Your Minnesota/New Orleans Wild Card Game Open Thread

Well, now it’s the NFC’s turn to show us what they’ve got.

TO THE GAME!

Vikes/Saints:

-I don’t know, man. Poking around here, there and everywhere it just does not look that good for Minny. I guess an extremely heavy Derrick Henry-like dose of Dalvin Cook and a smattering of Mattison might slow the game down a bit. Perhaps another Diggs miracle at the end to for the win? I can’t see the score being close enough to matter.

-Hey, you know that fantasy thing you employ when you have Brees? You know, play him at home and forget about him on the road? Well, I did a wee bit of maths and his completion rate at home this year is 77%. Wr Thomas will likely be covered by Xavien Howard and that fella allows a catch rate of…. 84.3%. That spells disaster. The Vikes don’t have a cb in PFF’s top 50.

-“But Minny’s D has shut down a number of qb’s!” says yeah right. Well, yes-they’ve done quite well vs. backups and strugglers like Chase Daniel, Daniel Jones, Case Keenum/Haskins, Matt Moore, Kyle Allen and David Blough. They’ve been torched by the more capable tossers like Wentz (400), Stafford (433), DAK! (443) and Wilson (444).

-Shall we speak the name of Cousins and his enormous struggles in national spotlight games? His won/loss record for games on Sunday/Monday nights and playoff games is 2-16. It begs the question-has he been to a therapist? If so, he should think about switching it up and going to a more effective one. And he want to trade in that therapy badger, he’s so cranky!

-Prediction Time! Saints win going away 37-20.

Hit me with yours down below. Or just hit me.*

*tire irons are excluded from this offer

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Fronkenshteen

Amazing. Minny gets fucked over AGAIN.

Senor Weaselo

His shield cracked? THEN HE IS A TRUE VIKING WARRIOR, SKOL.

Gratliff

Mark Calloway is 55. Promote a wrestler with functioning hips, Fox.

Senor Weaselo

I thought he retired, but apparently not?

Gratliff

Came back for Saudi blood money in maybe the worst match of all time.
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Gratliff

Yes, that is Shawn Michaels

Old School Zero

Is his new character John Malkovich?

Old School Zero

Meanwhile, HHH looking like a German pensioner at the beach

Horatio Cornblower

Is that beach near Chernobyl? Because my man is melting right there.

Horatio Cornblower

Wow. A “Loser Has To Retire…Again” match.

Gratliff

It is not an exaggeration to say they were all injured
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Horatio Cornblower

Far from the worst injuries anyone’s sustained while on Saudi territory of late.

Bortleback

I haven’t watched any WWF since it was the WWF, and I somehow recognise everyone in this photo. Was this a special show for OAPs only?

Gratliff

Apparently, MBS is a huge 90’s wrestling fan and was asking for wrestlers who were actually dead, like Yokozuna

Bortleback

Fuck the saudis. The sooner everyone is driving electric cars the better.

Gatoraids

Honky Tonk man still available

Old School Zero

Monopolization both saved and killed american pro wrestling

Gratliff

It’s starting to spread out a bit more now with other billionaires wanting a turn and some of its top talent getting tired of WWE’s bullshit and leaving to do their own thing, but I’d wager it’s still like 90% people who only know of WWE at this point.

Horatio Cornblower

Is “monopolization” a new steroid?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There we go!

litre_cola

Is it Drunk Micheals and Fuckwit Collinsworth next? I would prefer Booger telling me water is wet.

King Hippo

Al Michaels plus Booger would be a delight

theeWeeBabySeamus

We can’t haz Aikman?

Doktor Zymm

I think I’m rooting for hilariously bad QB play from Cousins in this game, everyone wins when that happens!

Horatio Cornblower

Vikings fighting on the sideline while their world disintegrates around them: and here I thought Ragnarok was a myth.

LemonJello

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Horatio Cornblower

“Yeah Right Reacts Reasonably To Someone Boiling A Steak”

King Hippo

I still don’t think he’s emotionally recovered from my telling the story of my oldest spawn ordering her steaks well done AND butterflied

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sorry, what?

King Hippo

they cut it in half at the end, and well done it EVEN MOAR. And I’ve seen her send them back for extra.

