool and Napoli did go through and Salzburg actually beat Genk twice!

Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks (9 total), Litre: 2 correct picks (8 total)

Group F – Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, Inter Milan, Slavia Praha

Balls: Barcelona, Dortmund, and Inter will fight until the last Match Day to see which two stay in the Champions League and who drops out. I wouldn’t be surprised if Barça gets kicked out early and Valverde gets fired. However, I just don’t see their exit that early in the tourney. I say Dortmund exit purely on goal differential, which is a shitty way to exit a tournament.

Litre: Other than my addiction for the shitty English side I support Barça. They are a joy to watch and less evil than Real. I always like Dortmund because their tifos are fucking kick ass and their coloUrs are cool.

Actual Results: As predicted, the fight did go down to the last Match Day except Barcelona had already qualified. All Inter had to do was to beat a Messi-less and youngster-filled Barça squad to ensure their qualification. Ansu Fati had other plans, however, as in the 86th minute, he scored and became the youngest player in history to score a Champions League goal. That goal gave Barcelona the road win and, combined with Dortmund’s victory over Slavia Praha, eliminated Inter.

Scoreboard: Balls: 1 correct pick (10 total), Litre: 2 correct picks (10 total)

Group G – Zenit, Benfica, Olympique Lyonnais, RB Leipzig

Balls: This is the group that is so wide open that Cherie DeVille is jealous.

“I’M JEALOUS!”

Put any of these teams in any other group and they don’t get out. Well, except for Olympique Lyonnais and only if they were in the Women’s Champions League. Their Lady Footy team is a powerhouse.

Litre : This is a wide open group. Zenit is soooo racist so they cannot be supported. I would like to see Benfica and Lyon go through. I have been to both stadiums and the home fans were really fun to party with. 

Actual Results: The group was wide open as all four teams had a chance to qualify on the last day. It was RB Leipzig and Lyon that went through.

Scoreboard: Balls 0 correct picks. (That’s what he gets for being a pussy and not making picks!, 10 total), Litre: 1 correct pick (11 total)

Group H – Chelsea, Ajax, Valencia, Lille

Balls: I say that Valencia and Chelsea go through, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Ajax knocks one of them out and takes their spot.

Litre: I hate Chelsea as much as the Dallas Cowboys. I hope Ajax goes on another run because that is fun. The roof in Amsterdam Arena is just big enough to only hit the pitch when it rains, it is lovely.

Actual Results: Valencia and Chelsea went through on the last day.

Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks (12 total), Litre: 1 correct picks (I’m assuming you meant that Valencia would go through in addition to Ajax, 12 total)

So, 12 out of 16 places correct in the Knockout Phase is not bad at all! Considering we made those predictions way back in August, I’d like to give ourselves little pats on the back! Or butt. Whatever floats Litre’s boat.

***

Wakezilla’s Fashion File: Qatar’s 2019 Club World Cup Logo

With the 2019 Club World Cup looming, Qatar recently revealed it’s logo.

Here it is:

I must admit, I absolutely love the logo! It does a fantastic job capturing what Qatar and lesser footy being played there is all about.

The off-colour green that is seen going up the trophy, leading to green stripes on the ball, represents the Emir of Qatar bribing his way to the top of the FIFA ladder, culminating in 13 stripes on the lesser footy ball, or the 13 FIFA figureheads bribed to make a World Cup happen in Qatar.
The 4 people on the ball represent all 1400  laborers who have died due to heat exhaustion. The burgundy color on the trophy is their blood, while the hot looking sunset is the heat that killed them.

To ensure Orientalism is alive in the 21st century, they used an Arab style font with Arabic numerals to prove that terrorism is winning. Additionally, there is a sand colour detected, to represent the desert that America would have travelled across to overthrow Sheikh Tamin bin Hamad al Thani if he wasn’t so hospitable and lets America have military bases in Qatar. 

Excellent work, FIFA!


Balls’ Liga MX Minuto

While we came tantalizingly close to my dream #7 vs, #8 seed in La Liguilla, we DID get a final featuring #8 seed Monterrey against #6 seed América!

It should be noted that #7 seed Morelia beat América in the Juego De Ida 2-0 while América returned the favour 2-0 in the Juego De Vuelta. Per Liga MX rules, there was no extra time and the place in the final was given to América based on the higher seed earned due to finishing position in the regular season. Apparently, every game and every goal DOES count!

Now, ordinarily we would have already played the Juego De Ida of the Final, BUT Monterrey won the CONCACAF Champions League last year and was thus invited to take place in the FIFA Club World Cup in Qatar.

They are actually playing at 9:30 AM Pacific time today on Fox Sports 2 and Fox Deportes!

This means that the Mexican league champion will not be decided until around Christmas. Considering that the new Clausura tournament starts on January 10, 2020, that doesn’t leave much time for a break for either América or Monterrey. It will be a very interesting and exciting next few weeks.

