Bleerghmas

Game Time Decision
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Twas the night before Bleergmas, when all through the stadium
Not a creature was stirring, not even a black cat*
The headsets were hung by the goal posts with care,
In hopes that St. Bleergh soon would be there;

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of touchdowns danced in their heads;
And coach in a visor, and I in my stetson,
Had just settled down for a quick little film session,

When out on the turf there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bench to see what was the matter.
Away to the sideline I flew like a bat,
Tore off the headset and threw off the hat.

The light on the breast of the new turf
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below-f,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a replay screen, and eight tiny flags,

With a crazy old driver, so lively and slick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Bleergh-k.
More rapid than halftime his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, HOLDING! now, OFFISIDE! now, OPI and TRIPPING!
On, TAUNTING! on CHOP BLOCK! on, FALSE START and CLIPPING!
To the top of the pilon! to the top of the ball!
Now call them! call them! call them all!”

As corner back that before the receivers fly,
When the ball is hear, jump to the sky,
So up to the goal posts the coursers they flew,
With the a bag full of flags, and St. Bleergh too.

And then, I heard through the loud speakers
That without more calls, Bleergh will get weaker.
As I drew in my breath, and got spun around,
Down the field St. Bleergh came with a bound.

He was dressed all in flags, from his head to his taint,
And his clothes were all covered with blood and paint;
A binder of rule changes tucked under his arm,
And he looked like a security guard about to raise the alarm

His eyes — how glazed! his dimples now muddy!
His cheeks were all black, his nose all bloody!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a scowl,
And the beard on his chin smelled quite foul;

The stump of a roach he held tight in his tooth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little six pack,
That shook, when he laughed like Suggs after a sack.

He was grumpy and mean, an angry old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a nod to the umpire,
Soon gave me to know that I would soon be fired;

He made not a sound, but went straight to his work,
charging all the headsets; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And dropping a snot-rocket, up the sky he rose;

He sprang to the replay screen, to each flag gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a missile.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
HAPPY BLEERGHMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

 

*like Cutler, who don’t care, I don’t care that they don’t rhyme here or any place following.

****apologises to Clement Clarke Moore for what I’ve done to your poem.

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Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision
Recovering lurker; jack of all trades, master of none; Canadian but hates the Leafs and Jays.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thanks to those that work tomorrow.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just great.

WCS

HAPPY BLEERGHMAS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well done, GTD.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Getting Things Done!

Horatio Cornblower

Going To Detroit!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Got The Dick!

King Hippo

Guten Tag, Denver!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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[GRUNTS, THRASHES, DRINKS]

Sharkbait

Holy shit that was amazing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Merry Christmas everyone. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve to finish getting ready for work.

Goddamnit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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TheRevanchist

Happy holidays to you all. I’ve enjoyed my short time here and have felt more than welcome. I just want to say thank you to everyone for that. Cheers!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Right back at ya!

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Horatio Cornblower

Clement Moore would be goddamn proud to see what’s become of his poem here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Deep cut.

Gratliff

Norman Reedus just died and came back to life with a baby in a jar and is now getting his next assignment from Guillermo Del Toro, a sci fi coroner.
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Horatio Cornblower

Merry Christmas, (gets beat up by Antifa), I mean Happy Non-Gendered Holidays, degenerates!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are OK, while nazis celebrate xmas, they don’t OWN it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

As long as white…

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ballsofsteelandfury

This was wonderful

Gratliff

Getting started on Death Stranding this Christmas Eve. Hyped for some Kojima insanity.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have no idea what you are talking about, so intrigued I will subscribe you your news letter and feed (see Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show!’s post below).

Gratliff

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I KNEW IT WOULD BE WORTH IT!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Yes, I do find this somewhat arousing….. SO WHAT?? YOU NEED TO LOOK INTO YOUR OWN DARK SOUL BEFORE CONDEMNING OTHERS!

Er….. ah……. never mind.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No! YOU’VE got a problem!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Yes
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King Hippo

oh YES

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Since football is best watched without pants; how do you accomplish this relaxation method with people, family, guests, etc. around? In the cooler climate in which I live I find baggy sweats with worn pockets work well. No real cold air drafts, the “commando” feeling, being able to touch one’s balls covertly (and perhaps bring a nice ball sent close to one who is annoying you), and camouflage for the semi-erection often brought on by the napping state which is induced during heavy eating and boring games.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I cut the crotch out of my pants and manspread on the ottoman as we all talk about how nice the weather in the Hawaii Bowl looks for the 20th straight year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s a good approach as is immediately lessens the guests in your house. Leftovers are the fucking best and this method increases the amount tremendously.

*Unless you are from certain parts of Kentucky, in which case you will get a lot of attention from your underage cousins, enough so to interfere with your drinkin’ of the hooch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Low hanging fruit.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Hot take: if your site doesn’t have an rss feed or feeds for individual authors, then it isn’t worth shit. Looking at you Vice, I just want a Magary fix, but no I have to wade through gallons of toxic hipster prolix for his 2-3 articles a week. Suck me sideways.

Merry Christmas!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Those muthafuckers!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Um, do WE have a rss feed?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure we have rats around here somewhere. We’re not the cleanest bunch.

King Hippo

click on author’s name, you gets all they posts. Also, the series have front-page links, plus a search function. That should suffice even FOAR galdurned millenials

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Does rss feed have sammiches?

King Hippo

think the hipster youth say “sammies” tho

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

This was just so goddamned beautiful. THANK YOU!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

That poem made me shoot ropes of yellow flags. Well done.
. Edit: meant for my comment above but I’m hungover and this isn’t my college thesis so I’m not changing shit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[makes appoint with urologist]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*appointment

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Close enough.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I consider myself a technology dinosaur/ inept, and this idiot is a “lawyer” for the POTUS? Never mind, let’s continue with this dark timeline.

Senor Weaselo

I haven’t seen Rudy be this useful for the State since he brought down the mob.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*took credit

rockingdog

Hail Bleergh