Your “Give Me More” Late Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Did you like the earlier offerings? They tried their very best ya know. Well, except for those that didn’t. Some just don’t have the talent to compete, ya know.

TO THE GAMES!

Lions/Broncos:

Detroit seems to have given up the ghost or maybe just David Blough. Remember that first half of the Thanksgiving game? Blough’s mom will-forever. Oh honey, you were so special! Here’s an extra slice of chocolate cake. [Blough throws paper birthday hat to the floor] Goddamn it, maw! I’m forty-seven years old! Oh no son, you’re forty-seven years young.  /Fin I’m guessing Denver in a semi-romp.

Raiders/Chargers:

If you lived life on a hedge or were just a damn fool you’d throw Rivers into your lineup (I know!), your justification being that the Raiders give up the 3rd most fantasy points to wideouts. But you’re not a fool and that 5th place finish means everything to you.

Cowboys/Eagles:

Can I have a Philly win here so that Gratliff can have a boner and also because chaos? I do love to see two under-performing teams bring the NFC East to new lows and Dallas not being able to separate itself from the detritus of the rest of the division despite having a stranglehold on ‘best talent’. Congrats if you have Ertz-the coaching staff took a mere 11 weeks to figure out that the wr corps was garbage fire plus. Amari owners should pray that he’ll be covered by Jalen Mills who has given up an *average* of 20 yards per reception the last 4 weeks.

Cards/Seahawks:

Just put Arizona to bed by throwing to any and all tight ends. Across the season they average more than one TD given up per game to that spot.

Go Comments Go! YAY!!! [jumps up and down]

 

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

FUCK YOU DALLAS.

Signature lose.

Gratliff

Checking back in, the fuck is Seattle doing?

Mr. Ayo

Pissing down their leg

hippofant

Getting Discount Double-Checked by discount Aaron Rodgers.

King Hippo

fucking up their timeout usage

Spur

please let this be the end of Garrett

hippofant

Naw. Garrett should be the anchor around the Cowboys’ neck as long as Jerry or his descendants own the Cowboys. Even if that means skeletor Garrett is still throwing away the game by putting in the robo-kicker for 145-yard field goals when down by a mega-touchdown in the 5th quarter in 2194.

Horatio Cornblower

Doesn’t matter. As long as JJ thinks he’s a competent GM nothing’s going to change.

King Hippo

Miles Sanders both won and lost some FF matchups there.

Gratliff

EAGLEA

Horatio Cornblower

“A signature win for Carson Wentz…”

I mean, no, it’s a signature loss for Dallas; Wentz didn’t do anything other than just not fuck up and Dallas took it from there.

Horatio Cornblower

I still can’t believe that the 4th and 8 call was a deep throw to the corner of the end zone from a QB with a bad shoulder to the receiver who just dropped a ball that was in his hands.

Gratliff

This is me every week this season

Mr. Ayo

Mmm, yes, indeed. The element of surprise is lost on the plebes.

hippofant

You just gotta believe hard enough.

CLEAR EYES FULL HEART CAN’T LOSE

Gratliff

WHY WOULD YOU THROW

King Hippo

Doug Pedersen!!

yeah, it worked, but agree was Bananacakes

Horatio Cornblower

Jim Schwartz just looks like an asshole.

King Hippo

Jeebus Tapdancing Christ, SeaTruthers

Mr. Ayo

Jet fuel can’t tackle!

Horatio Cornblower

That’s clearly defensive PI and Dallas should be declared the winner of this game.

This is a reasonable and unbiased opinion based only on the facts.
/That’s not PI

King Hippo

c’mon booth review DPI + riot

Gratliff

“Where did all these Saints fans come from?”

Horatio Cornblower

It wasn’t PI, but my god that would have been awesome if they said that it was.

King Hippo

oh, agreed. I just want anarchy.

Spur

the amount of blood and piss would be staggering.

Gratliff

SAD JERRAHL

Spur

Garrett looks mildly upset

Mr. Ayo

comment image?ssl=1

litre_cola

Well that ended better than I predicted.

The Maestro

God, was that ever a hell of a nap. I blinked and two hours went by like nothing happened. Crazy.

Gratliff

Dallas owned the division for 15 weeks

Horatio Cornblower

Rented, more like it.

Gratliff

Is 1917 just an endless series of a dude running away? That would be neat, actually

Horatio Cornblower

I think there’s some plot-setting dialogue early on, but from what I understand, yes, the rest of the movie is just him running away from some things and towards others.

Dunstan

“Let me see that script…” — Tom Cruise

Spur

it just looks badass.

litre_cola

This prevent D is not working Doug.

