Festive Fixtures Continue – 28 Dec Lesser Footy Openness

King Hippo

Huzzah, I hope y’all ain’t tired of the Premiership.  Because there’s a metric fuckton of it this weekend.

Bournemouth got a really good point off Arsenal on Boxing Day, so they go right back on the road to meet the ever-tricky Trashbirds of Brighton (7:30, NBCSN).  My willingness to set the alarm depends on how early I gives up on Friday night JV mediocrity.  Gus Johnson is calling Team Cornpone against the Troi Boiz as I type.

yeah right’s Cherries no doubt saving a Draw shall be followed by three matches at 10:00, led by Everton’s visit to take on the Barcodes (NBCSN).  Newcastle, much like a K-Mart version of Leicester, have been punching way above their underlying analytics.  They won’t likely be as humbled as the Foxes were Thursday night, but a fall is coming.  Don Carlo won’t lose to these shits.  Unless he does.  Footy is hard to predict.

Norwich host Spurs in the regular Spotlight Dance spot (12:30, NBC), but you get extended ballroom time with United at Burnley next (2:45, NBC).  Both biggies are away, so there will likely be at least some dramatics.  But Burnley are dire, and United may have finally hit their long-awaited stride.  Leicester at the Hammers are a bonus NBC Gold matchup in the 12:30 window.

Holy War action between Arsenal and Chelsea highlight your Sunday morning (9:00, NBSN), followed by the Redshite hosting shit-hot Wolves (11:30, NBCSN).  Looks like they join City (who forfeited all remote Title hopes in Wolverhampton yesterday) away to Team Knifey – who can totally beat the champs – in progress.  Match starts at 1p, which interferes with Mysterious NFL Week 17 anyway.  I will cherish my time with Coked-Up RedZone Guy whilst I can, thanks.

Haven’t these JV exhibitions been liquid shit?  You get two MOAR, before the Raging Semis start (which shall get stand-alone coverage):

Memphis (+7) v. Paedo State (Pick a Bale of Cotton! Bowl, Jerralworld – Noon, ESPN)

As if this weren’t gonna be a big enough ass-reaming (sorry for the Paedo State visuals there), FedEx is missing a bunch of starters.  I don’t care enough to look up whether it’s grades, NFL prep, injury, or hooliganism.  Don’t want to think of how shit-ass dumb you must be to fail out of Memphis.  As an ATHLETE.  Baddies roll.

Iowa State (+3.5) v. Notre Dame (Preliminary Hitler Mice Bowl, Orlando, FL – Noon, ABC)

At least I think this is the preliminary one.  I get confused.  Team Cornpone State has a legitimate shot here, they are well-coached and athletic.  Plus, I think Big Twaaaaalve sides are better suited to exhibition “competition” where defense is often minimal, and guys don’t want to get hurt (more than usual).  Plus, Brian Kelly killed a kid.  Well, maybe KIDS, who knows for sure.  But at least one.  And I will remind the world of that (as will Horatio, no doubt) as long as he’s employed.  Fuck him, fuck the Domers.

***

Balls’ Liga MX Minuto

I told teh Hippo that América had not won the first leg of any series in this Liguilla de Apertura. I urged him to bet Monterrey to win. Did he do so?

Yes,  it would have been gut-wrenching as Monterrey did not score the winning goal until stoppage time,  but score it they did.

Now,  they go to the Azteca with a slim advantage on the scoreboard (2-1) but América has that precious away goal.

The second leg is Sunday night.  I want Monterrey to win,  but América has them right where they want them.

***

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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rockingdog
rockingdog
bk109
bk109

Nice one. I just finished https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25813952-raven-rock
and am about to start
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6623920-the-dead-hand

… I needed something cheerful as a palate cleanser, ’cause I’m rather underwhelmed by the two latest David Weber books (newest Safehold and Honorverse)

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I have to space Weber books out, just like I do by Neal Asher. Currently reading a bunch of mind candy, fine while reading but not worth really remembering.

bk109
bk109

I made the mistake of starting the Honorverse books anew awhile back and the (relatively) concise and well-paced books he used to do just reflect really poorly on the slog that’s become his writing of late

herodotus450
herodotus450

So none of the (important) Bowel games are on CBS? Maybe there is a god…

rockingdog
rockingdog
theeWeeBabySeamus

So, I’m cooking, trying to get as much football in (I can see the TV from kitchen, I’m fancy) and waiting on assholes to arrive tonight. No, not the good kind.
And my question is this, should I get high?
No, actually….How high should I get? (I’ve already crossed the threshold obvs)

litre_cola

Oh, hi! Well if you want incognito mode then edibles. If you want to be able to put up with fuckwits may I suggest a bucket.

1. Saw off bottom of 2L bottle of soda.
2. Find juice jug and fill 2/3rds with water.
3. Fashion a bowl from aluminium foil (may or may not get alzheimers)
4. Fill bowl.
5. Destroy lungs and brain.
6. Not notice unruly family members.

theeWeeBabySeamus

1. How you think Imma get edibles on short notice in North Cackalacky. I’m already cooking the food.
2-5. I thought you were about to try to teach me how to make a gravity bong. Which actually isn’t a bad idea to make now that I think about it.
6. No Jeopardy tonight means I can’t ignore them. But I can damn sure turn up football and start yelling “Masturbate” until they go home.

litre_cola

Buckets were how I got by for years dealing with fuckwit tourists at the resort hotel

litre_cola

Or you could masturbate until they leave, and they may never come back.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If my name was Noah Cain, I think I’d probably have my first name changed to “Nova”.
Or maybe “Sugar”. That would help my exotic dancing career.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I don’t care how many Romanov children he murdered, Ol Rasputin makes a pretty good beers.

