Festive Fixtures Continue – 28 Dec Lesser Footy Openness

Huzzah, I hope y’all ain’t tired of the Premiership.  Because there’s a metric fuckton of it this weekend.

Bournemouth got a really good point off Arsenal on Boxing Day, so they go right back on the road to meet the ever-tricky Trashbirds of Brighton (7:30, NBCSN).  My willingness to set the alarm depends on how early I gives up on Friday night JV mediocrity.  Gus Johnson is calling Team Cornpone against the Troi Boiz as I type.

yeah right’s Cherries no doubt saving a Draw shall be followed by three matches at 10:00, led by Everton’s visit to take on the Barcodes (NBCSN).  Newcastle, much like a K-Mart version of Leicester, have been punching way above their underlying analytics.  They won’t likely be as humbled as the Foxes were Thursday night, but a fall is coming.  Don Carlo won’t lose to these shits.  Unless he does.  Footy is hard to predict.

Norwich host Spurs in the regular Spotlight Dance spot (12:30, NBC), but you get extended ballroom time with United at Burnley next (2:45, NBC).  Both biggies are away, so there will likely be at least some dramatics.  But Burnley are dire, and United may have finally hit their long-awaited stride.  Leicester at the Hammers are a bonus NBC Gold matchup in the 12:30 window.

Holy War action between Arsenal and Chelsea highlight your Sunday morning (9:00, NBSN), followed by the Redshite hosting shit-hot Wolves (11:30, NBCSN).  Looks like they join City (who forfeited all remote Title hopes in Wolverhampton yesterday) away to Team Knifey – who can totally beat the champs – in progress.  Match starts at 1p, which interferes with Mysterious NFL Week 17 anyway.  I will cherish my time with Coked-Up RedZone Guy whilst I can, thanks.

Haven’t these JV exhibitions been liquid shit?  You get two MOAR, before the Raging Semis start (which shall get stand-alone coverage):

Memphis (+7) v. Paedo State (Pick a Bale of Cotton! Bowl, Jerralworld – Noon, ESPN)

As if this weren’t gonna be a big enough ass-reaming (sorry for the Paedo State visuals there), FedEx is missing a bunch of starters.  I don’t care enough to look up whether it’s grades, NFL prep, injury, or hooliganism.  Don’t want to think of how shit-ass dumb you must be to fail out of Memphis.  As an ATHLETE.  Baddies roll.

Iowa State (+3.5) v. Notre Dame (Preliminary Hitler Mice Bowl, Orlando, FL – Noon, ABC)

At least I think this is the preliminary one.  I get confused.  Team Cornpone State has a legitimate shot here, they are well-coached and athletic.  Plus, I think Big Twaaaaalve sides are better suited to exhibition “competition” where defense is often minimal, and guys don’t want to get hurt (more than usual).  Plus, Brian Kelly killed a kid.  Well, maybe KIDS, who knows for sure.  But at least one.  And I will remind the world of that (as will Horatio, no doubt) as long as he’s employed.  Fuck him, fuck the Domers.

***

Balls’ Liga MX Minuto

I told teh Hippo that América had not won the first leg of any series in this Liguilla de Apertura. I urged him to bet Monterrey to win. Did he do so?

Yes,  it would have been gut-wrenching as Monterrey did not score the winning goal until stoppage time,  but score it they did.

Now,  they go to the Azteca with a slim advantage on the scoreboard (2-1) but América has that precious away goal.

The second leg is Sunday night.  I want Monterrey to win,  but América has them right where they want them.

***

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

The end-around must have a 10% success rate.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought I had the day off today. Tomorrow was supposed to be the day all of the extended family came and unwrapped their free shit. Now today, a phone call comes in.
“We can’t come tomorrow, can we come today?”

NO MOM TELL ‘EM NO WE’LL MAIL IT TO THEM.

But nooooooo…

So now gotta host half of ’em today and the other half tomorrow.

I’M TRYNNA WATCH FOOTBALL OVER HERE!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I also gotta figure out something to cook.
I HATE PEOPLE.

herodotus450

Steamed Hams are a can’t miss here, bucko.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, you should get the priority of ‘smoothing your edge’ done first.

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scotchnaut

Memphis has acquitted itself quite well in both the basket and foot sports this year. Any guesses as to when the sanctions come down?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Folks

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Your randomizer is either broken or working perfectly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The “randomizer” is the voices in my head.

herodotus450

It’s a good thing I have my irony detector turned off during that description of the Cotton Bowl forbidding Black players from playing. Thing could have exploded.

Redshirt

Its progress than the Cotton Bowl picks the Black players nowadays.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But they love their slave owning past.

Redshirt

That pretty much explains the problem concisely.

