Your Buffalo/Houston Wild Card Game Open Thread

And all that work in the regular season to eliminate all those lousy teams except for the Eagles, smgdh. Hey, we’re here-let’s make the best of it.

TO THE GAME!

Bills/Texans:

-J.J. Watt is back! The usual recovery time from a torn pec is six months + (depending on severity of course) but he’s a Wonder Warrior and all that. I’m guessing he’s not in game shape but he’ll have an impact because Josh Allen reacts very slowly to collapsing pockets.

-There’ll be an interesting battle between wr Hopkins (68 of his catches have gone for a 1st down or a TD-that’s phenomenal!) and cb White, the Bills shutdown (over-used word but the guy hasn’t given up a TD the whole season) dude. So The Shaun will throw to the other side, right? Welp, it looks as though deepball fella Fuller’s continuing soft tissue ailments will cause him to miss out this week. So we’re looking at the very average Kenny Stills going up against Levi Wallace who, after a rough start to the year, has only given up 7 catches the last four weeks.

-Devin Singletary should have himself a game in this spot. He really underwhelmed the last 3 games he played in (he was supposed to help deliver me a champeenship) but I went back and had a look-they were vs. the Pats, Ravens and Steelers, all top 5 in defending the run. The Texans are in the bottom 5 in that category.

-Prediction Time! If Josh Allen keeps it to two turnovers or less the Bills win, more than that and things get dicey. I’ll say Bills 26 (that’s 2 scores and 4 field goals because multiple busted drives) Texans 20.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me how you think the game will unfold.

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King Hippo

goddamnit, Brokeback.

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN ALLEN!

jjfozz

Oh singletary/will you marry/my name is Larry/And I’m not hairy/so don’t be scary

Col. Duke LaCross

This just in. Coughing with an abdominal binder holding your guts together sucks.

So does laughing, but I can’t quit you guys.

King Hippo

yeah, we mean it metaphorically when we hope the drugs help ya bust a gut!

Doktor Zymm

Having your guts on the inside of your body is underrated

Unsurprised

Like us, they get the government they deserve: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-50979169

King Hippo

don’t blame me, I voted SNP!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

With regards to “hating America” it’s more like being a teenager who is terribly disappointed and embarrassed by the actions of their racist, alcoholic, misogynist father and really, really hopes Dad can get his shit together, but knows better than to get their hopes up.

jjfozz

Oh good, people are reacting logically: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-50995792

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because reigniting an insurgency that lasted a good ten years is totally a brilliant and sensible idea. I mean it’s not like everyone just up and forgot how to insurge as soon as things cooled off.

jjfozz

Just to be clear, not endorsing this shit, amazed at how boneheaded our leaders can be. Not amazed, shockingly pissed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I gotcha.

bk109

And especially when you do it on a foreign soil, against another state’s actual fucking military personnel, that’s been invited there by the government of said country, so it can unfuck a situation you fucked up in the first place… and then bragging about it to the media…

The irony is, if let’s say a Russian strike in Syria takes out an American general (or even just a head-honcho of a PMC), the USA would be screaming bloody murder and rattling its sabres like they’re all held by Michael J Fox

jjfozz

That last sentence is pure fucking gold.

Unsurprised

Fuck it.

Doktor Zymm

It was an impressive twofer, pissing off two countries where we were enjoying a local maximum in relations when Trump took office

jjfozz
King Hippo

Singletary is a fucking player.

Doktor Zymm

He doesn’t tarry!

King Hippo

deffo a word we should be using MOAR

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My brother-in-law gave us a new sous vide attachment for the instapot for Xmas. I am looking forward to trying it out on some tri-tip.

Doktor Zymm

Milano and Murphey? Sounds like a delicious beer/cookie combo!

litre_cola

Or a craft Stout

Senor Weaselo

Somebody make this.

jjfozz

My bro in law and I are getting shitfaced and then going to an XFL game in DC.

Doktor Zymm

Have fun and don’t be a bama!

King Hippo

let the principles of teh bourble guide thee, my son

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

On alcohol? I feel like the proper drug for that would be ecstasy.

