Instant Hippo Thoughts – Divisional Saturday (2019 Season)

King Hippo
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Hey, buck up P*ts fans.  Turns out it really was THEM, not you.

¡Viva El Tractorcito! indeed.  Add a jump-pass TD throw to his growing legend.  Oh, and just a buck-95 plowing fields on the ground.  And while Lamar! will no doubt be unfairly shat upon by the sportsball media (he was actually pretty damned good, just not at his absolute best), folk should be crediting the 53 players and however many coaches the Tits have.  Impressive display of FITBAW.

Remember, folks.  Had the Noo Yawk FITBAW Jest not defeated the Yinzers in Week 16?  Our now-beloved Tit Men don’t make el torneo.  So…thanks for that, Adam Gase.

In order to beat the Ratbirds, you have to out-physical them.  Suffice to say, that happened in spades.  Well-timed pressures (first and goal from the 4 with 11 seconds to play especially – 14-10 and 14-6 feel way different at the half) and incredible front seven discipline.  Every man in his place.  Not biting on play fakes or misdirection.

Tennessee will be on the road next Sunday.  Only a madman would bet against them.  Fuck you, YOU have a problem!

28-12 is your final, and one can say even that margin flattered to deceive.

OK, so I started with the late match.  Santa Clara?  Did NOT have similar struggles with the NFC’s 6 seed.  Janeane was a bit up-and-down leading the offense – but with the defense playing at Saturday’s level, if doesn’t matter.  27-10, and the Tomsulas certainly could have scored more had they needed to.

Remember Tevin Coleman going MIA during the back half of fantasy season?  I guess he kept himself fresh.  105 rushing and 2 scores.  Easy peasy.

Remember everyone saying that Kirk Cousins got the “big game” monkey off his back in N’Awlins?  172 yards, a pick, and a wet fart 5.9 YPA, as Captain Dingleberry lived up to his nickname.  Yes, I liked that.

But the real stat of the game, which should have Green Bay and Seattle nervous?  Dalvin Cook held to 26 yards on 15 touches.  That is some dominating shit.  Oh LAWD, how I’d like to see that rushing defense take on El Tractorcito.  Is that the Superb Owl matchup I now expect?  Yep.  Is pretending to have a bead on what will happen next this NFL season absurd?  Also yep.

Let’s enjoy this crazy train while it lasts.  Good damned fun, this.

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King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

There’s plenty of women’s college basketball on but I remember a simpler time when they weren’t allowed to cross the mid-court line and wearing a skirt was all the rage. BRING BACK SIX ON SIX BASKETBALL!

Mistborn Impossible

Why is Sergio Ramos allowed to play competitive sports? This is a serious question. Every league should have banned him. He tries to injure his opponents on a regular basis! I am not exaggerating here.

Today he tried to cleat Correa. It was more egregious than Son cleating Rüdiger, but Ramos whiffed completely, so there was no foul.

He is a disgusting human who brings shame to the entire sport of soccer.

litre_cola

Hell yes it had. Need Juve to beat Roma and I swept the morning in Italia.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is anyone willing to post bail for me if I allegedly murder my niece? Gotta plan ahead.

LemonJello

If there’s no body, then it’s just a missing person’s case*

*or so I’ve heard

ArmedandHammered

Remember, if you do it, you may end up sharing a cell with your brother.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, that’s actually a good point.

But she decided she finally wanted to take a shower for the first time since she was here last weekend. Which is good because I could smell her across the room. But when she was done I went up to check the bathroom knowing full well what I’d find. Not one, not two, but three wet towels on the floor. Her dirty assed clothes thrown over in the corner. And the toilet clogged again with TP (three times so far this weekend).

I thought girls were supposed to be a bit more self conscious about hygiene.

I’m about to kill this little slop ass.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Then I asked her if she’d like me to get a brush and the hair dryer and make sure her still wet and disheveled hair was not tangled. Of course it was a big fat no. Fine, if you want your head to look like rats are nesting in it, WTF do I care anyway?

ArmedandHammered

Hmm, I have a friend whose daughter started acting like that and it was an attempt to make herself unattractive as she was receiving unwanted attention at school from some boys. Once some little future incel assholes had been warned off, she went back to being well kempt and clean.

litre_cola

Hippo, Verona is all over Genoa. Odds still good.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’d take Proteus

litre_cola

Nah do Full Time too close

litre_cola

Fuuuuckkkk Scratch that

herodotus450

Verona was just playing dead for a while, and Juliet Genoa totally bought it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dalvin Cook: impostor?

litre_cola

Hippo I am having a morning. Need me some Verona right now to keep it rolling.