Redshirt

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/crime/crime-and-courts/2019/12/28/teen-mall-brawls-reported-all-over-country/2762231001/

I’m not saying we have to bring back spanking unruly kids, but we may need to consider it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The cops just need to treat them like peaceful protesters and the trend will stop.

scotchnaut

I’m drinking this because it’s important for northern Ontarians to support Hawaiian organic vodka makers. Or because I’d never seen it before and the bottle was cute. The action starts 30 seconds in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkrEyFn1jS8

scotchnaut

Here’s another vid featuring a busty gal that is not good in front of a camera and a guy that dropped a toaster into his bath tub.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdwNMFSKaPU

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m willing to bet she’s good in front of the camera in a slightly different role…..

scotchnaut

That boob job ain’t paying for itself you know.

herodotus450

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Football talking guy: “[Friarmuth]’s a real tight end.”
not if i have anything to say about it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

More like No Ma’amphis amirit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Overly influenced by others?

herodotus450

Really need some more synergy in thi Cotton-picking Bowl. Goodyear is the sponsor? C’mon, how about Hanes or Beefeater Gin?

Redshirt

(Last night)

Me: “God, I don’t ask for much, but please let the Bengals sign AJ Green to an extension. He’s the center to our whole defense.”

(Today)

TV: “Bengals sign their Center to an extension.”

scotchnaut

So…. who is going to break it to Red that Green is a wr on O?

Redshirt

…I won’t edit it. I’ll own up to it.

scotchnaut

I do the same when I mess up. It’s funnier that way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Defense? Welp, it IS the Bengals.

scotchnaut

So…. who is going to break it to Red that Green will be 32 years old when the season starts in 2020?

Redshirt

If he gets healthy, he should be good for four years or so. That’ll give Burrow a chance to develop, Boyd a chance to florish as #2. Even Green at 70% of his talents can transform a team.

herodotus450

The only question is whether he goes to the Pats and wins a super bowl and Pats fans get smug about collecting talent, or whether he goes to the Pats and retires two hours into training camp and Pats fans get smug about “The Proccess.”

Redshirt

Cincy Sports Radio came up with a scenario where Dalton goes to New England if Brady retires/leaves NE and Green, Bernard and Erickson follow due to their familiarity with Dalton. Probably to prepare Bengals fans in case that happens and they win the Super Bowl.

If Dalton goes to New England, I’ll become a polygamous fan for both the Patriots and the Bengals.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cincy radio people sound even more stupid than Denver radio people.

Secondly; HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT??

Redshirt

They’re Trump supporters. Seriously, do a search for Bill Cunningham and Trump. Though you should hide any sharp or throwable objects first.

Also, I’m a fan of Andy Dalton as a person. Even if he went to Pittsburgh, I still be happy if he won a ring there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, we have some of those here.

The P*ts destroy humanity; “Andy is dead to me now!”

scotchnaut

Boo Fake Christians!

Yay Corn Subsidies!

herodotus450

Pre-emptive BIG LOL of the week goes to Gus Johnson and the Fox CFB Broadcast team for hyping up Ohio State all year and, if they lose to Clamson, tricking me into thinking they were actually good.
Also, a programming note, Big LOL of the week has been cancelled and cannot be used against me in the future.

yeah right

All the offspring are stopping by today for our holiday hootenanny. I’m making a baked ziti. We’ve got a lovely cheese platter and an excellent wine selection and it should be simply smashing.

Only one more holiday meal after this one: black eyed peas and cornbread for New Year’s.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good on ya for the black eyed peas and cornbread for New Year’s.
Also, tell The Offspring I said Hi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AltMeuPkWRs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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VERY erotic.

scotchnaut

Coming from behind isn’t usually that violent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I guess he fell down the stairs or walked into a door.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He needs to lose an unhealthy amount of weight to play the one role.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

THIS MASON HOLGATE I CALL HIM RON HOLGATE IN 1776 BECAUSE HE DOES HIS JOB GENERAL… LEE.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=urgrF6OBuZc

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Deep theatre cut!

yeah right

My dad was in that play, local version, and I helped paint flats and move sets while wearing black clothes. It’s a solid play.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They should bring a jacket.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Field is covered and heated. Sunny, cold wind at most 10 mph, less in the stadium.

Good conditions for Lock training.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You dive ON the cunt (sex organ).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Has cunt lost its gender association with anybody else? I find myself using the term for males (especially in traffic) than females by a huge margin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I work with some Aussies and Kiwis and that seems to be their approach as well.

bk109

And even better “supplements” / crystal meth.

bk109

This too shall pass….

bk109

I hate to pile on, but toldja… Also… Thanks for letting Andy git ‘ar done… I had a tenner on him scoring the equalizer

bk109

Y’see, if just picked him for one very important reason… I thought to myself “Which one of these fuckers would make me wanna hit my screen if he scores” and there he was 😀

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what still sucks after all these years? Renting a car. And the customers are likely worse than the employees.

bk109

So, this whole AB workout at the NOLA Taints… Does it make me a bad person for hoping that he either gets the full Dez Bryan experience or … well, flips out and goes after Dougie and Breesus?

litre_cola

He will be suspended for jerking off on his bible study mates back fo sho.

