Your “I Can Haz More? Cool.” Sunday Funday NFL Football Open Thread

TO THE GAMES!

Potato Skins/Cowblergs:

This is one of the rare times that I’ll be cheering for Dallas. With a win I’m sure that Jerrah will retain Princeton Red ( He gives the organization a little bit of class and shitthus ensuring that all the talent assembled will be squandered for yet another year.

Dregs/Snorty Horsies:

Thank heavens the season isn’t just 15 games long otherwise Hippo would rub Denver’s 6-9 record in my face the entire offseason. And he wouldn’t even have the decency to take the briefest of showers beforehand.

Unscary Bird/Vishnu Avatars:

Arizonny ambushed Seattle last week and is now in line for the 9th pick in the draft. The Rams thought that Jalen Ramsay was the cherry on top of the piece de resistance so they have all kinds of squat in the 1st round.

Smeagols/Gollums:

Both qbs are comin’ in hot! and are facing septenaries (yeah, I had to look that up) that are ready to-much like your ex-lay down and wait for it to be over while thinking about that bartender with the engaging smile and dreamy blue eyes. Or were they green? I’ll have to go back and see him again. I wonder which gym he goes to? [makes obligatory ‘uh’ noise] Where was I? Oh yeah, it’s obvious he takes care of himself and I need to start if I’m moving on from this dead end. If he talks about The Mandalorian again I’m going to shriek!

Old Guns/Shahid The Beds:

I was sure this game was gonna be flexed to the dark side of the moon.

Warholians/Poesers:

Baltimore is apparently resting a fair good’em number of starters and that’s a smart thingy because 1. risk of serious injury, 2. risk of getting banged up, 3. risk of the Pitt D perhaps providing a template as to how to defend that juggernaut of an O. I mean, someone’s gonna figure out how to limit its effectiveness at some point, right? (my money is on Belichick next year)

Nashvillians/Redundant Name Here:

Los Tits had (much like Derrick Henry) a good run right on up until (much like Derrick Henry) the wheels fell off. Like the Packers on the other side, the Texans certainly have the feel of a one and doner come the playoffs.

Do your thing.

 

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Spur

Zeke is doing it

Spur

Decision made, getting drunk now and going to pack tomorrow.

King Hippo

Rikki is gonna black out at this rate.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not drinking…oh, wait, you mean a RAGE blackout. Yeah, that’s a definite possibility.

King Hippo

maybe lift weights like 6 or 7 hours?

Mistborn Impossible

“The R******s need to lean moron Adrian Peterson”

They need to lean him on what?

Spur

comment image

Gratliff

No shit. A cart came to take another Eagles player off the field after the TD

King Hippo

the silly ambulance from the old Madden game??

Gratliff

That wasn’t a joke! Brandon Brooks got carted off. Body bag season

King Hippo

RedZone just showed. That might take MOAR than dirt rubs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s My Fumblers!

litre_cola

Hey Game Time Decision, I just go an ad for Ringo Starr and his all star band at Casino-rama. Is that like Lisa Simpsons number 2 band, with Oates, Garfunkel et al?

Game Time Decision

Rama pulls some surprisingly big names for shows

Spur

We need the Raiders to happen. Make the playoffs, beat the Pats, good mojo going into the move to Vegas.

King Hippo

nah, the Tits would be at least 50/50 to win. That is better than long-shot narrative.

King Hippo

Eli gonna have to earn that extra juice box

Spur

Eli is getting a Red Bull today.

King Hippo

Olivia rushes to the sidelines after checking her phone.

ArmedandHammered

Makes me think of Bart and Milhouse trippin on squishes.

Spur

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Gratliff

FUCK YEAH EAGLES PLAYER #81!

litre_cola

I totally did that Grat. Perkins? 7th string?

Gratliff

Huge play by 4th string tight end Josh Perkins, or as the Eagles call him, WR2.

— Quick Lane Bowl MVP Mike (@85mf) December 29, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Gatoraids

He couldn’t even coordinate his td celebration better than the movie Cats

litre_cola

Touchdown Kendrick Perkins!

King Hippo

sure that wasn’t Anna Kendrick?

Spur

I’ve never understood the vest. My arms get cold too.

Spur

Brent vs Shuli and the year long “Swinging” story were great this year on Howard Stern

Spur

3-3, Eli will not be stopped

King Hippo

Again, to remind Most Glorious Commentist Party – Iggles can clinch with a DRAW. I am rooting so hard for this that my ears are bleeding.

Old School Zero

E-B-O-L-A

King Hippo

/will rub sum dirt in it later

litre_cola

I am ok with this.

Game Time Decision

Giggles draw and a non gendered bovine person draw, please

King Hippo

oooooohhhh, better

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Pass interference…standing too close to the receiver and blocking his vision and stuff…first down Broncos.”

King Hippo

Horse Cock Lock!!!

Old School Zero

I can’t wait until they codify Narrative Interference into the rulebook

King Hippo

it’s similar to my idea that “dogpile” fumbles should be awarded to whichever side demonstrates MOAR effectively/emphatically

King Hippo

/Raiders go on to win 5-3

Old School Zero

in OT

King Hippo

frankly, I’d be ok with that

King Hippo

BURN A CHALLENGE, CHUCKY!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was joking but if the NFL thinks that’s indisputable evidence that he DIDN’T break the plane…

King Hippo

called nae on field, so has to be indisputable that it DID break plane (there is neither)

/oh, I meant the run on 4th. The 3rd was indeed mild-to-medium fuckery.

//apologies for errata, I got zero sleep last night. Awake since 9:50 Saturday am

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Was it? I thought they had signaled touchdown, which is why it was reviewed without the Broncos having to challenge.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, according to ESPN the original call was a touchdown.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The refs really, really, really really, really

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[this goes on for a while]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

really really really hate the Raiders.

