Your Mid-Afternoon NFL Playoff Game Open Thread

Welcome back as always Pigskinheads! Are you ready for more? Of course you are. Will we get another glorious upset like we did yesterday? I simply did not see Sillycuse winning over UVA-I mean, I saw it but I didn’t see it. Makes sense? No? If Seattle beats the Packers could anyone that closely watches the sport really call it that? I’m squarely in the “NO!” corner.

TO THE GAME!

Texans/Chiefs:

-The first time that these guys played this year Houston bounced around a Mahomes that was battling an ankle ouchie. If they’re relying on him to make bone-headed plays like Josh Allen did last week in order  to win I don’t think it’ll happen.

-As a matter of hoohaw, Kermit has graded out as the top performing qb the last 3 weeks of the regular season.

-You’d think that Tyreek and Kelce will run free all day because opposing qb’s average 281 yards passing but keep an eye on Damien “Bad Seed” Williams. The Texans are 8th worst in yards per carry defended and the lousiest against rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield.

-KC slowly morphed into a well-rounded team as the season went on and the D (under Steve “Spags” Spagnoulo) started getting pressure from the ends. If you recall his work with the Giants D in 2016, he likes to funnel everything to the middle of the field and let the safties and lb’s clean up. It’s simple but it works. Qb Watson had 2.6 seconds to throw last week but I don’t see that happening again.

Prediction Time! The Texans are exposed to the tune of 35-13.

Put ‘er there, partner! And by ‘there’, I mean down below, in words and pics.

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Brick Meathook

Watch a very special episode of Retard Doctor, tonight on CBS.

Old School Zero

“Now hear me out… what if it was, like, Doogie Howser… but, like… opposite Doogie Howser?”

Doktor Zymm

How’s ‘er Doogie?

Old School Zero

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Brick Meathook

NETWORK EXEC: So he’s a doctor, and a retard. What’s the hook?
PRODUCER: He’s also a practicing snake handler.

King Hippo

oh, that’s THE GOOD STUFF

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nice follow-on to watching Retard Coach, being aired as we speak.

Doktor Zymm

We already have Retard Cop
It’s just called Cops

Unsurprised

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Doktor Zymm

Are there any HOF coaches w/o a SB?

herodotus450

Little guy by the name of Vince Lombardi, ever heard of him?
/Technically has no Lombardi trophies

Viva La Tabula Raza

Do pre-SB NFL championships count? Because I don’t think George Halas or Curly Lambeau ever won a Super Bowl.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, that would be the spirit of the question, so I should rephrase, w/o a League championship

Mr. Ayo

Jim Thorpe

Mr. Ayo

Marv Levy

Viva La Tabula Raza

To quote WC Fields when his airplane crash landed in a rice paddy in China, and he stepped off the plane and was confronted by a bunch of coolies running around and jabbering in Chinese:
“Is this Kansas City Kansas or Kansas City Missouri”comment image

Gratliff

That 2002 SF win was the Giants botched long snap, wasn’t it? Glorious event

King Hippo

Seems like 60% of the coaches around the League talk about their fondness of/friendship with Andy Reid. One never hears such stories about Buttchinski.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’ll always be Stuttering Bill to me.

Mr. Ayo

This is the most improbable apron I’ve ever seen.

King Hippo

Props to this Chefs defense for not losing their cool after that Q1.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Let’s be honest, it wasn’t the HOU offense that made that score happen, it was HOU special teams.

herodotus450

“A big comeback? (Takes long cigarette drag.) Tell me about it.”
-World weary Missouri all you can eat buffet employee.

Doktor Zymm

I had a piece of bread for breakfast at 6:30 am and have been on a boat/in the water/driving home since then with no food. I don’t get seasick, but I do get that thing where you’re on land and it feels like you’re still on a boat, so while I don’t really mind, everything is kinda moving around right now. This is an ideal time to start drinking, yes?

King Hippo

ALWAYS take advantage of “cheap drunk” scenarios

Viva La Tabula Raza

Houston needs three TDs with XPs and no further scores by KC in order for them to win. Nope, ain’t gonna happen. The Shaun serves up a pick six soon.

King Hippo

Romo is right, TN a much tougher matchup for KC

King Hippo

oh yeah, re-run of the “Mariota TD pass to Mariota” classic

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It pains me so much to see fans of Kansas City experience any sort of joy whatsoever.

Redshirt

Either they’ll lose to Tannehill at home or to SF, GB or Seattle in the Super Bowl. Bear the pain!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Was really hoping to see their SB drought go to the full 50 year mark.

King Hippo

I had MUCH more trouble with those lucky-assed fluke World Series teams.

Viva La Tabula Raza

According to Romo earlier in the broadcast, O’Brien spent all week trying to instill pride in his team by telling them everyone was calling this for the Chiefs. Looks like his plan backfired, and his team bought into the conventional wisdom.

Redshirt

..and Kansas City earns the push by themselves for the Over/Under.

Viva La Tabula Raza

thinking on it, it occurs to me that as frustrating as the first 30+ years of my Patriots fandom was, at least the last 18 years or so were a reasonable payoff. But as my second-favorite team for the last 40+ years, the Houston NFL team has been even more fucking infuriating; it’s like rooting for the Lions of the AFC South (or AFC Central, back in the Oiler days).

King Hippo

And the “trade all my picks to keep from getting fired/no GM” chickens will be coming home to roost.

Dunstan

Gee, that must be rough.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, first world problems for sure.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s times like this some asshole coach would yell at the defense that what will keep them in this game is PRIDE. And then that asshole coach would drive home drunk and masturbate to his high school yearbook.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have family in the house tonight. Instead of letting Mom stand around prepping and cooking and then cleaning all day, I told her no. I’ll go get something and bring it back. They decided on Bojangles chicken.

