So, storytime. Ten years ago, Porky was engaged to a wonderful woman. I started working at Fidelity after following her to New Mexico. In training, I met a girl who had just gotten married and we would chit chat a bit. Nothing dangerous, nothing amorous, we didn’t even eat lunches together. The most forward thought I had towards her was, “huh, she’s really cute and her husband’s a lucky guy,” but at the time, so was I, because I was about to marry the love of my life. We did have a ton in common despite a 12 year age gap, but I soon married, she got pregnant, I quit to join the post office, and I truly had no desire to cultivate friendships with the opposite sex, so I more or less forgot about her.

Fast forward about seven years to the worst period of my life, most of the regulars know about my wife’s aneurysm and eventual death. Broke me right in half, and with two toddlers, I barely even had time to grieve. I still don’t. I joined Facebook because it really was the easiest way to stay in touch with people and show off the occasional picture of my kids. About a year in, I get an unfamiliar friend request, and then my memory jogs.

Oh, Fidelity girl. Well that’s cool, wonder how she’s doing. Well, apparently she had just ran across me on people you may know and was curious. I saw her picture and damn…still really attractive. And…her husband had cheated on her. At this point I hadn’t dated yet and I was still pretty bent out of shape, but I did have the thought in my head “hey I wonder if.” A couple weeks later she says she’s reconciling with her kids’ father and I say to myself, “bad timing, no big deal, worse things have happened, probably not ready to date anyway.”

Two years pass, I talk to her a bit, mainly in playdate and birthday party situations. Then I notice on Facebook (and I was not stalking her this was just something obvious) that she posted she was moving into a new apartment. Huh. On a whim I asked if her and the kids wanted to have a playdate. She accepted and we went to the museums. A few hours in, we’re sitting on a bench watching our kids build shit with giant blocks, and she says she’s now divorced because her husband cheated yet again, and follows with: “You know, I used to have such a crush on you. You looked like Clark Kent.” (She’s a Superman geek.) I told her what I thought of her, and the floodgates just opened. This woman is amazing. It’s like I put the stats in the Weird Science computer, and out pops this beautiful, smart, geeky, wonderful girl who has two kids that approximately match the ages of my own, cooks like a champ, watches sports, basically owns all the same movies I do, and loves good beer. I almost immediately fell in love with her. Her kids like me and love playing with my kids. I haven’t felt like this since my first girlfriend, just unabashed mutual affection with no boundaries and no bullshit. Porky may have found a keeper, y’all.

So…she’s a Patriots fan. How do I dump her?