Horatio Cornblower

That steer died for nothing. NOTHING!!!!

King Hippo

she really might as well eat a dried-out sponge drowned in A-1 sauce

Doktor Zymm

So she gets all the old borderline rotten steaks, good for her helping to prevent food waste!

King Hippo

Captain Dingleberry is like a K-Mart varietal Tanny Fanny. With extra airbrushed Jeebus t-shirts.

Doktor Zymm

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LemonJello

Are these the Tribbles in the new Picard series?

LemonJello

Checks floodgates.

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Not yet. Soon.

Old School Zero

daaaaaaaaaaaaaam

Mistborn Impossible

That’s a pretty picture. I like pretty pictures

Senor Weaselo

Taysom Hill made a throw? Apocalypse now?

Horatio Cornblower

And a block! Middle-aged white sportswriters everywhere just jizzed themselves to death.

The Maestro

Literally just saw a Jim Rome tweet about that. Ugh.

The Maestro

You know what? I’m feeling ok. Things hurt for about 10 minutes last night, but I’ve made my peace and am looking forward to good playoff football ahead.

Am I… maturing? Oh God, the horror.

Doktor Zymm

Congrats?

Gratliff

I just don’t know how you can handle the endless disappointment that is being a Patriots fan

The Maestro

NOBODY UNDAHSTANDS OWAH PAIN

Horatio Cornblower

It’s not that we don’t understand, it’s that we don’t care.

King Hippo

Last night, one idiot reporter asked BOTH Belicheat and Dreamboat about “the fans who were behind you through thick and thin” and I was all like WHAT GODDAMNED THIN, THE YEAR THEY MISSED THE PLAYOFFS DESPITE 11 WINS??

Doktor Zymm

The thick and the slightly less thick

King Hippo

Like an African-American strip club!

King Hippo

This worked for me at least 2-3 seasons after Our Equine Lord and Saviour won back-to-back. Don’t worry, it wears off.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Six Lombardi Trophies in a decade and a half kinda takes the sting out a bit, huh?

King Hippo

Some extra crispy Dingleberry today

Doktor Zymm

He’s being his best self

King Hippo

Our First Courtesan would be SO PROUD

Doktor Zymm

I don’t really have any strong opinions on today’s teams, who should I be rooting for in this one?

Old School Zero

Gisele’s divorce attorney?

Gatoraids

Louisiana took care of Alabama this year so can root for Saints praise Breesus

theeWeeBabySeamus

Depends if you want SF’s path cleared.

Mistborn Impossible

Pick based on your favorite colors

Gratliff

What’s your stance on the Packers? Eagles and Seahawks have a better chance of beating them in Green Bay than New Orleans

litre_cola

Anyone want a gently used toddler? He is in head to toe Heaux gear.

Gratliff

I know I’m getting old when I can’t bring myself to make a Lost Prophets joke

litre_cola

Forgot about that band. Yeah, he was a bad guy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You have my attention.

– J. Sandusky

Old School Zero

nfl won’t let them wear colanders on their heads smdh may as well burn the constitwoshun

Doktor Zymm

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LemonJello

Obligatory:
THIS NEW ORLEANS DEFENSE, I CALL A CAJUN FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY’RE GIVING THEIR ALL TO FUCK COUSINS AS HARD AS THEY CAN!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, there is another Pornhub search.

Fronkenshteen

Betting purposes aside, I think New Orleans should give Latavius Murray all the early down run till halftime. Guy’s a fucking piledriver.

Mistborn Impossible

Bad call count

Vikings I
Saints

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Edmund the Martyr would like a word.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[sorry]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Premature ejaculation happens to everyone. One quick office visit and they will fix it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yours is better.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I like to edge, but it’s too cold to be doing that outside of my neighbor’s house right now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So you’re saying you got away at first but eventually she caught up to you?
Got it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And now he’s the one who finishes in less than twenty seconds!

/edit: oops, I read the original comment wrong. Thanks a lot, scotchy, for making my joke fall flat.