King Hippo

what an athletic play by #93!

jjfozz

My wife just called about something including stuff about some chore but all i heard was that wah wah sound from the Charlie Brown cartoons

jjfozz

So are we at war yet? Asking for a friend.

King Hippo

ish?

bk109

Ish? Afghanistan can enlist! And Gulf War III can enlist (with a parental consent) in the Royal Army..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When have we *not* been at war since 2001?

Unsurprised

*1941

bk109

Funny enough, you lot have been in peace for less than 20 combined years of yer existence, lol.
https://www.globalresearch.ca/america-has-been-at-war-93-of-the-time-222-out-of-239-years-since-1776/5565946

Unsurprised

If that.

Mistborn Impossible

I don’t understand how anybody can watch Josh Allen play and think he’s is good. I mean he’s a great athlete but he’s a running back, not a QB

King Hippo

He’s like a white Jameis who doesn’t rape people.

Doktor Zymm

That not raping people part is KEY

King Hippo

Really is something one ought look for in a key employee…

jjfozz

He also doesn’t like king crab legs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Except that he actually graduated from Maturity School on time.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

AND A RECEIVER!

jjfozz

Not bad for a running back

Doktor Zymm

JJ Watt = JJ Volt drinking an AMP energy drink

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I was told there would be no science puns

Senor Weaselo

Ohm you have got to be kidding me.

King Hippo

Brokeback, keeping it interesante out thar

jjfozz

DAMN YOU SAPPY ESPN COMMERCIAL FOR GIVING ME CHILLS

jjfozz

THIS OVERTURNING PI’S, I CALL IT MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE IT’S NOTHING BUT A TEASE THAT DOESN’T EVER PAN OUT

King Hippo

every time a play goes to Frank Gore, a puppy dies

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to plays going to Michael Vick, in which case it was adult dogs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

/I’m going to dog hell for that, aren’t I?

King Hippo

nah, but we’s likely all going for other reasons

/PACK SUNSCREEN

Doktor Zymm

Eh, all the cool people are in hell

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, but not dog hell. The only ones there are Hitler’s dog, Checkers, and the mean Lassie that mauled Timmy.

jjfozz

So local sportscaster here tweeted out about Bills not being a good team. “Bill Mafia” tweeted back insults about his mother, who is suffering from Alzheimers. Keep it classy, you fuck sticks.

Doktor Zymm

Almost as classy as the douchbags who purposely gave an epileptic a seizure with a flashing tweet!

jjfozz

Who did that? Because they should get cancer of the ass

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Considering how hungry I am, and how inoffensive the ingredients are, this kimchi-rice-roast-pork bowl I made is surprisingly bad.

jjfozz

Hey you buncha shaved apes, guess who’s here?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ook!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Underrated cut

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Andy Reid, referring to an eye of round he just picked up from the butcher

Doktor Zymm

Is it Dave Chappelle? I love that guy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, the playoffs. The one time of the year when all humans can come together, regardless of color or creed, gather in one place, lift a glass, and declare our hatred for the Patriots.

Doktor Zymm

Here’s to the booze in the glass,
Here’s to the ref with the sass,
Here’s to the Patriot’s one and out,
And Brady’s incomplete pass

bk109

My balls want to say Pats by a million, but my heart and brain both say “Gut-wrenching fumble or pick-six late in the 4th.. Before the 2 minute warning, though”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, that’s what would happen if it were the Chiefs.

bk109

GO PATS and if you don’t feel the same ,YOU HATE AMERICA!!! Why do you hate America, RTD?

Unsurprised

We don’t have that kind of time to explain it all.

Doktor Zymm

Were any PI challenges overturned all season?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Like 2? Where’s GTD?

litre_cola

I reminisce fondly Josh Allen’s time in Wyoming. GAMBLOR BE PRAISED.

Doktor Zymm

Wyoming isn’t real. Nice simulation work though

litre_cola

Zymm I even stopped and took a pic by the Welcome sign for ya a few years ago. It’s real, not a lot of folks though!