King Hippo

yeah, I would be quite pissed in your shoes.

King Hippo

I misconstrued – see edit above. Yeah, they said “score” on 3rd, “no score” on 4th

King Hippo

WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

King Hippo

Now I kind of want to see DAK!! in the playoffs. Throwing lefty.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“After further review, there is indisputable video evidence that the player was wearing a Raiders uniform. Incomplete pass.”

Old School Zero

“Per the rulebook, the New England Patriots will be awarded seven points prior to the beginning of their playoff game.”

litre_cola

Miles Sanders Injury. Nawt surprised.

King Hippo

better find some street FAs at the half

litre_cola

Like our DB’S!

King Hippo

they can go both ways!

/streams nae cross

King Hippo

Holy cats, Ike Yiadom MADE A PLAY??

King Hippo

/his man scores the very next play

Mistborn Impossible

He’s been improving all year. The seizures I get when I see the number 26 anywhere are hardly even debilitating anymore!

Seriously though, he is getting better, and even if Chris Harris leaves next season he’ll start the year no higher than CB #4. I think CB depth has become one of the team’s strengths.

King Hippo

Really liked the pick originally, but he’s had a tough go of things. Glad to hear from someone who gets to see full games!

Gratliff

What the fuck are the slurs doing

litre_cola

The fuck was that?!?!?!?!?!?

King Hippo

Turns out one needs one’s throwing shoulder, as a quartered back.

ArmedandHammered

The usual? losing.

King Hippo

Trying. Ineffectively.

Gratliff

Safety watch in Jersey

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did RGIII break another knee yet?
I still can’t watch yet.

Mistborn Impossible

“Drew Lock has nice legs”
comment image

Gratliff

A quarter in and I still have no faith one way or the other in how this plays out

LemonJello

Why are you quoting my junior prom date?

Gatoraids

Mark Sanchez is that you

LemonJello

That was a lot of money, back in the day…

litre_cola

Did you tie an onion to your belt?

LemonJello

I wasn’t one of those foppish dandies…

King Hippo

Iggles gonna win 3-nil

litre_cola

LIne is 3.5 of course they are.

King Hippo

Hey, Non-Gendereds? Can you please let the Dacteds have at least a halftime lead? GAMBLOR implores thee.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How is the quarter over if there was no play due to a false start?

litre_cola

AP is a sleeper agent for the Cowboys.

King Hippo

he and Jerral were buds, may still be

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Steelers losing, Titans losing, Colts winning…Raiders miss a wide open touchdown pass and then miss the subsequent field goal.

King Hippo

yeah, this is gonna be a dick-tripping spectacular

litre_cola

THAT”S YOUR RAIDERS!

Old School Zero

Just like my coworker says, “I still think Gruden’s gonna turn them around!”

He’s a Packers fan.

Gratliff

Wentz is throwing to Lurie’s grandkids, and a healthy Dallas offense is looking up at them in the standings

King Hippo

Except the QB. These offenses are mirror-image healthwise

Gratliff

Miles “Better than Saquon” Sanders

Gratliff

JESUS CHRIST

Old School Zero

How do Raiders non-head coaches/assistants always look like the inside of a garbage bag full of meatloaf mix?

King Hippo

My kids were seated next to some Raiders’ fans. They tried to refuse to move out of the seats when the ACTUAL ticket-holders showed up.

With apologies to Rikki…That’s (Classic) Your Raiders!!!

D-O-N-K-S!!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, but was it because they were assholes, or was it because they were unable to decipher the system of numbers and letters that indicates where their actual seats are?

Redshirt

Yes.

Gratliff

This is the least convincing 13-3 team since probably the last time Kansas City went 13-3 or better

Old School Zero

Now I REALLY want the Raiders to get into the playoffs, and not just for humor’s sake.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If they were to do so, and then beat the Patriots, I think it would be proof that some teenage troll had hacked into and taken control of the simulation we live in.

Don T

re, Tits game
comment image

Don T

If TEN wins, they go to Foxboro next week. Adjust accordingly your prayers / animal sacrifice.

litre_cola

I just killed a bunch of chickens by ordering chicken wings. Does that help ?

Don T

Gotta burn the fresh blood. Ochún is generous , but strict on ceremony.

litre_cola

Well then to China town I go!

Redshirt

I just killed millions of potential humans. Does that count?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen dolphins rape somebody like this since the time I went to that “swimming with dolphins” experience and the dolphins raped somebody.

Don T

Metaphorically?

Redshirt

That’s a nice story, Somebody.

Spur

Dallas shit show starts in 20 mins. I’m start drinking now

litre_cola

Heading out to the balcony to smoke a bowl now. Irish Whisky, Dayquil and weed for me.

Spur

I have a feeling the Zebras are to make some calls that are going to make the Dallas/Wash and NY/PHI games close

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let me get this straight. The Patriots pissed away the #2 seed. At home. Against the Dolphins.

Seriously?

Old School Zero

It’s like that time the school bully pissed his pants but instead of ending up with a concussion for laughing I just get a mild bellyache

Spur

From previous thread

Pats vs Raiders next week. Raiders win with a career ending injury to Brady on a tuck rule play

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dear Penthouse Forum…

tomsellecksmoustache

They are pulling for the Steelers to get the 6 seed so they can spank their bare back, butt and balls in the postseason for the first time in a few years.

King Hippo

CBS also pulling for this outcome.

Horatio Cornblower

The entire gym has stopped to watch the Patriots

litre_cola

How are the Connecticutters?!? taking it?

Also a name of an Emo band from Hartford.

Old School Zero

stopped…….fucking?

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