LemonJello

It’s not a problem if you put a little bourbon in your coffee, is it?

scotchnaut

Man, you came to the right place to ask that question expecting an enabling response.

LemonJello

Know your audience and don’t ask questions if you don’t want to hear the answer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why would you ruin the taste of your bourbon?

LemonJello

I don’t have a good answer to this.

ballsofsteelandfury

You can thank the Jets or you can alternatively thank the Steelers. If they hadn’t shat the bed in New Jersey, we wouldn’t have had this wonderful run.

litre_cola

What is this 1 pm start time shit??? Some of us have been up for 5 hours already. Maybe should make some Mozza Sticks for brunch

Unsurprised

¡EL TRACTORCITO!
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Unsurprised

Lamar!
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Old School Zero

He’s built like every running back I’ve made in the Madden games and abuses the truck stick just as much.

LemonJello

More hot El Tractoricito action here than on the Mexican, non-union equivalent of FarmersOnly.com

Col. Duke LaCross

I like how he made Earl Thomas block for him.

Unsurprised

In all fairness to Lamar!, it’s not like he went full Romonobyl.

LemonJello

You never want to go full Romonobyl.

Unsurprised

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Game Time Decision

I feel like a bad DFO’er today. I forgot that there was even fitbawl on yesterday. Thanks for getting me caught up, Hippo

litre_cola

We will hit your nose with a rolled up newspaper.

bk109

Isn’t that excessive? Can’t we just sentence him to be like a Browns or Lions fan for an year?

LemonJello

Little too quick to the nuclear option, Mr. Trump.

bk109

Uh, no, the nuclear option includes Hippo, a fully charged defibrilator and reciting all the QB’s that started a game for the Browns 😀

LemonJello

Looks like GTD gets to clean the clubhouse.

Game Time Decision

Like there’s ANY cleaning supplies in the club house. Other than alcohol, which we won’t waste

Unsurprised

You have a life. That’s better.

scotchnaut

Are you ready for another Scando police series on Netflix? I am and I give you “Case”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

FWIW, I’ve stopped cussing Derrick Henry out (sorry Derrick) and fully support going all the way with the Tits.
(errrrr….you know what I mean)

Unsurprised

You’ve always been a Tits Fan in your heart

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to go turn on ESPN and watch Lamar! get dragged through the muck.
Hopefully not literally.

litre_cola

Who is up gambling on Italian futbol this morning because your spawn gets up at 5 am every day?

litre_cola

Hippo is the one with the problem, not me.

litre_cola

Oooh Greek second division tilt.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Someday, if I can get you both out of the house at the same time, Imma take you and Hippo to Vegas. We’ll hit a sportsbook and I’ll just sit back and watch. And maybe laugh a little.

They give you free drinks if you’re betting, btw. And weed is legal. Well not in the casino/sportsbook itself, but there are ways around that.

litre_cola

You know I leave the house regularly it is the Hippo fella that does nae.
Hell, with online betting we just need to set up a bunch tv’s and you can watch the hilarity ensue!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Closed Circuit ftw? But I wanna see a drunk Hippo running back and forth to the sportsbook counter.

Come on, just think of how fun that would be?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo: Hey guys I can get IUPUI ML +1650 vs Kentucky. Should I do it?
tWBS: Yes, of course.
litre_cola: Oh hell yes.
Hippo: [runs away with money in hand]
tWBS: [falls off chair drunk and laughing]
litre_cola: [laughing, eats another thc gummie]

TELL ME THAT WOULDN’T BE FUN. YOU CAN’T.

litre_cola

Oh that would be fucking amazing. I went 4 for 4 in Italia this morning and 1 for 1 in France. Huzzah!!!

Don T

TEN won in Weeks 7 & 8 with goal line stands against Real Chargers FC and the MRSAs. Yesterday TEN stuffed BAL twice on 4th and 1. Only times this season the Ratbirds didn’t convert at that down and distance, according to the broadcast. All hail Dean Pees.
Shout out to Earl Thomas III
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