Senor Weaselo

J-Lo at the Super Bowl? Can we get GAMBLOR odds on an A-Rod appearance?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

That director’s cut to Winter Soldier takes risks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

1 to 3

King Hippo

But A-Rod prefers girls with penises!

theeWeeBabySeamus

A-Rod prefers A-Rod.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well…centaur A-Rod, but yeah.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You misspelled some celebrity I can’t think of right now that got busted, so it ruins the joke.

blaxabbath

Could be risky for the The Shield. Bernie is killing it with the Latinx community and they are not happy about his lack of press love.

Gratliff

Should the field goals continue until morale improves, today is the start of Awesome Games Done Quick 2020. It’s been going for 2 hours and has already earned 40k for the Prevent Cancer Foundation.
https://www.twitch.tv/gamesdonequick

herodotus450

Free Trihex

Gratliff

They should’ve done a better job dealing with it, but you can’t expect GDQ to take such things lightly. They’ve yanked people off the couch for trying to be edgy in the past. They’re extremely inclusive for such a high profile event, and it’s a bad look to not do anything about such things, especially when they have so many LGBTQ runners and hosts.

Old School Zero

Oh shit. Thanks for the heads up. I’ve been binging Kaizo Mario GDQ runs for the last couple of months.

Mistborn Impossible

Do you think Sharpie™ is happy that Trump signs everything with their pens? I mean it’s publicity, but I know I don’t think Shapries are as cool as they used to be.

blaxabbath

There’s no such thing as bad press.

White Out is going to make a killing I’m the Warren administration — and then get taxed at 300% because socialism — just a tip for the Losers Investment Club.

herodotus450

Shharpies kinda suck and aren’t nearly as permanent as they claim to be, yet I have no idea what a competing product is.

blaxabbath

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let me check with reddit…oh. Um. No, they are as popular as they have ever been.

litre_cola

Why isn’t this a blowout yet? Brees does know that Xavier Rhodes plays for Minny right?

Gratliff

Oh, are the Saints still a defense optional team?

Mistborn Impossible

11th in DVOA, so they’re still pretty good

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In today’s NFL defense is against the rules.

litre_cola

Looks at liquor cabinet. Dr. Pepper and Mescal? Seems like that kind of day.

Senor Weaselo

Maybe not the best combo, but probably workable.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Let’s add a crepe.

Old School Zero

*loud gagging noises*

so how is it can i try some

litre_cola

It’s confusing. I mean, it will work. Next one will be Dr. Pepper and Spiced Rum, I know that works.

King Hippo

Just so happy from yesterday (and mad about the Derby, even though I won moneys on the Shite) that having trouble paying attention today. That hitting anyone else?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

Old School Zero

scuse me why is there something called a “Kirk Cousins” on my television brb gonna email the FCC

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Medicine change induced anxiety here. Can’t hold a thought. Feel like someone put a Shake Weight in my stomach.

Fronkenshteen

I’m playing someone in daily fantasy named Bumhunta.

[stares daggers at Scotchy]

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe.
(Also might be a different kind of bum so don’t turn your back)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait, enjoyed yesterday so much….

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Redshirt

New England is out of the playoffs?!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why it’s Christmas Day!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Nothing to see here, move along.

Senor Weaselo

Bring out your dead!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But not tey gays, ’cause jeebus is watchin’!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Okay, only semi-hot lesbians? That’s good for sales.

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Gratliff

Fucking Vikings are a constant disappointment

LemonJello

-Shield Maidens throughout history

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How do you think the NFL is going to punish the Patriots now that they are OUT OF THE FUCKING PLAYOFFS WOO. Ahem. Another couple of draft picks?

ballsofsteelandfury

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King Hippo

At least next year’s #1, probably MOAR

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No;, but their wrists will be slapped HARD.

King Hippo

Now that the dynasty is over, there’s no incentive to go soft (heh, going soft and Kraft)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m not so sure, but I hope you are right with the conspiracy.

ballsofsteelandfury

Did someone say Ming Na Wen?
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ballsofsteelandfury

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Always did like her.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If we did a kommenter draft of “celebrities over 50” I…well, I’d undo a bit of KSK history and take Susannah Hoffs this time. But if for some reason I had another first round pick I’d use it on Ming-Na.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No longer want to walk like an Egyptian?

Redshirt

Marisa Tomei or Lea Thompson are my picks.

