Your “I Can Haz More? Cool.” Sunday Funday NFL Football Open Thread

TO THE GAMES!

Potato Skins/Cowblergs:

This is one of the rare times that I’ll be cheering for Dallas. With a win I’m sure that Jerrah will retain Princeton Red ( He gives the organization a little bit of class and shitthus ensuring that all the talent assembled will be squandered for yet another year.

Dregs/Snorty Horsies:

Thank heavens the season isn’t just 15 games long otherwise Hippo would rub Denver’s 6-9 record in my face the entire offseason. And he wouldn’t even have the decency to take the briefest of showers beforehand.

Unscary Bird/Vishnu Avatars:

Arizonny ambushed Seattle last week and is now in line for the 9th pick in the draft. The Rams thought that Jalen Ramsay was the cherry on top of the piece de resistance so they have all kinds of squat in the 1st round.

Smeagols/Gollums:

Both qbs are comin’ in hot! and are facing septenaries (yeah, I had to look that up) that are ready to-much like your ex-lay down and wait for it to be over while thinking about that bartender with the engaging smile and dreamy blue eyes. Or were they green? I’ll have to go back and see him again. I wonder which gym he goes to? [makes obligatory ‘uh’ noise] Where was I? Oh yeah, it’s obvious he takes care of himself and I need to start if I’m moving on from this dead end. If he talks about The Mandalorian again I’m going to shriek!

Old Guns/Shahid The Beds:

I was sure this game was gonna be flexed to the dark side of the moon.

Warholians/Poesers:

Baltimore is apparently resting a fair good’em number of starters and that’s a smart thingy because 1. risk of serious injury, 2. risk of getting banged up, 3. risk of the Pitt D perhaps providing a template as to how to defend that juggernaut of an O. I mean, someone’s gonna figure out how to limit its effectiveness at some point, right? (my money is on Belichick next year)

Nashvillians/Redundant Name Here:

Los Tits had (much like Derrick Henry) a good run right on up until (much like Derrick Henry) the wheels fell off. Like the Packers on the other side, the Texans certainly have the feel of a one and doner come the playoffs.

Do your thing.

 

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King Hippo

DID I SCREAM LIKE A BANSHEE? OH YEAH.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Who’s laughing now?” – me, in four months, when the Raiders scoop a guy from underneath the Broncos in the draft.

I’m glad they went for it, and it’s just as well that they didn’t get it.

hippofant

When Jon Gruden scoops the tallest QB in the draft away from John Elway, is that really a loss?

King Hippo

Are the Donks officially 2nd in the Division? Anyway, each team sucks at drafting OT, so I am cool with the result.

Gatoraids

Garrett still going to return to the Super Bowl in a Linked In commercial

King Hippo

KID TELLS ME A DRUNK JUST RUSHED THE FIELD AND HURT A SECURITY GOOD. NOT COOL.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“smh” – San Diego security guard

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey great. I got everyone out of the house just in time to not see one second of win number 14.

Senor Weaselo

Clearly you didn’t whip it out quickly enough. Like immediately.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Spur

KC, Ravens, Viks, 49ers. Bills, Tits, Ospreys are my teams now.

King Hippo

DEN/OAK IS A BLOOD RIVALRY, SHOW THE ENDING

Spur

anyone but the Pats, Eagles or Green Bay. I hate 3 of fucking teams. i hope their fans get a prolapsed anus

Gatoraids

The gift that keeps giving out

Horatio Cornblower

“And Jim Schwartz is still blitzing!”

Yes, because Jim Schwartz is a dumb-shit asshole who doesn’t care about getting players hurt in a game that they won 15 minutes ago.

Gratliff

Fire Jim Schwartz imo

Gratliff

Beast mode in for the Philly Bowl tonight!

Gatoraids

Glue Factory Mode

King Hippo

JEEBUS H CHRIST, CUT GARRET BOLLES IMMEDIATELY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[nods, silently draws his stiletto] – Jesus Christ

Unsurprised

Why does this Jesus look like Danny Trejo?

Gratliff

Hard to believe we were all hoping for a 6-10 division winner not long ago

Senor Weaselo

Boo no chaos!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Welp, the Titans and Colts didn’t cooperate anyhow, so at least the Raiders didn’t knock *themselves* out of the playoffs.

Mistborn Impossible

Dallas has 44 points? Calling it now: Princeton Red gets another year

Horatio Cornblower

No chance.

Gatoraids

Mmm yes top of the line game Jerry ole boy

Gratliff

Eli lost two home playoff games to the Eagles. Get off his dick.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer, which is all the proof anyone should need that the NFL Hall of Fame is a fucking joke.

Horatio Cornblower

Congratulations to the 2019 NFC East Champion Philadelphia Eagles.
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Gratliff

Also 2017 World Champions

Gratliff

Well, 17-18. Whatever.

Horatio Cornblower

While I loathe the Eagles I will always keep a fire burning for them for preventing the Pats from winning three straight.

Unsurprised

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Gatoraids

Only thing wetter than this Ravens Steelers game is my wife seeing the Witcher in the tub

Horatio Cornblower

Holy fuck, banner this poor cuck.

litre_cola

BABY DARREN!!!!!!