scotchnaut

[subscribes to herodotus450’s “Loose Rubles” podcast]

herodotus450
herodotus450

Sevastopol was an inside jorb!

scotchnaut

Question for anyone that might know: The Memphis football program-is it going to stay intact? Is coach and OC and DC gonna stick around or will they be raided by bigger programs?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

The ol’ clit punch maneuver.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Huh, how ’bout that. I might have to try that.

scotchnaut

[takes notes]

-Clerics no longer allowed to perform genital mutilation

litre_cola
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And SOOOOO effective.

herodotus450
herodotus450

With a name like Micah, you knew it was only a matter of time before he took something valuable away from Memphis.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He says the same thing over and over.

litre_cola

About to take some daytime cold meds. They usually make me feel like a hummingbird
comment image.

scotchnaut

The UnderCats stop Paedo on 4th down!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hippo; it is now snowing like Carrie Fischer’s green room in the ’80s here.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is it just me or is Gainwell like the best name foar an RB in evar????

scotchnaut

I don’t know. Hungry Firstdownmaker is better.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Lopad Fallsforward was pretty good too

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Toomuchcoke Retiredearly?

litre_cola

D’Angry Roiduser was a hell of a DT until he got busted.

litre_cola

Night game at Turf Moor?

Fuck yeah,
comment image

herodotus450
herodotus450

Penn St.: “Oh right, we have a huge depth/talent advantage that behooves us to run up the gut 50 times to wear out the defense. Let’s throw it.”

Horatio Cornblower

Penn State isn’t known for making good decisions.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In and out of the shower.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If you gotta go down, go down swinging.

– J. Sandusky

(that means two things)

litre_cola

Scotchy what channel is Paedo st game on? All I get is Kid hockey, and Iowa St game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The site is now on another watch list.

litre_cola

Fuck yeah, let’s collect them all!

/Likes curvy women, TWBS WILL VOUCH!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You get badges as your collection grows.

litre_cola

Like the Boy Sco…. I see what you did there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DAMNIT!

Horatio Cornblower

ESPN has the Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic.

Jesus, it’s even dumber when you type it out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Who are you ……pickin’?

scotchnaut

I’ve got the sports package-394.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice package!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was a heckuva kick. Woulda been good from at least 60yds and it was dead center.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Main camera operator in this game must still be sweating out the Christmastime meth given all the shaking.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sudden change? Is Elvis in the building?

scotchnaut

“Peanut butter bacon sandwiches half-price for the 4th quarter!”

herodotus450
herodotus450

Memphis coming back like the rising tide of the Nile.

scotchnaut

TIGERCEPTION!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“DAMN IT!”

-Indian being dragged into the jungle.

scotchnaut

Memphis with the gorgeous double end around TD toss.

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, usually Penn State is the one that goes around the ends to come from behind.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Didn’t you just say 10% success rate; i.e. terrible call.

scotchnaut

[pushes glasses up nose] I said regular end-around, not ‘double end-around’. Try to keep up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, sure….. A more complicated handling pla….. never mind….

-Dunning-Kruger

herodotus450
herodotus450

Double end arounds are obviously twice as likely to succeed. It’s basic math(s).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

x 2i

scotchnaut

Double end-arounds succeed 20% of the time, triple end-arounds are successful 30% of the time. You can’t argue with science/math.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

x 3i

Horatio Cornblower

OK guys, listen up! We’re going with the ol’ Ten Times End Around. Never fails; it’s science!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You need Viagra for that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Freddie Mercury plays QB foar Memphis? Who Knew?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good voice….. poor ball control.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe, that was funny.

litre_cola

Doc Martens makes sandals???? Take all my moneys!

Horatio Cornblower

Harry Kane is a diving cunt

litre_cola

Horatio gets it!

Horatio Cornblower

Seriously. He didn’t even remember to fall over until the guy was two feet past him and he still got the call!

scotchnaut

Both him and Greg Louganis after the sex change.

Horatio Cornblower

I had to look that up because these days you never know. Today I learned that is middle name is Efthimios and that he’s apparently way into dog agility drills and has a way with dog names.

herodotus450
herodotus450

If the camera adds 10 pounds, by my calculations, that puts Anna Kendrick at about 63 pounds 3 ounces.

Horatio Cornblower

She’s 5’2″. By Hollywood standards 63 lbs.+ seems a little heavy.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I guess my usual excuse of “it only looks small cause it’s so far away” won’t work with her then…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What. a. fucking. cow.

herodotus450
herodotus450

PSU apparently went to the Andy Reid school of CLock Management based on that poppycock of an ending to the half.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Memphis has a O-liner last named Eze. That will be an asset when they try to recruit that Fukdpolis kid from LA.

scotchnaut

Is that Lionel Ritchie’s kid?

scotchnaut

Really under-rated geetar solo as far as I’m concerned.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You KNOW what she’s thinkin’.

herodotus450
herodotus450

An hour and a half ago: “Penn St. is overrated, they suck and the Big 10 sucks, they’re looosing to Memphis.”
Now: “Memphis sucks so this means nothing, Penn St. is overrated, they suck and the Big 10 sucks.”

litre_cola

Anyone wanna talk about the rumoUr of Marvin Lewis to the Potato skins? BAHAHAHAHA

scotchnaut

Hopefully Corn Subsidy State getting all their dumb-ass playcalling out the way in the 1st half. 4th and inches with a qb that can run and they go to the shotgun? Good luvin’!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

Haven’t heard from Hippo in a bit-must be hard to comment when you’re floating on a cloud.