***

Today’s Omakase Menu (All times Pacific)

4:30 AM – Liverpool v Watford, NBCSN and Universo

7:00 AM – Real Sociedad v Barcelona, BeIn Sports, and Sports en Español

9:30 AM – Monterrey v Al Sadd Sports Club (Xavi Hernandez’ team!), Fox Sports 2 and Fox Deportes

12:00 Noon – Atlético Madrid v Osasuna, BeIn Sports and BeIn Sports en Español

***

Most hot girl image credits go to the wonderful Futbol Babes Twitter account. Please give them a follow.

Finally, let’s all wish Monterrey good luck in the Club World Cup!

(137/69)

ballsofsteelandfury
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Redshirt

At this point, our only hope is a military coup. Its our only option with any chance of success.

Redshirt

Boy, that’s a shitty President costume someone is wearing in the stands. Oh, sorry. Its not a costume; just a shitty president.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Really should have a “Turnover bulletproof vest that had to be supplied by the soldiers family because 90% of the military budget is funneled to pork barrel funding” instead of a played out turnover chain.

herodotus450
herodotus450

The fact that we don’t have an aircraft carrier big enough to hold this game is a national disgrace #impeachtrump

Horatio Cornblower

THIS ARMY OFFENSE I CALL IT THE ARMY OFFENSE IF AFGHANISTAN, BECAUSE THEY’RE MAKING THE SAME AMOUNT OF PROGRESS!!!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The U.S. Army hasn’t won anything since World War II.

Horatio Cornblower

We kicked the shit out of Panama and Grenada, buddy.

King Hippo

pretty program-defining win, though

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wasn’t Korea and Vietnam both “ties”.
Sort of?

Redshirt

Korea was a tie, Vietnam was a loss, but that’s only because it was the first war with real time coverage.

If the American public saw what was happening in the trenches in WWI, we wouldn’t stayed at home.

If the American public saw the horrors of the Civil War in real time, Lincoln wouldn’t have been able to fight the war and there would’ve been peace in less than a year.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s what you can buy in a Montreal subway station:

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Horatio Cornblower

What, no hookers?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

They’re all whores here. Whores and strippers, the lot of them, but the good ones all go to Florida.

King Hippo

about to say, that’s kind of a freaky hand job ,, no ofence

theeWeeBabySeamus

Before this thread goes into the ether, I think Balls deserves a shout out for that banner image.
That’s a very nice looking beach volleyball hiney.

(oh you know you were already thinking it)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s a perfect and elaborate Holiday display in the mythical Montreal Underground, including a perfect choir singing non-religious holiday songs perfectly.

It was perfect.

It was too perfect.

It was Scientology perfect.

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Horatio Cornblower

Did we already talk about the Army cadets making white power gestures on national TV?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit UCLA, you had one job!!!!
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OK, you are forgiven.

Don T

Mel Brooks is a genius and a gift to humanity. “Mel Brooks: Unwrapped” will be on HBO tonight
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Work, work, work.
HELLO BOYS, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT’S REST? I MISSED YOU.

theeWeeBabySeamus

WHY DO I ALWAYS GET A WARPED ONE??????

herodotus450
herodotus450

He’s on an episode of Seinfeld’s show about comedians, and they all go over to Carl’s house, I think, and watch Jeopardy and eat pastrami sandwiches.

Don T

Let’s not forget Brooks courted and married Anne Bancroft. So when they tell ya women value smarts and sense of humor, yes.

King Hippo

/also $$$$$

theeWeeBabySeamus

There’s a joke here, but Imma not go there.

King Hippo

ah swear was just thinking the “rich famous guy” aspect!!!

King Hippo

You want MIND BLOWN, Borat not only married this lady…he converted her!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

STOP IT, YOU’RE JUST TAUNTING ME NOW.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not saying a damned word on this. Contrary to popular opinion, sometimes I actually do know when to shut the hell up.

Don T

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Field goals should be worth 13 points, and touchdowns 50 for this game.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Winner of the Army-Navy game gets their choice for location of the next quagmire we enter into.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think it’s obligatory to say “Giggity” here.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The phrase “you could crack a walnut” comes to mind.

scotchnaut

“She’s Got Thighs!”

-ZZ Top

Horatio Cornblower

Someone here is not skipping Leg Day.

And I can promise you that it’s not me.

scotchnaut

SillyCuse is a garbage fire.

This is your Sillycuse update.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s almost like the game has passed Boeheim by and no one has the balls to tell him.

King Hippo

So much for Ancelotti being Napoli’s problem.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE say yes to Everton

King Hippo

These Saints, I call ’em Cubs fans at the Wrigley trough…cause they ain’t hit even the broadest target

litre_cola

“Let’s take Decilitre to the zoo.”
“Uggh, ok but if we are going to that part of the city I want to stop at the Chinese grocery store then we are getting Indonesian takeaway.”

It is all about compromise, that and Sambal Goreng Ayam.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I sincerely hope you got high first.
Animals are way moar fun when you’re high. Don’t tell the Vet Board of NC I said that.

King Hippo

I hope that Redshite engaged couple (that was just on teevee) fucking die on their way to their honeymoon.

Fronkenshteen

Yes! Assist to Fornals, and a beauty!

King Hippo

Was pulling hard for y’all despite Mark Noble is a Cunt

Fronkenshteen

He almost put me over the top with a second.