Doktor Zymm

Oh, I’ve driven through “Wyoming”
Like I said, beautiful simulated landscape

Doktor Zymm

It’s nice to see the effort some people put into hiding their secret facilities!

King Hippo

HAIL!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I too often stop to ask myself “Why Yao Ming?”

clint greasewood

Trivia Time: Who scored the first TD of the Decade?

WCS

Noted abolitionist John Brown.

The Maestro

Quite the body on that guy, they say.

Senor Weaselo

His truth is marching on.

Gratliff

Ah, that old cliche where the dead offense suddenly comes to life just in time for the elite defense to become hot fucking trash

blaxabbath

Watching the replay there, I’m 100% sure Brady would have dropped that.

The Maestro

So am I, unfortunately for me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is Rev’s bloodflow ok?

The Maestro

Rev’s dead, but not before he busted the biggest nut the world’s ever seen.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Somebody get me a cigarette. And some advil. May have pulled something

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh, did you make the same New Year’s resolution that I did? Stay strong, brother.” – Colin Cowherd

blaxabbath

THESE HOUSTON TEXANS, I CALL THEM THE DALLAS COWBOYS BECAUSE, HONESTLY, TEXAS IS COWBOYS COUNTRY.

King Hippo

And we learned Brokeback QB was a Reedley Fucking Tiger!

WCS

That was pretty impressive.

litre_cola

Le especial de Philly?

The Maestro

A FUCKING WILDCAT!!!!!

King Hippo

Bleeding Kansas TOUCHED DOWN…pass??

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Does that count for Sharkbait’s prop bet?

Gratliff

BILLY SPECIAL

The Maestro

Afternoon, folks. Is Josh Allen… good?

The Maestro

Right now, the evidence is pointing to YES.

blaxabbath

ESPN opting to stick with Charlie Daniels while sexy ass blondes sing for SNF.

Why not?

blaxabbath

I made some terrible pho so now I’m just cutting up some leftover hillshire farms box cheeese and sausages as I prepare for this HOU/BUF matchup.

Also, isn’t the nfl postseason like the most straight chalk tournament in sports?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not this year with the Patriots at #3.

WCS

Howdy.

I think I have a high-ankle sprain.

How hilarious is Dallas interviewing Marvin Lewis and Mike McCarthy? HE IS FUCKING CRAZY!

Redshirt

Why would Marvin Lewis do that to himself?!

King Hippo

Those boner pill mail order docs need to send ya some v-profen

Mistborn Impossible

JOSH ALLEN IS GOING TO LIVE FOREVER

https://youtube.com/watch?v=c2J-u7bX5ro

Redshirt

ESPN: Discipline expected into Patriots videotaping Bengals in two weeks.

This is somehow going to end with the Bengals being punished, isn’t it?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Isn’t living in Cincinnati enough?

Senor Weaselo

Janay Rice apologizes for the P*ts videotaping.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a tremendous banner image. Well fucking done.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Totally underrated movie

bk109

Yeah, I think it just freaked people out, ’cause Keanu actually showed (some) emotion in it and people were just not prepared 😀

Redshirt

(hears “All Night Long” play to open a 4:00 PM game)

Unless this is going to be a Quadruple Overtime game, someone needs to be fired.

bk109
Redshirt

Lionel Richie’s song, but not Lionel Richie singing.

bk109

So .. .doubly-awful … Wanna borrow my pitchfork? 😀

Redshirt

Nah, I just spent a long drive this morning listening to people defend Trump’s war crime/terrorist attack.

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Let’s hope that it does!

Doktor Zymm

When I checked the game times this morning I saw 1:35 pm and assumed that was Eastern time. Behold my surprise when 10:35 am rolled around and it was still 3 hours to game time. I totally could have gone out and done stuff, but who are we kidding, there’s no way I was going to put pants on and leave the house

Senor Weaselo

You only put on pants to leave the country, everyone knows that!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m seriously considering a new series of posts in the coming year where Dok goes from place to place on assassination missions as a secret agent. It’s a heady stew of Jason Bourne, 007, and Scotchy’s hobo killer.

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