So I go and order a shitload of chicken.

The girl working the counter says (wait for it)…

I’m short on legs, can I give you two breasts?

Do I make the joke or do I not?
(I did not)
((But I really wanted to))

King Hippo

NEVAR look gift white meat in teh mouth

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, Houston now really ded I see.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I hope you at least waggled your eyebrows.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It was an abbreviated facepalm.

Old School Zero
King Hippo

Fat Andy being smart with Kelce, too. Don’t risk next week.

Doktor Zymm

I get home, rinse and hang my gear, settle in with a nice glass of wine and some popcorn to what looks from the score to be a ripping match, AND THE DAMN THING IS ON CBS.

OK, BOOMER NETWORK

Gratliff

No one sells excitement like Jim Nantz

Viva La Tabula Raza

yahoo sports app works, for free.

King Hippo

Honey Badger ain’t catch!

Redshirt

I don’t know about this one. Movies franchises going to TV always leave a bad taste in my mouth.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/news/cbs-gives-series-commitment-to-silence-of-the-lambs-spin-off/ar-BBYSzXu?ocid=spartanntp

Old School Zero

Well, it ain’t Hannibal, and if it ain’t Hannibal, I don’t give a damn

Sharkbait

Sitting next to a dog at the bar. Best bar patron ever

King Hippo

48-31 and counting. Imagine if this were in warmer weather, or a dome.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I can’t believe this person scored a touchdown
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clint greasewood

What does JJ think of the TD though? Haven’t seen him yet

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I fear that in a horrifying reversal of what is typical for the Chiefs, instead of using up all their luck in the regular season, they *saved* it all for the playoffs. The stars are aligning to give them a golden opportunity to win the whole thing.

King Hippo

pretty tasty “contrast of styles” in the AFC title match

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d love for the Titans to make a game of it, but I won’t get my hopes up, even for a second. I feel like this KC team has well and truly exorcised its playoff demons.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Neither KC, Tenn, or HOU will beat the NFC champ. Unless the NFC champ is Green Bay.

King Hippo

Think the Tomsulas’ DL against the Tits’ power running game is the most intriguing chess match. Though anyone against the Chefs would be interesting, too.

Old School Zero

Whoever on KC just dumped beer all over their own helmet in celebration is my new hero

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Looked like #72, Eric Fisher

Old School Zero

Nailed it. That was brilliant.

Mr. Ayo

Stone Cold!

Old School Zero

It was SO GOOD.

Redshirt

Nice to know Sandman had a post Wrestling career.

Old School Zero

White Russian Legsweep is one of the dumbest finishers ever

Gratliff

I’ve never seen a team give up with a 24 point lead before

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe they watched the Tis-Pats and Tits-Ratbirds and decided they would rather not be embarrassed by the former Houston team on their own field next week.

King Hippo

BELLDOZER!!!

Brick Meathook

The turning point of this game was when the Texan defender who was covering Kelce (Jones?) got hurtin the 2nd qtr.

Viva La Tabula Raza

No, the turning point of this game was when they got on the plane in Houston and flew to KC.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Considering how many points have already been scored in this game, I guess it’s possible to say that it’s still not over. My fellow Pats fans would call me blasphemer, but I must say these AFC playoffs have been a lot better with them jumping on Mercedes-Benzes in Beverly Hills than being featured in playoff games on the television.

Redshirt

(sigh) Shut up and take my money, CBS Streaming Service.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I won’t give the NFL or cbs my money, so I’m on a questionable stream

Redshirt

Patrick Stewart had me in your camp, but Jeri Ryan as a sassy-snarky Seven of Nine won me over.

Dick E. Phuck

Johnathan Frakes has aged surprisingly well.

Redshirt

When you reach the max level…

Redshirt

Why is Downey Jr. doing Dr. Doolittle? He should be set for life with playing Iron Man for a dozen years.

Mr. Ayo

Drugs aren’t free.

Gratliff

Why is there a dragon in Dr. Doolittle?

Viva La Tabula Raza

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clint greasewood

Maybe Dr. Doolittle is the vanity project he always wanted to do or they probably told him he’ll get 15% of the box office take.

Redshirt

Either that or his kids saw Dr. Doolittle 3 and cried because they were disappointed. Its personal.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, an homage to his hero Rex Harrison in the original, back in the 60s (which I saw in the theater when it was released).

Gratliff

So is this worse than 28-3?

Dick E. Phuck

I don’t know, but if KC blows this after the Texans initially blew I’ll laugh my ass off.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, 24-0 is only one point less of a deficit. Epic own-dick-stepping-on by Houston.

Dick E. Phuck

Please don’t call it a fumble you assholes

clint greasewood

At this rate the team formally known as the Dallas Texans will be hosting the team formally known as the Houston Oilers after beating the Houston Texans.

Redshirt

“¡Dios mío, esto es un baño de sangre!” – Ocupantes de la Misión Alamo

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s the score of this game if O’Brien doesn’t call that dumb fake punt?

Mr. Ayo

24-34

Old School Zero

friendly fire!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Put away the flags, you zebra penises

King Hippo

Balls search term??

Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess at this point all I can say is Go Titans.

Old School Zero

Chiefs treating this game like a mario speedrun

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I liked this game better when that guy was dropping everything

LemonJello

I haven’t seen a unit in red march over their opponent like this since the Scottish Highlanders at Waterloo.

Sharkbait

+Une Marseillaise

King Hippo

Can get 10.5 to 1 on the 500s to win now!

/put $13 down for reverse jinxing

Viva La Tabula Raza

This is turning into the shitshow I imagined but was momentarily distracted from due to the 1st quarter Texans performance. Should have fucking known better.