King Hippo

methinks I want 19-15, Iggles run back the 2-point attempt, but Non-Gendereds get the onside kick recovery

Horatio Cornblower

Christ, when he does hit the receivers in stride they can’t hang on to it anyway. IT WAS IN YOUR GODDAMN HANDS, GALLUP!!!

Gratliff

And a straight drop by Gallup. What a fucking shitshow

King Hippo

again, ONE OF THESE TEAMS WILL HOST A PLAYOFF GAME

Mr. Ayo

Against the HOX. So they could win too.!

Senor Weaselo

And will unfortunately go 8-8.

Horatio Cornblower

“What a fucking shitshow”

And Hippo said it would be hard to put this game into words.

Mr. Ayo

Dammit DAK, that was a tuddy.

King Hippo

Gallup all like HOLD MAH BEER

/just kidding, he already dropped it

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, Dak is costing himself a lot of money tonight.

Spur

Dak Discount

Gratliff

Discount Double Dak

King Hippo

Seriously, does DAL have more than 2 or 3 first downs all goddamned half? A turnover is all that kills you now.

Spur

Wentz fumbles are always soon fun

King Hippo

One queries why Dougie doesn’t just burn some clock and punt.

King Hippo

/queries intensify

Spur

shhh

Horatio Cornblower

He can probably do whatever he wants; the Dallas offense is in deep hibernation this week. Half the line’s hurt, Cooper is obviously hurt, and Dak can’t raise his arm.

Horatio Cornblower

Other than an inability to tackle, line up onsides, throw or catch the ball, this Cowboys team shows real promise.

King Hippo

almost impossible to put into words just how shitty this game is

Spur

Damn, can that kicker throw a football?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m beginning to think Kellen Moore isn’t all that bright.

Mr. Ayo

Just last week he learned that Oreida was derived from the the two states’ abbreviations.

litre_cola

So did I.

Horatio Cornblower

I just learned it now.

Mr. Ayo

I’m glad I’m not alone here.

Gratliff

Openly judging the people I talk football with now

King Hippo

Qardinals under Brett Hundley moving the ball better than SeaTruthers under Russell Wilson. MAKES SENSE.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raiders alive in the playoff hunt in Week 17? THESE ARE DEFINITELY NOT MY RAIDERS.

Spur

any scenario were they could play a playoff game in Oakland?

King Hippo

No. 6 seed is their ceiling.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Short of a plane crash and the #7 seed gets advanced into the bracket, I don’t think so, no.

Horatio Cornblower

Prescott has the accuracy of me playing darts last night.

Gratliff

They’re not even close on the long balls and I can’t figure out why they keep doing it

Gratliff

Jesus christ to give up that play

Spur

Fat corrupt fuck

Horatio Cornblower

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie? Fuck it, go Eagles.

King Hippo

they should just send Los Gigantes to the tournament, under the condition that Elisha plays.

litre_cola

Johnny Walker blue and whores from across the river brah!

Gratliff

I respect the lack of fucks you have to give to be a jersey politician and not cheer for either the Eagles or Giants

King Hippo

55-yard FG up 11, with the other side unable to throw the ball? JEEBUS

litre_cola

So fuckin stupid Douggie.

Horatio Cornblower

Literally, no one wants to win this division.

Spur

Not even close

Gratliff

Eagles and Cowboys trading off team-defining derps to start the game

Horatio Cornblower

I’m pretty sure that Dallas is still going to the play-offs because they’re not going to lose to Washington in Dallas, I’m just not sure I want them to because I see no reason to be at all emotionally invested in the play-offs.

Although that clearly isn’t going to be a problem after the first week anyway.

King Hippo

they have to win AND Iggles lose to NYG, right?

Horatio Cornblower

No, for the Eagles to get in they need to win out and Dallas has to lose both games.

At least that’s what Joe Buck told me earlier. I honestly have no idea.

Gratliff

Eagles win both games, they’re in. Eagles win and lose next week, Cowboys get in with a win.

Horatio Cornblower

Ah, then Dallas is done. They’re not coming back tonight, and the Eagles aren’t losing to the Giants next week.

Saves me some tension anyway.

King Hippo

DAL wins tiebreak, but they’d be a win behind unless PHI loses. But they TOTALLY could lose to NYG.

Mr. Ayo

Why are the hox running it with their top two RBs out and Charmslinger under center?

Burn this coaching staff to the ground.

Spur

Tripping on Philly? That shit got called against Dallas when they played the Massholes

Gratliff

*screen screen screen screen*

Spur

Wentz wants to turn it over here

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently the only way the Raiders can stop this Chargers’ drive is by sacrificing a player to Cedars-Sinai Spine Center.

Spur

Philly score here and that’s game.

With all this. Dallas can still win next week and win the Division.