Mistborn Impossible

Suzy Kolber herself is only getting hotter every year

King Hippo

Thielen self-purging!

LemonJello

Family has been put on ignore (well, more than usual). Let’s see what happens.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t help but to wonder if either Yeah Right or Taj is ded already. Or both.

blaxabbath

Still waiting for Yeah Right to take me from instapot bone broth through a stew/soup.

Lazy bastard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I did a stew in the Instantpot yesterday. I love that thing.

blaxabbath

I like Drew Brees. It’s a shame he has to share his era with cheating Tom Brady and the cheating Patriots.

::Gets hit late by Jonathon Vilma, who takes an envelope of cash from Gregggggg Williams::

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wink!

blaxabbath

I’d take her to plow town

Gratliff

Go the Vikings today, and next week under the very specific circumstances that Philadelphia wins both weeks as well

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sweet! Forecast for tomorrow is sunny with a high of 76.

blaxabbath

NICE (plus seven)

Redshirt

41­°. You gotta love Cincinnati Winters. Too warm for winter, too cold for spring.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I always hated that temperature range. Everything is basically just a cold and muddy mess. I’d prefer it just get cold enough for things to freeze.

blaxabbath

Tom Steyer doesn’t seem like a bad guy….but I ain’t voting for him.

ballsofsteelandfury

You got that commercial too, huh? I thought it was only local.

blaxabbath

He always pops up when I have YouTube playing Taylor Swift videos (for Blaxito). I get that this is a most probably climate change audience but, also, my one year old also cannot vote unless Maxine Waters busses him over to CA to vote illegally WITHOUT VOTER IDENTIFICATION…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You realize that we in California have now moved on to vote-by-mail? It’s great because it makes all the voter fraud we commit SO much easier.

blaxabbath

Sure he’s gotta postmark it from a cemetery across state lines though….

Redshirt

He seems to be running like a Democratic Trump (“I’m rich but I’m a good rich.”)

blaxabbath

Hey! I was gonna do that if I had the idea, capital, knowledge, work ethic, and geographic proximity to the PacNW!

He’s taking my jerbs!!!!!!KAG!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! I ran into a cast member from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D this morning outside the farmer’s market. Was it Chloe Bennett? Ming-Na Wen? Adrianne Palicki? It was not! It was this guy. Nice fellow.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I figure mid-level actors don’t mind being accosted by people like me, because it probably doesn’t happen enough for them to get sick of it, and if you recognize them it probably means you are a fan of whatever they are on.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, until he sees you hiding out at night in his shrubbery.

Redshirt

He’ll have to wait until I finished!

Oh, it wasn’t Palicki? Nevermind.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sticky shrubbery.

Mistborn Impossible

Very nice! Love that show. That reminds me I haven’t seen the latest season yet. It appears to be on Netflix, so I know what I’m doing after Føôtbåll today

yeah right

His name is X-avier Rhodes and we need him to be great starting today. Expect to see a Sendejo sighting since we’re missing Hughes on the back end.

We know this team and they know us. Don’t just write it off.

See you all after the break.

rockingdog
Old School Zero

Any honest Chargers fan: “Philip Rivers was a legendary quarterback for the Chargers, gave everything he had to the team through thick and thin, made spectacular throws to a Who’s Not Who of receivers (aside from Antonio Gates) and was the beating heart of a franchise beset by worthless owners, but I really wish we would have kept Drew Brees.”

rockingdog

True that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I bet this game is decided by a literally criminal penalty call that is justified by the officials as being “common sense”.

Old School Zero

I really want this to happen

King Hippo

We can set up a schedule rotation for visiting the surviving right brother in the pokey.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t, because it will benefit the Saints, and I don’t want to see the entire West Side of Los Angeles burned to the ground by a raging Vikings fan.

King Hippo

Predicion – Belicheat wins the tug of war (heh) with Kraft, stays in NE with Red Rocket at quartered back.

Dreamboat retires or goes to Clippers du Merde.

King Hippo

“All the Right Moves” is a really underrated sportsball film.

Fronkenshteen

We didn’t quit, YOU quit!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Committing pass interference in a critical situation? They should call this movie “The [Raiders cornerback] Story”.

Fronkenshteen

Haz Lea Thompson’s tittays? Can’t remember.

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