From what I understand wasted seeds are nawt smiled upon in the Catholic church.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which is pretty perverted. I assume he’s getting off on it.

rockingdog

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d like to see him get a Super Bowl ring (assuming he didn’t do what he is accused of) with Aints as it would set all the blathering heads a-pearl-clutching.

If he did do what he is accused of; may he have a terrible rusty deli meat slicer accident the cuts of balls, dick and thumbs.

litre_cola

Why is your comment in blue?????

Horatio Cornblower

Every word is a link to a story reminding everyone that Brian Kelly killed a kid.

litre_cola

Ahhhh. Fancy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ALL SINS ARE FORGIVEN!

*If you are in the football program and are more important to the program than a typical scapegoat.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m still giddy about Iowa’s beatdown of USC last night. How is everyone?

litre_cola

Head cold. No continental futbol or C’ship makes Litre sad.

rockingdog

Found a funny:
Annoyed guy at the dog park just told his dog “look at the ball before you run. OK?”

Horatio Cornblower

“I want Monterrey to win, but América has them right where they want them.”

Somewhere, probably not heaven, James Polk has his first boner in well over a century.

Game Time Decision

Bourne marathon on Show case. Guess I know what I’m watching today

bk109

What this needs is a castrophic collapse in the second half… I’m a miserable Gunner? Yeah… and misery must be spread like a debunked conspiracy theory on facebook!

litre_cola

Beat the scum tomorrow. It is all I ask.

/that and Mighty Whitey beating Stoke

bk109

Yeah, not gonna happen… Not gonna happen to the tune of 500 bucks on Chelski

bk109

Given that I haven’t spent a dime of my own money on betting since I topped-up my betting account (I gave myself 5 grand to play with at the start of the year and I’ve been withdrawing everything above that sum) ,so I can lose my entire balance and still be WAY up on the year 😀

litre_cola

Hippo is addicted to Bolivian good stuff.

litre_cola

Always Ready is a bold bet, just checked the odds.

litre_cola

Hippo haz a happy?

scotchnaut

Only 47 minutes left in my Bordertown series. But season 3 is supposed to land in February.

scotchnaut

The Germans are up on the Czechs and the refs are trying to help them back into the game.

Ha! They scored on the power play as I was typing.

herodotus450

The Germans are up on the Czechs and the refs are trying to help them back into the game English are doing nothing.

FTFY

nomonkeyfun

“Tut tut. I offered to let them borrow my umbrella.”

-N. Chamberlain

litre_cola

Both Mrs. Cola and I have the start of brutal head colds. It should not be legal for both parents of a toddler to be sick at the same time. I just got up but cannot wait for naptime.

litre_cola

Scratch that, she has the flu and I have a head cold. We apparently like to mix it up. Variety is the spice of life.

bk109

Ah, yes, the joys of having small kids… One of which (hidden in the small print) is the perma-weakened immune system (’cause sleeping turns out to be somewhat important for it) and the weekly spin on the wheel of misery… This week, you and your wife both lost, but take heart … One of these days you’ll land on the covetted “Happy, healthy and with a kid with a goddamn normal day/night cycle”

litre_cola

Oh my internet friend. It has been 2.5 years and he has never slept past 6 am. EVER. He does sleep through the night but we have adjusted our schedule. I get up at 530 for work anyway but a sleep in would be nice.

bk109

I’d say it gets better, but honestly… your only hope is that your body learns to survive with less. I swear on a stack of Patriots playoff tickets that I’m sleeping 3 hours on average and have been since the first set o’ twins 😀 Only thing that changes is what you consider a sufficient amount of coffee XD (I’m up to two pots to kickstart my day with extra sprinkled through my day to sustain me 😀 )

litre_cola

Haha, I went to fill a prescription last week and they wanted to take my blood pressure. The nurse said oh my it’s high. Have you had any coffee?
I told her I had 6 cups already and 2 cigarettes…

I was advised to cut back the caffeine and nicotine (I have 4 a day at work none at home). I then told her my low blood pressure wouldnt help the murder charges I would have with no caffeine.

bk109

I got one even better… Thanks to some tosspot actually doing drugs in one of our satellite locations, everyone in IT had to do a piss test (courtesy of the security checks and requirements, as we do a lot of work for government types)… Unfortunately, one of the kids was battling an ear infection at the time, so I was subsiding on continuous Monster Energy intake, which led to me being sent for additional screening, ’cause apparently neon-blue piss is “suspicious” XD

litre_cola

Oh that is superb. So many people in management positions here take THC oil at work to get by. You can totally tell who is high.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why am I awake this early? It’s Saturday for fuck’s sake.

bk109

Not just a Saturday, but Saturday smack in the middle of the holiday l-a-a-a-Y- z – A – Y days…..
Look on the bright side, at least you’re not so used to sleeping a couple of hours per night that you don’t even notice when you’re making your first pot of coffee at 2AM 😀