Gratliff

LITTLE BOSTON

rockingdog

Little Women

Horatio Cornblower

Big Trouble In Little China

Unsurprised

It would be even funnier if this were actually OJ’s shirt she found in the back of a closet at her mom’s.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, “North” as in “their child”? Like, that thing was a GIFT?

Horatio Cornblower

Considering his/her lineage I’m willing to bet that wasn’t even close to the most tasteless gift she received.

Unsurprised

I don’t know if it’s a joke or real, but it seems like the kind of thing you could buy if you have enough money.

Mistborn Impossible

How hasn’t anyone cloned JFK yet? There’s more than enough blood to

Unsurprised

Do you remember the wet-mouthed Joe Kennedy reply to Trump’s first SOTU? They’re still working out the bugs.

Horatio Cornblower

The Eagles go three and out, but considering that their best offensive strategy has been to give the ball to the Giants and watch them derp the fuck out of it, hardly the worst strategy.

Unsurprised

I made a video in case anyone wants to embed that Pats/Yakety Sax video in the SNF post.

https://giant.gfycat.com/HeartfeltBadGossamerwingedbutterfly.mp4

Unsurprised

“Jameis Winston just threw a walk-off pick six to end the season AND join the 30-30 club with TDs and interceptions”

It’s amazing how one player can suck so much.

litre_cola

Worth the price of admission.

King Hippo

He’s like a walking lobotomy case. But also evil.

Senor Weaselo

“What if I told you… the 30-30 club could also be ignominious? Infamous Jameis, part of ESPN’s 30 for 30, Tuesday night at 8.”

Gratliff

Pettiness is a virtue

Saquon showing everyone how many losing seasons he's already amassed in his short nfl career pic.twitter.com/DdnYJwYx8S

— Jeff McDevitt (@JeffMcDev) December 30, 2019

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Unsurprised

It’s not his fault the rest of the team sucks

King Hippo

and at the time, he was tying the game. I give ’em credit for putting best foot forward.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fully expect that running back’s fumble to be reversed after officials declare that the bungled handoff was actually a forward pass attempt.

Gratliff

Bungles player taking out the ref after the game ended
https://twitter.com/ChaseLaub1/status/1211395325640019970

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Of COURSE they ruled it a fumble, since Denver recovered.

Spur

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sometimes I feel like the refs throw the flag first and then figure out what penalty they’re going to call on the Raiders later.

Unsurprised

Considering how many of them are lawyers, any who go to court 100% do that with objections.

Gatoraids

Giants
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Gratliff

Princeton is absolutely gonna get another chance based entirely on throttling the hapless slurs

Spur

dream on.

litre_cola

Fired before he leaves the complex?

Horatio Cornblower

Nah, he’s done. Fairly or unfairly Ol’ Double J thought that he had assembled a Superb Owl contender. Red’ll be lucky if he isn’t dragged out and shot for not making the play-offs with this squad.

Spur

Thanks NYGcomment image

Horatio Cornblower

And with that Daniel Jones fumble, Princeton Red’s tenure as the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys came to a well-deserved if much-delayed end.
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Spur

Garrett gone comment image

Gratliff

BABY DARREN

Gratliff

First time all season I jumped up screaming all season GO BIRDS

litre_cola

I also startled Tito the Mexican pug.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raiders offense cutting through the Broncos defense like it was Swiss cheese. Swiss cheese that has already proven its dominance and has pretty much lost interest in the proceedings, that is.

King Hippo

You seem to be hip to our “can’t cover TEs” little problem. Yet…only 6 points (even with the fuckery)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s kind of amazing that they didn’t punt once in the first half and only scored 3 points.

King Hippo

that’s some Jedi shit

Horatio Cornblower

Had the Cowboys beaten the Jets, the fucking Jets, this game would be completely irrelevant.

Gratliff

Eagles lost to the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins

King Hippo

It was…nobody’s banner year.

Horatio Cornblower

Nothing in my comment implied that the Eagles are good, Sir.

Gratliff

Neither did anything in the season

King Hippo

They should field a combined team for the playoffs.

King Hippo

Line would still be like SEA -4.5

Horatio Cornblower

God, whoever gets the wild card win is going to walk past either one of these shitshows.

litre_cola

The Seahawks are as banged up as Nina Hartley, both could come good at home.

litre_cola

That Dolphin one was hard to swallow.

Horatio Cornblower

“That Dolphin one was hard to swallow.”
Me, finishing my tuna sushi Surprise Roll

litre_cola

GOOD JOB #16 GOOD JOB

litre_cola

His name is Deontae Burnett. I have never heard of him.

Gratliff

APPARENTLY ONLY FOURHT STRING EAGLES CAN CATCH BIG THROWS

King Hippo

Once MOAR, fer posterity?
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Spur

Raider dreams are fading

Horatio Cornblower

Vegas closed!?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Everybody except the Titans appears to be holding up their end of the bargain. Oh, and the Raiders too, of course.

King Hippo

Didn’t you need Humps to beat Jags, too?